The Question (19 page)

“It’s too late for that. You already have more, two of them, right down the hall in the nursery.”

“Those are not mine. They are yours, and Crystal’s, wherever she might be,” she denied vehemently.

“Who are you trying to convince? Me…or yourself? I see the way that you look at them when you think no one is watching. You already love them, just as much as you loved Marcus. Do you think you can just walk away now that you’ve held them, and cared for them? If you do, you’re not being honest with yourself.” Rashid broke off abruptly as the nurses returned with the twins.

Let her think about what he’d said. He rose and went to greet them as Gail watched from the recliner.

* * * *

On Gail’s second day out of the hospital, her milk came in. Her breasts were so engorged; they swelled until they were hard as rocks. Her nipples were tight and sensitive and everything hurt.  She tried standing in the shower, hoping the hot water would cause the milk to flow and ease the tension in her breasts. The heat ran out of the water long before she saw any results.

For two days, she alternated between massaging her breasts and standing in a hot shower, and still the milk refused to flow. In desperation, when it was time for Jamal’s next feeding, she brought him into her room and held him to her breast. Maybe his suckling would provide the relief she needed.

In textbook perfection, Jamal latched onto her breast and began suckling his little heart out.  After a few minutes, he released her breast and let out a loud, angry cry. He was hungry and her breast wasn’t releasing any milk. Gail wanted to cry with him. The baby’s suckling had increased her pain instead of relieving it.

Gail was hurting too much to care when Rashid stuck his head in the door. “What is wrong?  Why is the baby screaming?”

“He’s hungry. Take him and feed him.”

Rashid crossed over to the bed to get Jamal, who was still beating and nuzzling at her breast, searching for the milk he could smell but couldn’t get to. “You were attempting to breastfeed?”

Gail handed the baby to Rashid, flinching when her arm brushed against her breast. “It won’t come out. For two days now, I’ve been trying to get the milk to flow. Nothing I do, works. I’m scared they’ll get infected if it doesn’t come out soon.”

“Stay right here. I’ll be back in a minute.” Rashid took the crying baby out of the room.

Gail gave up the fight to be strong and let the tears fall. Her breasts hurt so much. She couldn’t sleep. The slightest bit of pressure on them was painful. She’d done everything she could think of, every recommendation made by the experts in the books and still she hurt. She just wanted the pain to stop.

She was crying in earnest when Rashid returned to the room bearing an empty, plastic pan. Gail blew her nose and tried to stop the flow of tears while Rashid went into her bathroom. She heard the water turn on and wondered what he was doing. He came out of the bathroom with a pan of water so hot she could see the steam rising from it. On his arm were two small towels.

“What are you doing and where is the baby?”

“The baby is with Carmelita. I’m going to get your milk to flow. Open your top and lay down.”  He placed the pan on the bedside table and dropped both towels in the water.

Gail did as instructed, past the point of modesty. If he could make the pain go away, she would do whatever he asked. He muttered some very distinct curses under his breath when he caught a good look at her red, swollen, irritated-looking breasts.

Rashid swirled the towel around in the water, then rung it out. “This may sting.” He dropped the towel on one of her breasts. Gail hissed as the moist heat hit her sensitive skin. She gripped the covers, her back arching reflexively when he did the same to the other breast. He repeated the process over and over until the water cooled. Gail closed her eyes and endured. 

“Sit up.”

At his command, she opened her eyes. Rashid was standing over her with a bottle of olive oil in his hand.  “What are you about to do?”

“Massage your breasts. See if I can get your milk to flow.”

“I’ve already tried that. It didn’t work.” Gail sat up and leaned forward when he indicated, catching the towels in her hands. She gave them to Rashid and he tossed them back into the almost empty container.

Then he climbed onto the bed behind her, a reminder of their position in the delivery room.  “My hands are larger and stronger than yours. You probably didn’t apply enough pressure, or the angle was wrong.”

Once he settled behind her, he coated his hands in the oil and placed the container on the table.  “Lean back against my chest.”

When she was in position, he took both hands, slippery with oil and placed them at the base of her right breast. Firmly stroking, he glided his hand from the base to the nipple in a milking motion. He did it over and over, switching from one breast to the other. “I know this is painful for you. I’m sorry, but it needs to be done.”

Gail’s nails were digging into Rashid’s denim covered muscular thighs. Her head was pressed back against his chest, teeth clenched and eyes squeezed shut. “I know. Just do it. Don’t worry about me,” she forced herself to grit out.

“Of course I worry about you. I dislike seeing you in pain.”  They were silent while he continued his massage. When he stopped, Gail opened her eyes and relaxed her fingers.

“Do you trust me?”

Gail turned until they were almost nose-to-nose. “What kind of question is that, Rashid? Of course I trust you.”

“There was one more thing Carmelita suggested I try if this didn’t work.”

“What?” His manner was making her nervous.

“Turn sideways.” He helped adjust her body so that she was lying sideways, both of her legs across his thigh, her arm around his neck, and his arm supporting her back. Rashid tilted Gail back and lowered his mouth to her breast. Taking as much of it as he could into his mouth, he began to draw strongly with Gail’s nipple trapped between the roof of his mouth and his flattened tongue.

“Sweet mother of God!” she hoarsely cried out. Her hands came up and convulsively clutched his head, whether to push him away or to pull him closer, she couldn’t decide. Under her hip she could feel Rashid’s cock harden and lengthen. The knowledge that this was exciting him caused the muscles in her stomach to clench, and she bit back a moan. This is Crystal’s husband, she desperately reminded herself. He’s just trying to help. No lusting allowed.

Against her will, her hands tightened in his scalp when he lifted his head. She smothered her sigh of relief when all he did was switch to the left side. Once again he suckled strongly. Gail could feel it in her womb. Each tug on her breast caused a corresponding one in her nether region. The sheer intensity of the pleasure of his suckling, combined with a small bite of pain, brought her to the edge of orgasm.

 Please, please, please, don’t let me come. That would be so embarrassing. 

Just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, that she was going to embarrass herself for sure, he stopped. Rashid hovered over her breast, his breath hot and moist on her nipple. Then he did something that completely destroyed her. He brought his thumb up and lightly stroked it across the tip of her nipple. 

“Arrggh!” Gail’s hips bucked as she exploded.

Rashid’s gaze flew to her own. She saw startlement give way to fierce satisfaction and something that looked suspiciously like barely suppressed lust on his face. Gail closed her eyes as embarrassment warred with the fulfillment racing through her body. Her response to him was so wrong.

Rashid eased her still shuddering body back onto the bed. “The milk is flowing now.” He lightly stroked her nipple again, causing her body to jerk. Then he held up his thumb, displaying the drop of milk on its tip before bringing the digit to his mouth and licking it off.  “Carmelita said once the milk was flowing, you needed to let the babies feed for awhile before weaning them off, to allow the milk to dry up slowly. Otherwise, your breasts will engorge again.”

Gail opened her eyes to find Rashid studying her breasts with hunger in his eyes.  “Alright, if she believes that would be best.”

He glanced briefly at her face before returning his gaze to her breasts. His head dipped towards her nipple then he seemed to catch himself. He hovered over her, his jaw tight as he appeared to war within himself. Finally, he snatched his head back, causing Gail’s hands to fall away. “I’ll go and get Jamilah. It should be time for her to eat.” His voice was terse.

Rashid lifted her legs, placed them to the side, and got off the bed. At the door, he paused, turned back, and looked at Gail. The heat in his gaze reminded her that her shirt still gaped open and she clutched at the edges, pulling them together over her breasts. “After I bring you the baby, I’m going down to the pool to swim. I need to work off some energy.”  He turned and walked out the door before Gail could respond, not that she could think of anything to say.

* * * *

The theme song from “Animaniacs” blasted through the darkness, jerking Gail from a sound sleep. After glancing at the number displayed, she quickly flipped open her cell phone and brought it to her ear.

“Hey, you! I was wondering when you’d call.”

Greg’s deep voice came through the phone. “Mmm, and I suppose it never occurred to you to call me?”

“Of course I thought about it, but with the time difference and not knowing your schedule, I didn’t want to chance interrupting something important.”

“Listen up because I’m only going to say this once. There’s nothing more important to me than you. You call. I don’t care if I’m in a meeting, taking a test, or asleep. If you need me, call. I’ll drop what I’m doing. You’re my number one priority.”

Gail didn’t know how to respond to his statement, so she tried to redirect the conversation.  “How are things going?”

Greg was quiet just long enough to make her squirm. Then he sighed. “They’re going well.  I’ve met with all the partners and toured the firm to get a feel for how they operate. They have a nice set up. I told them about you and they’re very interested. The turnover among paralegals is very high. Everyone here wants to be a lawyer or work independently. There’s a job waiting for you when you arrive.” Then he named a figure that made her head spin.

“Are you serious? They pay paralegals that much? That’s almost twice what I make now, and even factoring the higher cost of living, that’s still a lot of money.” Gail was financially secure but even so, the offer was very attractive.

“They feel you’re worth it. They pay more to reduce turnover. Everyone’s hiring. The demand is so high that you can basically name your price and they know it. So, have you thought any more about joining me?”

“Every day, whenever I get a moment to myself.”

“What are you doing? You’re supposed to be recovering, not working.”

“I’ve been helping out with the twins. Rashid really thought Crystal would have returned by now so he didn’t hire a nanny. He’s going through applications now. In the meantime, we’ve all been pitching in.”

It was silent on Greg’s end before he quietly asked, “Are you sure that much contact with the children is wise? I don’t want you getting too attached to them. With Crystal not there, it’s natural that Rashid would turn to you. Don’t let him get too comfortable with your being there. It’s only temporary.”

“He knows. I told him I’m considering relocating to California with you.”

Greg snorted. “I’m sure that went over well. What did he say?”

Gail hesitated then thought, why not? It was no secret. “He’s not too happy with the idea.”

“I’ll bet.”

“I don’t think it has anything to do with the twins. It was the idea of us living together without the ‘sanctity of marriage’ – his words, not mine – that really upset him. He said if you really loved and respected me as a woman, you’d ask me to marry you, not just live with you.”  She and Rashid had discussed the issue several times since their initial conversation in the hospital.

“What business of it is his, anyway? His views are totally archaic.”

“Rashid’s just voicing what I was raised to believe. My parents would totally agree.”

“Does that mean you’re not coming?”

“I’m not saying that at all. I’m just letting you know that it’s not an easy decision to make. All of my friends and family are here. This is a major deal. I would be totally dependent upon you since my support network would be on a different coast.”

“Like I’ll be totally dependent on you,” he argued. “Just pretend I’m Jason. If he asked you to move, you wouldn’t have hesitated, would you?”

“You’re not Jason, so it doesn’t matter,” Gail said shortly.

“I see.” His voice was flat, all emotion removed.

Oh hell, now she’d hurt his feelings. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. Jason and I were married and had been together for years. You and I have only been a couple for six months. I don’t know if we’re strong enough to survive such a big transition. It’s just so far away from everything familiar. I’d have the same reservations and questions even if it were Jason asking me to make this move.”

“So what you’re saying is that if we were married, it would make everything easier for you? Is that what it’s going to take to get you out here?”