The Reading Lessons (46 page)

A Sure Fire Method for Identifying Blessings and Peculiarities

Through the Reading of Ears

1. Large with loose lobes: Ambitious, gossipy, given to tell lies. Little ears with loose lobes, however, should be treated with even greater suspicion. Trust not a man whose lobes are disproportionate to his God-given ear size.
   
2. Spotted or hairy when combined with a bald head: Gift for cobbling. Ought to make shoes or bricks.
   
3. Femine ears on a man: Gentle but foxy. A nice-dresser. Likes to dance.
   
4. Small “c”-shaped: Expect complete candor. May prove disagreeable in bed. Likely to be bad with money.
   
5. Pointy and wolfish: Of vital temperament. God-fearing but selfish. Will fix your plumbing when pressed.
   
6. Small hemmed ears: Generous in nature. Deeply kind. Given to insanity.
   
7. Curvy or vivacious: Untrustworthy. Mean-spirited. Covets jewels.
   
8. Young ears on an old person: A good listener. Enjoys cake. Easily pleased. Soon to die.
   
9. Flat: Knows their Bible. Slow to smile. Smells like fruit.
   
10. Purplish around the edges: Subject to bouts of indecision and lower back fat.
    
11. Square as a box: Noble, maternal, blows a lot of smoke but knows how to keep an open mind. Watch out if you forget to put your toys away.
    
12. Resembling of a mushroom: Earthy. Savvy with herbs.
    

Carole Lanham has published twenty-four short stories and is the author of
The Whisper Jar
. She lives in the St. Louis area with her family and a large collection of aprons. Please drop in and say hello at carolelanham.com or horrorhomemaker.com.

Table of Contents

Hadley

The First Nail

The Pendulum

Semen of Ares

Those Good Peas

The Window Seat

A Perfectly Pungent and Perilous Plot

Darratu

Lily of the Valley

The Meaning of Flowers

Bonus Material

V.I.L.E. Reading Selections

The Language of Flowers

Secret Names

Earflapology