The Reluctant Cowgirl (12 page)

Jeremy gazed out at the endless current of the river rushing over the boulders. In a hurry but never getting anywhere. That’s how he’d felt since Beka’s kidnapping.
Lord, why isn’t anything happening?

“You do know this is private property, don’t you?”

He spun around to face Crystal.

Her mischievous smile froze on her lips. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have interrupted you.”

He forced his lips into an answering grin. “That’s okay. I’m glad you did.” And he was. “How’d you find me?”

“I was actually driving over to your house to talk to you when I saw Nacho standing patiently down here by the bridge. I figured you couldn’t be far away.”

She’d been coming to see him? For some reason, he’d thought she was avoiding him at church this morning. She’d slipped in even later than he had and sat on the opposite side of the aisle from him and her family. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I had a brilliant idea.” She narrowed her eyes as if gauging his interest. “How do you feel about being on TV?”

“TV? Me?” He shook his head. “No, thanks.”

“Wait. It’s for a great cause. The best cause, actually. I talked to the station manager at Channel Six, and they’d love to do an interview with you to help get the word out about Beka.” Her blue eyes sparkled.

He frowned. “I approached them when Lindsey first took her. They reported the kidnapping on the news but weren’t interested in helping me. I asked them to let me do a televised plea for Lindsey to bring her back.” He’d begged actually. His gut tightened at the memory.

Crystal’s face clouded. “Yeah, apparently the anchorwoman is a divorced mother and she was sympathetic to Lindsey. But now that she knows the real situation...”

“And Lindsey is dead.” Bitterness he couldn’t hide dripped from his words.

“I know it’s hard. But Daddy always said, ‘Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,’ Jeremy. She wants to make it right now. And it could really make a difference.”

“So how will we do it?”

“They’ll run the interview four times—morning, noon, and at six and ten in the evening. Channel Six broadcasts all over northern Arkansas, southern Missouri, and part of western Tennessee and Mississippi. It’s not a huge area, but she thinks it’s big enough that we’ll need to set up a local search center to field calls after the interview runs.”

His heart pounded at the possibility of that many calls about Beka. He stared out at a leaf in the water whooshing away on the current. Things were happening. He just couldn’t always see it. He sent up a silent thank-you and nodded to Crystal. “Okay.”

“I called Mama and Daddy while I was trying to find you, and they said we should use their house as a search center. There’s an extra phone line there already—from when we were teenagers. The phone company will just need to activate the second line and fix it so that calls will roll over to the next line when one is busy.”

“That sounds great. Tell them I really appreciate it. When can we do the interview?”

“They want to tape Thursday and run it Friday.”

“We can’t do it sooner?” Patience was the one commodity he was running short of these days.

“She thinks Friday is the best day to catch more people watching. Besides, that’ll be after the funeral. And it’ll give us time to get the phone lines ready.”

He nodded, and in unspoken agreement they turned to walk back to where the four-wheel drive “ute” was parked beside Nacho. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t heard Crystal coming. When their hands brushed, he slid his easily around hers. She glanced over at him but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll need to let the sheriff know what we’re doing. He’ll probably want to have his deputy, Jack Westwood, or somebody available to check out tips as they come in.”

She squeezed his hand. “It’s good to see you this way.”

“What way?”

A grin lit her face. “Hopeful.”

They stopped beside the utility vehicle, and he reluctantly released her. “You make me feel hopeful.”

“Unless we’re playing Razorback trivia.”

“I’ll beat you next game.” He hoped there’d be a next game.

As he watched her drive away, he wondered what it would take to talk her out of going back to New York.

“Yes, I’m coming back.” Crystal clasped the cell between her shoulder and her ear as she stretched to make one more swipe at the ceiling fan blades with the long-handled brush. “Mia, I’ve got to go. There’s a lot going on here. Just trust me. Mama and Daddy will be home in less than four weeks, and I’ll be on a plane right after that.”

After Mia said good-bye, Crystal hunched her shoulders and relaxed them as she walked into the kitchen, where Elyse was standing on a chair cleaning the light fixture.

“So, what do you say we start a cleaning business on the side? Who knew we could get so much done at night after working all day?”

Elyse pushed her long brunet curls away from her face. “I think I’ll pass.”

“Sad thing is this house was clean before we started, as far as I could tell.”

Elyse nodded as she finished wiping the fixture. “That’s what I said.”

“I know. But you should have heard the panic in Mama’s voice when she realized we were going to have a houseful of people here with her halfway around the world. I had no choice but to promise we’d clean.” Crystal glanced at her cell phone while she was talking. “Thanks for helping me.”

“I’m guessing the call you just got wasn’t the one you’ve been carrying your phone around waiting for all night.” Elyse stepped down from the chair, breathless.

Crystal chuckled. “No. That was Mia on the phone. And it’s nice to know my agent hasn’t forgotten me. But you’re right.” She grabbed a pitcher of tea from the refrigerator and pulled two glasses from the cabinet with her other hand. She plopped down at the corner booth. “I’m as bad as I was back in high school. Michael Miller would say he was going to call, and I’d spend the whole night by the phone.” She poured a glass of tea and scooted it across the table as Elyse sat down then poured herself one. “Wonder what ever happened to him.”

“He married Marianne Rogers. I think he sells insurance.”

Crystal snorted. “I can see it now. You call in with a claim, and it takes him ten days to get back to you.”

Elyse snickered and took a sip of her tea.

Crystal sighed. “Today was Lindsey’s funeral, so I called Jeremy this morning to let him know I was thinking about him.”

“Oh good.” Elyse smiled at her. “That was sweet of you.”

“He sounded glad. But he said he’d call me later. And it’s like...” Crystal looked at the kitchen clock. Seven thirty. “Twelve hours later.”

Elyse ran her finger around the rim of her glass. Probably thinking up a good excuse for Jeremy. “Didn’t his parents just get back in town? Maybe they’re catching up.”

“Yeah. Or maybe he didn’t feel like talking to me.” Crystal pushed to her feet. “Who cares? He’ll call if he wants to. I’m going to vacuum.”

“Do you want to work in here and I’ll vacuum? So you can hear your phone if it rings?” Elyse stood.

“No, thanks.” She left Elyse scrubbing the countertop and hurried to the utility closet to get the vacuum cleaner. She’d prove she wasn’t afraid to make a little noise, that she wasn’t waiting around for a call.

Just before she turned the vacuum on, she glanced around to make sure Elyse wasn’t looking then dug her phone out of her pocket and turned it on vibrate. Chicken.

When the downstairs rugs were all vacuumed, she put the machine away and fished her phone out again. Eight o’clock and no missed calls.

She could write a one-person play about this. A woman who waited for a phone call that never came. The idea caused her to freeze in her tracks. She used to have those mini-brainstorms all the time. Especially when she was doing house chores. Self-defense to keep from passing out from boredom, probably. But that was before ... She forced herself to follow the thought through. Before Cami died. Before Crystal moved to New York and left all of her works in progress locked away in the room upstairs.

Her phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID. A smile tilted her lips as she slumped down on the couch and answered. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Jeremy’s voice was like slow molasses. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. How’d it go?”

“Pretty good, actually.”

She sat up. There was something different in his tone. “The funeral?” She’d fretted all day over not offering to go with him.

He gave a soft chuckle. “I know. Hard to believe.”

She pulled her knees up to her chest. “What happened?”

“We met at the cemetery. Dad, Mom, and me. And Brother Tom. Just the four of us.”

“I bet that felt odd.” At Cami’s funeral, even at the graveside, there had been people as far as she could see, standing and crying.

“Yeah. A little. But Brother Tom kept it short. Dad and Mom had told him some things about Lindsey. So he talked about her life. Before. How, even as a teenager, she always tried to help people who were down on their luck. And she couldn’t stand to see anybody hurting.”

“That was really nice of your parents to tell him good things.”

Silence. She didn’t know what to say, so she just stayed quiet, too.

Finally he spoke. “They were true, though. She used to be like that. And when we got back to the house, Mom had a couple of scrapbooks she’d put together. For Beka, she said.”

“Scrapbooks of Lindsey?”

“Yeah. She’d spent a lot of time on them, so we sat down and looked through them.”

“You did?” Crystal was having a hard time reconciling the anger and bitterness she’d always heard in his voice when he spoke of his ex-wife with this mellow-sounding man on the phone. “That was nice.”

“Don’t sound surprised,” he said with a hint of teasing. “Sometimes I can be nice.”

“You’re always nice to me. It’s just that...”

“I know, just not about Lindsey. But Mom was really hurting today.” She heard him sigh. “I’ve been so wrapped up in my own pain since Beka’s kidnapping that I haven’t really stopped to think about how she and Dad have been feeling. Mom said those books were for Beka, but I could tell when I was looking at them that she really loved Lindsey once. Like the daughter she never had. Mom always thought Lindsey’s grandfather’s death changed her.”

Crystal closed her eyes and rested her head against the couch. “Do you?”

“I do now.” He sounded bemused by the fact. “Looking through those pages of her life, you can see she became a different person after he died.”

“That’s really sad.”

“Especially because that’s the last thing he would have ever wanted. He loved her so much.”

“But you know”—Crystal didn’t know why it was so important to her to point this out, but she had to—“she had a choice. She didn’t have to leave you and turn to drugs. And especially, she didn’t have to take Beka from you.” She could hear the anger in her voice at the end.

Silence. She clutched the phone and held her breath.

“You’re right,” Jeremy finally said, slowly. “It was her choice. But once she made the decision to leave God and all she knew was right, even though she tried sometimes, I think she couldn’t ever find her way back.”

Crystal’s eyes stung and she pushed to her feet. Her throat ached too much to talk. Was he speaking her own epitaph? Had she let Cami’s death change her to the point of no return?

“Thanks for listening. I’m going to go make some notes for my interview.”

“Hey.” She finally found her voice. “I’m so glad you’re able to forgive Lindsey.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a process. I’m not quite there yet.”

“But you’re on the road to peace. And that makes me happy.”

“Thanks.” He paused. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just working through some things. But I will be.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“Not yet. But thanks.”

“Okay, I’ll let you go, then. Talk to you soon.”

“Take care,” she said softly and broke the connection.

She sat on the couch staring off into space, thinking about their conversation.

Elyse found her there a few minutes later. “Hey. Everything all right?”

Crystal jerked her head up to meet her sister’s concerned gaze. “Huh? Oh, I’m wiped out.”

Elyse collapsed on the couch beside her. “Me, too. The kitchen is clean. Perfect. You could eat off the floor.”

“I’ll stick to eating at the table if it’s all the same with you.”

Elyse groaned and tossed a sofa pillow at her. “Very funny.”

“Hey, at least I still have my sense of humor.” Crystal threw the pillow back.

“Such as it is,” Elyse murmured, a dimple peeking in her cheek. She pushed to her feet. “I’m going home to bed.”

“Sure, insult me and leave.” Crystal stood and hugged Elyse.

“Better than insulting you and staying.” Elyse gave her a saucy grin and a kiss on the cheek.

Later as Crystal made her bed on the couch, she thought about Jeremy’s words that had hit her so hard. That once Lindsey had turned completely away from God, she couldn’t find her way back.

Crystal shuddered. “Please don’t let that be me,” she whispered to the empty room, not sure her plea went any farther than the ceiling.

“So I’m asking...” Jeremy closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them. “I’m begging you, if you have any information about my daughter, please call.”

He stared at his own face on the TV screen. Maybe he should have shown more emotion. But he’d been so nervous about saying the right thing that he hadn’t allowed himself to feel when he was recording the interview yesterday. As the camera broke away to show the anchorwoman, who was giving the phone number and reiterating the plea, he looked around the crowded McCord living room.

From across the room, sitting at the table with two phones on it, Crystal nodded and smiled. Beside her, Elyse stared at the phone in front of her as if it were going to open up and take a bite out of her hand. Jack and another deputy stood behind them, wearing headphones the phone company had provided, each monitoring a line.

Jeremy had wanted to take first turn at the phone, but the experts had advised against it. He was “too close” to the situation. Plus, a woman’s voice apparently would put a caller at ease faster. So he’d wait and watch.

His mom and dad stood from where they were sitting on the couch and came around to hug him. “You did a great job,” his dad said, his voice husky with emotion.

On the TV screen, the anchorwoman was repeating the phone number.

The phone bleated out the special ring that came with the unique numbers the phone company had assigned for the search center.

His mother squeezed his arm.

Crystal answered the phone with the preplanned spiel. Then she waited and listened, pen poised above the notepad in front of her. The whole room seemed to be holding its collective breath.

“Yes, sir.”

“No, sir, she’s been gone for several months.”

“This is a line set up for people who have information about Beka.”

The other phone rang and Jeremy felt his mother’s fingernails cutting into the flesh of his arm.

“Thank you anyway for calling,” Crystal said and hung up, just as Elyse picked up the phone.

His gaze locked with Crystal’s. She shook her head. “An older man who wanted to help search for her,” she whispered. “He thought you said she’s been missing since just last night.”

Beside him, his mother released her grip on his arm and covered her mouth with a trembling hand. His dad put his arm around her. “We’re going to step out on the porch and pray,” he said to Jeremy. “Let us know if there’s any news.”

Jeremy pulled his gaze away from where Elyse was scribbling on a piece of paper with the deputy looking over her shoulder. “I will.”

When Elyse hung up, she turned to him. “That caller said her neighbor has a little girl that looks just like the picture you showed. But the little girl was living next door when the neighbor moved in two years ago.”

He wondered which was worse—these calls or the phone not ringing at all? Two minutes later, he knew. When the high-pitched
b-r-r-r-ing
broke the interminable silence, his heart leaped with hope.

For the next hour, the calls came steady. Then they slowed to a trickle. None of them were real information about Beka.

At eleven, Blair, the anchorwoman from Channel Six, called his cell phone for an update.

He stepped out onto the porch to take the call. “No. No leads,” he said softly, glancing toward his parents, who were sitting in the double rocker.

“Don’t be discouraged.” Her voice was thick with sympathy. “We’ll play the interview again at noon. And at six. And at ten. So you should have another rush of calls after each airing.”

“Thanks.”

“I just got special permission to bring a crew out to tape the action at the search center for
Get Real, Shady Grove
in the morning if you haven’t gotten a solid lead by midnight. That will give us a chance to run the phone number on the air one more time.”

He knew she felt guilty about not helping him when Lindsey first took Beka, but he didn’t care what her motives were. “That would be great. I’ll let you know if we get a usable tip.”

He looked up to see Rachel Westwood and Victoria Worthington coming up the steps. “Reinforcements have arrived.” Rachel gave him a side hug. “We’re next up to man the phone lines.”

His mom and dad walked over, as behind Rachel, Allie Montgomery and Lark Murray held up trays of food. “And we’re the lunch brigade,” Allie added.

“Oh, this is so sweet of you,” Jeremy’s mom said.

Allie smiled. “We can’t take credit. Everyone met at the church building and put the trays together. We just got to be the ones who brought them.” She balanced her tray and hugged his mom. “Everyone’s praying.”

“I know they are. Thank you.”

Jeremy looked at his mom as she chatted with the women. A year ago, she’d looked young for fifty. But the trauma of losing Beka had aged her, worry lines etched deep. He looked behind her at his dad and realized that he, too, had changed in the last several months. Yet they were willing to forgive Lindsey. He was humbled by their Christlike attitudes all over again.

He pushed the door open and showed Lark and Allie where to put the food. The phones were silent. Crystal and Elyse waved, and Rachel and Victoria hurried over to learn the ropes. Crystal’s gaze met his and he felt like she was telegraphing him a silent “hang in there.” He smiled and went back onto the porch.

“Mom, Dad, y’all come in and fix you a plate.”

His mom put her hand to her stomach. “Honey, I don’t think I could eat.”

“You need your strength,” he said, repeating the words she’d used many times to get him to eat in the months right after Beka’s kidnapping.

She gave him a rueful smile. “You’ve heard that before, haven’t you?” But she allowed his dad to lead her into the house.

Jeremy sank down in the porch swing and pushed it back and forth with one foot. He stared out at the cars and trucks parked in the driveway. As nerve-racking as this was, it felt good to actually be doing something. In the days right after Lindsey took Beka, it had been like this. But then life went on. For everyone else.

He dropped his head into his hands, remembering that awful time. And all the empty days since. Finally he began to pray.

Please, Lord, let it be different this time. My little girl is out there somewhere. And I know You’re watching over her. But please, bring her back to me.

After he said, “Amen,” he scrubbed his hands over his face and laid his head back against the swing.

The front door creaked open. He looked up to see Crystal, two plates in her hands. She tilted her head and handed him a plate. “Here. Your mom said to tell you that you need to keep your strength up, too.”

He chuckled. “She’s pretty smart.” He patted the swing beside him.

Crystal sat down. “I really like your parents. Just talking to them at breakfast, I could feel their strength.”

He nodded. “It’s a good thing they’re strong, with all they’ve had to go through.”

“Or maybe they’re strong because of all they’ve had to go through,” she mused.

He glanced over at her. “Is that why you’re so strong?”

She stared down at her plate. “I’m probably the weakest person I know.”

He reached over and touched her chin and gently brought her face up to meet his gaze. “Don’t believe that lie. I don’t know what I would have done without you to lean on these past few weeks.”

Her blue eyes softened. “I’m glad I was here.”

“Me, too.”

Just as they finished eating, the door banged open and his dad stuck his head out. “They’re playing the interview again.”

Crystal gave him a crooked grin and collected an unsteady breath as she reached out. “Ready for round two?”

Jeremy nodded, weaving his fingers through hers. He closed his eyes for a minute to center himself. After a quick repeat of his earlier prayer, that this time the calls might actually produce something relevant, he opened his eyes and smiled at Crystal “Let’s go.”

As the grandfather clock started to chime midnight, Crystal jabbed her pen toward her notebook and Elyse’s. “How could we have so many calls and no real leads?”

“Rachel and Victoria got some good ones during their shift. There were a few I thought might be just what we were waiting for. But the sheriff said none of them panned out.” Elyse sighed. “The closest I came was the woman who thought she saw Beka at a local preschool.”

Crystal eyed her speculatively. “Someone checked that out, didn’t they?”

“Yes, they took a day care group picture to the caller’s house, and she picked out the child she meant.” Elyse pushed her chair back and smothered a yawn. “Jack said the girl favored Beka, but she was Roger and Linda Howard’s granddaughter.”

“This has to be horrible for Jeremy, knowing the day is over.” Crystal glanced toward the window where she could see the shadows of the men on the porch. They’d been out there for the last hour. She knew he just hated to see the day end with no success.

“At least Blair is coming in the morning with a camera.” Elyse picked up her phone. “We’re supposed to set this to go directly to voice mail at midnight, right?”

Crystal nodded and punched in the buttons on her phone, too, keeping an eye on the moving figures of the men.

Luke came in first, looking grim, with Jack Westwood behind him.

Jeremy came last. Stubble shadowed his jaw, and his eyes showed a distance that nearly broke her heart. His shoulders slumped, Crystal knew, from lack of sleep and discouragement.

She stood and walked over to him. “Hey,” she said softly, while Luke and Jack were talking to Elyse about the phone lines. “You’d better get home and try to sleep. You have to go live at seven in the morning.”

He raised his head to look at her. Exhaustion and worry covered his face like a mask.

She wanted to smooth out the wrinkles on his forehead with her hand, but she just stood helplessly. “I’m sorry, Jeremy.”

He nodded. “You did your best. Thank you all for everything.” The words were dry and brittle, but he reached out and touched her arm. Crystal took the gesture for what it was—all he had to offer at the moment.

Luke turned around and frowned. “Hey, Jer, why don’t you let me give you a ride home? Then I’ll pick you up in the morning and bring you back.”

Jeremy’s lips stretched into what might have been a grin on another day. “Thanks, man. I’ll be fine.” He left without looking back.

Crystal followed him outside. But by the time she reached the porch, he was getting into his truck. She stood and watched him drive away. It was hard to realize how important hope was. Until she saw it dying right before her very eyes.

She trudged back into the house and said good night to Luke and Jack.

After they left, she hugged Elyse. “Want me to walk you home?”

“Then I’d just have to walk you back.”

Crystal smiled. “True.”

Elyse patted her pocket. “I’ve got my phone.”

“Call if you need me.”

As soon as Elyse was gone, Crystal opened the front closet to get her bedclothes out. She reached up to get the pillow off the top shelf, wincing at a spasm in her back. What she wouldn’t give for one night of sleep in a bed.

She froze and drew her hand back. Was she really so cowardly that she couldn’t sleep upstairs? She didn’t believe in ghosts. At least not any kind other than the one that lived inside her heart. But that particular ghost wasn’t limited to a certain room.

A memory of today on the porch with Jeremy shot through her foggy brain, sharp and clear. He’d said she was strong. She looked down at the patchwork quilt in her arms. Where was that strength now?

She shoved the blankets back in the closet and shut the door. She had a choice. Why should she let herself be held captive by her own fears and sorrow? Jeremy was a wise man. She headed for the stairs. Maybe she was stronger than she thought.

At the top of the stairs, she went straight to the closed door. Her hand trembled on the knob. Mentally she chided herself, until finally she opened the door. She stared at the dark room. Moonlight streamed in the window and she could make out the outline of two beds, still arranged with their heads together as they had been seven years ago. Nothing had changed.

But everything had changed.

Tears edged her tired eyes. She shut the door softly and slipped into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she finished, she stumbled into Elyse and Kaleigh’s old room, now Mama’s sewing room with a double bed in the corner. Kaleigh still slept there when she came home for weekends and holidays. But she wouldn’t mind Crystal borrowing the bed tonight. She set her phone alarm and snuggled under the covers with a sigh.

At least she’d opened the door.