The Revelation Space Collection (479 page)

‘Your wife was just one of many candidates who entered Transenlightenment during the troubles. You lost her then, and saw her once more when the Coalition took her prisoner. It was distressing for you because she did not respond to you on a human level.’

‘Because you’d ripped everything human out of her,’ Van Ness said.

Weather shook her head calmly, refusing to be goaded. ‘No. We’d taken almost nothing. The difficulty was that we’d added too much, too quickly. That was why it was so hard for her, and so upsetting for you. But it didn’t have to be that way. The last thing we wanted was to frighten possible future candidates. It would have worked much better for us if your wife had shown love and affection to you, and then begged you to follow her into the wonderful new world she’d been shown.’

Something of Weather’s manner seemed to blunt Van Ness’s indignation. ‘That doesn’t help me much. It doesn’t help my wife at all.’

‘I haven’t finished. The last time you saw your wife was in that Coalition compound. You assumed - as you continue to assume - that she ended her days there, an emotionless zombie haunting the shell of the woman you once knew. But that isn’t what happened. She came back to us, you see.’

‘I thought Conjoiners never returned to the fold,’ I said.

‘Things were different then. It was war. Any and all candidates were welcome, even those who might have suffered destabilising isolation away from Transenlightenment. And Van Ness’s wife wasn’t like me. She hadn’t been born into it. Her depth of immersion into Transenlightenment was inevitably less profound than that of a Conjoiner who’d been swimming in data since they were a foetus.’

‘You’re lying,’ Van Ness said. ‘My wife died in Coalition custody three years after I saw her.’

‘No,’ Weather said patiently. ‘She did not. Conjoiners took Tychoplex and returned all the prisoners to Transenlightenment. The Coalition was suffering badly at the time and could not afford the propaganda blow of losing such a valuable arm of its research programme. So it lied and covered up the loss of Tychoplex. But in fact your wife was alive and well.’ Weather looked at him levelly. ‘She is dead now, Captain Van Ness. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I hope it will not come as too shocking a blow, given what you have always believed.’

‘When did she die?’

‘Thirty-one years later, in another system, during the malfunction of one of our early drives. It was very fast and utterly painless.’

‘Why are you telling me this? What difference does it make to me, here and now? She’s still gone. She still became one of you.’

‘I am telling you,’ Weather answered, ‘because her memories are part of me. I won’t pretend that they’re as strong as Remontoire’s, because by the time your wife was recruited, more than five thousand had already joined our ranks. Hers was one new voice amongst many. But none of those voices were silent: they were all heard, and something of them has reached down through all these years.’

‘Again: why are you telling me this?’

‘Because I have a message from your wife. She committed it to the collective memory long before her death, knowing that it would always be part of Conjoiner knowledge, even as our numbers grew and we became increasingly fragmented. She knew that every future Conjoiner would carry her message - even an outcast like me. It might become diluted, but it would never be lost entirely. And she believed that you were still alive, and that one day your path might cross that of another Conjoiner.’

After a silence Van Ness said, ‘Tell me the message.’

‘This is what your wife wished you to hear.’ Almost imperceptibly, the tone of Weather’s voice shifted. ‘I am sorry for what happened between us, Rafe - more sorry than you can ever know. When they recaptured me, when they took me to Tychoplex, I was not the person I am now. It was still early in my time amongst the Conjoiners, and - perhaps just as importantly - it was still early for the Conjoiners as well. There was much that we all needed to learn. We were ambitious then, fiercely so, but by the same token we were arrogantly blind to our inadequacies and failings. That changed, later, after I returned to the fold. Galiana made refinements to all of us, reinstating a higher degree of personal identity. I think she had learned something wise from Nevil Clavain. After that, I began to see things in the proper perspective again. I thought of you, and the pain of what I had done to you was like a sharp stone pushing against my throat. Every waking moment of my consciousness, with every breath, you were there. But by then it was much too late to make amends. I tried to contact you, but without success. I couldn’t even be sure if you were in the system any more. By then, even the Demarchists had their own prototype starships, using the technology we’d licensed them. You could have been anywhere.’ Weather’s tone hardened, taking on a kind of saintlike asperity. ‘But I always knew you were a survivor, Rafe. I never doubted that you were still alive, somewhere. Perhaps we’ll meet again: stranger things have happened. If so, I hope I’ll treat you with something of the kindness you always deserved, and that you always showed me. But should that never happen, I can at least hope that you will hear this message. There will always be Conjoiners, and nothing that is committed to the collective memory will ever be lost. No matter how much time passes, those of us who walk in the world will be carrying this message, alert for your name. If there was more I could do, I would. But contrary to what some might think, even Conjoiners can’t work miracles. I wish that it were otherwise. Then I would clap my hands and summon you to me, and I would spend the rest of my life letting you know what you meant to me, what you still mean to me. I loved you, Rafe Van Ness. I always did, and I always will.’

Weather fell silent, her expression respectful. It was not necessary for her to tell us that the message was over.

‘How do I know this is true?’ Van Ness asked quietly.

‘I can’t give you any guarantees,’ Weather said, ‘but there was one word I was also meant to say to you. Your wife believed it would have some significance to you, something nobody else could possibly know.’

‘And the word?’

‘The word is “mezereon”. I think it is a type of plant. Does the word mean something to you?’

I looked at Van Ness. He appeared frozen, unable to respond. His eye softened and sparkled. He nodded, and said simply, ‘Yes, it does.’

‘Good,’ Weather answered. ‘I’m glad that’s done: it’s been weighing on all of our minds for quite some time. And now I’m going to help you get home.’

Whatever ‘mezereon’ meant to Van Ness, whatever it revealed to him concerning the truth of Weather’s message, I never asked.

Nor did Van Ness ever speak of the matter again.

She stood before the hexagonal arrangement of input dials, as I had done a thousand times before. ‘You must give me authorisation to make adjustments,’ she said.

My mouth was dry. ‘Do what you will. I’ll be watching you very carefully.’

Weather looked amused. ‘You’re still concerned that I might want to kill us all?’

‘I can’t ignore my duty to this ship.’

‘Then this will be difficult for you. I must turn the dials to a setting you would consider highly dangerous, even suicidal. You’ll just have to trust me that I know what I’m doing.’

I glanced back at Van Ness.

‘Do it,’ he mouthed.

‘Go ahead,’ I told Weather. ‘Whatever you need to do—’

‘In the course of this, you will learn more about our engines. There is something inside here that you will find disturbing. It is not the deepest secret, but it is a secret nonetheless, and shortly you will know it. Afterwards, when we reach port, you must not speak of this matter. Should you do so, Conjoiner security would detect the leak and act swiftly. The consequences would be brutal, for you and anyone you might have spoken to.’

‘Then maybe you’re better off not letting us see whatever you’re so keen to keep hidden.’

‘There’s something I’m going to have to do. If you want to understand, you need to see everything.’

She reached up and planted her hands on two of the dials. With surprising strength, she twisted them until their quadrants shone ruby red. Then she moved to another pair of dials and moved them until they were showing a warning amber. She adjusted one of the remaining dials to a lower setting, into the blue, and then returned to the first two dials she had touched, quickly dragging them back to green. While all this was happening, I felt the engine surge in response, the deck plates pushing harder against my feet. But the burst was soon over. When Weather had made her last adjustment, the engine had throttled back even further than before. I judged that we were only experiencing a tenth of a gee.

‘What have you just done?’ I asked.

‘This,’ she said.

Weather took a nimble, light-footed step back from the input controls. At the same moment a chunk of wall, including the entire hexagonal array, pushed itself out from the surrounding metallic-blue material in which it had appeared to have been seamlessly incorporated. The chunk was as thick as a bank-vault door. I watched in astonishment as the chunk slid in silence to one side, exposing a bulkhead-sized hole in the side of the engine wall.

Soft red light bathed us. We were looking into the hidden heart of a Conjoiner drive.

‘Follow me,’ Weather said.

‘Are you serious?’

‘You want to get home, don’t you? You want to escape that raider? This is how it will happen.’ Then she looked back to Van Ness. ‘With all due respect . . . I wouldn’t recommend it, Captain. You wouldn’t do any damage to the engine, but the engine might damage you.’

‘I’m fine right here,’ Van Ness said.

I followed Weather into the engine. At first my eyes had difficulty making out our surroundings. The red light inside seemed to emanate from every surface, rather than from any concentrated source, so that there were only hints of edges and corners. I had to reach out and touch things more than once to establish their shape and proximity. Weather watched me guardedly, but said nothing.

She led me along a winding, restrictive path that squeezed its way between huge intrusions of Conjoiner machinery, like the course etched by some meandering, indecisive underground river. The machinery emitted a low humming sound, and sometimes when I touched it I felt a rapid but erratic vibration. I couldn’t make out our surroundings with any clarity for more than a few metres in any direction, but as Weather pushed on I sometimes had the impression that the machinery was moving out of her way to open up the path, and sealing itself behind us. She led me up steep ramps, assisted me as we negotiated near-impassable chicanes, helped me as we climbed down vertical shafts that would be perilous even under one-tenth of a gee. My sense of direction was soon hopelessly confounded, and I had no idea whether we had travelled hundreds of metres into the engine, or merely wormed our way in and around a relatively localised region close to our entry point.

‘I’m glad you know the way,’ I said, with mock cheerfulness. ‘I wouldn’t be able to get out of here without you.’

‘Yes, you will,’ Weather said, looking back over her shoulder. ‘The engine will guide you out, don’t you worry.’

‘You’re coming with me, though.’

‘No, Inigo, I’m not. I have to stay here from now on. It’s the only way that any of us will be getting home.’

‘I don’t understand. Once you’ve fixed the engine—’

‘It isn’t like that. The engine can’t be fixed. What I can do is help it, relieve it of some of the computational burden. But to do that I need to be close to it. Inside it.’

While we were talking, Weather had brought us to a box-like space that was more open than anywhere we’d passed through so far. The room, or chamber, was empty of machinery, save for a waist-high cylinder rising from the floor. The cylinder had a flattened top and widened base that suggested the stump of a tree. It shone the same arterial red as everything else around us.

‘We’ve reached the heart of the engine-control assembly now,’ Weather said, kneeling by the stump. ‘The reaction core is somewhere else - we couldn’t survive anywhere near that - but this is where the reaction computations are made, for both the starboard and port drives. I’m going to show you something now. I think it will make it easier for you to understand what is to happen to me. I hope you’re ready.’

‘As I’ll ever be.’

Weather planted a hand on either side of the stump and closed her eyes momentarily. I heard a click and the whirr of a buried mechanism. The upper fifth of the stump opened, irising wide. A blue light rammed from its innards. I felt a chill rising from whatever was inside, a coldness that seemed to reach fingers down my throat.

Something emerged from inside the stump, rising on a pedestal. It was a glass container pierced by many silver cables, each of which was plugged into the folded cortex of a single massively swollen brain. The brain had split open along fracture lines, like a cake that had ruptured in the baking. The blue light spilled from the fissures. When I looked into one - peering down into the geological strata of brain anatomy - I had to blink against the glare. A seething mass of tiny bright things lay nestled at the base of the cleft, twinkling with the light of the sun.

‘This is the computer that handles the computations,’ Weather said.

‘It looks human. Please tell me it isn’t.’