The Romanov's Pursuit (15 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Nya raced to her room and slammed the door behind her. She sank to the floor and found herself on the verge of tears. Rolling to a sitting position, Nya placed her back against the wall and dragged her knees to her chest. She couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with her. She was an emotional wreck and she wasn’t sure how to handle it. Before Cutter and Blade came crashing into her life Nya believed that she had everything under control by now; all the feelings she’d suppressed had come back full force, and she felt that she was very close to having a mental breakdown.

She wasn’t sure what the hell had happened with Elizabeth, after
all
,
the woman had been annoying her all day, expecting Nya to wait on her or keep her company for her own amusement. Sure, Elizabeth had gone too far with that stunt she pulled in the library but Nya actually felt like she wanted to kill the witch. She’d taken plenty of lives before, but most of them were rogues. But the few that she had not she still regretted to this day.

There was a knock on her door. “Nya, we’re coming in,” Cutter announced before suddenly appearing before her. Blade followed.

“What was the point of knocking if you two were just going to enter anyway?”

“Out of courtesy,” Blade answered. “Are you okay?”

Nya couldn’t look them in the eyes after what she’d done. Momentarily she’d been the monster she condemned them of being. “Shouldn’t you be in the other room asking your mother that? I think I came very close to killing her.”

Cutter waived his hand dismissively. “She’ll heal, besides, we figure from the way you attacked her, she must have done something to upset you.”

“Yes, your mother is a pain in the ass, but I could have killed her, all because I lost my cool. I don’t know what came over me but it was like some force I couldn’t explain. I was just so angry that I saw red and the next thing I know, I’m choking her on the floor. I think if you guys hadn’t come along I would have ended her life.”

“Nya, it’s quite possible that you’ve bottled your emotions in for so long that they’ve manifested themselves in an unhealthy way. That’s why you need people in your life to help you get through the rough times. You have friends who care about you, like Giovanni for instance, and now you have us.”

She raised her head and briefly caught their gazes. Nya would have rather had their anger than their compassion because it made her feel even guiltier. “Don’t you see I’m damaged goods? I warned you guys that I’m broken. I can’t be fixed.”

“Only if you don’t want to be,” Cutter said gently as he knelt beside her.

She shook her head. “I think I’m going crazy.”

Blade
slid on the floor next to her. “Crazy because you’re allowing yourself to feel again?”

“No, crazy because when I was
cho
—when I attacked your mother, I saw someone else’s face.”

Blade frowned. “Adonis?”

“No. Someone else. From my past.”

Cutter placed his hand on her knee. “Would you tell us about it?”

She debated on whether she should speak on something she vowed to never tell anyone else. It was her secret shame and to this very day she regretted it, but maybe it was time to finally get it off her chest and lay this ghost to rest. “I told you a little bit about my life before I became a vampire. I lived on a tobacco plantation in North Carolina. It was the only life I knew so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. My father was sold before I even knew who he was and I lost my mother pretty early on. Stewart
Randolph
was the master who had a propensity for young girls. The first time he came to my cabin I was only twelve years old.” She shuddered as she recalled every single perverted thing he did to her. One of the worst parts about being immortal was that you kept every memory you ever created, even the bad ones.

Blade took her hand in his. “You don’t have to go into the details if you don’t want to.”

“I think I have to. I need to lay this demon to rest, to tell someone what I did.”

Blade gave her hand a squeeze. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“I thought he would eventually leave me alone because like I said, he liked them young. But for some reason he never did. There was a point when he’d come to me every night of the week except for Sundays. I learned very early on that if I didn’t cry or scream he wouldn’t hurt me as badly. I would just lay there and pray for it to end as quickly as possible. He gave me my own cabin so that no one could see what he was doing to me because he didn’t want to ruin the good Christian image he’d crafted for himself.”

“Disgusting.” Cutter’s face contorted in anger.

“And I suffered because of his attention. Because I was given my own cabin, the other plantation workers were forced to double up in already cramped spaces. They resented me and would sometimes exclude me from any of the social activities; that hurt the most I think because I was all alone. They knew what that man was doing to me but so many of them could only see that I was getting extra rations and clothing. I never asked for any of the special treatment but I received it nonetheless. I would have traded it all in for a real friend, someone I could find comfort with when situations became too rough.” She sighed. Nya didn’t want to paint the other slaves as bad people. They weren’t. They were living in a desperate situation where they were only given just enough food not to pass out and given rags to wear. It was understandable that some of them would be upset because they felt things were easier for her.

“They weren’t the only ones who noticed all the extras I had received. Mary
Randolph
, Stewart’s wife, who had always been patronizing and a little mean, became my worst nightmare. She made it her mission to make my life more miserable than it already was. She was basically punishing me for her husband’s misdeeds. I ended up giving birth to a baby girl as a result of Stewart’s repeated rapes. I didn’t want to love that little baby at first because I hated her father, but when I looked at her, I couldn’t help myself. She was mine and that was all that matter
s
. But when she was just a year old, Mary poisoned her. As you can imagine I was inconsolable.” Tears swam in her eyes but they wouldn’t fall.

“Nya, I’m so sorry.” Cutter pulled her into a tight embrace, but she pushed him away and shook her head.

“No. Let me get everything out before I lose my nerve. I think she was jealous because they never had children of their own at least at that time they didn’t, and she resented me for it. So when I got pregnant again and gave birth to a son, she became even nastier, finding
any
reason
to hit me or say something verbally abusive. And then she had my son sold. I was devastated. A year later she gave birth to a baby boy and made me take care of him. It was her way of punishing me. She’d tell me that God took my babies away because I was evil. One day, I just lost it and attacked her. I panicked when I realized what I’d done and tried to run away but I was quickly captured. I was stripped naked and tied to the whipping post for everyone to see and I was whipped to within an inch of my life. But instead of untying me so that someone could see to my injuries, Mary order them to leave me be. I stood there for at least two days.
Infection
had set in and I knew I was going to die. But Adonis rescued me.” There were still plenty of times when she wished that he had not.

“What those people did to you was terrible, but you have nothing to be ashamed of,” Blade assured her.

“That’s not all of it. I told you that Adonis had his lucid moments when he wasn’t all bad. He seemed to be quite understanding about what I’d gone through and he convinced me to take my revenge on the
Randolph
s, so one night he and I snuck into their home while everyone was asleep. I would say this was at least five years after I’d been with Adonis and by then, Stewart and Mary had had two more children. I killed all of them in their sleep. Snapped their necks. I yanked Stewart’s dick off and stuffed it down his throat until he choked to death. But Mary…I kept her alive because I wanted her to feel what it was like to suffer a loss in the same magnitude that I did. And I made sure she knew I did it. I revealed my vampire nature to her because I wanted people to think she was crazy when she told them what happened. And I took satisfaction in the fact that no one believed her.
In fact
,
the authorities believed that she’d murdered Stewart and the children. They locked her up in a mental asylum. I’d sneak into the asylum and visit her on the anniversary of the day I murdered her family until she couldn’t take it anymore. She hung herself with a bedsheet. But when she died, I took no satisfaction in her death. In fact, what I’d done had finally hit me.”

“You regretted killing the family?” Blade asked.

“I didn’t regret taking out Stewart or even Mary’s suicide, but I was remorseful
overtaking
those children. In my
mind
,
I’d justified it by telling myself that they would have grown up and become just as hateful as their parents. For a long time I blamed Adonis for that but it was all my fault. I was responsible for killing those children and to this day I wish I could take it back because I’ve been punished for it tenfold, and I don’t believe fate is finished with me yet. So what do you think about your mate now?” she challenged.

“Nya, look at me,” Cutter commanded gently.

She shook her head unable to meet his gaze.

He cupped her face in his hands forcing her to look at him. “Listen to me, nothing you can say or do can change how we feel about you, Nya. You experienced great trauma at the hands of those monsters and while I don’t condone what you did to their children, I understand. We all have moments we’re not proud of. Blade and I did many things we regret just to please our father. Many innocent people were hurt because of us, so don’t beat yourself up for this. You fell under Adonis’ influence, but the most important thing is that you understand what you’ve done wrong. Our first mate did many things that most people with a conscience would be ashamed of, but she never was. That says something about you.”

“What?” She wanted to know. “Because from where I’m sitting, I lost the last of my humanity when I did that.”

Cutter narrowed his gaze. “Fuck humanity. It was humanity that put you in chains. It was humanity that has committed all sorts of atrocities against each other. It’s not human
ity that gives you compassion or
makes you good or bad. It’s what’s in here.” He pointed to her heart. “Whether you believe it or not, that girl that you thought was long gone is still in there. You just have to let her out and be happy again.”

“I don’t know what happiness is,” she whispered. A tear slid down her cheek.

Blade leaned over and brushed his lips against hers. “Then let us show you.”

“I just…I just need you to take away the pain. Please help me.”

Blade
was the first to stand. He lifted her off the floor and into his arms, cradling her gently against his body.
Nya rested her head against his
chest and listened to the comforting beat of his hea
r
t. When he made it to the bed, he placed Nya on her feet and began to undress her. Cutter joined them and pulled her pants down while Blade worked on her top.

Once she stood naked before them they quickly removed their own clothing before returning their full attention to her. Blade guided her to the center of the bed and positioned Nya on her back. They took great care in positioning her to give them the best access to every part of her by bending her legs so that her feet were flat on the bed with her knees spread wide.

Blade moved to her side while Cutter settled himself between her thighs. Instead of touching her right away, they stared at her with lust filled eyes. They stared at her as if she was the most precious of gems and it made her heart beat faster and her pulse race. Their heated stares made her tremble. She wanted them to touch her so badly she could barely stand it. “Please,” she begged. It was the closest she’d ever come to pleading with anyone in a very long time.

Blade stroked the side of her face. “Just let us enjoy looking at you,
solnyska
. Just know that there is nothing you could ever do make us turn you away. You belong to us just as we belong to you. And we’ll spend all of our lives proving to you that you are worthy of happiness and being loved.”

“Take the pain away,” she begged again.

Cutter ran his finger along her slit and she gasped in delight. “Is this what you want, Nya? For us to touch you like this?” He sunk his finger deep inside her pussy. She clenched her muscles around his digit in response. “There’s more where that came from.” He added another. “So wet and ready for us.”

“Do you like that, Nya? Having Cutter’s fingers inside your hot little pussy? Tell me how much you like it. We want to hear you say the words.”

“I…I…” Once she verbalized how much she wanted them, there was no turning back. She bit the inside of
her
lip to hold back the words that were on the tip of her tongue. But when Cutter rubbed her clit with the pad of his tongue, she cried, out, “Yes! Touch me all over. I need to feel you inside of me.”

Blade dipped his head and sucked one breast into his mouth while fondling the other. Cutter removed his fingers and lowered himself until he was face level with her cunt. He gently parted her wet folds and softly blew on her clit. The cool sensation sent sparks of pure delight shooting throughout her core. She was on fire and it felt as if she’d explode any minute.