The Running Series Complete Collection: 3-Book Set plus Bonus Novella (74 page)

Home.  I feel like I don’t have a home.  I have a place where all my belongings are, but that’s not my home, at least not right now.

Reese stops by the hospital to visit Auggie sometime after dark.  When Auggie nods off, Reese and I chat quietly.  “So, Jette, are you going to stop home, I mean Evan’s, to pick up clothes or anything?”

“Shit, I didn’t even think of that.  I need a change of clothes and something to sleep in, but I really don’t want to see Evan again tonight.  I’ve had enough drama and heartbreak to last me for a lifetime.”

Reese offers to go for me.  “I could stop by and grab some of your things.  I don’t mind.”

“No way.  I’m not asking you or anyone else to get in the middle of this fucked-up situation.  Who know what shape he’ll be in?  Forget it,” I tell her.

“Well, you need clean clothes.  I can drop off some of my things for you.  I still have a house key.  Do you want me to pack a small overnight bag and leave it on the bed?  I really don’t mind, Jette.”

Auggie begins to wake, so I nod and mouth a silent, “Thank you.”  I don’t want him to worry about me any more than he already does.  We try to keep Auggie occupied with talk about Lucas’ movie role.  He has a starring role in the movie version of a popular kid’s cartoon from the eighties.  It’s going to have lots of action and special effects. 

It’s nearly midnight.  Reese is long gone and Auggie is sound asleep. The nurses gave him a sleeping pill about an hour ago, and he should rest comfortably for the remainder of the night. 

I drive to Auggie’s house and the driveway is empty.  Auggie’s car is in the body shop.  When I pull in, the motion detectors light up to show me the way to the front door.  The motion detectors were purchased by Evan during a tumultuous time in my life and were supposed to help keep me safe.  When I get in the house and enter the security code on the pad beside the door, I’m presented with another gift from Evan that was meant to safeguard me from harm. 

There was no way to know it at the time, but Evan was the cause for all my troubles then, and he’s the one making me miserable today.  He’s brought me more grief and sorrow than I ever thought was possible.  But I also know that with Evan, I’ve had more joy and passion than I could have ever imagined.  There’s a line drawn in the sand and I cannot decide on which side I belong.  If I stand on one side, that means I give up and walk away.  I take my memories and lessons learned, and move on without him.  If I move to the other side of that line, I fight.  I plant my feet firmly in the ground and make a stand.  The only problem on this side of the line is that I don’t know if I’m strong enough to fight.  How much more I can take before I break?

I walk around the house that was once, for a short time, my home.  Memories of Evan are everywhere.  If I close my eyes, I can picture the house filled with the flowers Evan had delivered here after our first fight.  He sent me ten arrangements of tulips and hyacinths that filled every room.  Memories of him are everywhere.

Just as promised, Reese left me an overnight bag.  In classic Reese thoughtfulness, there’s a new toothbrush in the bag, along with some hair ties and deodorant.  I change and climb into bed, but it’s no use.  I can’t lie still long enough for sleep to come.  Every small noise that I hear conjures visions of Evan letting himself into the house, sneaking into my room, and begging for my forgiveness.  Fantasies are all I have left. 

I fight the urge to crawl into a ball and cry myself to sleep.  Hour after hour passes, and eventually I slip into a fitful slumber.  When I close my eyes, visions of a life without Evan flash before me.  I wake each time in a deep, anguished panic, over and over again.  In some dreams, I am old and alone, having never found anyone to take Evan’s place.  In others, images of Evan falling in love and living happily ever after with a famous actress torture me. 

When I lie in bed awake, my mind races, revisiting every fight, every misunderstanding, every cruel word, and searching for a cause.  I rehearse my phone call to Evan’s mother over in my mind until I cannot think straight. 

As the sun rises I climb out of bed, change into some running clothes, and head to the beach.  I decide to try something new – running on the boardwalk.  I don’t have to drive anywhere near Evan’s house and I know I won’t run into him or Ryker on my run.  Neither one of them ever sets foot here.  Besides, there’s a bench at the end of the boardwalk along the inlet.  I like to sit there sometimes and watch the commercial and charter fishing boats heading out for the day.

I don’t have to return to the hospital until three or four o’clock this afternoon.  The Deegans take the day shift, and I take the night shift.  I have all day to take care of a few matters.  After I go back to Auggie’s house to shower, I call Adam to see if he knows anything about Evan’s whereabouts.  I hate to get him involved, but I don’t know any other way to find out if he’s home or not.  Much to my relief, he tells me Evan’s gone to practice today and I’m free to head over to the house without fear of running into Evan.

Walking around the home we share, I’m torn about what to pack.  Do I take enough for one night?  A week?  Forever?  Something my mother said to me a long time ago comes to mind, “Never make important decisions when you’re upset.”  I decide to pack just enough for one week.  A lot can happen in one week.  One week ago, I was happy.  One week ago, I was in love.  One week ago, I had a home and an amazing boyfriend.  Today, I have broken dreams and shattered hopes.

After packing the car, I grab Maddy, her food and toys, and leave.  As I pull out of the driveway, I pass Evan coming home.  I try not to look at him as our cars pass.  I drive slowly, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he might turn around to follow me and convince me to come home with him.  I keep checking the rearview mirror, but he’s nowhere in sight.  Maybe he will call or text, begging me to let him explain.  I turn off the radio and wait, but the call never comes.

“A
uggie, you look so much better today,” I tell him.  “The color is starting to come back in your cheeks and you’re awake.  I’m so glad to have you back.”

“Well, I wish I could say the same, Jette my Pet, but honestly, you look awful.  What the hell happened today?” he asks.

“I had to call Evan’s mother.  I told her we broke up.  She didn’t take it well.  When I told her the hateful things that came out of Evan’s mouth, she cried.  God, I hated doing that, Auggie.” 

“How much did you tell her?” Auggie asks.

“She knows about Evan’s suspicions and accusations.  I told her all about his mood swings.  The last straw was when I told her that he got into a fight with one of his employees.”  I pace the room trying to expend my pent-up nervous energy.  “She’s coming down tonight to confront him.  He’s going to go ballistic.”

“I hope she’s bringing back-up.”

During my visit with Auggie, Lucas calls twice.  I help set up Auggie’s iPad so they can Skype.  Filming starts tomorrow and Lucas is beyond excited.  The two of them chat for nearly an hour.  As time slowly passes, I constantly monitor my phone for calls or messages from Jill.  Reese, Emmy, and Derek check in occasionally, but no one else.  The later it gets, the more I come to realize that I’m not going to hear from the McGuires.  Not today, anyway.

Even though Auggie is awake and alert, he’s got a long road ahead of him.  At the end of another long and exhausting day, I return to Auggie’s house without ever having heard from Evan or Jill.  I may not know what will happen with Evan, but I know that tomorrow Auggie will be transferred out of the ICU and into a regular room.  And because of that, for the first time in several days, when my head hits the pillow, I sleep.  It’s a deep, dreamless sleep that helps me clear my mind and get on with the business of life.

Finally, when I arrive for my visit on Friday, Auggie is transferred out of ICU and into a regular room.  I’m concerned that he hasn’t really gotten up and out of bed yet, but the nurses feel it’s important not to rush things too quickly.  They are going to see how he does for the next twenty-four hours, and if all goes well, they plan to get him out of bed and into a chair.  I know they said it would be a lengthy recovery, but I don’t think I really understood until now.  Auggie almost died.  I nearly lost him.  He’s got a long road ahead of him, and I want to make sure I’m here to help him every step of the way.

Auggie has a craving for something sweet, so I offer to take a walk to the hospital cafeteria.  As I’m riding alone in the elevator, I get a phone call.

“Hey, Derek, what’s going on?”  It’s nearly dinnertime on Friday, and Derek should be in the middle of service.  “Aren’t you at work?”

“Yeah, I’m on break and I wanted to call you.  Evan was in today,” he tells me.  I can’t tell by the tone of his voice if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

“And?”

“First thing, let me tell you, I’m never going to fuck with Ryker because Evan’s still covered with cuts and bruises.  He’s got a black eye, a fat lip, and his cheek is still swollen.”  Derek almost sounds excited.  “Ryker really got in some good hits the other day.”

“Did you call just to tell me that, Derek?  Because honestly, I was just starting to feel a little better.”

“No, there’s more.”  He pauses and there’s a serious tone to his voice.  “He came in to apologize.  He brought a peace offering.  If he feels half as bad as he looks, he’s in pretty bad shape, Jette.”

The elevator stops, and I step off to find a quiet hallway to finish my conversation.  “I don’t know what kind of peace offering could ever make up for what he did.”

“He gave both of us tickets on the fifty yard line for the first home game of the season.  Do you have any idea how much those tickets are worth?”

“Derek, I’m sorry, but did you just say, ‘both of us’?  Who else did Evan apologize to?”

“Ryker.  They just left, actually.”

“They left? Separately or together?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“Together.  Evan’s taking him down the street to the Brickwall Tavern for some craft brews.”

Derek and I chat for a few more minutes, and it seems that among the guys, all is forgiven.  How can men do that?  Fight and forget?  If I didn’t know Derek better, I’d accuse him of lying.  To make matters worse, Derek tells me that Ryker and Evan went out to try to get to know each other a little better.  Emmy suggested it.  She thinks if Evan knows Ryker better, he will be able to trust him more.

I give Derek an update on Auggie and then I insist he to get back to work.  What am I supposed to do with this new information?  I wander to the cafeteria deep in thought, get us both some ice cream, and then head back upstairs. 

While we eat our frozen treat, I tell Auggie all about my phone call.  He thinks it’s great that Evan apologized and made peace.  He also thinks it’s just a matter of time until Evan comes to me.  I listen quietly as Auggie rattles all kinds of potential gifts he might offer me.  “I think he’ll bring you earrings.  No, wait – he already bought you those.  I think it’s time for a necklace.  Ooh, a ring!  How about a ring, Jette?  Wouldn’t that be amazing?  You know what?  Maybe it’s not going to be jewelry at all.  Maybe he’ll take you away.  You guys have never been on a trip together.  Hawaii?  Tahiti?  Bora Bora!  I’ve always wanted to go there.”  Auggie finally realizes I haven’t said a word.  “Aren’t you happy, Jepetto?”

“Oh, Auggie, it’s not that simple.  I just can’t accept an apology.  Unless he gets professional help, I have to walk away.”  Auggie nods his head acknowledging the reality of the situation.  “We could go away on a romantic vacation, but our problems would be waiting for us the moment we got back.  He’s got to deal with this now, before it gets worse.”

When I get home, I find a beautiful bouquet of flowers waiting on the kitchen island.  Evan must have let himself in.  At least I know he still has the key and code.  There’s a card with the flowers.  I open it and find a hand written note, “Do you still love me?”  Nothing else.  No signature.  No poetry.  Just one simple question.  If Evan were standing here before me asking me to answer this question, of course, the answer would be ‘yes’.  But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to forgive.

These flowers are a little unusual for Evan.  He’s given me gifts of flowers more times than I can count, thanks to his sister the florist.  But this time, it’s a small arrangement, simple, and as I count them, I find six Forget-Me-Nots, six white daisies, and one beautiful, tall purple iris.  That’s thirteen flowers in all, a baker’s dozen.  I’m sure that’s no accident.  A quick Internet search tells me that the white daisies represent unwavering loyalty and love, while Forget-Me-Nots signify the sweet memories we share.  He’s playing dirty.  I also learn the purple iris symbolizes hope.  It goes so far as to say that the spear-shaped iris leaves are an example of the sorrows that pierce the heart. 

It’s really a sweet gesture.  Evan always did know exactly how to get to me.  This is no different.  It is certainly worthy of a response and I know exactly what to do.  I pull out one of my recipe books, flip through a few pages, and I find exactly what I’m looking for.  The ingredients are simple:  flour, sugar, salt, egg, and vanilla.  Before I mix the ingredients, I search for a quote.  Something that expresses my desire for reconciliation, but also demonstrates my need for repentance.  I stumble upon a quotation that does just that, "
A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn
."  I type it up and print it out.  Will he understand my message?  God, I hope so.