The Saint's Wife (20 page)

She didn’t speak. She wrapped her arms around him, lifted her chin and pressed her lips to his.

His knees threatened to drop right out from under him. It wasn’t just that her kiss turned him on, or that they could finally touch without guilt. It was simply knowing that they’d found their way back to each other. That she was here.

You’re here.

I get it, Joanna. I so, so get it.

He held her close and deepened the kiss, tasting her mouth and savoring her body heat as if this were the first time they’d ever touched. He hadn’t even realized how much being away from her had hurt until just this moment, now that he
wasn’t
away from her and he
was
holding her.

She broke the kiss and touched her forehead to his. “I love you, David.”

He smoothed her hair. “I love you too.”

“We should get out of here.”

“Where do you want to go?”

She looked up at him and smiled. “Home.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Home” could have been anywhere as far as Joanna was concerned, as long as she was with David and away from the hospital. It turned out to be David’s place, and they barely made it through the front door before a kiss turned into a longer one, and she only closed the door at all so he could push her up and kiss her the way she wanted him to. And oh, God, did he kiss her that way—hard, hungry, pressing his hips against hers and running his free hand up and down her waist while the other gripped the back of her neck.

By the time he broke the kiss, they were both panting and shaking, holding on to each other for dear life, for balance, for the sheer need to be as close as they could get.

“We should…” He swallowed. “Bed. The bedroom.”

Joanna was too tongue-tied to speak, so she just nodded. He took her hand and led her down the hall.

This place was familiar, like the scene of a crime they’d returned to in the name of repentance, but she was too turned on and overwhelmed with relief—they were here, this was real—to even think about why it had been a crime before, or why it wasn’t now. All that mattered was here, now, them, tumbling into his bed and tangling themselves up as they kissed breathlessly.

“Are you sure we should do this?” he panted against her lips.

She dragged her fingers through his hair. “It’s the first thing I’ve been sure about in a long time.”

He shivered. “Me too.”

Though they were both shaking and desperate, they took their time shedding their clothes. Each time he removed a piece from her, he explored the newly exposed skin like he’d never touched her before at all. Her bra was still on, her jeans unbuttoned but still zipped, but her shirt was gone, and apparently that was enough for him—he dropped to his knees in front of her. He kissed her quivering stomach, ran his hands all over her waist, cupped her breasts through her bra.

Joanna, however, wasn’t nearly as patient. “We need these clothes off. I can’t…I can’t be dressed with you like this.”

David grinned up at her. “Well, I’m not going to argue with
that
.” He didn’t—David got up and they both quickly removed the last of their clothes. As soon as they were completely naked, he pulled her to him, hot skin against hot skin, and kissed her again. Together, they sank onto the bed again, and he pushed her onto her back. One kiss at a time, he worked his way down her neck, her chest, her stomach, and she shivered with anticipation.

God, yes. Please…

He didn’t disappoint—he pushed her knees apart, and the second his lips made contact with her pussy, her eyes slid closed and her back tried to lift off the bed. His mouth was magic, just like before, but there was no holding back this time. Eyes squeezed shut, she lost herself in every sweep of his tongue and gentle stroke of his fingers. Holding on to his hair, squirming on the mattress, she hadn’t felt this good in she didn’t know how long. She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt this good, but oh God, she did now.

He knew exactly how to drive her crazy. Slow, fast, slow again. Gentle, harder, gentler. He kept her on the edge, reducing her to gasps and moans and a stuttered, “D-don’t stop… Don’t…”

And just like that, she was there, gasping and nearly levitating off the mattress as his lips and tongue kept her coming and coming until she almost blacked out.

When he stopped, she blinked her eyes into focus just in time to meet his smoldering gaze as he rose. He ran the tip of his tongue along his lips, and Joanna was sure she almost came all over again.

She grabbed him and hauled him down to her. His kiss tasted of her, and she was still trembling and tingling, and when his hard cock brushed against her, she shuddered.

He broke the kiss enough to whisper, “Lemme get a condom. I need—”

“
Please
.”

He got up and quickly put on the condom, which must have been a challenge when his hands were so unsteady, but he managed. As soon as it was on, Joanna grabbed him, and she pulled him down onto the bed with her.

The first stroke took her breath away. One motion, so many feelings. Physical, emotional—he touched her everywhere. Their bodies fit together as if they were made for this. He was just the right size, and his narrow waist was perfect for her to wrap her legs around.

Slow, smooth strokes became faster, harder, and she heard herself begging for more, and he gave her more. He fucked her until the bed protested, until the headboard slammed into the wall above them, and goddammit, she’d forgotten what it was like to feel good. To lose herself completely in another person and the pleasure they could create together.

David pushed himself up on his arms, which meant he could thrust harder. As he did, their eyes met. She blinked away tears, struggling to hold his gaze, and seeing him like this—naked, sweaty, aroused, as focused on her as she was on him—gave her goose bumps. Especially since this time, there was no guilt. No shame. She couldn’t remember the last time sex had felt so liberating, so cathartic. So
right
.

David’s rhythm faltered a little, and his arms shook.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just…” He laughed softly. “Just a little tired.”

“S’okay. T-turn over.” She nudged his shoulder. “On your back.”

David didn’t protest. He withdrew and rolled onto his back, and she got on top. As she lowered herself onto him, taking him inside her again, he closed his eyes and arched beneath her. “Holy shit…”

Joanna didn’t even try to respond. She couldn’t find enough air to speak, and forming words was out of the question as she moved on top of him, riding him until her vision blurred. At this angle, every motion of her hips rubbed her clit against him, and every thrust pressed him right against her G-spot. The pleasure was unreal, and it only got better the more she surrendered to it, the more she accepted that this was real and it was right.

David pinched her nipples just hard enough to hurt, and she almost melted. Between that, his cock moving inside her, and her clit rubbing against his body, she was almost there. Almost.
Almost
.

“Oh my God,” she moaned. “You feel…so…”

David thrust against her, complementing the way she moved
just
right, and she shattered. Electricity rippled through her, lighting up every nerve ending from her tingling scalp down to her curling toes, and as she tightened around him, his cock seemed even bigger, and he kept right on fucking her from below, drawing her orgasm out until she was sure every neighbor within a five-block radius could hear her.

She slumped over him, body turning to liquid and arms threatening to collapse beneath her. Though she tried to move, to keep riding him until he too had come, her muscles refused to listen.

David took over—though she was on top, he kept on fucking her, and just as she was beginning to come down, he grabbed her hips and pulled her down onto him. He held her there, gripping her tightly and keeping her still while he kept trying to thrust even deeper inside her.

And then his breath caught. Eyes squeezed shut, he arched his back beneath her. “Holy fuck…” He shuddered, and she rocked her hips as best she could with him holding her so tight and was rewarded with a long, helpless groan as he trembled beneath her.

He drew her down to him, and though they were both out of breath, they kissed lazily for a moment. Then she lifted herself off him. He got rid of the condom, returned to bed and lay beside her on the rumpled sheets. Neither spoke—they just held each other, letting the dust settle around them.

She was certain she’d wake up at any moment. That this had all been a dream, from being called into Chris’s room to…this. The night she and David had had sex, she’d been desperate to feel worthy of a man’s focus, if only for one night. She hadn’t cared if he was pretending, if he was just giving her whatever it took for her to let him fuck her—she just wanted to feel that for once in her life.

David had delivered, but that didn’t hold a candle to how he’d made love to her tonight. Every touch, every kiss, every thrust—he’d looked at her and held her as if nothing else in the world mattered or even existed except them.

“Still awake?” he asked after a while.

“Mmhmm.”

He turned on his side and faced her, and his sleepy smile and disheveled hair made her heart flutter. He trailed his fingertips down her cheek. “When I got up this morning, I definitely didn’t see today playing out like it did.”

She laughed. “I didn’t either. But”—she slid a little closer to him and draped her arm over his waist—“I’m not complaining.”

“Neither am I.” He pressed a light kiss to her lips. “Things are still going to be rough, but they’ve worked out better than I ever thought they would.”

“Same here.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “Are you really going to stay with the company?”

He nodded. “For a while, at least. Then I’ll probably sell it. Chris and I had talked about selling it off eventually anyway. Retiring in our thirties and all that.” He sighed. “I don’t think either of us had any of this in mind.”

“No one did. I’d never in a million years want to go through everything that’s happened recently again, but”—she snuggled closer to him—“at least some good came out of it.”

“Yeah.” David kissed her softly. “Some damned good came out of it.”

She smiled up at him, but it faded slightly as she said, “This is going to be a rough ride for a while.”

“I know.” He caressed her face. “But we’re in it together.”

“Except I have no idea where we go from here.”

“Neither do I.” He kissed the top of her head. “But we start here. Just…being like this. We’ll take things a day at a time with each other and with Chris. And we’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, we will.” Joanna rested her head on his shoulder, and felt more relaxed than she had in a long time. In years. A lot of things were still up in the air and would be for the foreseeable future, but she felt like she could face them now. A huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and oddly, although her marriage was over, her relationship with her husband was suddenly better than it had ever been.

There was no telling how much time Chris had left. Joanna was torn about how long she hoped he had, but for different reasons than before. She wanted him to live long enough for them to move past burying the hatchet and actually be close again. Not as husband and wife, perhaps, but friends. Maybe have some conversations. Have a few good times to remember after he was gone.

But just as she had all along, she didn’t want him to suffer. If his future was pain and drugs and misery, then she hoped it didn’t last long. Their mutual forgiveness was enough for her to make peace and move on. Hopefully it was enough for him too.

And while she saw him through to the end, they both had the support of the man lying beside her now. Nothing about this arrangement was normal, and would probably raise more than a few eyebrows if anyone found out, but it was a damn sight better than what they’d all had before. How she’d ever missed what a sweet, caring man David really was, she had no idea, but she knew now. She loved him, he loved her, and Chris had forgiven them both for falling in love with each other.

Now, here they were, lying together without guilt, without shame. That alone was a thousand times more satisfying than the orgasm still tingling beneath her skin—being forgiven and being at peace in the arms of a man who loved her.

Joanna closed her eyes and smiled as she nuzzled against David. He kissed the top of her head and held her tighter. And it was perfect. Though everything leading up to this moment had been hellish and heartbreaking, this moment was…perfect.

She finally had real love. She finally had peace.

And for the first time in too many years, Joanna truly believed she’d be happy again.

Epilogue

About a year later.

Hand in hand, sitting in plush chairs in a private office at the bank, David and Joanna sat in silence. The clock on the manager’s desk ticked quietly, and there was the low hum of business as usual on the other side of the Plexiglas glass walls.

While David watched her, Joanna stared down at the forms in front of her. Her face was almost expressionless, but she looked more at peace than she had in a long time. The hint of gauntness in her cheeks wasn’t the result of the endless tug-o-war about her weight this time—the last few months of Chris’s life had shaved quite a few pounds off David as well, and like her, David was only just starting to get back a healthy weight. The dark circles beneath her eyes had faded, though, and her features weren’t so taut anymore. Little by little, she was coming back to life.

David ran his thumb along the side of her hand. “You okay?”

Still focused on the forms, she nodded. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure about this?”

Joanna glanced at him. “Absolutely.”

They held each other’s gazes, and a tired smile finally started to pull at her lips.

“What about you?” she asked. “You all right?”

“I’m good.” He released her hand and ran his up and down her back. “You don’t have to do this today, you know.”

“I know.” The smile brightened a bit. She squeezed his leg. “I think I’ll sleep better once it’s done.”

“It’s your call.”

Right then, the office door opened and the bank manager stepped in. “Sorry about that, Mrs. McQuaid.” He sat down across from them and handed Joanna another form. “That should be everything. Do you have any questions?”

“Just a few.”

While Joanna and the bank manager went over the trust fund paperwork, David sat back and watched, his mind wandering as she signed away the bulk of her late husband’s fortune.

Chris had rallied after the infection that had hospitalized him, and he even seemed to be improving for a while. True to his word, he’d worked to make amends with his wife and best friend, and he never once revoked his blessing for them to pursue a relationship. Out of respect to him, though, David and Joanna were strictly platonic around him. They never discussed it, and Chris never asked.

And the relationship had gone into an odd state of limbo anyway. More often than not, when David and Joanna slept together during Chris’s last few months, especially the final weeks, it had been just to hold on to each other. They were both too exhausted and emotionally wrung out for anything more, and David had never in his life been more grateful that he didn’t have to sleep in an empty bed. When they did have sex, it was for comfort. The desperate need for human contact so they could forget about death and dying and just feel alive for a little while. They leaned hard on each other, which had the unintended but welcome side effect of deepening their relationship.

And thank God they’d had each other. They were both as strong as anyone could be, but no one was stoic enough to keep it together through every minute of watching someone slowly wither away. It was especially tough on Joanna. Now that she and Chris had found something—not quite affection, but close—that they’d done without for so many years, it didn’t seem fair that it wouldn’t last.

Though they’d all known it was coming eventually, it was a shock when it finally did. A routine CT scan had revealed the worst—in spite of the treatments, the cancer was spreading quickly and the new tumors were growing too fast. Even after that, he hung on, looking healthier than he should have, but he was as mortal as anyone. Just weeks later, he was declared terminal. The doctors gave him two to three weeks at most and, per his wishes, sent him home.

Two nights later, Chris passed away peacefully.

He wasn’t a good husband, and for a lot of his life, he wasn’t a good person. But in the end, Chris had found a way to be a good man. He’d made peace—genuine peace—with David and Joanna, and when it was over, he didn’t die alone. Throughout his final hours, right up to the very end, David and Joanna had both been there with him.

When all was said and done, Joanna had taken enough of Chris’s estate to live on for a few years while she finished her degree and got on her feet, but the rest had been split between a few of Chris’s pet charities and the little girl’s trust fund. Tiffany would never want for anything for the rest of her life. David, Alexandra and Joanna had agreed to encourage her to pursue dreams, go to college, start a career and find her own way. They weren’t even sure if they’d tell her about the fund until she was older.

As for Berserker Tech, David had indeed taken the reins, but he’d decided the company was better off in more capable hands. And after all these years of tirelessly getting that place from startup to empire, he was tired. He was ready to move on. Shortly after Chris passed away, David began fielding offers for the company. Several buyers were interested, and two offers were already on the table. By the end of next year, he expected to be completely detached from the company. Retired before forty, just like he and Chris had once dreamed about.

Joanna had been advised time and again to wait a full year before making any major decisions, but she refused to keep the house any longer than she had to. Chris had even overseen some repairs and renovations while he was still able, and when he’d reached the point he couldn’t focus on complex tasks anymore, she’d taken it over. By the time he’d passed away, the house was nearly ready to go on the market. Two months after the funeral, once the estate had been settled completely, Joanna had hired a realtor and listed the place. Three months ago, she’d closed with a buyer, and now she was renting a little condo a few minutes away from David’s.

Although Joanna was still grieving, she was also coming back to life. By the time Chris had passed, he’d suffered for so long that his death was a relief to everyone. One of the last things he’d said to David, during a rare lucid moment near the end, was “I’m ready to go. This has gone on too long.”

And so he had. Now he wasn’t in pain anymore, and David and Joanna could get the hang of living normal lives again.

“We’re all set.” The manager’s voice brought David out of his thoughts. “Can I help you with anything else today?”

Joanna smiled, and it was one of the most relaxed, genuine smiles David had ever seen. “No, thank you. That’s all I need.” She extended her hand over the desk. “I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” The manager shook her hand. “Just give us a call any time.”

“Will do.”

The manager shook hands with David too and showed them out into the lobby. After another round of handshakes, David and Joanna left the bank.

Outside in the crisp afternoon, Joanna stopped and drew in a long, deep breath.

“You all right?”

“Yeah. Just glad that’s over.” She rolled her shoulders a bit. “So what now?”

“Anybody’s guess. We can do whatever we want. You can do whatever you want.”

“Well.” She grinned, half-cautiously and half-playfully. “I do know I want to be with you.”

“Likewise.” He took her hand, and they started down the sidewalk, strolling toward the parking lot as if they had nowhere to be. Because for once, they didn’t. The afternoon was theirs. All the time in the world was theirs.

They found a little café for lunch, and after a leisurely meal and some coffee, walked down by the Seattle waterfront.

In front of one of the restaurants down by the aquarium, a group of kids ran around, balancing ice cream cones and giggling as they played tag around a statue. David couldn’t help watching them for a moment, and then he realized Joanna was doing the same.

Without looking away from the kids, she said, “You ever think about having more?”

“Sometimes.” He watched her for a moment. “What about you?”

She didn’t answer right away. She gazed at the children for a long time, as if mulling over the question. “I wanted to a few years ago, but now…” She turned to him. “I’m not really sure. Maybe someday. Maybe being a stepmom to Tiffany will be enough. As far as having any of my own, I think I need to find my own way first. If by the time I figure myself out, it’s too late to have any of my own, then…” She shrugged. “Then I guess it is what it is. But I’m not in a position to be anyone’s mother right now.”

David wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. “Don’t push yourself. You’ve got a lot of years to sort through, and being someone’s mom isn’t mandatory.”

“No, but…” Joanna chewed her lip and searched his eyes. “We’ve talked about…eventually…” She paused. “The fact is, if you want children, I may not be able—”

He kissed her softly. “I have Tiffany. Regardless of whose DNA she has, she’s still my little girl.” He half shrugged. “I don’t really have a burning need for more.” David paused, regarding her silently for a moment. Then he touched her face and whispered, “What I do have a burning desire for is to see you be happy.”

Joanna smiled, wrapping her arms around him. “I guess we’re on the same page, aren’t we?”

He returned the smile as he brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. “I guess we are.” He kissed her forehead. “What do you say we go home, kick back and binge watch some
NCIS
?”

She released her breath. “That sounds amazing.”

“It does. Let’s get out of here.” He kissed her lips once more. Then they let each other go and, hand in hand, continued down the sidewalk toward the parking lot. As they walked, he added, “You know, there’s always the place in Tillamook.”

She wrinkled her nose. “No. Too many bad memories tied up in that place.”

His wedding flickered through his mind, and he nodded. “Good point.”

“And it’s too far away from you.”

“There is that. Yeah, forget that place.”

She laughed softly. “I just can’t decide if I should sell it or leave it for Tiffany.”

“I’d sell it. There’s no need to hold on to something that’s got bad memories.” He wrapped his arm around her waist. “And besides, Tiffany’s going to be able to buy that whole damned town if she wants to.”

Joanna laughed. “True. I’ll give it some thought, but…I’ll probably sell it.” She paused. “I suppose I should think about buying a place eventually.”

“There’s no rush. You’ve had a lot to sort out. Paying rent for a few months isn’t the end of the world.”

“No, but I…I don’t know. I kind of want a place that’s
mine
.” She met his eyes, and smiled. “Well, ours. You. Me. Tiffany. And whatever comes next.”

“I like the sound of that.” He brought her hand up and kissed the backs of her fingers. “Whenever you’re ready, just say the word, and we’ll find a place.”

Something playful twinkled in her eyes. “Is that your way of saying you want to move in together?”

“Actually, I’m agreeing with
your
way of saying you want to move in together.”

Joanna waved a hand. “Semantics.”

“Uh-huh.” He paused. “And yes, I do.”

“Me too.”

They exchanged grins.

David chuckled. “Guess I know what we’re doing when we get home.”

“Yeah?”

“Realtor websites.”

“Hmm, does this mean we need to start making decisions about where we want to live and—”

“Not right now, no.” He stopped and wrapped his arms around her again. “I don’t care where it is, or what it looks like, or how many rooms. As long as I’m living there with you.”

“Me too.” Joanna caressed his cheek. “I love you, David.”

“I love you too.”

He drew her into a kiss. It was only meant to be a brief one, just a little peck before they continued to the car, but she held him tighter, and he held her tighter, and…oh, what the hell? The realtor websites could wait.

They were both acutely aware of how precious life was, how quickly and unexpectedly the hourglass could run out of sand. At the same time, though, the future was wide open. They could go anywhere. Do anything.

And if that sand were to run out before its time, David knew they’d both be okay on the other side.

Because they’d found happiness.

Because they’d found love.

And because they’d found peace.