The Sanctuary (26 page)

I removed them as he requested, placing them next to my clothing. I stood there, the fire to my right, our bed to the left, the stairs to my heaven straight ahead of me, mocking me. The floor was freezing cold. It felt as if the outside air had permeated the ground below as well.

“Get on your knees, Eve,” he said, standing behind me.

I knelt down on the cold, hard stones. I’d never felt them before on my flesh, and they dug into my knees. I began having doubts. I knew collaring was not to be taken lightly.

I cleared my throat. The collar stayed tight enough to make me uncomfortable. “May I speak?” I said softly, not knowing if I could.

“The proper way to ask is, ‘Sir, may I speak, please?’ When you speak to me, or when I request an answer from you, you shall always address me as Sir.” His words were followed by the sharp sting of a whip on my buttocks.

The whip took my breath away and made me cry out in an uncontrollable yelp.

“You will not cry out in pain. You will accept what I dole out to you because it is for your own good.” He strolled in front of me. “Kneel properly and stop slouching backward to protect your ass.”

I straightened my posture and looked straight ahead at his legs.

He dangled the whip in my line of eyesight to taunt me with what was to come. “When I stand before you, and even when I am not, you are to cast your eyes downward in submission to me unless I instruct you otherwise. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

He circled me again, delivering another blow to my rear end. “Yes, what?” His voice rose, quizzing me to see if I learned a lesson. Again the whip caught me by surprise, but I refrained from crying out.

“I’m waiting, Eve. I can play this game all night with you.” He leaned in from behind, grabbing my hair and growling in my ear. “Yes, what?”

His voice shook my soul, but I knew I had no choice at this moment but to obey. “Yes, Sir,” I said, barely a whisper.

“Louder, Eve. I want to hear you this time.”

“Yes, Sir,” I said again. I felt as though I’d signed up for the military.

“Good girl.” He patted me again on the head like his little pet, circling to the front of me.

The stones were digging into my flesh. I didn’t know how much longer I could kneel upright on them. I attempted to ask him again, “Sir, may I speak, please?”

“Go ahead.”

“Freely?” I asked him.

The whip cracked on the floor next to me, making a sharp, breaking sound. “If you have a question, how are you to address me?” His voice was stern and as sharp as his whip.

“Sir, may I speak freely, please?”

“That’s better. Continue.” His voice remained firm in its tone.

“I have two concerns I wish to be addressed.” I paused, waiting for his acknowledgement.

“And they are?”

As I stared at the gray stones beneath me, I noticed he had taken off his boots and stood barefoot in front of me, which I found rather peculiar. “First, I am not comfortable saying the word Sir and I am sorry if I disappointed you.”

“You will get used to it, as you are used to speaking my name. And your second concern is?”

“Sir, may I look at you?”

“No.”

I sighed. Being dominated wasn’t turning out how I’d hoped.

“Do not sigh, or I will revoke your privilege to speak. Say what is on your mind, or I will continue.”

I rushed to say what I needed to before he continued his charade. “From my understanding of what I have read, collaring is something to be taken very seriously and is a symbol of twenty-four-seven. Please clarify the significance of my collar.”

“Although you are correct, we will discuss this later, as your collar has a different significance to me. Now turn and face the fire and keep close to the bed.” He walked to the dresser in the corner of the room and began searching through it.

I did as he bade, but my nerves were starting to wear thin. I didn’t want to be dominated twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I was under the assumption that I was only to submit to him sexually. I didn’t realize he wanted me to submit in such a capacity, or I wouldn’t have agreed to this. I glanced up, hoping not to be noticed. I leaned on my feet to try and alleviate the pressure from my knees.

“Your eyes better be down. If they are not, you will be fetching your own punishment for me to administer on you.”

I quickly cast my eyes down. I didn’t want to know what my punishment would be, but I had a strong suspicion of what it could be.

Without warning, he grabbed my hair from behind. I had no idea that he’d stepped away from the dresser. Now I knew why he was barefoot. So I would not know where he was in the room.

His voice was guttural. “Did I not correct you once already for slouching? Stand up. Go to the bathroom and fetch a brush. Bring it to me and resume the proper position.”

I rose to my feet, tears in my eyes. This was too much, too soon. I wasn’t prepared for this. I went into the bathroom as he requested of me and reached under the counter. Could I do this? Did I have to do this? I looked at the hard plastic brush. What would happen if I didn’t do it? Would his punishment be worse? I quickly decided tonight was not the night to test his dominance. I took the instrument of his choice and handed it over, accepting my destiny. I kneeled down, facing away from him on the bed, casting my eyes downward toward the fire with tears streaming down my cheeks.

“Why do you cry when you are the cause of your pain and the mental conflict you are feeling? Do you understand the importance of obeying me?” He grabbed my hair snugly and began to brush it away from my face. “Do you understand that I have a responsibility to you to keep you safe?” He held back my hair in a tight ponytail with one hand and continued, “In this lifestyle, certain things can cause you harm if you don’t do exactly as I say.” He wrapped something securely around the ponytail, tugging on it to make sure it was tight. “That is why I need to make sure you obey me completely.”

He turned around on the bed, shifting his weight, my hair tightly in his grasp. He pulled something off the bed and began weaving it into my hair. It pinched and pulled at my scalp.

“If I punish you, it is because you need to learn from your mistakes so they will never happen again.”

I felt three small thuds on my back, except it wasn’t my hair. It was prickly and rough. It caused my skin to itch and made me want to scratch it.

“What you feel is hemp rope. I am binding your hair before I bind your body to it. Now bring your arms to your back.”

My heart started to race. I jumped out of kneeling position. “Red!” I shouted, halting our session. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” I reached for my hair.

“No!” he screamed, lunging for me, grabbing my arm.

I was shocked. “What did you do to my hair?” I brought my hand to my head and gingerly touched my hair woven within the hemp.

“It’s rope bondage. If you pull on your hair in the wrong way, you’ll wind up with a bald spot. This is why it is so important for you to obey me when we’re playing. If you don’t, you could hurt yourself.” He kissed me on the lips and embraced me, holding on to my waist, his demeanor completely changed. “You were doing so well. We were almost there.”

“I need to understand some things.”

“Talk to me, love.”

I touched the collar on my neck. “Explain this better. I didn’t realize how deeply into the lifestyle you were, and I don’t want a twenty-four-seven lifestyle.”

“I told you I could not put you in twenty-four-seven, and I meant it.”

“Then why this collar? A training collar implies—”

“Many different things for many different people. You need to stop surfing the Net and trust me. Our home is yours, except for this room. Anyplace else in the house, we are equals, and I am yours.”

His eyes twinkled. “But when you are in here, in my sanctuary, I own you. The collar is a physical symbol to remind you of your devotion and obedience to me.” He grabbed my hands and placed them in his. “I may collar you upstairs, but know that it will only lead down here. Alternatively, I may take you upstairs from here, depending on my mood. We may play for a long weekend occasionally, but it is not being done to control you permanently. It is only occasional role-play for me.”

I eyed him, absorbing all that he said to me.

“How can I explain this?” He paused, knowing I needed a stronger explanation. “When we have sex, it’s not only physical; it’s also mental. I enjoy the mental stimulation of the game.”

“Were you really going to punish me?”

“If I needed to, I would have. I’m not punishing you because I want to but because you need to learn how to obey me.”

Val leaned in and brought his hand to the nape of my neck, drawing me into his lips. He kissed me deeply and passionately, our tongues engaged in a hot circle of fire.

I pulled back, biting my lip. “Tell me you love me.”

He smiled. “I love you, Eve, more than you know.”

I slid to the edge of the bed and resumed my prior position. I brought my hands to my back as he'd requested.

“Are you sure you want to continue?” he asked.

“Oh, just tie me up before I lose my nerve.”

His fingers tested the knots in my hair, making sure they were properly in place. “You know, you killed the mood.” He laughed, extending the ropes farther down my back.

I glanced over my shoulder. “If you’re going to be like this, don’t bother. Your domination is a turn-on.”

“Oh really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Eve, you are radiant right now. I’d rather make love to you than dominate you.” He dropped the ropes.

I turned my body, kneeling before him. “Then make love to me.”

He leaned down and kissed me hard on the mouth. He placed his hand on my hair and gently tugged at one of the lower knots, and my hair cascaded smoothly out, each knot untying itself. He tugged gently at the top of the ponytail, and it, too, unraveled effortlessly.

I pulled away from his intoxicating kiss. “How did you do that so smoothly?”

“Because I’ve been formally trained in
Kinbaku
.” His eyes were glowing.

“I see.” I slid on the bed toward the pillows and lay down seductively. “I’d rather you formally train me. I need you inside of me,
now
.”

He perked up and moved fluidly across the bed, gliding on top of me. He reached to my collar and began to remove it.

“Keep it on me,” I whispered in his ear.

“You want it on?”

“Yes, I do. I want to be reminded that you own me.”

The snow ceased by the morning, leaving the city covered in a beautiful blanket of white. Our house was warm and cozy. I lit the fire, turned on the tree, and put on Christmas music to put me in the mood.

I surveyed our home from the kitchen. I wondered what the house would sound like with the pitter-patter of little feet running downstairs on Christmas morning. I pondered how we would incorporate our traditions. Would it be like I remembered from my childhood, with my dad’s family on Christmas Eve and my mother’s on Christmas Day? Then it dawned on me. I didn’t have a family. Although I had Val’s, I still felt very lonely in this world. I had no family to share in the joy of the holidays, our love, or our future marriage.

“Why such a long face?” Val ascended the steps from our basement.

“I was thinking about Christmas past.” I walked to the counter and poured him a cup of coffee.

He sat down and gave me a kiss. “What about?” he inquired, stifling a morning yawn.

“I don’t have anyone besides you. It’s just a bout of self-pity. Don’t mind me. Christmas always does it.”

“I’m sorry, my love. I promise one day you will have a family to call your own, and the holidays will be merry again.” He leaned over and placed his arm around my shoulder, kissing me on the temple.

“You look tired. Why don’t you take a nap before everyone arrives?”

“I am tired. I’ve been up since six cooking.”

“Why did you get up so early? No one’s coming until four.”

I gently shifted the collar on my neck. “This isn’t very comfortable to sleep in.” I smiled.

He laughed softly. “Why didn’t you take it off?”

“Because you said you were the only one allowed to do so, and you fell asleep last night after we made love. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

He reached around and unhooked the clasp, releasing me from its grip, and placed it on the counter.

I rolled my neck from side to side, enjoying the freedom of movement. “Thank you, that feels much better.”

“What did you think about your first training session?” His eyes beamed with delight.

“I’m not sure. It was okay.” I glanced down at the counter, not wanting to make eye contact. I cleaned up the ashes from his cigarette, which were randomly scattered on the granite. He was such a messy smoker. He never flicked, and his ashes fell wherever he was. It was a habit of his that drove me insane.

“Stop.” He grabbed my hand. “You’re avoiding my question. You
always
have an opinion.”

“If that’s what you like.”

He groaned. “Be honest with me.”

I shrugged. “I don’t understand why you would put me in a position that could be dangerous. Sure, I trust you, but what if there is a mishap?”

“There would only be a mishap if you failed to listen to my instructions. And that’s why you need to learn to obey. But that’s not what I asked. I asked you what your thoughts were.”

“It’s going to take me a while to get used to it. I didn’t enjoy kneeling.”

“What else?” He pressed on.

“The anticipation was exciting, although I didn’t realize it until it ended. I was too frightened of what was going on at the time to enjoy it.”

“You enjoyed knowing something was going to happen, even if you didn’t know what was to come,” he reiterated.

“Yes, I suppose.”

He took a drag from his cigarette and sipped his coffee. “I enjoy keeping you in suspense.”

I laughed. “Yes, I know you do.”

“You know, tonight is going to be
one of those nights
.” He stood up from the chair. “I’m going to take a shower.” He kissed me on the cheek and departed, his words sending butterflies through my stomach, the collar sitting before me on the counter an indication of what was to come.