The Sanctuary (35 page)

“Now, your ankles.” He moved my legs so I was sitting almost Indian style with my knees wide apart. He looped the rope around my ankles upward to my chest, forcing my legs up in the air, exposing my ass and pussy. He tied my ankles to the ropes that secured my chest. I could not move any part of my body. I felt completely exposed and vulnerable.

“I’m glad you take yoga,” he teased, easing me onto my back. “You’re completely bound, completely under my control. How does it feel?”

“Frightening, Sir.”

“Why?” His eyes glistened. He finally had me where he wanted me.

“I fear the unknown, Sir.”

“You have nothing to fear with me, darling. Do you know how it feels to watch you blossom into the perfect submissive? One who gets wet from knowing that by obeying me she will be loved, worshipped, and adored?” He ran his finger over my pussy. “You know what I like? I love orgasm denial and forced orgasms. When you are bound, your pleasure lies in my hands.”

His hands rubbed my clit. I felt a surge of wetness between my legs.

It made perfect sense. When I was in the role of his servant or when we made love, he would constantly deny me orgasms, switching positions or stopping before I would explode. He was responsible for my peaks and valleys, the pulsating waves and earth-shattering releases. It didn’t matter if I was bound or not, whether we fucked or made love, he was in control. The reality was he was always in control.

He kneeled down between my legs. He backhanded my already tender ass. “You are so much mine, Eve, that I can make you do something that terrifies you.”

He began to spank me, swatting my ass over and over with his bare hand. I tried to wiggle, but the ropes held me tightly against his blows. I whimpered. It was the only release I was allowed.

“Surrender, Eve. Let me take you over the razor’s edge. You’ll feel euphoria. That I promise you.” His hand hit me again and again, attempting to break me past the pain. “Close your eyes if you have to. Please, Eve, I want you to experience this.”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t think I could take much more. I tried to take my mind off of what he was doing and concentrate on something else. As he progressed, I felt my mind drift to Helsinki, to the safety and comfort of our sanctuary. I could hear each slap against my skin. He was rhythmic with each touch. The tempo of his hand was soothing, and I began to feel less and less pain. Was he ending the session so soon? I rolled my head into the pillow. My body was light, as if I was floating or high on something. A warm caress washed over my body. This was pure bliss. I felt safe, happy, and loved.

“Eve, can you feel this?” His words echoed in my mind.

“I dunno what I feel. Keep doing whatever it is.” I slipped back into my heavenly trance. My head felt faint, but I could feel his hands smoothing my hair, pushing it away from my face. He kissed my forehead, and my eyes fluttered opened.

I was lying in his arms, completely unbound. I glanced around. “What’s going on?” I said, panic setting in. This wasn’t the same place I was just in.

“Shh…come here.”

I let him wrap his arms around me. I buried my head into his chest and melted into him. It was an exquisite pleasure I’d never felt before. “Where’s the collar? Where are the ropes, Val? Was I dreaming?”

“No, no you weren’t. You went into subspace during our session. I’ve been here making sure you were safe.”

I felt a new connection toward him, a deeper connection, as if I was completely devoted to him. “I still don’t understand.”

He rolled onto his back and pulled me into him. “Sometimes when you experience an endorphin rush, you can enter into an altered state of consciousness. Almost like a trance. Sometimes a sub will reach a deeper connection, sometimes they will work out issues, and some can even achieve feelings greater than an orgasm. Tell me what you remember, love.”

His description was accurate. I did feel as though I was coming out of a trance. “I don’t know. I feel foggy.”

“That’s because you’re dropping, coming back to reality.”

I buried my head into his armpit. He smelled wonderful.

“How do you feel, emotionally?”

“Loved. I feel secure and attached to you.” I began to cry for no apparent reason.

“Shhh…it’s okay. This is normal. If you want to talk it out, I’m here for you.” His hands rubbed my back gently. “But I need you to eat and drink. You’ve gone through a lot today. May I carry you into the living room?”

I gazed into his eyes. “Make love to me, Val. I want you to validate what I’m feeling right now.”

“And what is that?” He leaned into me, ready to kiss me.

“Unconditional love.”

The clock flashed eight forty-five a.m. I had no idea why Edward hadn’t woken me. What did wake me up was the smell of breakfast and freshly brewed coffee. It roused my senses and drew me from the comforts of my bed.

I stepped into the kitchen. Val was behind the counter, cooking breakfast. I eyed him. I didn’t want to appear bitchy.

He looked my way. “Good morning, darling. How did you sleep?”

“I kept having strange dreams. Where’s Edward?”

“I sent Edward on vacation. I also called you out sick until Monday. We never scheduled a honeymoon, so this is it.”

I couldn’t believe his nerve. How dare he change my schedule without asking me? But strangely, my anger subsided as quickly as it came. I peeped over his arm. He was making French toast. My mouth watered. I was famished. Maybe staying home wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“Sit down. I’ll get you coffee.” He placed breakfast on the counter. I watched him as he circled the island. I felt strangely docile and calm.

“What’s on your mind? You seem deep in thought.”

I shook my head between bites. “I don’t know. I don’t feel like myself.”

“It’s perfectly normal. You went through a lot last night, and it was cathartic for you. The walls broke down. You let all the bricks fall where they may.”

“I don’t remember what happened.” I spoke softly.

“When you said you felt connected to me last night, I’m not sure if it was because you released to me or if you’re identifying with me.” He took a sip of his coffee and watched me intently, analyzing me.

“Tell me what happened.” I licked my fork. When Val cooked, it was always excellent. Unfortunately, these treats were all too rare.

“You spoke about your father. I had no idea you would go there. That wasn’t my intention.”

“What was your intention then?” I needed to know why he’d taken me to subspace.

“To take you past your pain level until you felt pleasure.”

I pushed the plate away and stared straight ahead. “I remember feeling deeply connected, and I knew you would be there for me.”

“And I always will be.” He sat on the couch. “Come. Sit on my lap.”

I glanced at him sideways. That was an odd request. I moved onto him and rested my head in the crook of his neck.

I gazed into his eyes as if I could see inside of his soul. I’d never felt so close to another person. “Will you take me there again?” I whispered into his ear.

“Perhaps. Tell me why you want to go back.” His eyes were cautious, searching for an answer.

I paused, trying to phrase my response. I wasn’t sure how to answer. “I want what I am feeling to never stop.”

He ran his fingers through my hair. “We can try again, but I will do things differently next time. I cannot risk you regressing again.”

We sat in silence. I rested on him, deep in my thoughts. “How much do you own me?”

He squirmed slightly under me, shifting me on his lap. “We’re equals, Eve.”

I shook my head no. “No, we’re not Val. We’re in a power exchange, aren’t we?” I said softly.

He leaned back and gazed upward, sighing. His hands reached for his hair, and he smoothed it back. “What have I done?” he mumbled and rested his hand over his eyes.

Pieces of the puzzle began to come together in my mind. It was, at the very least, a partial exchange of power. “It’s been this way for a while, but we disguised it as normal. Think how we lived when we were home. I took care of the house and the chores. You took care of me emotionally, physically, and mentally. You were upset when you discovered I was drinking with Jenni. You didn’t want me doing coke with the girls. You even got annoyed about how much I spent on jeans.” My voice stared to crack with emotion.

“You’re confusing a normal relationship with a power exchange.”

“Then show me the difference. Let me be totally submissive to you until Monday.”

“No.” He shook his head. “You’re not in the right mindset for it. Besides, I wouldn’t be comfortable controlling you for that long. I believe too much in free will.”

I slid out of his arms, feeling overruled. I lay on the couch and placed my head on his lap. I didn’t say a word. To press the point would be useless. He had already made up his mind.

“Eve, please, trust me on this?”

I relented. He had more experience with this lifestyle. Perhaps he knew better than I. I knew I could trust him completely, but a part of me wanted to experience his power over me twenty-four-seven.

He reached around to his back and slid my collar out from his pocket. “Since you are in this mindset, I am going to use it to our advantage, so I can become a better Master for you. Kneel down.”

I quickly changed positions and rested between his legs, casting my eyes downward.

“I am doing this because you’ll freely give up information to me right now. If you tell me what you enjoy, we both will be able to experience more pleasure.”

He leaned forward and attached my collar to my neck. I closed my eyes. It felt good to be under his control again.

“Keep your eyes open and look at me when I speak.” He brushed my hair away from my face. “What turns you on?”

“You do, Sir,” I said without hesitation.

A smile crept across his face. “I suppose I have to word my questions differently.” He pondered. “You say you remember the rules, but you continue to disobey. Do you enjoy punishment?”

“No, Sir, I do not.”

“Then why do you disobey?”

“Because I fear the unknown. I resist your wishes, and I am truly sorry, Sir.”

He grasped my collar and rose to his feet, pulling me upward with him. He brought me close to his body and drew my chin up, forcing eye contact. “My punishment is the only thing you should fear. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir. I will never disappoint you again.”

He smiled. “Good. Now, I want to know what turns you on.” His eyes were demanding. “And if you don’t tell me, I will bring you into the bedroom this minute and administer punishment immediately.”

I gulped. My mind was a blank slate. I had no idea what fetishes turned me on, let alone what he wanted to hear.

He saw me faltering. “Let me remind you, Eve. When your collar is on, I own you. This includes not only your body but the contents of your mind as well. If I ask you a question, you will give your mind to me, as soon as I ask.” He grabbed me by the hair and tugged on it. “And I have the right to ask any damned thing I want, and I expect an answer.”

I stammered, fearing my looming punishment. “I…I don’t know what my fetishes are, Sir.”

“Of course you do,” he snarled, stepping toward the bedroom, pulling me with him.

“I like it when you call me your property.”

He turned around. “What else? You better start talking, or you will not get another chance.”

“I like it when you say you own me, when you call me yours. I relish the suspense. I love how you mentally seduce me.”

“Go on…” he probed, knowing I had more in me.

“I like when you tell me it’s going to be one of those nights. I think about it all day. It’s a turn-on. I secretly enjoy it when you have your way with me. I liked how you made me take off my panties when we went to the club in Helsinki.” My mind raced to remember our interludes. “And I like how you’re treating me now.”

“You prefer I force you into submission.” It was like a light bulb went off in his head. He released his grasp from my neck. “You hate giving up control, but secretly you long to be powerless.” He stood before me shifting his weight. He was pensive. “You long to shun your responsibilities. That’s why you came to Finland. You wanted a complete and total escape from your life.” He started to pace. “It explains why you agreed to move in so quickly. You’ve wanted me to make decisions for you since day one. And that’s why you want power exchange. You don’t want to be responsible anymore, isn’t it?” He walked to the kitchen island and lit a cigarette. “I can’t do this, Eve. I don’t want to take full responsibility over you.”

“May I speak freely, Sir?” I walked over to him.

He reached out and unhooked my collar. “I’m not sure if this lifestyle is right for us. I fear I may be destroying who you truly are.”

“Why can’t we try it so I can make that decision for myself?”

He shook his head and closed his eyes. “It’s not like food where you can take a bite and spit it out if you don’t like it. You can’t go back once it’s happened. Dynamics change. And we can’t try it now because you’re mentally in another place. I don’t even know if this is you talking.” He grasped my arms. “I destroyed Kat. I will not destroy you. Please do not push us into something neither of us is ready for.”

Val had been right. The euphoric cloud that shrouded my mind settled days after my subspace session. I decompressed and crashed back into reality, realizing I had been following him around like a lost puppy dog in search of its owner.

It was a difficult transition. I tried desperately to balance my job responsibilities with the duties of my new marriage. I longed for the stability of our life in Finland, where I catered to the house and he catered to me.

The period I spent in subspace eluded me, but he would not allow me to return to it. Our first rope session was also our last Master-sub session. He withheld all dominance and refused to collar me again.

I grew accustomed to having him around. I loved waking up next to him. I enjoyed lying in his arms at night watching television. It felt wonderful to walk hand in hand in the city together, shopping, dining out, going to gallery openings, visiting the museums. I didn’t want him to leave. Our time was short, and his job was knocking on our door.