The Scars of Us (6 page)

I almost made it to the door before he caught me and tackled me to the floor. I screamed as we wrestled on the carpet of my bedroom, obtaining cuts and nicks from the knife as I fought him off.

Overpowering me, he pressed the knife against my throat. “Now I have to punish you. I don’t like to punish you, but you leave me no choice.”

His eyes hardened as he pushed the knife deeper into my throat. Pain didn’t register from the adrenaline running through me, numbing my body as my heart pounded wildly. I only felt the trickle of blood warming my neck, the only indication that I had an injury.

“No, Kaleb, please stop. I’m sorry!” I screeched desperately, my body rigid with fear and panic.

Just then, the door flew open, and Kamden charged in. His face was masked in rage as he ripped Kaleb off of me. The knife flew out of his grasp, clanging as it fell to the hardwood floor. Both men dove for the knife, struggling for it as they rolled repeatedly with their hands clasped tightly around the weapon.

Blood trailed down my neck as I sobbed at the top of my lungs. My screams ripped through my injured throat as I curled into myself, clenching my eyes shut as I prayed for everything to be over.

I sprang up in bed, gasping for air. Sweat dripped from my skin as I continued the screams from my nightmare.

Kamden rushed in seconds later, enveloping me in his arms on my bed. “It’s okay, Ky—it was just a dream. He’s not here. You’re safe,” he cooed, trying to comfort me.

Chest heaving, I drew in ragged breaths as tears rained down my face. Instinctively, I reached for my neck and checked to make sure there wasn’t an open wound. I felt the familiar raised scar but nothing else—no blood, no gash.

My eyes rose up to meet Kamden’s, pausing on the long scar across his chest before our gazes locked.

“I’m sorry. I’m okay, you can go back to bed,” I said, barely above a whisper.

“Are you sure? I can stay if you want,” he offered, wiping the tears from my face.

Even though I didn’t want to be selfish, I knew I’d never fall back asleep without him. “Please,” I murmured.

Kamden softly smiled as he slipped under my comforter. Turning on my side, I propped my hand under my pillow as Kamden draped his arm over me.

Even with his familiar embrace and warm breath on the back of my neck, I couldn’t fall asleep. Choking back a sob from the images that I couldn’t get out of my head, my body involuntarily shook with fear.

Kamden turned me over so that I faced him before he rubbed my back softly, slowly lulling me to sleep in the safety of his arms.

Kamden had let me sleep late before finally waking me up to get ready to go to the gym. My mind was conflicted over the idea, both loving and hating the fact that I was going to see Ryker.

Once we walked into the gym, I thought I was going to throw up from the nerves that had built up in anticipation of seeing him.

What am I going to say to him? Will he even talk to me again?

I didn’t see Ryker as we walked into the cardio room, and relief and disappointment simultaneously flooded me. I hopped on an elliptical, not wanting to have another freak accident like last time, as Kamden headed to a treadmill across from me.

I put my earbuds in before starting up on the machine, letting the music block out the world around me. I didn’t even notice Kamden come up next to my machine until he tapped my arm.

I reflexively startled, my body jerking before I focused on him. Pulling my left earbud out, I asked, “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to the weight room.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll be here.”

As he left, I saw him stop to talk to Ryker.
Shit.

Ryker glanced in my direction, and I immediately darted my eyes away.

My eyes kept finding him as he continued to talk to my brother. After they finished, he headed towards me, no doubt wanting an explanation for last night. The knots in my stomach intensified the closer he came, and I had to stop myself from running away.

You’d definitely look like a crazy person then.

I pulled out my earbuds when he reached me, preparing for the inevitable. “Hey,” I lamely greeted.

“Hey, yourself. What happened last night?”

Sighing, I averted my eyes from his as I replied, “I’m really sorry about last night. It was a mistake, and I—”

“A mistake?” he interrupted as he crossed his arms over his broad chest, obviously offended.

I swallowed the huge lump that had grown in my throat before I answered, “It’s just that I can’t get involved with you—with anyone.”
Even though I want to.

“Why not? If you’re worried about commitment, don’t. I’m not the commitment type,” he replied flippantly.

“Oh, so, you just want a one night stand?” I asked incredulously. When he cocked his eyebrow up with a smirk, I continued, “No, thanks.” Rolling my eyes, I started to put my earbuds back in so I could ignore him.
Did he really think I was that easy?

“We’ll see about that,” he smugly responded before playing with his tongue ring. My eyes immediately went to his mouth.
Fuck me.
“Have a good workout.”

Baffled, I watched him stride away, wondering what the fuck just happened—again.
Placing my headphones back in, I resumed my exercise as I tried to forget about Ryker.
Yeah, good luck with that.

Thoughts of having sex with him filled my head, and I seriously contemplated having a one night stand with him.
Maybe that would get him off my mind.
My mind warred as it debated the pros and cons, and unfortunately, the cons outweighed the pros. I’d have to tell him all of my rules before we even got naked, and he probably wouldn’t want to have sex with me after that since most guys didn’t want to fuck with rules involved. I was lucky that Bryce was so understanding, otherwise I’d be stuck with a vibrator to get off.

But the thought of Ryker’s body pressed against mine, of feeling him inside me, of tasting and touching every inch of his skin, was almost enough to change my mind—
almost
. I had to stay in control, not be ruled by my emotions; I couldn’t let them overtake me. Opening myself up to Ryker, even just to have sex, could have irreparable consequences that I was incapable of dealing with.

Once I finished on the elliptical, I went in search of Kamden. As I passed some of the exercise rooms, I saw a flyer that read:

Kickboxing/Self-defense classes

Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7:00 P.M.

Sign up at the front desk

Maybe I should look into that, especially since Kaleb might get released.

I shook my head, immediately attempting to dispel my thoughts and block out my emotions before they started to take over. I couldn’t afford a public breakdown, especially in front of Ryker.
I’d never be able to come here again.

Kamden was doing squats when I walked in, but he stopped when he saw me.

“You finished?” he asked, wiping the perspiration from his brow with a towel. He handed it to me when he was done.

“Yeah, but I can wait for you if you’re not ready.” I took the towel from his hand, which was soaked with his sweat.
Gross.

“I only have a few more reps.”

“Okay, that’s fine. I’m going to get some water.”

As I waited, my eyes scanned the room anxiously. I tapped my foot nervously on the floor as I looked around. I told myself that I wasn’t looking for Ryker, but that was a lie. I wanted to see him one more time before we left, but I didn’t.
It’s probably better this way—the less of him, the better. Now if only I could get him off of my mind.

Once we got home, Kamden’s phone rang. “It’s Mom,” he informed.

“I’m not here,” I said, dropping my purse on the table by the door and heading toward the bathroom to shower.

Rolling his eyes, he answered the phone, “Hey, Mom. No, Kaiya’s not here.” He paused for a few seconds before angrily snarling, “What?”

The tone in his voice stopped me dead in my tracks.
Oh no. What now? He couldn’t have gotten out that fast, could he?

My heart beat furiously beneath my chest, fear clenched my lungs, making it almost impossible for me to breathe as a panic attack began to take hold.
Breathe, Kaiya. In, out, in, out. Don’t have another breakdown.

“No, Mom, it’s not great! He should be left to rot in there forever for what he did to Kaiya!” he yelled before abruptly hanging up his phone.

It began ringing a few seconds later, but Kamden rejected the call. He smiled sympathetically as his anger began to recede, and his eyes softened when they met mine.

Pushing my emotions down, locking them away inside me, I numbed myself, preparing for the worst.

“Just tell me,” I impatiently insisted.

Kamden sighed before speaking, “Kaleb’s release was approved, pending a six month observation period.”

Fear tried to take hold of me again, clawing at my walls, but I forced it down. I needed to be stronger if I was going to survive this whole ordeal. “Can we stop it?”

“I’m going to try. I want to go up there as soon as possible, and I think it would be best if you came with me.”

“Kamden, I can’t.” Shaking my head, I wrapped my arms around myself for comfort. “I can’t be that close to him.”

“You know that I wouldn’t ask you unless I thought it was absolutely necessary. I think that if you remind them what happened, tell them how much what he did has affected you, I doubt they’ll give the final approval on his release.”

I sighed. “I’ll think about it. I can’t guarantee anything though. I can barely keep it together with him miles away.”

“You’re stronger than you think, Ky.” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know you can do it,” he voiced confidently as he gave me an assuring smile.

Uncomfortable focusing on myself, especially when it involved Kaleb, I changed the subject, “I need to shower. I’m all sweaty.”

Turning around, I didn’t give Kamden a chance to make me talk about the issue any further. I heard the phone ringing again when I entered my bathroom.

Stripping my clothes, I avoided the mirror as I stepped into the shower. I kept my body turned away from it the entire time, letting the water rain over my skin, hoping it would wash away the emotions trying to break through.

After I stepped out of the shower, I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. Dangerously drawn like a moth to a flame, I inched closer to my reflection, knowing the aftermath would be disastrous. Even though it was my face, all I could see was
him
staring back at me—his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his… everything.

Shuddering, I gripped the counter, trying to pull away, to disentangle myself from the trap I’d fallen in, but the damage was already done. My heart thumped wildly in my chest as I struggled to breathe. My lungs familiarly tightened in anxiety. I couldn’t think, couldn’t talk myself down, when all I could see was him.

Taunting me, he smirked menacingly as he vowed, “I’m coming for you, Kaiya. This time, I will have you.”

“No. No, no, no!” I shrieked in horrified panic. Fear heated my skin, strangled my veins, and rooted itself deep within me as Kaleb responded with intermittent yeses and maniacal laughter.

Impulsively, I grabbed my blow dryer before repeatedly bashing it against the mirror, causing it to splinter and crack. I angrily screamed as I continued, making my throat burn until it became raw. Small pieces of glass began to shoot outward from my blows as I spiraled out of control, hammering him with all my force. Stinging pain registered on my face, but I was too beyond gone to care.

“Kaiya, stop! Stop!” I heard a voice yell before large, strong hands gripped my arms. The blow dryer clanged to the floor as I fought against whoever was holding me, throwing myself back into a bulky mass before slamming us into the wall.

Squirming against the body, I struggled as I tried to kick, punch, and scratch whoever was holding me.

“Kaiya, it’s me! It’s Kamden. Stop!” he yelled urgently.

Kamden?

Chest heaving with ragged breaths, I looked back at the fractured mirror, seeing Kamden’s distorted reflection holding me. I began to relax against him once I realized I was safe—that it wasn’t
him.