The Scars of Us (10 page)

“Doesn’t it feel good when I touch you like this?” Kaleb asked, interrupting my thoughts.

We were in my bedroom, on my bed with the door locked
.
Mom and Dad never questioned when they came up and found the door that way. Kaleb lay next to me, pressing his body up against my side. His fingers stroked my breasts before trailing down my stomach, eliciting a shudder from me.

“You’re so beautiful, made just for me,” he murmured against my ear before sucking my earlobe in his mouth.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I weakly protested as I squirmed beneath his venturing hand. My friends never talked about their brothers touching them this way, but his mouth was on my neck, and the combined sensations were making it hard to think.

“Why? You love me, right?”

“Of course I love you, Kaleb, but—”

“Then, you’ll let me do this. And you won’t tell Mom and Dad.”

His fingers had reached their destination, slowly caressing me and making me forget why I was objecting when it felt so good. My head lolled back against the pillow as Kaleb continued to touch me.
Something that felt this good couldn’t be wrong, could it?

When he was finished, I immediately covered myself with the blanket, clutching it to me as he stood up from my bed. He licked his fingers, like he did every time, and disgust began to replace the pleasure tingling through my body once the haze began to recede.

I fought the tears that threatened to spill over, not wanting him to see me cry. It would only make him angry, and he hurt me when he was angry—I didn’t want him to hurt me more than he already had.

He walked toward me, leaning on the bed as he pressed a kiss to my forehead, causing me to cringe in response. “I love you, Kaiya.”

As a tear escaped each of my lids, I quickly swiped them away before he pulled away and saw. “I love you, too,” I replied, avoiding his gaze.

I didn’t move until I heard the door shut. Then, I bolted out of the bed and into my bathroom, barely reaching the toilet before throwing up.

Once I finished vomiting, I hopped in the shower, turning on the water to the hottest I could stand it before scrubbing my skin until it was red, almost raw. Tears poured off my face, sobs wracking my body as I stayed there until the water ran cold.

Sitting up in bed, my eyes snapped open to darkness, the only light coming from my alarm clock. Sweat clung to my skin as I threw the covers off me, feeling as though they were suffocating me.

Much like my dream, I sprang out of bed to throw up in my bathroom. Disgust still permeated my body, my stomach still nauseated despite vomiting. Shakily, I stood, stripping my clothes before turning on the shower.

Stepping in, I turned the handle almost all the way to the left before scouring my skin in the scalding hot water as I cried. My body burned as the heated drops pelted me, feeling like molten lava dripping down my flesh. Sobs shook my body as tears trailed down my face and mix with the spray falling over me from the shower head. Nothing I ever did could totally erase the dirtiness that still remained whenever I had a flashback.
How could he do that to me? How could I let him? Why didn’t I make him stop? God, I was so weak! I’m still weak!

Slumping to the tile floor, I set my forehead against my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs. I sat there until the shower ran cold, letting the frigid water numb my skin.
If only I can get it to numb my brain and emotions, too.

Kaiya was more uptight than usual during class on Tuesday night, if that was even possible. She angrily hit and kicked the bag aimlessly, and I could tell that something was bothering her.

Sweat dripped down her face as I approached her. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” she snapped, keeping her eyes trained on the bag, panting angrily as she continued to fiercely attack it. As I watched her, I noticed that she was holding her breath.

“Breathe, Kaiya,” I urged, moving closer to her. “You need to breathe or you’re going to pass out.”

Her hands fell to her sides as she stepped away from the bag and took deep breaths. She began to pace in a small circle in front of me as she steadied her breathing.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” I asked again as I handed her water bottle.

She took the bottle, greedily drinking before taking more deep breaths. “Yeah, I just… I had a bad night last night, and it carried over into today.”

I furrowed my brow.
I wonder what happened.

“Well, take it easy, alright? I don’t want you to overexert yourself.”

She nodded before focusing back on the bag and repeatedly kicking the shit out of it.

There’s that warrior.

After the kickboxing segment of class, I decided to work with Kaiya on different strikes since she was still so tense—she definitely needed to keep hitting something.

“I’m going to teach you where you should target different hits. First thing I’m going to show you is strikes that are best for the face—avoid directly punching someone in the face because you’ll more than likely break your hand. Only use elbows, hammer-fists, and palm strikes when you are hitting the face.”

I modeled a palm strike on one of our dummy bags, which had the upper body of a man, instead of the regular, cylindrical punching bag. I wanted Kaiya to target the specific areas of the body we were working on. I then repeated the same with elbows and hammer-fists, stopping for Kaiya to practice each one. I loved watching her body move and seeing sweat glisten over her skin.
Fuck, I want to feel that body beneath me.

I didn’t notice that Kaiya had completed the last move until she cleared her throat. When our eyes met, she smiled shyly and asked, “What next?”

Smooth. She caught you checking her out. Concentrate.
Playing cool, I ignored that she had noticed me looking at her.
“You can also use a double palm strike on an attacker’s ears, which will completely knock off their equilibrium. Aim for right here,” I instructed as I demonstrated on the dummy. “Right outside the ear. Slam as hard as you can.”

We continued working on different strikes, and Kaiya’s anger began to slowly fade as she released it on the bag. I didn’t focus on her technique that much because I could tell she needed to blow off some steam, so I just let her. I knew she’d been hiding something beneath her guarded exterior, and whatever it was affecting her tenfold today.

When class was over, I stopped Kaiya as she was about to walk out, catching her at the door. I pulled her to the side as the remaining students squeezed past us and left. “Hey, you want to grab a drink? You seem stressed today.”

“I really shouldn’t,” she replied as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, her tone indecisive.

“You always give me that lame excuse. Just one drink—you earned it after kicking the shit out of that dummy,” I said with a grin.

She rolled her eyes as she fought a smile. “Should you be taking your students out on dates?”

“Oh, so this is a date?” I teased, raising my eyebrows as my smile spread.

“No! I… you know what I mean.” She blushed as she darted her eyes away from mine.

“Yeah, you want me to take you out on a date.” I smirked knowingly.

“No, I don’t,” she blurted as her eyes widened in embarrassment.

“Oh, really?” I challenged as I played with my tongue ring, knowing it unnerved her. I always caught her staring when I messed with it.

As I expected, her eyes darted to my mouth, and her lips parted slightly. With a knowing chuckle, I asked her again, “So, do you want to grab that drink or not?”

Her eyes snapped back to mine. “I need to shower.”

“Do you need help? I’d be happy to assist you,” I offered as I continued to toy with the barbell in my tongue.

Her gaze darted back and forth from my mouth to my eyes as she stammered, “No… I… I can meet you after I shower.”

Yes.
Smiling confidently, I suggested, “Phoenix Landing? In an hour?” Phoenix Landing was a popular, central bar in Cambridge, so I figured it was a safe choice.

Her words were rushed as she replied, “Sounds good. I’ll see you there.” Tucking a strand of stray hair behind her ear, she gave me a flustered smile before turning to leave. “Bye.”

“Bye,” I returned with a laugh.

Glancing over her shoulder as she walked out, her lips curved up more as our eyes locked.
I’m going to taste those lips again tonight.

Rushing to close up, I quickly wiped down everything and locked up since my class was the last one of the night. I was anxious to meet up Kaiya, hoping to get another step closer to getting her in my bed. I blocked out the thoughts that passed through my head of actually wanting to spend time with her, ignoring that I wanted to get to know her.
No relationship—just sex. You don’t have to get to know her to have sex with her.

An hour later, I was waiting for Kaiya at the bar, leaning my back against it with a Jack and Coke in hand. After fifteen minutes had passed, I thought she had changed her mind and wasn’t going to show.
If she’s not here by the time I finish this drink, I’m leaving.

As I took another sip from my glass, I glanced over toward the door. My lips involuntarily spread in a grin as I watched Kaiya walk in, wearing some tight jeans and a strapless, white top. Her hair flowed down her back before ending in big, loose curls, and I pictured myself wrapping my fingers in it while I bent her over and fucked her.
Searching the room, her eyes roamed before locking on mine. A shy smile spread over her lips as she made her way toward me, those luscious hips swaying with each step.
She’s so fucking hot.

When she reached me, I snaked my arm around her waist, bringing her closer to me. I felt her muscles tighten beneath my touch, but she didn’t resist otherwise.

Bringing her between my legs, I inhaled her sweet scent, a mixture of strawberry and vanilla, as I kissed her cheek. Her hands lightly pressed against my chest as I pulled back. “I thought you weren’t going to show for a minute there.”

“Me too. I almost didn’t come.” Her gaze darted down before coming up to meet mine as she shifted nervously.

“Well, I’m glad you did. It would’ve really hurt my ego if you didn’t,” I said as I rubbed my hands along her sides.

“I’m sure your ego is strong enough to survive,” she replied dryly as she moved away to sit on the barstool next to mine.

“I don’t think it stands a chance against you,” I joked.

“Do women really fall for that?” she asked as she fought a smile.

“Most of the time. But they’re not always the brightest.”

Kaiya slapped me on the bicep as her eyebrows rose and her mouth opened in shock. “Ryker!”

“What? I’m being honest. Woman want honesty, right?” She stared at me, mouth agape for a few seconds before she shook her head and laughed.

“What do you want to drink? Cranberry Vodka?”

She thought a few seconds before replying, “No. Apple Martini.”

“Damn, that bad of a day?” I commented before turning and getting the attention of the bartender. Once I ordered us a round, I focused my attention back on Kaiya, determined to figure her out.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Her body stiffened slightly as she sipped her drink. “No. I don’t want to think about it—I just want to forget.”

I know that feeling.
“I know plenty of ways to help with that.”

Her lips tipped up. “I’m sure you do. I’ve heard about your reputation.”

This is going to be good.
I took a swig of my drink. “Oh, really? What have you heard?”

“Basically, you’re a man-whore,” she replied bluntly as she swirled her martini, avoiding my gaze.

I laughed. “I’m not going to lie—I’ve had my fair share of women.”

Kaiya gave me a perplexed look before replying, “Thank you for being honest. I thought you’d lie about it.”

“Why? I am who I am. I’m not going to pretend be anything that I’m not.”

“I respect that. Not the being a man-whore part, but that you’re true to yourself.”

I took another drink, enjoying the warmth of the liquor as it slid down my throat. “How are you liking class?” I asked, attempting to redirect the topic away from my personal life.
Not ready to talk about that yet.

Kaiya took another sip, leaving only half of her martini. “I like it. Everything can be a little overwhelming, but I’m willing to work through it.”

“You’ll get the hang of it. Why did you decide to take self-defense?”

Visibly swallowing, she cleared her throat before taking another long gulp, leaving only a small sip in the bottom of her glass. “Old demons.”

“Care to elaborate?” I didn’t know why I asked, I already knew she’d say no.

“No.” She threw back the remainder of her drink before standing. “I’d better go. Thanks for the martini.”

“Why don’t you stay for another? I won’t ask any more personal questions. Scout’s honor.” I said as I put my fingers together to make the hand gesture.

She snorted, “I doubt you were a Boy Scout.”