The Second Avenue Deli Cookbook (27 page)

Note:
Have your butcher split and debone the chicken breasts, remove all fat, and pound thin. Each whole breast yields two cutlets.

FOR MEATBALLS

Annals of Jewish Waiters: Our Diane

A
S INTRINSIC
to an authentic Jewish deli as its state-of-the-art pastrami and corned beef is the fabled genre of the Jewish waiter. This so-called server (male or female) never heard the phrase “The customer is always right.” He or she knows better. Some examples: A couple we know was dining at a Jewish deli in Queens. The husband ordered apple strudel for dessert, and his wife, confidently closing the menu with no fear of rebuff, said, “I'll have the same.” The waiter sized up her chubby frame with a critical glance and
quipped, “You, you don't need it.”

And at our own beloved Second Avenue Deli, we once heard the following exchange:

Customer: “How is the stuffed breast of veal served?”

Waiter: “On a plate.”

Many of our waitstaff are colorful characters, but Diane Kassner, a Deli fixture since 1987, is in a class by herself. As decorative as a doll, she's always dressed to the nines with massive jewelry and sequin- and pearl-studded frilly blouses under her bolero-style black jacket. Many customers come in just to catch her act, and some even send her flowers.

As she ladles out your chicken soup, Diane purrs, “I'll be the ‘pourer,' you be richer.” If time allows, she might even wax lyrical: “It's so delicious, it's nutritious. It's so edible, it's incredible.” Ask for a straw and you'll hear “Haverstraw, that's upstate.” Request ketchup, and as she's heading off to get it, she'll call back in her singsongy voice, “I'll ketchup to you in a minute.” Russian dressing? She's “rushin' to get it.” Mustard? “We supply, you apply.” And when she needs you to rearrange dishes to create more space on a crowded table (Deli diners tend to order a lot of food), she urges gently, “Where there's a will, there's relatives.”

Diane's fame extends beyond the Deli. Fox 5 TV's anchorwoman Rosanna Scotto captured Diane dancing in the Deli in celebration of the restaurant's fortieth anniversary in 1994 and featured her performance on
The Ten O'Clock News.
And Diane recited her above-mentioned ode to chicken soup on
Dateline NBC
in 1996. But her biggest coup was a May 1997 appearance on
Rosie O'Donnell
in honor of National Pickle Week. Diane presented Rosie with a tray of our delicious pickles, and sang, to a national audience, a zany “pickle song” composed especially for the occasion and sung to the tune of “Hooray for Hollywood.”