The Secret Crush (14 page)

 

Zee waited for Ally's response. Then she waited some more.

 

More waiting. Finally…

 

Zee looked at Ally's words—
I am always here 4 u
—and everything that followed.
Is Ally really here for me? Or just for her boyfriend?
Then Zee had another horrible feeling. Could she be jealous of Ally, because everything was going really well between her and Jacques—and everything was going disastrously for Zee and Landon?

 

That Monday, the Beans had to stay after school to record some of the instrumentals for the final performance. They practiced the music during first period.

Usually, Mr. P was really cheerful and encouraging no matter how the class played. Not this time. He was so cranky.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He clicked the conducting baton against his music stand. “Stop. Stop. Stop,” he said, rubbing his face hard and running his fingers through his hair, so that it stuck straight up from his head.

“Let's try to get it right this time,” Mr. P sighed.

Mr. P's mood was contagious and made Zee grumpy and nervous, too. She couldn't seem to play the right chords. It didn't help that Zee's mother kept giving her a smile and a thumbs-up each time they had to start over.

When the bell finally rang, Zee panicked. How would they be ready to record that afternoon?

“I feel like I'm sleepwalking,” Chloe
said. She held her arms straight out in front of her and closed her eyes as she stepped forward.

“I can't believe we have to make it through the entire day,” Kathi said.

“And the recording session,” Jen said.

“I guess we shouldn't have stayed up so late at your house this weekend, Zee,” Missy pointed out.

 

Zee was miserable the rest of the day. Nothing added up in math. English sounded like a foreign language. And she was antisocial in social studies.

The group met up on the auditorium stage after school. Conrad and Marcus were in charge of leading the Beans through the session.

“First, we're going to record all the songs that everyone plays,” Conrad said.

Landon spoke up. “That's not a very good idea,” he said. “We should start with the first song in the musical.”

“That doesn't work, because we'd be spending too much time getting the different instruments set up,” Conrad explained.

“I guess you don't want anyone else's opinion,” Landon mumbled.

“You're doing props, but I don't remember you asking
anyone else's opinion about that,” Jasper countered.

“And when I want
your
opinion, I'll let
you
know,” Landon said.

“I'm just saying that we each have our job,” Jasper explained.

“Well, your job is assistant director,” Landon added. “You're not in charge of music—or me!”

The boys were having the same argument that the girls had had! Zee thought she could help. “Actually,” Zee cut in, “I thought it was really great when the other girls made suggestions about costumes.”

But the boys didn't want Zee's help.

Conrad said, “We don't have enough time for that.” Jasper glared at Zee. And Landon looked away.

“Let's start recording the songs that everyone plays in and if it seems like it's not working, we can switch the order,” Marcus said diplomatically.

“Marcus is right!” Chloe said. “It can't hurt to try it Conrad's way.”

“I really don't think Conrad needs you to defend him,” Jen said.

“Who asked you?” Chloe snapped back.

“All of this fighting isn't very helpful,” Missy put in.

The next instant, everyone was arguing—except Kathi,
who sat down on the edge of the stage. It was hard to hear what anyone was saying. Mrs. Carmichael swooped in. “Shhh!” she hushed the group.

“Let's calm down, everyone,” Mr. P added.

Gradually, shouts turned to murmurs—until everyone was quiet enough to hear Conrad's phone ring. “Hello, Obachan,” he said quietly, stepping to the side of the stage. “Yes, I'll be home in time for dinner.” He said good-bye and hung up.

“Was that your mother?” Zee asked when Conrad returned to the group.

Conrad looked at Marcus. “Umm…no,” Conrad said. “It was my grandmother. She lives with me and my dad—ever since my mom got sick.”

“She takes care of your mom?” Jen asked.

“She takes care of me—and Dad,” Conrad explained seriously. “My mom died a couple of months ago. She had cancer.”

No one knew what to say. Zee felt terrible and wasn't even sure where to look. Then Landon stepped forward and broke the awkward silence. “That's so cool that you live with your grandmother,” he said. “My grandparents are awesome! I wish I could see them every day, but they live halfway across the country.”

“Yeah, Obachan's fun, but she can be pretty overprotective,” Conrad said.

Zee looked over at her mother. “I know what you mean,” she said, just above a whisper. Mrs. Carmichael crossed her arms, shook her head, and pursed her lips, trying to hold back a smile.

The Beans burst out laughing and everyone took a chair. Just a few days ago, Zee never would have guessed that her troubles with her mother would actually be what kept the group together.

 

“You guys have never sounded better!” Mr. P applauded when the recording session was over. His hair no longer stuck straight up, and he wore a huge smile. “Let's give Conrad and Marcus a hand for leading us.”

Whistling and cheering loudly, Landon was the first to give the guys a standing ovation. Everyone else followed.

“And let's hear it for the rest of the Beans, who played so well,” Mr. P went on.

The applause got louder as Marcus and Conrad joined in.

“I'm going to put these paints back in the art room,” Zee's mother told her when the noise faded. “Meet me in the lobby when you're packed up and ready to go.”

“Okay, Mom,” Zee agreed. She raced to put away
her instrument. She had finally figured out a plan to fix things between Landon and her. It was time to put it in motion.

Zee walked over to where Landon and Conrad were talking. Landon was still sitting behind his drum kit.

“You and your dad should come sailing with my family on our boat sometime,” Zee overheard Landon saying. “Your grandmother can come, too.”

“She'd like that! She'd want to be captain, though, since she's used to being in charge.” Conrad smiled, then the smile disappeared as he continued, “I thought you hated me.”

“I probably was kind of being a jerk,” Landon said. “Sorry about that.”

“We're cool now,” Conrad said, holding his fist out for Landon to pound.

As Conrad walked away, Zee moved closer to Landon. “Your drum solo was so great,” Zee told him, smiling.

But Landon didn't look up as he reached for his drumsticks and stood. “Uh…I gotta go catch up with Marcus and Conrad,” he said, hurrying off.

What's going on?
Zee wondered. Her mother wasn't even around. And now there was no doubt in Zee's mind—Landon wished she didn't exist.
How can we perform together as Lily and Dylan if Landon won't even look at me?

 

Just when Zee needed her best friend most, Ally was around less and less.

Zee texted Chloe.

Chloe and Jasper were too busy for her.
It doesn't matter,
Zee thought. Maybe she'd never be able to figure out Landon, but the show must go on. She was going over to Kathi's house to put the final touches on costumes.

Zee pushed her bicycle out of her garage and strapped on her helmet, which she had painted with a giant red Z, and rode over to Kathi's house.

 

Kathi and Zee sat in the gazebo next to the pool in the Barneys' backyard. Kathi beaded a pair of hoop earrings she would wear in the big dance scene. “I feel like a pioneer making my own stuff,” she complained.

“I don't think the pioneers wore bikinis,” Zee said jokingly as she carefully stitched gold thread onto the pocket of Missy's costume.

“No wonder they're not around anymore. Who could survive without bikinis? Anyway,” Kathi continued, “I'm talking about all of this crafty stuff. I mean, there's a reason they invented designer boutiques.”

“I think it's fun,” Zee said. “Plus, we didn't really have enough money for a trip to Rodeo Drive.”

“At least this will all be over soon,” Kathi said. “The musical is in two days.”

Two days.
Zee's stomach sank. “I'm not sure I'm ready,”
she told Kathi.

“Are you kidding? You know all your lines—and your songs,” Kathi pointed out.

“It's not that.” Zee stopped sewing. “It's just…” She hesitated.

“What?” Kathi asked, her voice concerned. “I won't tell anyone.”

Ally's words rang in Zee's head.
I wouldn't trust what she says.
But Ally wasn't there for Zee. Kathi was.

“Everything is so messed up with Landon,” Zee said. “I mean, he only rehearses with me when he
has
to. And now he won't even look at me.”

“What's going on?”

“I think the kiss—I mean, the almost-kiss—messed up our friendship. Or whatever it is.” Zee hung her head. “It'll be all my fault if the musical is ruined.”

“
Your
fault?” Kathi said. “You've worked harder than anyone.”

Did Kathi just pay me a compliment?
Zee considered poking herself with the needle she was holding to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

“Except me,” Kathi continued.

Okay. I'm awake,
Zee told herself. “What should I do?” she asked.

“Just do your best in the musical,” Kathi suggested. “You can't do anything about Landon. He's always been a little immature. Most of the time, it doesn't matter since he's so cool and cute. But sometimes it makes it hard to know what's going on with him. Besides, he might just be scared of his first kiss.”

“Do you really think so?” Zee asked, surprised. She hadn't even considered that boys think about kissing, too—and that Landon might have been just as nervous about the near-kiss as she was.

Kathi slipped the finished hoops through her ears and shook her head to show off her work. “Older men are so different,” she said dreamily.

“Ohmylanta!” Zee shouted. “Mr. P is a teacher!”

“I know he doesn't like me like
that
,” Kathi said, shrugging. “But it's still more fun to have a crush on an older guy. It's so much less complicated.”

“If you say so.” Zee rolled her eyes as both girls began laughing uncontrollably.

 

There
Ally was. Finally. And she'd actually kissed Jacques!

 

At that point, Zee couldn't imagine going out with Landon since they were barely talking. But Ally was right. Zee was rushing everything. Landon wasn't ready. And Zee had let the near-kiss mess up everything with her friends and the musical.

Kathi had a point, too. The
crush
was the fun part. For now, a crush was enough. Then Zee realized—“Ohmylanta!”—her parents had been right all along.

Zee went downstairs where her parents were practicing for their salsa dance classes. They looked like they were having a great time, with every step in sync. Zee hoped she looked that good dancing in the musical.

“Mom? Dad?” Zee got their attention from the bottom of the stairway.

“What is it, Zee?” her dad asked.

“I just wanted to apologize for acting so crazy these past few weeks,” Zee continued.

“Oh?” Mrs. Carmichael said in a way that meant she was eager to hear more.

“I think I got a little carried away,” Zee told them.

“With the musical?” Mr. Carmichael asked.

Zee nodded, then hung her head. “And Landon. He's barely even talking to me now.”

“That's not good.” Zee's mom looked surprised.
“What's going on?”

“I'm not exactly sure. But I'd like to call him—if it's okay with you. I need to fix this before the performance.”

Zee's parents looked at each other and gave a little nod. “That would be fine,” her father said.

Zee searched her contact list and called Landon quickly so she wouldn't chicken out.

“Hello?” Landon answered, sounding suspicious.

“It's Zee.”

“Uh-huh?”

“I'm just calling to make sure we're cool,” Zee began.

“Umm…”

“I mean, I really want to be friends—and costars. But it seems like you don't want to be my friend, ever since”—Zee stopped, trying to find the right words—“we went skating.”

“Yeah…,” Landon said, as though he was really considering what Zee had said. “It has been kind of weird. You just want to be friends?”

“Sure,” Zee said. “
Aren't
we friends?”

“Yeah, we're friends.”

“Cool beans!” Zee said, relieved. “Do you think we should go over some lines together before the show?”

“Yeah, let's meet at school an hour before the show and practice.”

“Fantabsome! I'll be there!”

Zee turned on her computer. She had to tell her best friend what had happened.

But the only response Zee got was a message that Ally was offline. Zee told her all about it in an email instead.