The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom (34 page)

It feels good to be me,
I thought, after the waitress dropped off my drink.
I’m sitting in a bar all by myself, a thirty-eight-year-old single mother of three. And it feels good to be in my skin.

Suddenly, I glimpsed Hali at the bar’s front entrance looking around. I stood and waved.

“Wow, hot stuff. You look great,” she said, giving me a sly smile as she removed her coat. “Do you have a date after this or something?”

“No,” I laughed. “But thanks! I just felt like fixing myself up a bit.”

“So,” she said, after ordering a glass of red wine. “How’s dating life? Any interesting men or great lovers on the go?”

I leaned in and placed my glass on the table. “I really don’t know where my dating life is heading these days, but I feel great. Grounded and happy. I’m not looking for anyone, you know? That said, it’s been three months since I’ve had sex—”

“What!” she interrupted. “That’s a shocker.”

We both laughed.

“Honestly, Hali, men aside, the most important thing to me right now—beyond my kids—is establishing my career. I want to channel my passion and energy into something for
me
instead of a man. Don’t get me wrong, I still want sex. And I want to date. But kids, my work, those are my priorities.”

Hali smiled, and I could see in her eyes how happy and proud she was of me. Just as I was for her. She was still with Too-Good-to-Be-True Bobby, happy in the moment. And that’s what counted. Sure, neither of was sure where our lives were headed, but the bottom line was that we’d made it through “Year One.”

Spontaneously, I held up my glass. Without question, Hali raised hers up to mine, her blue eyes filled with warmth.

“To us,” I said, “And our ‘way better’ life.”

“To us . . .”

AS I PUT TOGETHER THIS acknowledgment’s page, I find myself wiping away tears. It has been an exciting yet tumultuous road getting here, and I often wondered if this book wouldn’t have been better off buried on a memory stick and forgotten.

Thus, it is with utmost gratitude that I share this book’s publishing with my closest circle of girlfriends and my family. They have shared every bump, bruise, and triumph I’ve experienced along the journey, not just in writing this book but in dealing with the after tremors of my divorce. They know how much this book means to me, how it has changed me, added to me, and tested me in ways I’d never imagined. And celebrating its completion would be impossible—and meaningless—without them beside me.

Thus, to “Hali,” “Tory,” and “Tara,” my beloved soul sisters, I send my heartfelt thanks for being my rocks, my mentors, and my closest confidantes. I’m so grateful for your wise counsel, nonjudgment, and infallible belief in me, not to mention all the mischief and belly laughs we’ve shared. Thanks as well for helping me find the courage to own the “nakedness” of this memoir.
ROAR!

My thanks are further extended to all the gals in our girls group: “Selena,” “Patti,” “Shannon,” Janet, Tara, and Shiloh, who each supported me in their own unique ways throughout this journey. Also, my gratitude goes to Miriam, my dear and old friend, and Tracy and Jason for being my surrogate family here in Calgary; the kids and I love you.

Of special note, my heartfelt thanks goes to my sister and mom. Since divorcing, my sister, Deborah, has helped me return to my center, time and time again. Moreover, she refused to let me do anything but shoot for the stars; thanks sis. And as for my mom, her support has been “extra” special. Despite the “raciness” of this book, she didn’t flinch, question, or doubt me; rather, she just gave me constant thumbs up and said, “Keep going, I’m proud of you.” Thanks as well to my dad, and my brothers, Chris and Keith, whose loving support from afar has been constant, even though they don’t know the “details” of my book (
hehe
).

And to my dearest children, who are still too young to understand what this book is all about, I also send loving thanks. This book journey has stolen me away from family time; I’ve had to travel, work long hours, and sometimes I’ve been very distracted. But my utmost goal was to get me back to you—to being that loving and solid mom I’ve always tried so hard to be. I love you, my beautiful children; you are my heart.

I’d also like to express a special thanks to Brooke Warner, Eva Zimmerman, and the designers at Seal Press for their contributions in seeing this through to publication. And extra warm thanks goes out to my developmental editor, Merrik Bush-Pirkle, who helped me make this book mine, only more. Working with you has been an absolute joy.

Lastly, I want to say thanks to those of you who read this memoir. Please understand that I didn’t write this memoir with an audience in mind or with the objective of selling it. So I feel completely honored that my story has ended up in your hands. I hope it has touched your heart or life in some way. Maybe even roused your Wild Woman. At the very least, I hope it made you stand a little taller.

XO—Delaine

DELAINE MOORE is a Mars Venus Coach, speaker, journalist, and the fiery voice behind the popular blog, IAmDivorcedNot
Dead.com
, where she unabashedly gets down to the good, bad and “naughty” of life after divorce. Delaine writes for The Huffington Post, Your Tango, and First Wives World and has appeared on radio and television shows throughout North America. Delaine lives in Calgary, Alberta, with her three children. Follow her on Twitter @ Delaine_Moore.

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Sex and Bacon: Why I Love Things That Are Very, Very Bad for Me,
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Ask Me About My Divorce: Women Open Up About Moving On,
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THE SECRET SEX LIFE OF A SINGLE MOM

Copyright © 2012 by Delaine Moore

 

 

Published by
Seal Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
1700 Fourth Street
Berkeley, California

 

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review.

 

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

 

Moore, Delaine, 1970-

The secret sex life of a single mom / Delaine Moore. p. cm.

eISBN : 978-1-580-05457-7

1. Single mothers—Social life and customs. 2. Single mothers—Sexual behavior. 3. Dating (Social customs) I. Title.

HQ759.915.M63 2012

306.874’32—dc23

2011042224