The Secret's Out (Hawks MC: Caroline Springs Charter, #1) (22 page)

No!

No, no, no. Not him. Not Dad, not the man who took me in, who showed me I was worth loving. No, please.

My lips went between my teeth to try and stop the onslaught of emotions. I bit down on them, finally wrapping my arms around my sister.

He has to live. He has to. The man, my dad was too good to die.

“Josie,” was called from behind Talon.

Lifting my head from Zara’s shoulder and wiping my eyes, I saw Mattie, my brother, standing just outside the doorway, looking defeated.

“Honey, he wants to see you.”

No. I couldn’t. It was too much. I couldn’t see him.
Oh, God. It will wreck me. I’ll be lost once again.

Not my dad. Please.

“Come on,” Zara whispered. “You can do this.”

But I couldn’t.

My head shook back and forth. No words came to me though.

Zara either stepped away or was shifted from in front of me. Caden and Eli filled her spot instead. Each took a hand of mine.

“Precious,” Caden said sadly. “You need to see him. You need to say goodbye.”

My eyes shut tight, my head bowed, and I shook it again and again.

“I-I can’t,” I sobbed.

“Sweetheart, he needs you.” I felt Eli kiss my head. “Be our strong girl just for a little longer. For your dad, baby. He wants to see his girl.”

In the background, I heard Zara wailing, no doubt, into Talon’s chest.

Dad wants me in there.

Oh, God.

He’s dying.

“Josie,” Mattie called with a pleading tone.

My balled fists went to my eyes. I rubbed them hard. My body wouldn’t stop shivering, my eyes wouldn’t stop crying and my stomach would not settle. Still, I had to ignore all of it for my dad. I had to walk in there...somewhat composed.

Straightening my shoulders, I removed my hands and reached out to my men. They both took a hand each and together, we walked into the hospital, only to pause when I hugged my brother tightly.

We’d made it to the fourth floor and out of the elevator before my composure slipped when I saw my mum striding our way. My hands were dropped just as Mum wrapped her arms around me, one hand to my waist the other to the back of my head, where she pulled it forward into her shoulder.

“I-is he in pain?” I asked.

“No, darling. They’re taking good care of him.” She pulled back and wiped my fresh tears away. She bit her bottom lip. Tears filled her own eyes and I knew what she was about to say was going to wreck me. “I-I think he’s holding out to see you, sweetie.”

I sucked my lip in and bit down. My head falling back, my watery eyes to the ceiling.

Yes. That wrecked me.

Because it meant he wasn’t going to be with us for much longer.

Oh, God. Please, please no, please don’t take him.

“Mum,” Mattie said. “Come sit down while Josie’s in there.”

Glancing down, I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek as Mattie whispered the room number in my ear. I took hold of my men’s hands again and they walked with me down the hall. We stopped outside the room and already I could hear the machines beeping away, keeping my dad alive.

“Go in, precious. We’ll be right here.”

Nodding, I squeezed both their hands and turned the corner into the room. A need to run back out was strong when I saw my strong, sweet, funny dad laying in the hospital bed looking pale, withdrawn and tired.

His head turned slowly and, oh God, he smiled a big smile at me like I had just hung the moon for him.

My bottom lip trembled, but I bit it. I wiped furiously at my eyes.

“Baby girl,” he uttered, his hand shifted on the bed and stretched out to me.

I ran to him, to his side, my hand circling his where I gently pulled it up to my cheek. “Dad,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face.

“Oh, baby girl, no crying. God must need me up there.”

Shaking my head, I said, “But I need you here.”

He smiled sadly at me and my heart cracked. “No, baby girl. You no longer need me. You’ve grown into...” he took a deep shuddering breath that shattered me. “G-grown into a beautiful strong woman and you have not one, but two men willing to take on the world for you.”

“I still need my dad.” I sobbed, my head resting gently onto his shoulder. His hand slid to the back of my head.

“You have always deserved much love in your life, baby girl, and I was glad I got to be one of those people to love you.”

Oh, God, my sweet dad.

It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair.

“Now, I...” Looking up to him, I saw he was struggling with not only words but keeping his eyes open. He cleared his throat. “I need you to know, having you come into our lives, baby girl, it made it that much richer. I love you and I don’t want you to be sad. I want you to live your life to the fullest and you tell those boys of yours, if they don’t take care of my girl, I will come back and haunt their arses.”

A burst of laughter left my lips.

Sobering, I said, “I love you, Dad. You know I appreciate everything you’ve done. You and Mum taught me the world wasn’t dark. You showed me I could be loved and cared for.” I broke off on a sob when I saw tears in his eyes. They fell like mine. “Dad...”

“My sweet, baby girl, grown so much.” He took a deep breath. “Your mum will need some help after...”
Oh, God
. He clenched his jaw as his lips trembled. “After I pass.”

Nodding, I whispered, “I’ll help her.”

“I know, Josie. I know. I’ve been a lucky man having such great kids. A very lucky man.” He reached for my hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it. “Baby girl, when...when I go, I’ll go in peace.”

Shaking my head, I cried, “Dad—”

“No, Josie. I want you to know, I’ll be going in peace because I have lived a life full of happiness and love. You helped make that happen.”

Taking in an unstable breath, I nodded again and again.

“Love you, kiddo. So much.”

My other hand went over my mouth to hide my choking sob. Once under control, I leaned down, kissed Dad’s forehead and told him, “I love you so much, Dad.”

The door opened behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Mum, Zara, Talon, Mattie and Julian enter. Not only them, but my gorgeous men with concern for me in their eyes, silently walked in.

Two hours after I arrived, my dad drifted off to sleep...never waking again.

J
osie

The next two
days were painful. After leaving the hospital a wreck, we went back to my parents’ house with Zara, Talon, Mattie, Julian, Simone and my men. The day was a blur. We all sat at the table drinking coffee, all silent in our own thoughts. Simone was in a spare room, in the house, getting some sleep. I think she also left so it was just the family. I looked over to Julian to see him rubbing Zara’s belly.

I’d missed out on so much in the last two years.

I’d missed my brother proposing to his partner and then the announcement of Zara and Talon willing to give the precious gift of life to Mattie and Julian.

Two years had been too long.

What hurt the most, out of everything, I’d missed the chance to spend more time with my dad.

If I would have known...no, even then, with notice, I couldn’t have prepared myself for his loss.

Regret. So much regret for not coming home.

Of being selfish.

“Josie?” Mum said.

I looked up to her and whispered, “I’m sorry. I...I should have been here. I should have visited and now...” My eyes teared. Caden placed his arm around my shoulders and Eli grabbed my hand. “Now, I’ll never get to spend time with him again.”

“Sweetie,” Mum started. She reached over the table with her own tears showing and held her hand out for my free one. I took it and she said, “Don’t be sorry. We knew you had to find yourself. We both cherish the time we had with you under our roof, but Josie girl, you needed your time away. If we hadn’t known it, we wouldn’t have let you leave. Even though you had some trouble...I’m still glad you went because you wouldn’t have opened your heart for the two men beside you. And they wouldn’t have pulled their thumbs out of their arses about you either.” Laugher sounded. Mum shook my hand. “It all worked out.” She smiled. “Richard...” She closed her eyes and bit down on her bottom lip. Upon opening them, she said, “H-he would have already told you, but he’s so very proud of you, Josie. Just like I am.”

She stood from the table and went to the sink to place her mug in, but she stood there staring out the back window above the counter. “Talon, you had better go rescue Deanna from your tribe. We need the babies here to tell them, to let them know...”

“Mum,” Zara uttered. “They’ll be fine there for a while. Clary and Blue are there helping her and Griz. You need to get some sleep.”

Mattie got up from his seat and walked over to Mum. He placed his arm around her shoulders. Only she shrugged him off and turned to the room at large. “No, life must go on. I need my grandbabies. They need to know...they have to learn...he’s gone.” Her face crumbled, her body sagging. Mattie supported her. Though, seeing him struggle, Eli went around the table to take her other side. With her eyes to the floor, she whispered, “It feels like a part of me has died with him.” She leaned into her son more. “H-how am I supposed to go on without him?”

Mattie closed his eyes. Tears fell to his cheeks and he shook his head. “I don’t know, Mum. What I do know is that Dad would want us to.”

Mum nodded. “He would. But right now I don’t want to,” she cried. “I can’t do this. I can’t go on without him. He was my everything.” Her hands went to her face and she sobbed into them.

It broke my heart even more.

Talon stood abruptly. He went to Mum and picked her up in his arms. “Kitten,” he growled. “Josie, Matthew,” he added and then he strode out of the room and down the hall with us following. He deposited Mum in her room on her bed, turned and went to his wife. He cupped her cheeks, wiping away her tears. “Be with her, cry with her, talk to her. About good times and bad. You all need sleep. Eventually that will come. You take care of her and then, after, I’ll take care of you. Just like their men will for them.” He gestured to Mattie and me. With that, he kissed her soundly on the lips and left the room, closing the door behind him.

So that was what we did. I cuddled into Mum’s back. Zara was at her front and Mattie lay just behind Zara with his arm over her waist, holding Mum’s hand. We talked and listened to one another. We cried...a lot, and then, eventually we did sleep.

The next day Talon brought my nieces and nephews home. Simone was out food shopping with Julian. They didn’t want to overwhelm the kids with too many people in the house. The toddlers, Drake and Ruby, wouldn’t really understand the situation. But Maya who was now nine and Cody at fifteen knew something was wrong as soon as they walked in. The little ones ran straight for their mum and grandma, who were sitting on the couch with Mattie. Maya, and then Cody, both stopped still at the front door. It took Talon’s hand on each of their backs to force them forward so he could close the door.

Maya studied her mum and then grandma. Cody studied everyone and then asked, “Where’s Grandpa?”

Zara’s bottom lip trembled. Cody took that in, his head bowed, his eyes to his feet and he uttered, “Shit.”

Maya, watching her mother’s lips tremble asked, “Mum, where’s Grandpa?” Zara, unable to voice her thoughts because her emotions were taking over, said nothing. “Mum,” Maya yelled. “Grandpa?” she called.

I stepped away from Eli and Caden and got to my knees. Taking after her mum, Maya was not tall in size. On my knees, we came face to face. “Aunty Jose,” she whispered, fright plain to see in her eyes. Oh, God, she knew, she knew what was happening but she didn’t want it to be real.

My hand cupped her cheek and I told her, “He’s gone, Maya. G-grandpa passed away from a heart attack.”

She shook her head back and forth saying, “No, no, no, no,” over and over again.

“Grandpa back?” Drake asked from on Zara’s knee.

She looked down to her three-year-old son and shook her head. “No, baby, Grandpa won’t be back.”

“Mum,” Maya cried. “Mum,” she sobbed and next she was in her dad’s arms, her face buried in his stomach and she held on for dear life as she wailed. I stood and went back to my men. I rested my head against Caden’s chest and held Eli’s hand.

“Cody, here boy,” Talon ordered.

Looking over to Cody, he stood off to the side, his head still down and he shook his head.

“Cody,” Talon’s tone was soft.

Cody looked up and glared at his dad. “Why him? Why someone who is so good? Why not some fuckin’ arse who does bad shit?” He turned and punched the wall, his fist going through the plaster. He was his father’s son.

“Cody,” Talon growled.

“Leave him, Talon,” Mum said. She placed Ruby, who was taking it all in, in Mattie’s arms and got up. She walked to Cody. Her hand went to his back while he leaned his forehead against the wall.

“Cody,” she whispered.

“No,” he uttered.

“It’s okay,” she choked.

“It’s not, Grandma. It’s not gonna be okay. It’s not fair.”

“You’re right, my child, it’s not and we can get pissed all we want about it. We can scream, yell and swear because none of it is fair. Your grandpa should not be gone from this world, but he is and what’s not fair about that is there’s nothing we can do about it.” She sighed. “But, Cody, what you need to learn is, you’ve got to let the pain out. You can’t bottle it up and take it out on everyone or items in my household. You’ve got to let it go, Cody.”

He spun to face her, his face red. “No, I can’t. If I do, it will be real,” he yelled, tears in his eyes. “It can’t be real. It can’t be.”

“Oh, baby,” Mum uttered, a sob caught in her throat. “But it is real.”

“Fuck,” he yelled. “Goddammit,” he screamed and then...oh, God, then he fell forward onto Mum’s shoulder and cried.

That was when I let myself go once again. It was too hard seeing the pain through such a young person’s eyes.

––––––––

T
he day of our dad’s funeral was the hardest. The night before I’d gone to bed with my men and they’d hugged me all night long. I had been worried about having them both in my bedroom, especially with the children around, but Mum told me not to worry about it. They needed to see the love around the house. They needed to see the support we all gave each other and she was right.