The Shattered Genesis (Eternity) (100 page)

             
I did.

             
“I told you
that I love you and that I think we can last and believe me, I mean that. A part of me knows that the same way you just know things most of the time. But just in case I'm wrong and that feeling is bullshit, I'm going to say that we should just play this by
ear. I know you sit and worry about the future and what it holds for you, for me, for us, for Violet,  for Penny...
constantly
. But how about if we just take this one step at a time?”

             
“I suppose that would alleviate some of my anxiety. But you do know th
at it will take some time for me to condition myself to think that way. So, once again, I must ask for your patience, which I am sure just thrills you.”

             
“It
does
thrill me. Do you know why?”

             
“I know that this is very shocking but no, I do not know why.”

             
“It thrills me because in a roundabout way, you just admitted I'm right. And that's another one on the scoreboard for me finally, so thank you for that, my dear.”

             
The tension in the room between us broke. I found myself laughing again as I wrapped my arm
s around his neck and my legs around his torso. As I gazed into his deep, soulful eyes, I contemplated his words. In that long moment of silence, I realized that his wisdom rivaled mine and that he
was
right. On my end, I had to begin trusting him
complete
ly
. I had to let go of my fear and doubt regarding our love for one another. Most importantly, I had to start living in the moment. After all that we had overcome, I deserved that. Instead of tormenting myself over what the future might have held, I needed
to strive for total happiness and inner harmony in the present. I had studied eastern religions extensively and such practices were stressed as guidelines for a life that was truly worth living. I smiled as I remembered pouring over those books, drinking
in the customs that would enable such free and peaceful thinking.

             
“What?” James asked me softly as his hands gently moved my hair away from my face.

             
I shook my head and shrugged.

             
“You are right. You might jest about it, but you're right. You are much sm
arter than that ridiculous tattoo on your chest would lead me to believe.”

             
He laughed with me and kissed my lips tenderly. After that, he laid down, still holding me to him. I slid off of him and propped my head up on my hand so I could look into his eyes
. I was so very enamored by their light shade and how I truly could see every last bit of the goodness in his soul when I looked at him. In every minimal etching of age in his face, I saw his goodness. You cannot imagine the peace that brought me.

             
I fell
asleep listening to the consistent serenade of his strongly beating heart with a smile on my face. As I drifted off, my contact with his skin enabled me to hear clearly one key thought that passed through his mind just before he fell asleep, as well:

             
“I
saw her and everything changed.
Everything.
”

             
No words, either written or spoken, had ever made my heart erupt into beats of such wild intensity. I picked my head up, stroked his handsome face again, and caressed his lips with mine. Knowing that he was asl
eep, I offered a confession of my own.

             
“I know now that without you, I could not live.”

             
No words, either written or spoken, had ever terrified me so painfully while bringing me so much insensible joy and comfort. Tears rushed into my eyes as I studied hi
s relaxed features and listened to his soft breathing. I did not shed them, but they came in pure joy at the sight of him, this man I adored so deeply and needed so desperately.

             
“I love you so much, James.”

             
After I laid my head down against his chest aga
in, his hand came up to rub my back. From the barrier between sleep and consciousness, he whispered:

             
“I love you, too, baby.”

             
I fell asleep smiling.

XXX
             

             
I was walking back to my room alone a few nights later, thinking about Maura. I was stunned to fin
d her face at the forefront of my mind. I was baffled as to how my heart could possibly be hurting for her.

             
Quite surprisingly, I hoped that she was well.

             
As soon as my sympathy bubbled up, it quickly died off, as though someone had turned down the flam
e beneath the steaming pot of my thoughts. Now, her face merely simmered beneath the surface of the water; in a few short minutes, it had slowly faded away in the rising steam.

             
“You’re beautiful.” A voice said behind me.

             
I whipped around, startled by the
presence of a man I knew only by face.

             
“You are frightening.” I replied sarcastically. With that verbal barb at him thrown, I turned around to keep walking.

             
“Are you up for sharing?”

             
“Excuse me?” I looked back at him again.

             
“Sharing.”

             
“You repeating
the word does not disclose its definition. I am aware that somehow, the meaning has changed, given the vague contextual clues of our conversation.”

             
He laughed flippantly as he strode forward to walk by my side.

             
“You’re weird.”

             
“Why do you keep attributi
ng random personality traits to me when you scarcely know who I am? In fact, why are you following me?”

             
“I just really want to know if you’re up for sharing.”

             
“What does that mean?” I thew my hands up in frustration.

             
“Everyone is doing it.”

             
“You have a
difficult time answering simple questions. I am sure grade school was quite challenging for you.”

             
“Everyone says you’re a firecracker. I’ve never talked to you before…”

             
“And thank God or the Gods for that.”

             
“…but now I see it.”

             
“I am going into my roo
m now.”

             
“Can I join you?”

             
“No.” I narrowed my eyes and shook my head as I whispered the simple word. I was befuddled as to what that strange man could possibly want. But slowly, it began to dawn on me: He was looking to, as the kids say, “hook up.”

             
“Oh,
my,” I ran my fingers through my hair. “Not only am I completely uninterested in having intercourse with a man of your empty-headed nature, but I am also in a relationship.”

             
“Everyone who is sharing is with someone. That’s why they call it ‘sharing.’”

             
T
he context finally became clear to me. I grimaced in disgust.

             
“People in relationships are sharing their partners. Is that what you are hinting at right now? Clearly, if you would not say it outright, you must have been aware that I would not agree to eng
age in such lewd behavior.”

             
“No. I just wanted to see if you’re as sharp as they say.”

             
“Well, I can assure you that I am. Carry on now.”

             
I slid the old key into the lock on my door. When I opened it and strode inside, he followed me in.

             
“Your boyfriend
’s not here. I’ll bet you anything he won’t mind. He gets what we’re doing here. He gets how we live.”

             
“That sentence made absolutely no sense and if you do not take two steps back so that I can slam the door in your face, I will gladly kick you so hard i
n the testicles that even the most gifted doctor left on this planet will be unable to retrieve them from inside of your body!”

             
“Come on. It will be fun! You need to let loose, girl! Seriously, with what we’re doing here, how we’re living, you can’t think
that no one is going to make passes at you. I also know that you won’t be able to resist for very long.” He grinned at me.

             
“I won’t be able to resist you, specifically, or the notion of free love?’

             
“Both.”

             
I sighed heavily and let my eyes change over.

             
“I hope you were not planning on producing children…”

             
“You’ve been with that old guy. You need to be with someone like me. Let me show you how it’s done! When it's over, you won't even want him anymore.”

             
So many things could have been said in response t
o that. So many pins could have pierced the thick skin of his ego. I could have told him that James, though he was older, knew things about women and sexual pleasure that would baffle him into a drooling fit of confusion and shame at his own lack of knowle
dge. I could have said that even if he and I were the only two people left out of our group, I still would not have sex with him. I could have said that James and I were strongly bonded and interested in no other people. In my case, I was especially not in
terested in horny little boys like him.

             
Words just would not satisfy my irritation, for once. So, I brought back my foot and kicked him with all the force I could summon right between his legs. The excruciating pain snatched the breath from his lungs. He
fell to his knees with both hands clutching his wounded lower appendage. I should have felt slightly guilty for inflicting such agony. Instead I pushed him hard so that he fell backwards out of my room. I kicked both of his feet until his whole body was in
the hallway. Then, I slammed the door shut and listened for a moment to him moaning in pain.

             
“Gross…” I whispered.

             
James came in a few minutes later, looking back over his shoulder in slightly amused confusion at the boy who was still lying on the floor
.

             
“He made a pass at you?”

             
I nodded, my face displaying my disgust and annoyance.

             
“Kicked him in the balls?”
             

             
“Yes.”

             
James looked back at him as he writhed on the floor in pain still.

             
“Was he vulgar?”

             
“Very.”

             
“Good on ya.”

             
He closed the door.

XXX

             
“It’s a bad day to be in this camp.” Rachel told me sullenly one morning as we listened to the shouting match being waged in the hallway. Don had raised the donated rations quantity yet again. To that date, he had raised it three times. First, it was eve
ry person contributing a handful of their crops. Then, it was half. Now, he had raised the quantity to sixty-five percent.

             
“Do you know what I heard?” Rachel asked me.

             
“No, I do not know. What did you hear?”

             
“I heard that Jimmy and Gary’s room got ransa
cked. Everything was torn up and thrown all around. Their watches and stuff were missing.”

             
“Someone wrecked their room to steal their watches? What is the use of a watch here, exactly?”

             
“Does it matter? Plus, it wasn’t just their watches that got stolen.
Whoever did it took some of their crops, too. They were keeping a lot of corn and orange cabbage up there to eat. I heard even a few bottles of water were taken out of the icebox.”