The Shattered Genesis (Eternity) (27 page)

             
Norma
lly, I spoke so quickly that a less intelligent person would find themselves lost after just a few words. But with my body so heavily weighed down by the same exhaustion that I was accusing James of succumbing to, I spoke so slowly an eavesdropper might ha
ve assumed I was intoxicated.

             
“This ship was meant to transport a large group of people from Earth to Pangea. That was its only purpose. And yet...”

             
“Let me stop you now because I know that you're getting ready for one of your monologues.”

             
“Please do be
cause quite frankly, I am too exhausted to continue but very interested in the answer you are going to supply to my query.”
             
“How are you even still forming sentences like that?”

             
If I hadn't been so tired, I
never
, even under threat of bodily harm, would
have said what I said next.

             
“You're holding my hand and despite my fatigue, I am still over-analyzing what that might mean. As a result, I am attempting to scare you off.”

             
We stopped, both needing to rest on one of the loveseats at the end of the hall. H
e was looking at me but my eyes were darting around, searching for anything else to focus on. In fact, if one of the breathtakingly hideous Reapers were to be standing in the hallway with us, I would sooner look at it than at James' handsome face in that m
oment.

             
My eyes burnt at the sight of clashing colors of paint on one of the aforementioned decorative vases. I had always hated green and yellow together and if the painter of that particular vase had walked by me, I would have allowed myself just a singl
e outburst of strong feeling in order to promptly slap him in the face for creating such an atrocity.

             
Those are the things that I thought about when I was avoiding a particularly unpleasant emotion.

             
Another moment of that heavy silence was going to kill
me faster than the heart attack I had experienced earlier.

             
“Are we sitting because we're tired or because you want to have a heart-to-heart? Because, though I am tired, I will force myself to run if you begin a conversation on feelings. I don't like them.
I have no use for the ones I have and that is why they remain repressed, always. And...”

             
“You are very strange, Brynna.”

             
I looked at him finally. I had looked at him, even into his eyes, many times before, but I had never noticed them to be so brilliant
. Violet was jealous of the fact that I was the only child with blue eyes and I had always joked that I was special, as I possessed the recessive gene and she and Elijah possessed the dominant. I would always be the unique one and they would always be ordi
nary. A part
of me wasn't kidding. But James's eyes, though I had originally thought them to be the same dark brown as most other people's, were deeper and more beautiful than I had ever cared to notice before.

             
No
, my rationality screamed at me,
Stop look
ing at him. He's a man which makes him dangerous and you do not need human contact.
You do not need human contact.

             
“You are quite possibly the strangest person I have ever met.”

             
There was another long moment of silence and I closed my eyes, shaking my he
ad slightly as I said, “I don't even know what you want me to say to that.”
             
“You don't have to say anything. I know that's new for you.”

             
“Are you being condescending right now?”

             
“That did sound condescending, you're right. What I mean is that I know it'
s hard for you to always come up with something to say for yourself and the people you care for. If you don't know what to say, you don't have to say anything. I won't be offended.”

             
I looked at him now, smiling slightly, before nodding. I had never allowe
d myself to remain quiet on anything. At first, I spoke to avoid being overlooked. Then, I spoke to defend my sisters and brother. After that, I spoke to scare people away. It was exhausting to live without a moment of quiet.

             
“Of course,” He smiled again,
“if you do have something to say, I love hearing it. You might drive me absolutely insane sometimes with it but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear it. Plus, I know that you're going to make it heard whether I like it or not. You'll make it heard wheth
er
anyone
likes it or not.”

             
“I will.” I replied with a slight laugh.

             
“Wow. I am so used to the scowl that I am shocked to see you laugh.”

             
“You've seen me laugh before.”

             
“You always cover your mouth when you laugh but that time you didn't.”

             
“So it
seems I am not the only one who analyzes everyone I come in contact with.”

             
“No. If I'm going to be honest, I am fascinated by you. You're just,” His brows furrowed slightly in genuine awe and slight confusion, “
strange
.”
             
“Should I be offended by that?”

             
“No. Definitely not. It's cool, really. I mean that. It's kind of amazing.” He shook his head back and forth quickly for a second and then said, “I am very tired. I would never be saying all of these things if I wasn't so tired.”

             
“I'm tired, too.” I looke
d at him again. “James, I should be telling you that we need to put distance between us. I should be telling you that this is all wrong. You're older than me and I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I hurt people, sometimes on purpose. Every perso
n I have ever known has been hurt profoundly by me. I've let them move closer to me at times just so I could push them away later. Violet, Maura, and Elijah will never recover from what I put them all through, just by being who I am.” I stopped talking bec
ause the exertion was beginning to wear on me. It wasn't just the act of speaking that was weighing me down faster than I could fathom but the actual words. What I was saying had never been admitted out loud but the words spilled out of me, sensing that th
is was their first and last chance to be heard. I finished the rambling admittance with what was the most candid, most painful confession of all:

             
“I am a toxic human being.”

             
He reached out, put his hand on my face, and leaned closer to me. Our eyes staye
d locked together and his other hand stayed wrapped around mine.

             
“You're
not
.” He said softly. “You're one of the best people I know.”

             
I couldn't help but laugh bitterly as I said, “You must be exhausted...”

             
“I am. But that doesn't mean I'm not right. D
o you want distance between us? Tell me and you'll have it.”

             
I leaned forward, my eyes closed now, and pressed my forehead to his. My hands rested on either side of his neck and I felt his grasping my face still. There, in that moment, I knew that I had t
o
face the unknown. I had to carry every burden of my family in order to keep our lives moving. It was a task too great and too terrifying to realize suddenly, but I did. In response to his question, I shook my head.

             
As we faced what was ahead, I knew, mo
re surely than I had known anything else in my life, that though my logical brain was telling me that he must be pushed away, my heart was begging me to keep him. I needed James Maxwell more than I had ever allowed myself to need another human being in the
entire span of my existence.
             

             
The thought of having him anywhere else but by my side was one that I could not bear. So, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face there, still shaking my head. As usual, I tried to pull away immediately but was
able to stop myself that time.

             
I needed him. The thought made my heart flutter. The thought made me sick.

XXX

             
“Where have you two been?!” Maura exclaimed furiously as she threw her hands up in the air the way she always did when she was substantially i
rritated. “We woke up. You’re both gone. They’re wheeling people out of here covered in sheets.”
             

             
“How many?” James asked as I walked over to kneel down beside Penny, who was sitting up and drawing in a great yawn.

             
“There were seven that we saw. Who know
s how many?” Elijah replied. “So what happened? Do you think the drug really did kill people?”

             
“I am
sure
it did.” I replied dismally.  “It almost killed me.”

             
“What?!” Maura exclaimed before storming up to me, grabbing my face tightly in both hands and s
taring into my eyes as though she’d be able to assess my health by glaring at me. “What happened?!”

             
“It was mild, according to the doctor. Don’t worry about it.” I shook her off and sat down next to Penny on her bed.

             
“Are we in space?” She beamed brillia
ntly up at me, her blue eyes that were identical to mine gleaming with girlish wonder and glee.

             
“We are.” I said with a smile of my own. “Do you want to go see something cool?”

             
“You still haven’t told me exactly what happened and you’re not going
anywhere until you do.” Maura snapped at me furiously. The placid, gentle joy I had felt as I spoke to Penny disappeared without warning, leaving an uncomfortable, black void that left me cringing almost visibly.

             
“Maura, it is not even a big deal!” I excl
aimed angrily. My outburst was unwarranted and practically inarticulate, considering how normally, when I dealt with strong emotions, I did so with poised sentences, as I am sure you have gathered.

             
Who was she to demand an explanation? Why was she, quite
suddenly, so concerned about me?

             
“It was a heart attack.” James answered with a touch of irritation poisoning his reassurance. I did not know towards whom his hostility was directed. “It was very mild and the doctors said she should have no lasting side e
ffects from it.”

             
“Your heart has always been fine.” Maura replied instantly. “She’s twenty two. How could she have had a heart attack?”

             
James shrugged slightly, “Because it was caused by the sedative. They had to get something together quickly that would
be powerful enough to knock people out for a full day and a half. Given how rough the takeoff was and how quickly we were moving, they had to have something to keep everyone calm. They didn’t worry too much about the side effects.”

             
“We can see that!” Mau
ra continued, much to my growing offense. “Now, at least seven people are dead.”

             
“The world was going to end. They didn’t exactly have time to let the FDA screen the drug.” I huffed irritably.

             
“Would you just relax?” Violet snapped at me. “God! Did you s
leep at all?”
             

             
“Yes, I did, thank you so much. Just because I slept doesn’t mean that I’m not still suffering through some mild irritability at being asked asinine questions. Come along, Penny.” I grasped her hand and we strode ahead of Elijah, Maura, Vio
let and James.

             
“Just ignore her. She’s just in bitch mode.” I heard Violet mutter to Maura softly.
             

             
“Profanity is the weapon of weak-minded men, or in your case, girls.” I called to her over my shoulder.

             
Violet exclaimed in contentious exasperation but
I heard Elijah chuckling to himself.

             
“Don’t encourage her!” Violet snapped at him.