The Side Effects of You (3 page)

When I walked in the house, I didn't expect Jeremiah to be up waiting. He normally couldn't care less where I was or who I was with.

“Where in the hell were you, Ann?”

“Out.”

“Out where? You are a pastor's wife. You have no business walking in at this hour,” he bellowed.

“Are you serious right now, Jeremiah? You make prayer calls at all times of the night, and now I can't walk in after midnight? Man, please. Good night!” I headed toward the stairs. He was two steps behind me.

“Have you been drinking?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied.

“You know you should not be indulging in God knows what and then getting behind the wheel.”

“Again, the Bible doesn't say that. I'm not supposed to become a drunk. I had a couple of drinks. I'm not intoxicated. No way would I get behind the wheel drunk, Jeremiah, so go to your room so I can shower and go to sleep, sir.” I spoke as nicely as I could. I didn't know why he had decided to act as if he cared anything about me. It was comical.

“Good night, harlot,” he said.

I just laughed. I laughed out loud in his face. I was over him and his psycho biblical philosophies. God had given me the gift of understanding too, and I wasn't going to allow him to control me anymore. If he loved me like the Bible said to love a wife, he'd show me and not withhold love and affection from me. He constantly warned if I committed adultery, I'd burn in hell, yet he was pushing me to it. The Word of God told us not to deprive our spouse and not to tempt our mate to do ungodly things, but I was tempted. I was in need of love and intimacy, and if I couldn't get it from my husband, I'd have to find it somewhere.

The next morning I dragged myself out of bed to cook breakfast for my kids. I had never stayed out after midnight before, and I knew I should not do that again if I had an early morning the next day. When I got downstairs to the kitchen, all eyes were on me, as if I was on trial.

“What's with the stare down?” I asked.

“You overslept, and I had to make the kids breakfast this morning,” Jeremiah's baritone voice thundered.

My eyes popped. “Overslept? What do you mean? What time is it?” I hadn't checked the clock. I'd had no idea I was forty-five minutes behind.

“Time for us to get the bus, Mama, and we had to eat oatmeal. Yuck!” J.J. frowned.

“Yeah, Mom. We told Dad that you added fruit to our oatmeal, but he made us eat it without it,” Lena said before grabbing her backpack. The kids headed for the door.

“Foot,” I said. I'd wanted to use the word
fuck
so many times, but that was unbecoming. “I'm sorry, guys. I'll make it up to you with blueberry pancakes tomorrow morning,” I offered. “Promise,” I said as they hurried out the door.

Jeremiah looked at me and shook his head.

“What, Jeremiah?”

“Why didn't you check with me before going out last night?”

“Well, Jeremiah,” I said, going for the coffee, “I called you at least ten times, and you never answered, so I figured you were doing your missionary work.” He had probably been in the missionary position with one of our members.

“I was in a prayer meeting. I tried calling you several times after it, and you didn't answer.”

I poured some coffee in a cup and took a quick sip. I needed the caffeine to get to work. I wouldn't make it without a pick-me-up. “Well, the restaurant was loud, and I didn't hear my phone. When I went to the ladies' room and saw you had called, I just decided I'd see you when I got in.”

“Listen, I have to head over to the church. We will finish this conversation later. I expect to see you home on time today.”

“Maybe. I'm not sure yet. If something comes up, I'll let you know.” I was not sure why I had said something so crazy, but I was just tired of being on standby for him and being exactly where he wanted me to be, while he was never where I wanted him to be—with me.

“Whatever has gotten into you, woman, you'd better pray it away. There will be order in this house. You will not act like the women of the world in my house.”

I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes. I set my coffee cup on the counter and walked past him. I had to get dressed for work, and I no longer cared to hear his two-faced rhetoric. I was a lot of things, but I was not a fool. If he hadn't laid his hands on me in over two years, he was laying his hands on somebody else.

“Yeah, okay, Ann. Do what you can afford. The wages of sin is a high price.”

“Whatever.” I went up the stairs, laughing to myself and shaking my head. I made a silent decision to start enjoying myself. I wasn't going to continue to keep up a front for him and keep up appearances for him. I was miserable, yet I kept a smile on my face and walked around pretending that everything was fine, but it wasn't. I decided I wanted a divorce, and I was going to get one.

* * *

My phone line buzzed. “Yes?” I answered. I was in my office, tallying the money we had made that day and preparing for my nightly deposit. My staff knew not to bother me when I was working with money.

“I'm sorry,” Carla said. She was my slowest stylist. She was a newbie, and she was always the last to leave. “There is a man out here looking for you.”

“A man? What man?”

“I don't know, ma'am. He asked if you were still here, and I told him yes.”

“Well, can you ask his name?” I laughed to myself. Carla was sweet, but not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.

“I did. He says he wants to surprise you.”

I looked at the monitor that I had mounted on the wall so I could watch the goings-on on the floor, waiting area, parking lot, and breakroom. It was a split screen, so it did the job of four sets. Even though the image was clear, all I could see was a man's back. “Tell him to hold on a few moments.” I put the cash away and stuffed all the day's credit card receipts and tickets into an envelope. I stood and did a mirror check. I needed to freshen up my lips. I was not going to approach anyone, male or female, without looking my absolute best. After a fresh coat of lip gloss, I adjusted my belt and collar and went out to see who had come to see me.

I made it to the front and could still see him only from behind. “Can I help you?” I asked his back.

The gentleman stood still and then slowly turned around. My eyes bulged, and my heart stopped.

“Quentin,” I whispered. I couldn't believe my eyes.

He smiled. “Hi, Andrea.”

All I could do was blink rapidly as I tried to see a figure other than my ex-boyfriend, Quentin Hughes. “What, what ... wha ... wha ... whaaa ...,” I stammered. “I mean, where have you been? How did you know to find me here?”

“Facebook.” He smiled even brighter.

Instantly, I became furious. “Are you kidding me? Why are you here?” I yelled and folded my arms across my breasts. He was the heart-breaker who had left me before I'd rebounded to Jeremiah.

“I wanted to see you. I wanted to apologize, and I wanted to do it face-to-face.”

“Get out!” I yelled.

“Wait, Drea. Let me explain.”

“There is nothing to explain. Now leave. I don't want to see you or talk to you.”

“Listen, I know I hurt you. I ... I ... I—”

I cut him off. “Get out!” I yelled again and pointed at the door.

“Drea, wait. Give me five minutes.”

“I will call the police, Quentin. I will,” I growled, threatening him, as I went for the desk phone.

He rushed over to me and wrapped his arms around me. His embrace made my body shake. I hadn't been that close to a man in a very long time. I hadn't felt the heat of a man's breath on my neck in so long. I felt my body heat up. I hated this man for what he had done to me, and now I was locked in his grip. As much as I wanted him to let me go, I wanted him to hold on to me just as much.

“No need to call anyone. I'll go. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you that hurting you is the only thing in my life that I regret. I was young and selfish and was only thinking of myself at the time, and what I did to you, what I did to
us
, I know is unforgivable, but I'm asking you to forgive me, anyway.” He spoke so close to my ear, the heat of his breath made me excited.

I stood there in his arms, breathing heavily. He placed his lips gently on the side of my head and let his kiss linger before he finally released me.

“I'm sorry for just showing up out of the blue, but I've wanted to apologize for so long. I couldn't go another day with the guilt. So, there it is. I don't know if you will ever accept it, but I feel better knowing that I've said it.” He loosened the embrace, stepped back slowly, and turned to walk away.

I was frozen in place. I had loved him once and probably loved him still, but I had never allowed him to occupy any space in my mind after he left me, and I had never, ever wanted any feelings for him to resurface. He had hurt me to my very core. I was madly in love with Quentin when he shattered my heart and took a part of me in the process.

I thought he was done and out the door, but he spoke again. “By the way, you are still as beautiful as I remember you. Your husband is a lucky man. I hope he makes you happy, Andrea. I was supposed to be the one, but I messed that up. I sincerely hope that he is putting a smile on your face each and every day.”

Then I heard the door open.
Breathe
, I reminded myself, because with just one touch from him, I'd forgotten how to. I let out a loud sound as the air escaped from my chest. How dare he just show up out of the blue? It had been eleven, maybe twelve years since I had seen him, and I was pissed that he had actually shown his handsome face.

I had blocked out my memories of him, and now, since he'd decided to show his face, he had jolted the emotions and feelings that I had managed to bury in the bottom of my sea of memories.