The Silk Vendetta (32 page)

The Countess could talk of nothing but Paris. She was so busy making plans that she did not notice the change in me—or perhaps I was good at hiding my feelings.

Katie was, as ever, a solace to me. She wanted me to tell her more of Paris. “I shall be there, shall I not?”

I said she certainly would. I told her about the children playing with their hoops in the gardens.

My father had returned to Paris to continue with the negotiations. I should join him there with the Countess and Grand’mere. Cassie would stay behind and we had a good manageress who could look after everything for a few weeks.

Our invitations arrived for Julia’s wedding.

“I can’t go,” I said.

Grand’mere was silent; and I knew that meant that she thought I should. I tackled her with this.

She replied: “You cannot … how you say … wear the heart on the jacket for everyone to see. Cassie must go. She is the sister … and what of you? You were brought up with them. People will say, ‘And where is Lenore?’ And … ‘Was she not angling for the young man herself? Is it jealousy then … envy? It is certainly odd that she is not at the wedding.’ “

“It is monstrous that people should know so much of our private lives.”

“Not odd at all … they being so observant and we living as we do.”

“If I go…”

“I will make you a beautiful costume for the occasion. Velvet I think … trimmed with sable. I have a beautiful length of blue velvet … such a lovely shade … not too bright … subtle. It will suit you to perfection. A small hat with an ostrich feather … I know the thing.”

“I shall hate going.”

“I know. Just put in an appearance at the reception. You can come away quickly. The press will be there. After all he is a rising politician and she is well known for her parties in social circles.’The bride looked exquisite in her Lenore costume… . One notable absence was Lenore herself who is a close connection of the bride.’ That must not be. Lenore must be there for it will be noticed.”

“You are right, Grand’mere.”

She nodded, pleased.

I had felt since I had heard the news that I was living in a dream from which I was going to wake up. Drake was not going to marry Julia. … He couldn’t … not after all the signs he had given me. I thought often of our meetings in the park and how they had enlivened the days. And now … that was over. Those encounters which had meant so much to me had meant nothing to him.

On the wedding day I dressed in my blue velvet and set the little hat with the ostrich feather on my head.

Grand’mere and the Countess clapped their hands when they saw me.

“Perfect … perfect …” murmured the Countess.

She herself was elegantly arrayed, of course, for she would be at the reception. Julia was her protegee; she had seen her into her first marriage and was, I knew, dismayed, now that she was embarking on the second. Like Grand’mere she had designated Drake for me.

I did not go to the church. That was something I could not have endured. The reception was held in Julia’s drawing room which was large enough for the occasion.

I glimpsed Drake standing beside her helping her to cut the cake and while the speeches were made and the toasts drunk. It struck me that he did not look very happy although he was smiling.

I felt my heart leap in dismay when he caught my eyes from across the room. I lowered mine. I could not trust myself to look at him.

I thought: I must get away. I looked for Cassie. She was talking with a group of friends. I would make my way to her and ask her if she were ready to leave.

Then he was at my side.

“Lenore,” he said.

“Oh …” I steeled myself to look at him. “Drake. Congratulations.”

“Mine … to you.”

“To me?”

“On the Paris opening.”

“Oh, you have heard of that?”

“Oh yes. Everyone is talking about it. What a stroke of luck for you.”

“Yes … isn’t it?”

“So good to have rich friends.”

“My father will have a stake in the business.”

“Your father?”

“Surely you knew. Didn’t Cassie tell you when you called?”

“Cassie said you were in Paris … getting things going over there. I didn’t know about your father.”

“You saw him in the park.”

He looked bewildered,

“Don’t you remember? He watched me several times. We noticed him. Julia called him my admirer.”

He repeated: “Your father.”

“It is a most romantic story. I had never seen him before. My mother died when I was born. They weren’t married and his family sent Grand’mere to England with me.”

Again he said: “Your father…”

“What’s the matter, Drake, you look stunned.”

“Julia said …”He stared at me. “We must talk. We must get out of here.”

”You can’t leave your wedding reception. In a little while you will be leaving for your honeymoon.”

He said quietly. ‘ ‘I had no idea that the man was your father. I thought he was … your admirer … that you were taking money from him for this Paris project which was of so much importance to you.”

“You thought …”

“Yes,” he said, “that he was your lover.”

“What an idea! How did you get it? Surely you did not think … How could you? I hesitated to take the money from my father but Grand’mere and the Countess persuaded me … and he was so eager because he was ashamed of what he had done all those years ago and the fact that he had only just come back into my life.”

“This is … impossible.” He looked round helplessly. “What have I done?”

I was beginning to understand. He had believed that I had a lover, that I had become the mistress of my admirer in the park in order to advance my business. And how had he come to accept that calumny? Because Julia had told him.

I hated her then with her highly coloured face beaming triumphantly at the guests. She had won.

I felt stifled. “I want to get away,” I said.

“No,” he insisted. “I have to talk to you. I have to explain.”

“There is nothing more to explain, Drake.”

“There is everything to explain. You must have known.”

“Known what?”

“That it was you I cared for. I have been such an idiot. I wanted to tell you. I thought you were still hankering for Philip … that it was so much on your mind that you could not decide to marry again. It was you I wanted. What am I going to do?”

“You will be a good husband to Julia,” I said, and added a trifle bitterly, “She will give the right parties and you will meet influential people. That is what an ambitious politician should do. Perhaps in time she will be able to say as Lord Beaconsfield did: ‘He married me for my money but if he could do it again it would be for love.’ “

“Money!” he cried. “There is an obsession with money!”

“It is a very useful commodity.”

“You think I married her for her money!”

”As you thought I had given myself for it.”

“There has been a terrible misunderstanding. Oh, Lenore, we must meet.”

”I don’t think we should meet alone.”

“There is so much I have to tell you.”

“I know that you thought I had taken a rich lover in order to set up business in Paris. That you could think I could do such a thing appalls me. You could not have known me at all. I understand your shock. And then you just say, ‘She has bartered herself for money, and so will I.’ You thought your method was respectable … more so than the one you attributed to me—but even if it were so you would have been equally immoral in my eyes.”

“Lenore …”

I said: “We are becoming too vehement. This is supposed to be a lighthearted party. You should be telling me about your honeymoon. Where is it going to be? How you hope the weather will be clement… and so on, and so on …”

“When I heard,” he went on, “I was shattered. I called at the house. It seemed to confirm what Julia had told me.”

“But Julia knew he was my father. She knew he was putting up the money.”

“How could she … ?” he murmured. “I shall hate her now.”

”You are speaking of your wife.”

“Yes, God help me.”

“How could you!” I cried. “Oh … how could you?”

“It happened,” he said. “I was … shattered … bewildered … maddened … when I called at your place and was told you had gone to Paris … with that man. I knew the Countess was with you. I imagined that she would be arranging the premises while you were making love with your lover to pay for the venture. …”

“Drake!”

“I know … now. I should have thought more clearly. I walked about the streets for a long time… trying to tell myself that I had had a lucky escape.”

“As I have been telling myself…”I said.

“How could we, Lenore … either of us!”

I said nothing and he continued: “I went to Julia. I dined with her. I drank too much. So did Julia. She often does. It seemed to me the best way of forgetting. Next morning I found myself in her bed. I was so ashamed. I wanted to get right away. I went back to Swaddingham. I stayed there trying to get the episode out of my mind… . She wrote to me. There was going to be a child … the result of that night. There was only one thing I could do … so I did it.”

“Oh Drake … what a mess we have made of everything.”

“What shall we do?”

“There is only one thing we can do. We must go on from here. I am a little happier now knowing that you did love me … that comforts me a little. I was not mistaken in that.”

”I love you. I have always loved you. It started at that moment when I brought you out of the mausoleum.”

“This is so strange,” I said. “Here we are declaring our love at your wedding reception when you have just been married to someone else. Was there ever such a situation before?”

He took my hand and pressed it.

“Lenore, I shall never forget you.”

“That is something we must do as quickly as possible … forget each other.”

“It is impossible.”

“Hello, Lenore.” It was Julia. “Is all well? Drake is looking after you?”

“I must go,” I said coolly.

“So busy with the Paris project! We understand, don’t we, Drake? We shall have to go and change soon.”

He was silent. There was a look of abject misery on his face, and when she took his arm I saw him shrink.

I said: “I will go and find Cassie. Goodbye.” And I left them.

Carsonne

The Paris salon was my salvation. For a whole year I worked steadily. I did not want to think about Drake. Grand’mere was as ever a constant solace, always thinking of what was best for me. The Countess briskly refused to allow me to be sorry for myself. The Paris salon was, in her eyes, a more worthwhile acquisition than a husband. My father was comforting, too. He was so eager to make up for all the years when we had not known each other. And there was Katie. She was so excited by what was going on, and to see her little face alight with interest and listen to the endless questions, made me feel that whatever my loss, I had a great deal to live for.

They nursed me through that time, and the days became tolerable although at night I would feel sad and find myself brooding on what might have been. I had loved Philip, youthfully, romantically. There had not been time for us to discover the flaws in our natures which living together might have disclosed. We had existed in a state of euphoric idealism. Could it have gone on like that? Perhaps not. But our love would always remain in our minds as it had been … not as it might have turned out to be. And he had died tragically, unexpectedly … and no one knew exactly why; and now when there had seemed the chance of a more mature relationship with a man whom I admired, respected and loved, events had been so contrived that I had lost him, too. Sometimes I felt that I was doomed to lose my lovers and to bring disaster on them. Philip had died by a gunshot wound and Drake had fallen into what could be a worse fate; he was married to a woman whom he hated.

I must try to forget that my dream was shattered and stari again.

In a way I was lucky, for this project which demanded my deeply involved attention would help me.

Grand’mere had decided that it would be a good idea if I went to Paris. We had a good manageress in London and with Cassie to help we could leave her in charge. That meant thai Grand’mere, the Countess and I, with Katie, went to Paris.

From time to time the Countess would return to London to make sure that everything was working smoothly there and then she would come back to us.

Katie was delighted with Paris. I had engaged two governesses for her—one French, one English, for as she might be living in France for some time she must become proficient in the language, but at the same time she must not neglect her English studies. Miss Price was earnest and conscientious and just a little prim, a contrast to Mademoiselle Leclerc who was voluble and high-spirited. She came from Lyons where, she assured me, the best French was spoken.

Katie was rather a serious child. She greatly enjoyed the company of Mademoiselle but I think she had a greater respect for Miss Price who imposed strict rules. Katie’s loving nature enabled her to adjust herself to the two and I was amused to see how she changed in their company; she could be quite sedate with Miss Price and frivolous with Mademoiselle Leclerc. I was pleased with the arrangement.

With Mademoiselle she would take her hoop into the gardens; they would ride in steamers along the Seine; she would make the acquaintance of other children there and was soon able to chat with them. With Miss Price she took quiet walks along the river, looking at the books on the stalls and visiting places of historic interest. Miss Price made a point of studying the history connected with the places they visited and afterwards Katie would pass on what she had learned to me and I was pleased and gratified by the knowledge she was acquiring.

There were a few initial difficulties to be smoothed out, but the Countess was adept at dealing with such matters and sooner than I had expected we were establishing ourselves.

I thought of home. In the election which had taken place soon after Drake’s wedding Gladstone had triumphed though without the large majority for which he had hoped and—much to the Queen’s disgust—went to Osborne to kiss her hand. “A deluded old man of eighty-two,” she called him, “trying to govern England with his miserable democrats. He was quite ridiculous.”