The Song Remains the Same (50 page)

From the opposite side of the glass, I watched the nurses hold him down while the doctor administered a sedative. Phil’s wild eyes locked on mine, and I pressed my hand to the glass.

I’m with you, babe,
I thought.
Always.
Then, I brought my hands together before my heart.
Namaste.

His eyes filled with tears, dimming as the sedative took hold. His mouth moved, forming the words,
My wife
.

I watched over him until his eyes closed and didn’t reopen.

Looking harassed, the doctor—Dr. Whitehall—came out of the room, a thunderous glare aimed at me. “Miss—”

“
Doctor
,” I corrected him. “I’m
Dr.
Kenna MacGregor. Licensed MD. And that man in there is my whole life. When he woke up, he found his engagement ring missing, and it upset him. You put him under duress when you ordered me out of the room. If he sustains any further injury, I’m holding you fully accountable!”

Dr. Whitehall recoiled briefly and then seemed to catch himself. “Visiting hours are over for the moment,
Dr.
MacGregor.”

“When will I be able to see him again,
Dr.
Whitehall?” I sneered.

“At nine a.m.”

Checking the clock on the wall behind his head, it read five forty-three. I had over three hours. Glaring at this jerk, I said, “I need his ring, or you’ll have to deal with more of that when he wakes up again without it.”

Dr. Whitehall jerked his head toward the nurses’ station and promptly walked off.

Asshole!

After the sort of commotion Phil had caused, the nurses happily retrieved his ring from his personal effects and handed it over. The look on my face dared them to stop me from going back into his room and slipping the ring onto his finger.

Bending down, I placed a kiss on his hand. “I love you,” I told him. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Don’t…” he moaned softly, not completely out yet.

“Just get some rest. I’ll be back before you know it.”

In the three hours until the next visit, Alys, Connor, and I took ourselves over to the Radisson Hotel and booked a suite for the three of us. With double beds, Alys and I would sleep together, so Connor could spread his giant self out on the other one.

After checking in and dragging our belongings up to our room, Alys did the hardest thing she had ever done, and she called X’s mother. Connor sat on her left while I took the spot on her right, and we gave her all the support in our hearts to go through with the task.

The wretched wail from the other end of the line froze my heart. It was the sound of a mother’s soul being ripped apart by the hands of Fate. Within me, I felt the tiny flame of life flicker, as if caught in the breeze created by that sound. My grandmother’s own soul had once generated that cry into the universe.

Once Alys had recovered from the phone call, I grabbed my stuff and took a long hot shower. Dressing warmly, I prepared for the next round of visiting hours.

“Do you guys want to have breakfast before I head over there?”

Alys shook her head. “I can’t eat.”

The same feeling was in my own gut, but I could use some coffee before heading back out. Connor decided to join me, giving Alys a little time to herself.

“You think she’ll be okay?” he asked as we headed down to the dining room.

“One day,” I replied.

The breakfast buffet had been set up, and I served myself some coffee and a piece of dry toast while Connor piled a plate full of eggs, bacon, and hash browns.

“That’s all you’re eating?” he asked as we picked a table and sat down.

“Not very hungry,” I said.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I broached the subject that had been on my mind for the last few hours. “Phil told me X freaked out on you,” I said softly.

Connor’s jaw froze in mid chew. His eyes clouded with pain, and he nodded. “Yeah, he did.”

“That’s why you were on the roadie bus.”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

Shrugging with emotional discomfort, he replied, “He went apeshit because I had a picture of Alys in my bunk. It’s not like it was something inappropriate. I had pictures of you and Lili in there, too. It was weird. He had to have seen it in there from the beginning, but…”

“But what?”

“He made a massive stink about it and wanted me off the bus.”

As he stared at his eggs, I could tell he was struggling to say the words that were on his mind.

“Just say it,” I told him.

“You know when Mom died, and Lili said Mom knew it was going to happen?”

“Yeah. You think X knew?”

Connor nodded. “He texted me maybe ten minutes before the accident. He said…” Instead of telling me, Connor dug his phone out of his pocket and handed it to me.

X: I’m sorry. Don’t take what I said personal because I didn’t mean any of it. I just needed you off the bus. Take care of our girl. Much love.

“Phil said he was acting weird, that he was worried about X. That’s the last thing he remembers. He has no memory of the accident,” I told him.

“Did you tell him about X?”

“No. There wasn’t time. He woke up and freaked that his DiAblo was missing.”

Connor smirked. “Of all the things to freak out about, he freaks over his missing engagement ring.” He snorted with laughter. “Yeah, yeah, he would.”

Even I couldn’t help the small smile stretching my lips.

The situation I was facing hit me hard. “I don’t know how to tell him that his best friend is dead, Connor. And Tim and Mack…I need to find out how everyone else is doing. Flipper’s and Viv’s family need to be notified of their conditions, and Jason’s…does Jason have any family?” I mused.

“Not really. I mean, I don’t know specifics, but I know his mother is dead, and his father is out of the picture, has been since before he graduated high school. He has a grandmother who lives in the swamp. I get the feeling she’s a voodoo Mambo.”

“For real?” That did come as a surprise.
Jason’s granny, a Mambo?

“Yeah. None of the guys really talk about it. Phil never told you anything?”

“No. I asked Phil about Jason’s family once, but he said he’d have to make sure it was cool with Jason before telling me anything. I left it at that.”

We finished up and headed for the lobby where Connor pulled me in for a giant hug. He was warm, full of life, and willingly lent me his strength.

“I’d come with you…” he started to say.

“But you need to take care of your girl,” I finished.

“We should get a rental car,” he stated. “I’ll try to have that arranged by the time you get back.”

“Okay.”

The cab ride back to the hospital was lonely and silent, and all I could think about was the fact that I was pregnant. Symptoms had been revealing themselves to me—queasiness, exhaustion, and mild cramping. With my strong mental focus, I had been able to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t happening. No one suspected.

Why should they?

My lack of appetite and drained appearance could easily be attributed to the stress of dealing with all of this.

At the nurses’ station in the ICU ward, I once more met up with Dr. Jacobs.

“Hello, Dr. Jacobs,” I said, hoping I sounded warm and friendly.

He smiled. “Dr. MacGregor. I figured you’d have been here when I first arrived.”

“There was an incident,” I replied.

“So I’m aware. I informed Dr. Whitehall that since you are a practicing MD, you are welcome to stay at any given hour and that if your presence will help keep Mr. Deveraux in line, then we shouldn’t dismiss that.”

“Thank you. Before I go to see him, I was wondering if I could check on the others?”

“Of course. They’re all in this ward for the time being.”

The first person I wanted to see was Sheri. I wasn’t the only one. Jason was there, sitting in the armchair next to her bed, holding her hand. He looked as though he had been to hell and back. The left side of his face was bandaged, the eye black and swollen. His dark blue eyes raised to mine and filled with tears.

“Kenna,” he choked.

I rushed to him and took him in my arms.

“Is it true? About X?”

“Yes,” I confirmed, my own eyes burning.

The wail of despair that ripped from his chest should’ve awakened Sheri. I was frightened that it hadn’t.

“What’s with Sheri?” I whispered once he’d calmed down.

“She had internal bleeding. She’s been put in a coma to keep her stable.” He sniffed and wiped his face.

“How are you doing?”

“Mentally or physically?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Not so bad, physically. My face is probably fucked up forever. A piece of glass or somethin’ sliced me open. Bruised all over but nothin’ broken. But my head?” His chest jerked on a repressed sob. “My head ain’t so good.”

“Is there anyone you need me to call? Family or…”

He shook his head. “I called my granny and told her what happened.”

“Okay.”

“The doctor said I’d probably spend tonight here just to make sure nothin’ was goin’ on that they hadn’t found, and then I’d be discharged. I’d like…can you get me some pants? They keep this place so fuckin’ cold.”

“Yes. I’ll give Connor a call and have him bring you some.”

“He’s okay?”

The look of joy that crossed his features at the thought of my brother being fine warmed me.

“Yes. He’s with Alys. Have you seen Flipper?” I asked.

“Yeah. We heard one of the nurses say that they shouldn’t mention X to us, and he hit his morphine button and passed out. I couldn’t believe it. I still…I still can’t. Does Phil…”

Feeling that weight crushing in on my chest, I sighed in an attempt to ease it. “It’s on my to-do list.”

So badly did I not want to be the one to tell Phil that I wished I were in a nightmare and would magically wake up.

Except…this
is
a living nightmare. There is no waking up. If anything, I should be wishing for sleep to take me from this.

Once more, I pulled the armchair close to his bed and released the sidebar so that I could take his hand. I simply sat there, wondering how I should tell him. As a doctor, I would attempt an empathetic approach, but I would be stoic in the face of delivering the news. However…

I’m not just a fucking doctor in this instance. I’m Phil’s other half, his fiancée, a friend of the slain man who had no regrets.

For about an hour, I let the thoughts churn in my brain, when Phil squeezed my hand. Startled, I looked up to find him watching me.

“You’re thinkin’ awfully hard about somethin’.” His voice was as rough as sandpaper.

Silently, I stood and poured him a cup of water, which he gulped down and asked for more.

“So, what is it?”

“I have bad news,” I said.

“What?” he asked. The heart monitor spiked.

Walking around the bed, I clicked the morphine button, hoping the dose would keep him calm.

“Kenna, you’re scarin’ me.”

“I know. I’m scared, too.”

He could see me shaking. Feeling faint, I sat back down, hoping it would pass.

Taking his hand in both of mine, I met his gaze. “Phil, X didn’t make it.”

His eyes widened, and he sucked in a sharp breath. “What?”

“He was killed in the accident.”

“No…” he whispered. “No, Baby…”

The pain in his voice, his eyes…it broke me.

I dropped my head to our hands and tried to hold in my sobs. “I’m so sorry!”

“It can’t be,” he whispered and then choked. Then, the enormity of the situation slammed into him full force.

Carefully, I sat down on the bed and put my arms around his shoulders, cradling his face to my neck. His right arm came up and crushed me to him, his hand fisting in my hair. I welcomed the pain. It made it easy for me to internalize it.

Behind me, the bed sagged under the weight of Jason. Phil pulled him in, and I was sandwiched between two wretches, heavily grieving for their fallen brother. An eternity passed before they were able to silence their cries.

Phil fell back into his pillow, taking me with him. “What about everyone else?”