The Space in Between (40 page)

Let’s pretend for a second that Emery and Christian are a forever and always couple. That they have every intention of staying together and being the high school sweethearts that stand the test of time, or rather, real life. 

What happens ten or twenty years from now, when they realize they jumped into this way too soon and eventually split?

I’ll tell you what’s going to happen.

Emotional chaos, that’s what.

I know this because I lived it.

Once upon a time, in a land not so far, far away, I was my daughter. I was that same doe eyed seventeen year old girl that met a boy in high school and proceeded to fall. Hard. Giving all of myself to him until there was nothing left and being left behind a couple of years later with nothing but a baby to show for it.

A baby that I love more than anything and will go to my grave protecting.

The only difference between my situation and the example above being, that for me it happened far sooner. We didn’t even make it five years, much less ten or twenty.

I don’t want that for Emery. She shouldn’t have to repeat my mistakes. And when—not if—Christian pulls the same thing and they break up, that is exactly what’s going to happen, which is where my resistance comes in. Think what you will about my mental state, but I refuse to watch my daughter live through everything I did, not when she deserves so much more than that. 

Enough about me. Let’s go back to my original example. Let’s say they split up. What will it mean for Nicholas and me?              

Both of them, brokenhearted, will reach out to us, and when they do, it will take Nicholas in one direction while I go down another, our loyalties to our children winning out over the bonds formed by marriage. Sure, it might be selfish, thinking about us in this scenario when the emphasis should be on our kids, but when faced with the very real possibility of these things happening based on the way relationships that start in high school seem to evolve and change over time, it’s hard not to go there.

The family dynamic that Emery has spent the better part of her life wishing for, handed to her on a silver platter, but with a breakup, stripped away and broken down until the rubble extends to not only her and Christian, but us as well.

Bringing all of this to Nicholas’s attention, voicing my very real concerns, has only earned me a rebuff. He can’t seem to see past the here and now to what lies next and if the way he stormed from here earlier is any indication, it’s as I said before and we’ve reached what quite possibly could be the end of us because this is something neither of us wants to bend on. 

Our one deal breaker.

*****

“You accuse me of focusing too much on their happiness in the moment, yet you stand here doing the same thing for their future.”

We’ve been trapped in this battle of wills for what feels like hours when the reality is, it’s only been about twenty minutes and the night originally started out calm.

If we could just go back to our quiet dinner, everything would be perfect, but of course, just like every other night this week, we’re talking about Emery and Christian even though they’re no longer together.

“As I recall, it was you that made mention of my ability to think long term. You called it an asset.”

“And I stick by my original statement. Your ability to see things and put them into perspective in a long term way is fantastic, but I just don’t see this instance being the place for it. Planning trips, budgeting, saving for the future or investing in a company. In all of those ways, among quite a few others I haven’t mentioned, the way you think is definitely an asset, but not here. Not where our children are concerned.”

“That’s where we differ, because I think this is the best possible place for it.”

“Rose, whether you like it or not, they’re adults. Christian is eighteen and Emery is going to be soon. As much as we’d like to continue having them abiding by our rules and doing things the way we believe is right for them, they’re going to graduate, move out and have to make their own choices. One of the biggest being who they want to spend the rest of their lives with.”

“Is this the point where you blame me, yet again, for them not being together?”

“Now you’re just putting words in my mouth. I never said that you were the reason for their breakup.”

“No, you just implied it.”

“I did nothing of the sort, but since you have no problem accusing me of it, maybe it’s time that I did. Might as well stop making a liar out of you.”

Having heard more than enough of his holier than thou attitude, I give in and let him have it. If it’s a fight he’s after tonight then he’s going to get one.

“By all means, let me have it, but while you’re taking my inventory, you might want to also take your own.”

“Excuse me?” he snaps. “Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that while you’re telling me how to feel about my daughter dating your son, especially with us getting married in less than four months, you’re completely ignoring your own place in this. What you did that got us to this point.”

“And what exactly is it you think I did?”

“If you had spent more time with Christian after losing Emily, maybe he wouldn’t have sought out my daughter and made her his entire world.”

Shaking his head, he turns toward the window and with a heavy sigh makes his way over, completely turning his back on me as he focuses his attention outside. Distancing himself the only way he knows how from the horrible thing that I realized I said almost the second it came out. Words I wish I could rewind and take back because they were never meant to be said. The anger that I’ve been holding onto and bringing into our arguments is venomous and so unlike me that I’m having a hard time believing it’s even me standing here in the moment now.

It’s not supposed to be like this. I’m not supposed to be like this. 

“Nick…”

“No, Rose. You made your point loud and clear and you’re right. Maybe instead of throwing myself into work after Emily died, I should have paid more attention to my son’s pain. I regret the way I did things, but that has absolutely nothing at all to do with this. I saw what I was doing and have been working my ass off ever since trying to rectify the damage.”

He’s right and I want to express that to him, but something tells me with what I’ve stepped in, he’s in no mood to hear it.

How did things get so bad? For the last eight months, we’ve had this whirlwind courtship that would make most jealous. Why did it have to turn so ugly? It doesn’t even feel like we’re the same two people that found each other over coffee anymore.

Maybe Emery and Christian aren’t the ones needing to break up. Maybe it was us all along.

“But you,” he continues, turning and staring me down. “You’ve poisoned yourself against the thought of our children being in love and put your own past on them so heavily that you’re sitting in this house alone. So tell me, which one of us is really in the wrong here?”

I’ve earned every bit of his malice toward me. I never should have said what I did about him, especially attacking how he reacted after he lost his wife.

His one true love. 

“Neither of us. We’re both just doing the best we know how under the circumstances.”

“You know, normally I would agree with you, but you’re not doing that and I sure as hell know that I’m not. I can do a whole lot better and it’s about damn time I did.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I need some space. I can’t do this with you, not when I’m of better use at home with the son that actually does still need me.”

*****

Just like that he was gone.

Walking out of my home, and quite possibly my life just as quickly as he entered it eight months before.

But if I thought it would end there, I was sadly mistaken. There was another Cayne waiting around the bend with a few choices words for me.

One I was going to have no other choice but hear out.

Whether I liked it or not.

Christian

The last thing I expect to see when I pull up at Emery’s is my dad storming from the house, his jaw rigid, his eyes full of fire as the anger propels him across the lawn at lightning speed.

Jumping down out of the truck and jogging over to where he’s about to get into the car, I call out before he can slide inside.

“Chris? What are you doing here?”

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to do and I couldn’t put it off anymore.”

My admission earns me an eyebrow raise and a slight twist of his head toward the house he just exited from.

“Emery isn’t here, son. She hasn’t been for a while.”

“I’m not here for her.”

As expected, he’s confused and with the way that came out, so am I. Of course I’m here for Emery. It just so happens the best shot at getting to her is through her mom.

“I mean, I’m here for Emery, but to talk to Rose.”

“Chris, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why?”

“It’s just not the best time.”

“Because you two are still fighting?”

Nodding weakly, he turns his attention away from the house and the woman I guarantee is on the other side looking just as worn as he does as his eyes meet mine again.

“Dad, I’m gonna make all of this right, I swear.”

“You’ve got nothing to make right, Chris. What’s happening between Rosie and I is on us.”

“Is this where you give me the ‘adult issues need to be dealt with by the adults’ speech again? Because Dad, I’ve heard it way too many times and I’m not a kid anymore.”

Chuckling a little under his breath, his eyes soften as he reaches out and grips my shoulder.

“Was the speech really that bad?”

“Coming from Officer Cayne, no, but coming from my dad, yeah. It was pretty bad.” I joke and the hold he has on my shoulder gets heavier as he squeezes it three times in succession. His silent way of expressing how he feels.

That he loves me.

Being here now and having him doing this makes what I’m here to do even more important. I’m right where I need to be. For Emery
and
my dad.

“Are you sure you want to risk going in that house? I can’t exactly say she’ll be pleased to see you with the way we left things.”

He brings up a good question. What did happen in there. 

“How bad was it?”

“If something doesn’t give soon, it looks like both Cayne men will be back on the market.”

“Are you still fighting about us?” I ask, not even bothering to say her name, knowing he’ll understand.

“Yes and no. Our emotions are on high alert with everything that’s happened and we’re both saying things we don’t really mean. We just need some time apart.”

“Like you and mom used to when you’d fight about work?”

“Exactly. Which is why I’m not sure that speaking to her right now will have the effect you’re hoping it does.”

“How do you know what I’m here to say?”

“Because I know you, and I also know how much you care about that girl and want to bring her home.”

“If I wanted to bring her home, you gave me her aunt’s address. I could easily have gone there instead of coming here.”

“I’m well aware, which makes me think that you’re smarter than you look.” He laughs and I just shake my head. Leave it to my dad to be completely pissed off one second and flipping to humorous and concerned in the very next breath.

“Well, there had to be something I inherited from you, right? I mean this much awesome couldn’t have been all mom’s doing.”

“It was actually, but nice attempt at kissing my ass.”

“Go home, Dad. I got it from here. If what you need is a break from Rose, sticking around her driveway probably isn’t gonna help.” I change the subject when he finally releases the hold on the shoulder and casts one more look back at the house.

“Yeah, you know, I think I will, but if you need me—”

“I know where you live.” I finish giving him a quick hug before breaking away and making a beeline straight for what’s waiting for me on the other side of the door. 

*****

“Christian!” she exclaims opening the door. “What are you doing here?”

“May I come in?”

“Emery isn’t here.”

“She hasn’t been here for weeks. I’m here to speak with you. May I please come in?”

Moving back from the door, she makes a sweeping motion with her hand, giving her unspoken consent for me to come in, and kicking off my shoes once I’m in, I head straight into the living room. Taking a seat on the sofa as she makes her way in and does the same to her recliner, I have just enough time to lean forward before the questions start.

“So, Chris, what can I do for you?”

Well, for starters, you can accept the fact that I’m in love with you daughter.

If I want to get through to her, letting my thoughts do the talking is probably not the way to go. I’ve got to play this smart or I’m going to lose the one shot I’ve got at getting through to her and bringing Emery home. So instead of saying what I really want to, I try a different way.

“Do you love my dad?”

“More than anything.” She answers easily. “But what does that have to do with why you’re here?”

“How does he make you feel when you’re together?”

“Christian, I’m not sure what business this is of yours. You have every right to ask me some things about my relationship with your dad, but there are some that need to remain private.”

“So you can’t tell me how he makes you feel? That’s something I don’t have the right to know?”

“That’s not what I’m saying…I’m sorry. I just don’t see what good telling you any of this will do.”

“It will help me understand you. I’m here because I want the chance to do that, but also because I think we might have a lot in common and I want to see if I’m right.”

“And what is it that you think we have in common?”

“In order for it to make sense, I think maybe I should tell you how Emery made me feel first. Maybe if I can put what I feel when I’m with her in the right context, you’ll understand what I’m getting at and you can answer the question.”