The Squashed Man Who Married a Dragon (14 page)

I have come at last to realise that nearly all females are far superior to myself. This has taken a lifetime for the penny to drop – partly because I'm a flexible thinker and also because of stubbornness and the refusal to give in, I have tried to cling to male supremacy.

The Great One takes delight in telling people ‘he's deaf (you know stone deaf)', I'm not. I have a hearing problem – I am hearingly challenged – because I'm a kindly soul and like a quiet life, after bitter disputes about the volume of sound on TV, I now wear state of the art digital extra thin NHS hearing aids.

However, I still get the occasional message wrong. Someone may ask me if I'd like another cup of tea, and I could reply ‘Yes, I think it would be better in green.' Sometimes with really humorous results.

One such occasion was with our only granddaughter, Lola, a most beautiful and intelligent girl – who so far as I know, has never put a foot wrong or had an incorrect thought, in her life and she is now ten. I could bore the world rigid with praise for Lola – who will in time be the first World President without doubt.

But, when she was five, I was talking to her daddy in their kitchen and Lola came in — ‘Grandpa', she said ‘I want to kiss you'. I bent down swept her up, smothered her in kisses, overjoyed with a grandpa's love…. When at last I put her down, with hands on her hips and in the kindest and most understanding way, she said ‘No, Grandpa, I want a tissue?'

From the pinnacled might of her grandma to the miniature guardian of the future, they reign on high and lofty pedestals, whilst I remain on flat rock bottom – just hoping for a kind word.

This is…………

THE END

……….. except

Much, much later we were sitting around licking our wounds, after the last skirmish in the fifty years war. The Dragon spoke……. . she even called me by name, in an almost kind and caring way. You really can't list all those names, she purred. I understand why, you want to include your youngest brother Neil, OK……. our family, Wells and Neil yes. Of course my sisters Penny and Mandy……. but all those names…. . really.

I must I pleaded, I just can't leave out my friends, they are part of my life,…. only…. david, rob, ron, clive, jeremy, anthony, derek, bob, brandon, stephen, nick, norman, tony L, tony B, rod, paul, michael, rick, richard, ade, ted, jim, roland, edmund, peter M, peter N… john, colin, rafael, jose, juan, alphonso, paco, pepe………STOP…STOP, she snorted, I HAVE SAID NO!…. I WON'T HAVE IT…. ALL THOSE NAMES…. IN MY BOOK NO WAY!

This is about pain, suffering, the story of a SQUASHED MAN. No joy or pleasure here……thank you.

NOW YOU HAVE BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, she screamed,……. then opening her mouth wider, she breathed out smoke and flames……….

Then FIRE AND DESTRUCTION………….