The Sun in Her Eyes (6 page)

‘I’ll get these,’ Josh says when he notices me getting out my purse. ‘What would you like?’

‘I might go for a glass of red, thanks.’

‘Nell?’ he asks. She opts for white.

‘Did you see Ethan?’ I ask Josh as soon as Tina and Nell are safely ensconced in conversation.

‘Oh, yeah!’ he exclaims as he remembers. ‘He was stoked to hear you’re in Adelaide. Said he might pop in tonight.’

‘Really?’ If I’m still capable of blushing, I clearly haven’t drunk enough. I reach for the glass of wine the bargirl has just poured, hoping to rectify that.

‘Who are you talking about?’ Tina asks.

‘Ethan,’ Josh replies.

Nell shakes her head unhappily. ‘Such a bummer about him and Sadie. Did you hear they’ve separated?’ she asks me.

‘Josh told me,’ I reply. ‘It’s awful. I haven’t seen them together in years, but they always seemed happy.’

Sadie didn’t come to my wedding. She had a stomach bug, apparently, so Ethan brought the kids on his own.

‘They argued a lot, didn’t they?’ Tina glances at Josh for confirmation.

‘Christ, yeah,’ he mutters.

‘Their poor girls.’ Nell shakes her head with compassion.

‘How old are they now?’ I ask.

I don’t really expect anyone to know the exact answer, so I’m surprised when Tina replies confidently, ‘Penelope is eight and Rachel has just turned five.’

‘Oh dear,’ I murmur. I feel sorry for all of them, even Sadie, who I’ve never quite forgiven for stealing Ethan away from me.

I don’t mean in a boyfriend capacity, I’m not that demented. But about three months after they started dating, he began to withdraw from our friendship, not turning up to my
seventeenth birthday party, cancelling a trip to the movies that we’d organised after bumping into each other in the street, that sort of thing. It was more noticeable than when he’d
been out with other girls, and I honestly think that Sadie stopped him from seeing me. I don’t know why – it’s not like I was a threat. If he wanted me, he would have done
something about it.

‘It’s a bit awkward, actually, isn’t it?’ Tina draws my attention back to the group. She’s looking at Josh, but she glances at me and explains. ‘Josh and
Ethan are mates, and I’ve got to know Sadie over the years, so we feel kind of caught in the middle.’

‘I didn’t know you knew Sadie.’ I’m not at all fond of this fact.

‘She used to come into the salon to get her hair cut. Hasn’t been in for a while,’ Tina comments thoughtfully before shrugging. ‘Maybe it’s awkward for her, too.
Anyway, we used to babysit the girls occasionally.’

‘Did you?’ I ask with surprise. She and Josh know them well enough to babysit their children?

‘Not so much anymore,’ she clarifies with downturned lips.

I take a sip of my drink, trying to quell my uneasy stomach. It’s been so long since Ethan and I had a proper conversation. I wonder what it will be like if he joins us tonight. At our
wedding, my lasting image of him is with two children in tow, one hanging off his leg, another on his shoulders. We barely spoke, but I remember seeing him smile and laugh a lot. He was genuinely
happy for Ned and me, and there I was, splitting apart inside.

I shouldn’t have invited him. I didn’t think he’d come, to be honest. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in years, but he was so deeply entwined with my childhood memories
that it didn’t feel right to get married in Australia and not invite my oldest friend.

Dad has a fear of flying, so Ned and I knew that, if we wanted him to walk me down the aisle, we’d have to go to him. We organised what we could from the other side of the world, and Nell
and Tina helped with some of the finer details.

My job as a teacher meant that I had six weeks of summer holidays at my disposal, so I flew on my own to Australia in August, a year and a half ago, to see to some last-minute preparations. Ned
joined me the week before our wedding, and afterwards we flew home via Thailand for our honeymoon. It should have been blissful – it certainly was for Ned. But inside, I felt fractured.

When I walked down the aisle to my cute, funny, clever boyfriend of over five years, all I could think about was the green-eyed, dark-haired man sitting five rows back from the front in the
right-hand aisle. I forced myself to keep my eyes on Ned but, as I moved past Ethan, I felt like a part of my heart tore off and stayed with him. Everyone thought it was sweet that I sniffed when I
said my vows. No one knows my darkest secret. I wasn’t emotional because I was so happy to be marrying the love of my life. I was emotional because it had suddenly sunk in that the love of my
life had married someone else, and now I was also taking steps to be lost to him forever.

Seeing Ethan with his children at the reception, laughing good-naturedly as his younger daughter bounced up and down on his shoulders, cut me to my core. I tried not to look at him, but somehow
he always seemed to be in my peripheral vision.

And even though I smiled and laughed my way through our wedding and the ensuing honeymoon, inside I was crying, hurting,
dying
, and I know that sounds melodramatic, but Ethan
saved
me when he became my friend. I was a lost little lamb until he found me. I owe him so much.

As though I were sensing his presence, my eyes gravitate towards the door, and there he is, scanning the bar for us. His forest-green eyes land on me and his face lights up with the biggest,
most enchanting smile, the dimple that hooked me line and sinker firmly indented into his right cheek.

Oh, I’m in trouble. I’m in trouble, big time.

‘A!’ he shouts with an enormous grin as he strides purposefully towards me, using the nickname he came up with in high school. I get down from my stool and then
I’m in his arms and he’s squeezing me hard against his broad chest, so hard in fact that I’m struggling to inhale.

He pulls away only far enough to take my face in his hands, smiling down at me, while my heart pounds against both of our ribcages. ‘Fucking A,’ he says with amusement, using my
other
nickname. A vision comes back to me of him shouting this at me across the school playing field at lunchtime, his latest girlfriend looking irritated by his side. ‘I can’t
believe you’re here!’ he exclaims, entertaining our friends with our little reunion.

‘You’re squashing me,’ I say through gritted teeth.

He laughs and hugs me again, rocking me back and forth as though I’m his favourite thing in the whole world.

‘Can’t. Actually. Breathe,’ I manage to say. I hate him for being so endearing.

He laughs and lets me go, putting a couple of feet between us.

I suck in a deep breath as he looks me up and down, a twinkle in his eye. ‘Look at you. Christ, you’re a babe.’

‘Ethan!’ I admonish, shoving him playfully.

He catches my hand and holds it against his chest, making my knees turn to jelly. ‘It is so good to see you,’ he says earnestly.

His smile falls as he shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry to hear about your dad.’

‘Yeah. It’s been pretty tough.’ The feeling of his heart pulsing against my palm is addling my brain, so I gently but firmly extract my hand.

‘How is he?’ he asks sympathetically, dragging over a stool beside me.

‘He’s… Well, it was bad, but thankfully Liz was there when it happened so they got him into a stroke unit really quickly.’

It occurs to me that he hasn’t even said hello to the others yet. I lean backwards so I’m not blocking him.

‘Sorry, do you want to say hi?’ I prompt.

‘Nah, I see these bastards all the time,’ he jokes, pretending to dismiss them before reaching forward to shake hands with Josh. He musses Tina’s hair affectionately and pats
Nell on her back, before returning his full attention to me.

‘How are things?’ he asks. ‘Aside from Len,’ he clarifies. ‘How’s Ned?’

Ethan was always totally at ease talking about my boyfriends. My husband is no exception.

‘He’s good,’ I reply. ‘He’s just been promoted so he couldn’t come with me.’

‘That’s a shame,’ he commiserates. ‘But great about his promotion. He’s in advertising, right?’

‘Yes. Creative Director now.’ I smile.

‘That’s cool.’ He looks impressed. ‘I could have done with picking his brains. Bummer he’s not here.’

‘Mmm. How are you? I heard about Sadie,’ I add with concern.

‘Yeah, it’s been a tricky year.’ He sounds dejected. ‘I’ll fill you in sometime.’

‘Okay.’ I move on to what I hope will be a happier subject. ‘How are your parents?’

‘They’re good,’ he replies, his smile slotting back into place. He loves his parents to bits. ‘I’m working with Dad full time now,’ he tells me.

‘Are you? At the winery?’

‘Yeah. He’s a bit of a bugger sometimes. Doesn’t like change. But Mum’s been doing these fantastic organised dinner parties. It’s going really well. Hey, I need to
get myself a drink,’ he says suddenly, remembering that he’s empty-handed. He pats his pocket for his wallet. ‘Anyone empty?’ He turns to address the others, but we’re
all still half-full. ‘I might get a bottle of red. What are you drinking?’ he asks me as he gets to his feet, glancing at my wine glass.

‘I don’t know. Josh got it for me.’

He takes the glass out of my hand and sniffs at the liquid, before pulling a face. ‘That smells Bretty.’

I stare at him blankly.

‘Brettanomyces,’ he explains. ‘It’s a fungal infection. Can’t you taste it? Sort of dirty, earthy, damp?’

‘Oh, maybe a little. I thought it was meant to taste like that.’

‘No. The barrel was probably contaminated.’ He gets up to go to the bar, plonking my glass on the bar top and pushing it away, giving it a dirty look.

The bargirl comes over and I turn to my friends. ‘Does he do that sort of thing often?’

‘Occasionally,’ Tina replies with a smirk.

He returns with a bottle of red and a few glasses. I wait for him to sniff at his own wine before daring to try mine.

‘Ooh, that’s really nice,’ I say. ‘Is it one of yours?’ I reach behind me to pick up the bottle from the bar top.

‘Nah. They don’t stock Lockwood House here,’ he says as I study the label.

‘Why not?’ I put the bottle back.

‘We’re too expensive,’ he says. ‘But I want to expand and do a white at a lower price point. We’re actually buying some land up in Eden Valley.’

‘I had no idea you were so involved. You weren’t interested in the business at all when we were younger.’

‘No,’ he admits. ‘That all changed a few years ago, so I went to uni and did a course in oenology and viticulture.’

‘What’s that?’

He’s amused by my vacant look. ‘Wine making and grape growing.’

‘Oh.’ Couldn’t he have said that? ‘What did that involve?’

‘Learning about plant genomics, crop improvement, sustainable agriculture, dry-land farming and a few other bits and pieces.’

‘You sound like you’re speaking in another language,’ I say wryly.

He grins. ‘I could talk for hours about this subject, but I’d bore you to tears.’

I like his passion, but I’m surprised. He was never particularly studious when we were at school. Has he changed that much? It doesn’t seem like he’s changed at all.

‘We should have kept in touch more,’ he says with a meaningful look.

‘Mmm.’ Butterflies swarm into my tummy, bloody things. I shift on my bar stool.

‘How long are you staying?’ he asks. ‘You should come and see Mum and Dad while you’re here.’

‘I would love to,’ I reply warmly. ‘I’ll be here for at least five more weeks.’

‘God, they’d love to see you,’ he says, eyeing me speculatively. ‘Maybe you could come to one of Mum’s dinner parties.’

‘Does that invitation extend to all of us?’ Josh interjects. ‘He’s been saying that for years,’ he points out sardonically.

‘Bullshit,
years
,’ Ethan replies, rolling his eyes. ‘Been a bit distracted lately, mate,’ he says convivially, but with an edge. He pats him on his shoulder.
‘But of course you can all come. I’ll talk to Mum about dates.’

‘Oh, here’s Julian!’ Nell cries, her face lighting up. I look over my shoulder to see a stocky bloke in a checked shirt and jeans approaching. He’s a bit red-faced and
sweaty – he must’ve rushed to get here.

‘Hi,’ Nell says cheerfully, sliding off her stool to give him a kiss. She goes around the group, introducing us, and after that I make an effort to be sociable.

Soon, a few more of Tina and Josh’s friends turn up so I don’t find myself talking to Ethan again properly until we decide to move on to another bar. He throws his arm around my
shoulders as we walk, in that casual, comfortable way that he used to have with me when we were teenagers.

‘Where are you staying while you’re here?’ he asks.

‘With Liz.’ My voice lacks enthusiasm, but my heart is palpitating.

‘How is the old goat?’ he asks jovially.

‘She’s alright,’ I say. ‘Still a bit annoying.’

‘At least she’s been there for your dad, though, eh?’

‘Yes. True.’

The thought comes to mind that if Liz left Dad now we’d be buggered. How could I go home if he had no one else here for him? Maybe I should be more generous towards her. It can’t be
easy for her.

Ethan lets me go to open the door of the next bar and we all file inside.

‘What are you having?’ he asks me.

‘Hadn’t I better let you choose?’ I reply, deadpan.

‘She’s a fast learner,’ Josh jokes. ‘Can you get me and Teens a couple of beers?’

We take a few more orders and then I go with Ethan to the bar and wait while he interrogates the girl serving, eventually making a decision.

‘So what do you do at the winery?’ I ask him as we go to join our friends at a table.

‘A bit of everything. Mostly I run the Cellar Door tasting and sales room and help Dad with the blending.’

‘What does that mean exactly?’ I hand out beers to those who asked for them and take a seat, while Ethan pours wine for the rest of us.

‘The Cellar Door is basically our shop where we sell to the public, so I handle wine tastings and events, bus tours, that sort of thing. I also sell in to the trade.’