The Sun in Her Eyes (26 page)

I can’t help pursing my lips at him.

‘Fucking hell, A,’ he says gruffly, pulling me away from the tree trunk and into his arms. He buries his head in my shoulder and holds me so tightly that after a moment some of the
tension leaves my body.

‘I don’t know what we’re doing, either,’ he says eventually. ‘But surely it’s too soon to be making massive, life-changing decisions?’

‘So you don’t want me to divorce Ned?’ I ask outright.

‘Christ, I don’t know,’ he replies, a little frustrated. ‘I’m not even divorced myself, yet. Don’t you think we’re jumping the gun?’

I pause a moment before answering. ‘Maybe,’ I agree and he sighs.

‘Listen, I’ve got to get back to work.’ He scratches his head.

I nod curtly. ‘Okay.’

He reaches for my hand and tugs me towards him, bending down to kiss the hollow of my neck. I shiver involuntarily, but I’m still deeply unsettled in the pit of my stomach. When he lets me
go, I feel empty.

Ned is already waiting in the cinema foyer when I arrive for our first official date, and I catch him checking his watch. His face breaks into a bashful smile when he sees me
hurrying towards him.

‘I’m so sorry I’m late!’

‘It’s okay,’ he replies, grinning at me and making my heart flip because he’s just as cute as I remembered him.

‘I finished work early and decided to kill time by going shopping, then got stuck in a queue,’ I explain.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ He’s still smiling as he bends down to kiss me hello. I make my own beeline for his cheek, realising too late that he was aiming for my lips. My
face heats up as we pull away and I have to fight the urge to cool it down in my cold hands.

‘What shall we see?’ I ask, hoping to distract him by focusing on the film times.

‘Um, it all looks a bit shit, I’m afraid.’ I laugh and he shrugs. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t really think this through. I’ve heard good things about
In
Bruges
but it’s already been and gone. Is there anything you want to see?’

‘Er, I don’t know,’ I reply after scanning the titles. ‘We could do something else?’

He laughs with embarrassment. ‘Sorry about this.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ I say, arm-bumping him. ‘Shall we get a bite to eat instead?’

Twenty minutes later, we’re seated at a candlelit table for two in the window of a cosy Italian restaurant that we happened across in the back streets of Camden. Neither
of us has any idea whether the food will be any good, but we figured we couldn’t go too wrong with pasta, and the setting is nice. It’s a wet, blustery evening and there’s
something exceedingly lovely about being snug indoors in full view of the trees outside swaying in the wind.

The waiter pours our wine and leaves us to it. We smile at each other over the rim of our glasses as we each take a sip.

‘Well,’ I say. ‘I’m pleased you survived last night.’

‘Me too,’ he agrees seriously. ‘But I was worried about you today.’

‘Were you?’ I ask with amusement.

‘Very,’ he replies, bringing his backpack out from under the table and unzipping it to reveal my red scarf inside. ‘Thank God you had a spare.’ He nods at the blue scarf
draped over the back of my seat as he hands over my red one.

‘Aah, but this is my favourite.’ I take it from him with a smile.

‘Is it? It smells of your perfume,’ he says.

‘Does it, now?’ I raise one eyebrow at him and he stares at the ceiling.

‘I really wasn’t planning on admitting that,’ he replies eventually, shaking his head with mild discomfort.

I giggle and then lean forward, changing the subject. ‘So guess what nearly made me miss my stop this morning?’

His eyes light up. ‘Are you enjoying it?’

He knows immediately that I’m talking about
Twilight
, the book he lent me.

‘Loving it,’ I reply ardently. ‘I started reading it last night and couldn’t put it down for two hours. I’m knackered!’ I exclaim.

He grins. ‘Damn, does that mean I can’t keep you up all night?’

‘You can keep me up all night, if you want to,’ I reply flippantly, my eyes widening a split second later. ‘I do
not
mean that how it came out,’ I say
pointedly.

He laughs and rakes his hand through his sandy hair, not taking his hazel eyes from mine. His hair is all mussed up, but I like it like that.

My butterflies don’t let up over the course of dinner. He’s funny, charming, smart and cute as hell. When we’re waiting for the bill, I leave my hand on the table between us
and he leans forward and gently takes it, running his thumb along the edge of my forefinger. His touch prompts little sparks of electricity to zip up my arm and heat my bloodstream.

‘What now?’ he asks as we walk out of the restaurant, still buttoning up our coats. The wine has gone straight to my head – I don’t know how he’s faring.

‘How about our local for last orders?’

‘Good plan.’ He watches me as I wind my red scarf around my neck. We lock eyes and I think he’s going to step forward and kiss me, but he doesn’t.

The atmosphere is charged as we ride the bus home. Despite how comfortably we conversed during dinner, we seem to have very little to say to each other. We sit side by side and he takes my hand
again, this time holding it in his lap. It is astonishing to me how the tiny circular movement of his thumb on my wrist is making me tingle all over. I feel like a coiled spring by the time
we’re seated in a dark corner of the pub.

‘Do you like living around here?’ I wonder why I’m feeling more nervous now than I did when I saw him in the cinema foyer.

‘Yeah, it’s great,’ he replies with a small smile, glancing at my mouth.

I have a flashback to him kissing me last night and have to will myself to focus. ‘How much longer will you be able to get away with crashing on your mate’s sofa?’

He shrugs. ‘I don’t know. A week or two. I’m checking out a couple of places tomorrow. Craig’s pretty laid-back. We shared a house at university.’

‘Shame he doesn’t have a second bedroom.’

‘Yeah, that would have been ideal.’

‘Will you try to find something around here?’ I ask hopefully.

‘Would you like me to?’ he replies.

‘Yes,’ I tell him with a smile.

His gaze drops to my mouth again and I shiver.

‘I can’t believe I’ve never seen you on the bus before,’ I murmur, wishing he’d just get it over with and kiss me.

He smiles. ‘I’ve seen you three times. It’s your hair.’ He reaches forward, but stops short of touching my auburn locks. ‘It stands out.’ He looks thoughtful.
‘Do you wear glasses sometimes?’

I nod. ‘But mostly I wear contacts.’

‘Glasses suit you. You look sexy,’ he adds, grinning around the mouth of his beer bottle as he takes a swig.

I laugh. ‘That’s a shame, because I’m getting my eyes lasered the week after next.’

‘Are you?’ He recoils. ‘That would totally freak me out.’

‘I don’t think I’m going to enjoy it,’ I concede with a smile.

‘Do you want me to come and hold your hand?’ he asks cheekily.

I shake my head. ‘That would be way too distracting.’

I notice my voice sounds husky and his eyes appear to darken.

‘Would it?’ he asks, raising one eyebrow and instinctively reaching for my hand again.

‘Mmm-hmm.’ My heartbeat accelerates as he slides his hand up my arm and pulls me towards him. A moment later, we’re kissing.

The world around us seems to fall away – the busy pub, the late-night revellers, the loud music…

‘I’ve been thinking all day about doing this,’ he says against my lips.

‘You’ve been wasting time,’ I reply, but he kisses me before I can smile.

When the lights go on in the pub, I’ve already made up my mind to invite him home. Josie is visiting her parents up north this weekend, so we’ll have the place to ourselves. I
don’t know if I’ll have the willpower to resist him if he tries to take it further than kissing on the sofa, but right now, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

‘Do you want a drink?’ I ask, my nerves returning as we walk into the dark flat, me switching on lights as I go. ‘Beer, wine, tea, coffee?’

‘I’d love a beer if you’ve got one,’ he replies.

I get him a beer and pour a glass of wine for myself, then we head into the living room. I put on some music and take a seat beside him on the sofa.

‘I like your place,’ he says, looking around at the shabby-chic interior.

‘Thanks. I only rent it, but I asked the landlord if I could paint it when I moved in. I’ve lived here for just over a year.’

‘Who do you live with?’

‘A Yorkshire lass called Josie. She’s nice. She’s a nurse.’

We fall silent and just stare at each other for a long moment, not feeling the need to make small talk. He reaches across and tangles his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck before
drawing me towards him.

His kisses make me shiver – they seem to get better every time, our tongues dancing slowly and erotically against each other.

‘I’m going to spill my wine if you’re not careful,’ I say breathily, breaking away.

He places his beer on the table and I do the same with my glass, before returning to his embrace. My blood pumps hot and fast around my body as he manoeuvres me to straddle his lap. He kisses my
neck, and then pauses and inhales deeply.

‘You’re so sexy,’ he says in a low voice, nibbling my jaw and making me gulp as his hands snake around my waist, pulling me harder against him.

I’m a goner. I can’t resist this. If he wants me, I’m his.

Well done, Amber, a nasty little voice at the back of my mind says. Well done for never managing to find the willpower that you’ve always lacked, from high school right through to
university and beyond. I’m disappointed with myself. But still I can’t stop.

Ned draws back and holds my face in place, inches from his. It’s all I can do to stare back at him.

‘God, I fancy you,’ he says.

I bite my lip and he leans forward and sucks it out from between my teeth.

‘I could kiss you all night,’ he adds.

Is that all?

A memory slams into me of something Liz once said.
‘You dirty little slut!’
She’d found me in bed at the age of sixteen with my boyfriend at the time. We’d only
been going out a few weeks.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asks, seeing my face.

I shake my head. ‘Nothing.’

If I’m dirty and a slut, so be it. People don’t change.

‘Tell me,’ he prompts. ‘You want me to go?’

‘No!’ I exclaim. ‘I want you to stay,’ I whisper.

His eyes blaze as my admission sinks in, and my own heartbeat becomes more frantic. He wants this, too, that’s all too clear.

I like him so much… But will he still be here in the morning?

Liz is practising relaxation techniques with Dad again. It seems to have become part of their morning routine, but it renders me completely useless. If I try to do anything
helpful like tidy up the kitchen, she calls through to tell me to be quiet.

Dad and I
were
focusing on his speech therapy in the mornings when she was at work. I’d encourage him to say, ‘Round and round the ragged rocks the ragged rascal ran,’
until I was blue in the face.

Now Liz has wrested control.

It’s not that I don’t understand where she’s coming from. She’s been on leave since Monday and she doesn’t want to sit around doing nothing. But this is just
another solid reminder that the house is not big enough for both of us.

Yesterday she asked me when I was flying home. I replied that I wasn’t sure and she frowned.

‘Haven’t you booked a return ticket?’ she demanded to know.

I replied yes, for the end of next week, but I was planning on changing it again.

‘Why?’ She looked baffled.

‘Because Dad might need me when you go back to work.’

She shook her head. ‘I think Ned might need you more than Len does at the moment, judging by the amount of times he’s tried to call.’

I was one step away from telling her to mind her own business.

Last night, Ned threatened to get on a plane to Australia. I told him I needed more time to think without him landing on me unexpectedly. I also reminded him that flights get booked up months in
advance and with Easter it’d be even busier.

That took the wind out of his sails. I sincerely hope he doesn’t do anything stupid like put his name on a waiting list.

‘Don’t forget I have my meeting tonight,’ Liz calls after me as I gather my things together. I’m going to meet Nell for lunch, seeing as I’m not
needed here.

‘I’ll be back this afternoon, don’t worry,’ I reply, closing the door to the sound of her urging Dad to breathe slowly and deeply.

I’m early so I go for a wander around the shops in North Adelaide before heading to meet Nell in a café not far from the Women’s and Children’s Hospital where she
works.

‘Busy day?’ I ask after she’s shoved through the door, causing the bells over her head to tinkle noisily.

‘I’ve just delivered twins!’ she replies with a smile, her eyes bright and her face flushed as she takes off her coat.

‘Aw,’ I say.

‘Identical girls.’ She pulls up a seat and slumps into it with a happy sigh. ‘I have the best job.’

I wonder with a pang how different my life would be if Ned and I had a baby. Would I still be here? Would Ned have found a way to come with me rather than allow our family to be divided? Would I
have still quit my job as a teacher?

‘Do you and Ned want children?’ Nell startles me out of my reverie by asking. A moment later she registers the look on my face. ‘Was that the wrong thing to say?’

‘Not at all,’ I calmly reassure her.

I’d never keep something from her that I’d already told Tina – I’ve always been conscious of the three’s-a-crowd factor – so I bring her up to date. She looks
crestfallen.

Neither of my Australian friends is at the stage in their life where they’re settling down and having kids, much as they might want to. In a way, this makes it easier to talk about,
despite the fact that we haven’t had a whole lot of heart-to-hearts in recent years.