The Temptation of Lady Serena (13 page)

Robert left the Hôtel Charteries determined to find an argument—other than lust—to gain Serena’s promise to marry him and make her happy about the decision. He never wanted to see such misery in her lovely amber eyes again. It was as if her sadness pierced his very soul, and he was afraid, if he lost her, he might not even have that left intact.

 

Serena and Lady Beaumont joined the other ladies in the drawing room before dinner.

“Well?” Phoebe asked.

Serena related Robert’s story, then sat down on the sofa, sadness sinking in. “So that’s it. I told him I’d wait a short while more for him to reconsider.”

“Well, I can understand why he would be wary of loving again,” Phoebe mused, frowning. “But how can he equate that jade with you? That makes no sense.”

Anna knitted her brows. “Robert is clear as to what you need?”

Serena smoothed her gown, hesitating. “Yes. He says he does not know if he is capable of love, yet he cannot give me up.”

“I don’t understand men,” Anna said testily. “Why can’t he see that everything he’s doing
shows
he’s in love?”

Serena shrugged. She’d been asking the same question since he left.

The door opened and the gentlemen entered.

“We have been with Robert,” Marcus said.

“Was it instructive?” Phoebe asked, handing her husband a glass of wine.

“Not very,” Marcus responded. “It’s not that he doesn’t want to come to the point, but for some reason, he simply cannot admit his feelings.”

“Just like his grandfather.” Lady Beaumont tapped her cane on the floor.

All eyes turned to her.

“All this time, until Robert tried to trap Serena into marrying him, I’ve been thinking it over.” Lady Beaumont fixed her sharp eyes on Serena. “His grandfather had a devil of a time loving anyone. He considered it losing control. Love made him feel vulnerable, and it was Sisyphean labor for him to finally accept his feelings for me. Robert may not be cognizant of it, but, my girl, that is what he’s afraid of.”

Uncle Henry’s lips twisted into a strange smile. “All men in love with their wives live under the cat’s paw. It’s not how we plan it, but it happens all the same.”

Marcus and Rutherford glanced at their wives and nodded.

T
he next day, Robert was shown to a parlor. Alone, Robert sat back and stared at the ceiling. Very French, nicely molded and patterned. He appreciated the subtle stripes of the wallpaper. Finally he got up and stared out the window overlooking the garden. The old wall with the espaliered trees reminded him of his kitchen garden at Haythrope Hall. He could imagine Serena walking in it, consulting with the cook and gardener. When Robert closed his eyes, she smiled at him as he approached, her eyes filled with love. He remembered how she’d tasted when he kissed her. How she felt soft and warm in his arms. How her breasts . . . enough of that. He already knew he wanted her. That part was uncomplicated.

He cursed under his breath. Why couldn’t they have just let him carry her off? He’d have made it work. Robert shook his head. No, Serena had been too hurt by what he did. He ran his hands through his carefully arranged locks and down his face. Why did he feel like this? As if Serena held his life in her hands. If he couldn’t give her what she wanted, then what? Robert’s hands clenched and his jaw hardened at the thought she would be some other man’s wife. Never. Not while he had breath.

He paced the room to calm himself. There must be a way to keep Serena. Robert turned back to the window. She was walking to the fountain and looked back as if someone had called her, then turned back to the house. There was a knock on the door and a footman stepped in to inform him luncheon was being served on the terrace.

After luncheon, he took Serena’s arm and guided her away from the others. “Will you take a stroll in the garden with me?”

She raised her gaze to his. “Yes.”

They walked along the path to the fountain. “I’d like to have a private conversation with you, if I may.”

“There’s an arbor with a bench toward the side wall,” Serena said. “We may speak there.”

She led the way, then gracefully lowered herself to the bench.

He sat next to her, reveling in her nearness. It was the first time he’d been alone with her since that day at Merton . . . if he could call having everyone in the house, gathered on chairs and sofas, watching them from the terrace, being alone.

Serena gently took his hands. “What do you wish to speak about?”

Robert had planned what he would say, but as he searched her face, he knew his prepared argument would fail. Instead, he said, “I know you want love in your marriage. We’ve never discussed what else you desire. Your dreams. Your expectations.”

Serena dropped her gaze for a moment. “I’ve run a large estate and did it well. I want respect for my abilities. When my brother returned from the war, the property had not merely survived, it had prospered. I would not like to be left out of the management of my husband’s estate. I have skills to offer, and I want an equal partnership with my husband, where I have an opportunity to use my knowledge and experience to make a positive difference.”

Robert hid his surprise. It had never occurred to him that she might want to actually take part in running his land. He didn’t even enjoy doing that. Intrigued, he shifted slightly and focused on her. “What types of things do you have in mind to help the estate’s people?”

An excitement, like he’d never seen on her before, crossed her face.

“A school, if there is not one already, and perhaps an orphan house, if there is a need. Ensuring that the tenants’ houses and outbuildings are maintained in good condition. I suppose I wouldn’t know everything that needed to be done until I saw it.

“And I’m used to being in charge,” Serena said, smiling wryly. “I don’t take orders well. Of course, I understand there is give and take in any marriage, and I’m willing to do my part.”

Robert tried to keep his countenance even. Ceding control to anyone had never sat well with him. He’d always thought Marcus and Rutherford besotted fools for having a partnership with their wives, but with Serena’s excitement about caring for an estate, Robert wondered if his friends were not so idiotic after all. It was a revelation to hear Serena state her desires so simply. It shouldn’t have been. She’d always been direct.

Increasingly, Robert understood how important having her as an integral part of his life would be. “Where would you like to live?”

Serena gave a small laugh. “Well, it’s impossible not to be interested in politics after staying with Uncle Henry. I’d want to be in London for the parliamentary sessions and would like my husband to take his place in the House of Lords. Other than that, I’d prefer to live on the estates, where the work is. What do you want, Robert?”

Suddenly what he wanted seemed to coalesce into an urgent need. Robert captured Serena’s gaze and told her his dream, the old one he’d thought long dead, of what he hoped for in his future. “I want a lady, a wife who will stand beside me. Who will help me to make my people’s lives better. One who is not so high in the instep that she cannot rub shoulders at a local fete. She will love my house and work to make it a home. I want a woman who’ll not pine for London whenever she’s in the country, yet will be happy there during the Seasons.”

Serena stared at him and worried her lip.

Had he asked for too much? He regarded her intently. “Would it bother you to mingle with the local folk? The farmers and tradesmen?”

“You’re funning.” She gave him an exasperated look. “Robert, I’ve mixed with local people all my life, which you would know if you’d spent more time talking to me about topics other than the weather and babies.”

“Serena, although I regret my mistakes, I cannot change what I’ve done in the past. I do promise to endeavor to do better.”

She nodded and her jaw firmed. “Go on. What else is important to you?”

Robert heard Serena’s strength, her steel, in the question. He would have liked to have said
“you,”
though that was an answer she wouldn’t accept at present.

His voice became low and rough as he reached deeper into his heart. “I want a woman who will warm my bed, because she wants to be there, not because she must. A wife who desires me as much as I do her. A woman who will bear my children and love them.”

She blinked back the tears that filled her beautiful eyes. Her voice was heartbreakingly sad. “And love between you and your wife, Robert? Do you not desire that?”

He couldn’t lie, even though he knew his answer was going to disappoint her. “I know you love me, but I don’t know if I can ever promise you love. I care deeply for you,” he said earnestly, “more deeply than I ever have for any other woman, and I want you to be part of my life.”

Serena started to protest, but he went on. “No, listen to me, please. I know passion is not the same as love, but I vow never to be unfaithful to you. I’ll stay by your side.” He stopped, afraid it wasn’t enough. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “More than that, I cannot promise, and I’ll not make promises I cannot keep.”

He raised her hands to kiss them—first one, then the other, and saw the sadness in her face.

“I must think about what you’ve said,” Serena began.

He tightened his grip. “I’ll come to-morrow . . .”

“No,” Serena interrupted. “I will send for you . . . when I decide.”

That was not the answer he’d wanted. Shaken, Robert stood and bowed. “As you will, my lady.”

After Robert had gone, Serena sat in the arbor contemplating what Robert had told her. She understood why he’d spurned love for so many years, and he’d offered everything except what she needed most. Could she be happy, living with him, never knowing if he would return her affections? Could she still have a full life? A meaningful life? Would the love of their children be enough to ease her heart? What would be better? This half-life he proposed, or the life of a spinster? She would never love another man.

She’d seen him with the Eveshams’ and Rutherfords’ children. Robert was gentle and playful. He’d be a wonderful father and he’d keep any promise he made her. Maybe a marriage that began with mutual caring, respect, and passion would be enough for him to eventually understand what love between a man and a woman truly meant.

And if that never happened?

Serena stayed in the arbor for a long time, until the grief of her decision overwhelmed her. Marriage to Robert, under those conditions, would be too close to the lonely life she’d had at Castle Vere. She could not go back to that again.

 

Robert walked slowly back to his
hôtel
. Serena’s somber demeanor hadn’t given him much hope. He’d been such an idiot to have ventured to manipulate her into marrying him, and a sapskull not to have gotten to know her better.

To have never noticed the fine-tempered steel within her. She’d come alive when discussing the estate. That was his first hint that she had been, if not out of her depth in London, at least not in a world she understood well. Robert was certain she’d refuse his offer. She didn’t know him well enough to trust him without a promise of love. His fault as well.

If only he could get her to Haythrope Hall, he could show her what her life could be. Robert stopped himself from smacking his head. What a fool he’d been, he thought in disgust. That was his answer—convince her to visit Haythrope Hall and
show
her what he was offering.

 

The following morning, rain pelted the windows. The gloom matched Serena’s mood. She’d tossed and turned most of the night with visions of standing distraught before an altar, unable to tell Robert she’d marry him, or him saying he would never love her.

Tears stung her eyelids as she rang for her maid.

“Mary, please send a footman to go round to Lord Beaumont’s hotel and ask him to join me in an hour.”

“Yes, my lady. Do you want breakfast brought to you?”

Serena’s stomach roiled. “No, I can’t eat right now. I’ll have something later.”

Mary bobbed a curtsey and left to deliver the message.

Serena’s heart cracked. With her refusal of marriage, she condemned herself to a solitary life without love and children. Still, a lonely marriage would be far worse. She blinked back tears.

Her back was to the door when Robert entered the parlor.

Serena turned. He strode to her and took both her hands. She looked down, uncertain how to tell him.

“Don’t say anything, please,” Robert asked. “Allow me to speak first.”

She nodded.

He continued. “I’ve given this much thought since yesterday. It wasn’t fair of me to ask you to make a decision about your future when you do not know the whole.”

Puzzled, she lifted her eyes to his.

“You’ve not seen my home. How could you know if you’d like it or my people? I propose you visit for a few weeks. If you agree, I’ll not press you for marriage during that time. Afterward, if you still don’t wish to marry me, I’ll release you.”

Serena searched his face. Optimism and fear warred in his features. Hope crept into her heart. If she went, then she’d soon know what her life would hold, whether she would marry or not. “I cannot go with you alone. Who would accompany us?”

“Anyone you wish,” Robert said rashly. “We can take everyone here, if you’d like.”

Serena grinned slightly. “That’s a lot of people.”

He smiled. “I’ve noticed.”

“Let us ask who wants to come,” she suggested.

Robert held the door to the morning room open for Serena to pass through. The Eveshams and Rutherfords had their babies, Arthur and Ben, on the floor playing. Ester and Catherine sat with Robert’s grandmother. All eyes turned to Robert and Serena as they entered.

Serena went to her aunts and Lady Beaumont and said in a subdued voice, “Lord Beaumont would like me to visit his home before I make my final decision. I agree that I should. I don’t wish to be a bother, but someone must accompany me as a chaperone. Is anyone willing?”

“Robert, when do you plan to leave?” Lady Beaumont asked.

“In the next day or two. We can make the trip to Calais in three or four days, and if we travel quickly, in two or three more days we’ll reach Haythrope Hall.”

Lady Beaumont glanced at her daughter. “Freddy, come here.”

She joined them. “Yes, Mama?”

“Are you holding out for that
comte
to make you an offer, or have you done flirting with the poor man?”

A smile flickered in Freddy’s eyes. “No, Mama. I am quite finished. We were merely engaging in a light flirtation. I had no serious intentions.”

“Minx,” Lady Beaumont said fondly. “Would you mind playing propriety and escort Serena to Yorkshire?”

“Not at all.” Freddy glanced at Serena and Robert. “When would you like to leave?”

“Would to-morrow be too soon?” he asked hopefully.

Freddy shrugged. “It will make for a busy day to-day, but, yes, to-morrow suits me.”

“Serena?” Robert asked.

The sooner the better.
She could not continue to live like this. “I can be ready to leave to-morrow.”

“I will accompany you as well, my dear,” Catherine said.

“Aunt Catherine, are you sure you wish to leave Paris?”

“Yes, I only planned to be away until the end of the Season, and that’s almost over.”

Phoebe looked up. “Robert, you may take our ship, the
Lady Phoebe,
for the crossing. It will be more pleasant than the packet.”

That was a generous offer and more than he would have asked. “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

“The crew is merely awaiting our pleasure. It will give them something to do,” she said. “I take it you’ll wish to make an early start?”

He nodded. “Yes, as early as possible.”

“Fine. I shall have François make you an early breakfast and pack something for the trip. You may take my carriage and one of the baggage coaches to Dieppe. I trust you can arrange passage from Newhaven?” Phoebe pursed her lips. “You should send a courier to have your traveling coach brought to Newhaven.”