The Thirteen (5 page)

She could just see it through some trees. The trees were taller.

The parking lot snuck up on the right and Paula had to turn suddenly to catch it. It was fine—there was no traffic. She parked and looked up at the building.

Lights were coming on inside hospital rooms, most of them dim, and she imagined the long fluorescent at the head of each bed, doors ajar, panic buttons pinned to pillows. She tried to imagine her mother in one of those beds.

What she remembered instead was the day she was leaving for good, her bags in the hallway by the front door. Her mother pacing.

Why do I have to go away?

The cryptic answer:
I hope you never have to understand
.

And the other memory, at St. Mary’s. The two of them setting up her room, putting out photos of the three of them, Dad, Mom and Paula. Happier days. Her mother chattering away.
A very good school … best education … make something wonderful of your life
.

Going to supper that last night.
Order anything you want, darling
.

Worse things too. Knowing the sisters knew she was pregnant, and maybe the other students too. Paula wouldn’t forget those first few lonely days at St. Mary’s, avoiding the stares, the tentative welcome. The nuns were kind.
You’ll be taken care of here. You’ll be safe. It’s a very good school
.

Worst of all? Her mother’s palpable relief when she left Paula in the dormitory to go home.

I love you very much, Paula. That’s why you’re here
.

(but Mom)

“Is she going to be gross?” Rowan asked when they got to the doors.

Paula smiled. “I hope not.” She slid an arm around her daughter and they went inside.

A large woman at the front desk looked up when the doors opened. She stared, blinking behind a pair of glasses that magnified her eyes, then brightened and clapped her hands.

“Paula Wittmore,” she said. “I’ve been expecting you. You remember me, don’t you? I’m your mother’s friend Tula. Remember?” She lurched out from the behind the desk. “I’m going to take you right up. Your mother is on the second floor, poor thing.” She smiled when she said
poor thing
, and didn’t stop talking long enough for Paula to respond. “This is your little girl. I forget her name. She looks a little bit like you, but not much.” She waved them to the elevator and pressed the button. “You remember me?”

Paula answered, “Yes. Nice to see you again. How are you?”

“Well, you know, if it’s not one thing it’s another thing.” The elevator door opened. “Same old shit.” Rowan snorted as they followed Tula into the elevator. Once the doors had closed behind them, Tula went silent as the grave.

Paula held Rowan’s hand. At first she thought the girl was going to protest, but she didn’t.

The elevator doors opened and Tula ushered them out. “You go ahead. Room 210.” She pointed and waited until they were off. The elevator doors closed on her and they were alone.

There was no one in the waiting area and no one in the hall. There were no patients roaming the halls dragging IV poles, and no other visitors. Paula supposed that such a small hospital could be mostly empty sometimes.

A woman came out of a room ahead of them and quietly pulled the door closed behind her. She turned and made eye contact. Paula’s mouth opened in surprise, but she didn’t speak. Izzy. Tall and still as attractive as Paula remembered. She smiled happily and came towards them, hands outstretched.

“Paula. Paula, darling, it’s so wonderful to see you.” Izzy took Paula’s hands in hers. Paula felt a tiny zap, like static, a reaction from so many years of trying not to think about Izzy Riley, or Haven Woods, or especially Izzy’s long-dead son, David.

“Mrs. Riley, it’s nice to see you again …” Everything else had gone out of her head—what she was supposed to do, why she was there.

“Oh, you’re a grown woman, Paula. Call me Izzy.” Izzy looked down at Rowan, standing close to Paula. She was a pretty girl, with her mother’s hair and face shape. Her eyes were her loveliest feature, large and round, with thick, long lashes, like a boy’s. She liked the look of her. “And who have we here?”

“This is my daughter, Rowan.”

does she look familiar?

“Aren’t you pretty, just like your mom was.”

“Thank you,” Rowan answered primly. There was a moment of silence as Paula internally winced at the was. Izzy had always been sharp-edged.

To Paula, Izzy said, “Your mother will be so glad to see you.”

“What happened? What’s wrong with her? I was so flustered I didn’t even ask when you called.” Paula felt foolish for not knowing. Izzy’s face turned sombre.

“Well, she collapsed the night Mrs. Henderson died. Very sad.”

“What does the doctor say?”

“Why don’t I find him and you can ask him yourself.” Like a maître d’ she gestured broadly in the direction from which she had just come. “Would you like to see her?”

She led them to the door, where she paused. “Maybe Rowan would like to sit out here with me for a minute or two, just to give you some time alone with your mom.” She smiled and again made a large gesture, towards the visitor’s lounge at the end of the hall. It seemed a long way away.

Paula looked to Rowan. “Is that okay?”

“I guess,” Rowan said, but didn’t move. Izzy put her arm around the girl’s shoulders and turned her gently.

“There we go, then,” she said, her voice unnaturally vital in the quiet corridor. She and Rowan walked down the hall.

Paula smiled reassuringly at her daughter’s back, then went in to see her mother, the door snicking softly open and then gently shut.

Hospitals were scary. Rowan had been in a hospital only once in her life (not counting when she was born, since she didn’t remember that). When she was seven, she had fallen down the last five steps at the apartment they were living in. She had been jumping and missed the stair, fell on her butt and hurt her foot. Her mother acted as if she’d cut her head off. She took her to the hospital and they X-rayed her and she got a lollipop for being brave. It was stupid to think of that now. A lollipop? Seriously lame.

This hospital was way more quiet than that one had been. And even scarier because it was so quiet. Where was everybody? Her grandma’s friend sat down on the sofa beside her and stared.

Rowan tried to smile at her, all the while thinking,
It’s not polite to stare
. This woman was sort of scary too.

“What are you dear, twelve?”

“Uh-huh.” Rowan leaned forward to stare down the hall as best she could, at the door that her mother had disappeared behind.

The woman frowned. “You shouldn’t say ‘uh-huh.’ It’s disrespectful. You should say, ‘Yes, Mrs. Riley.’ ”

Rowan blushed. “Um, sorry.”

The woman kept staring at Rowan, which made her cheeks bloom hot. She wished her mom would come out. “Um, Mrs. Riley? Were you going to get the doctor for my mom?”

The woman ignored the question. “Mmm,” she said instead. “You’re a pretty thing. Have you started your period yet?’

Rowan wished she could totally disappear. She stared hard down the hall, willing her mother to come out. She swallowed. She did not answer

(no)

and hoped that
Mrs. Riley
would go away.

She did not.

They sat in silence. Worse, Mrs. Riley put her hand on top of Rowan’s head and absently stroked her hair.

And Rowan wished hard

(mom mom mom mom mom)

for her mom to come out and get her.

–

Paula had a single moment of trepidation, but then there she was—her mother, in a hospital gown, in a hospital bed. The two of them locked eyes, alone for the first time in four, maybe five years.

Her mother smiled broadly, sadly. She reached her arms out to Paula.

“Oh, you’re really here—,” she rasped. The shocking voice caught Paula by surprise.

“You sound terrible!” Paula moved to the bed. She took her mom’s hands. “Do you know what’s wrong?” It was hard to tell in the dimmed lights how her mother really looked. Her hair was lank and flat to her head, and her eyes had an odd—something—look to them. She was thinner than the last time Paula had seen her, but that could be for any reason at all.

“I’m … just, I’m fine, Paula. Really. You didn’t have to come.”

“Mom—” Her mother’s hands were warm in hers. As if she had a fever. “I just wish I’d been here when you got sick. What does the doctor say?”

“Izzy called you?”

Paula nodded.

Audra brightened a little. “Have you brought my beautiful granddaughter?”

Paula smiled. “Yes. She’s in the lounge—”

“With Izzy?”

“Mom, don’t talk so much, your throat sounds so … raw.”

Audra’s eyes darted around the room, to the door, to the far corner. She shifted stiffly, as if she hurt everywhere. She looked into Paula’s eyes, then tugged at her hands, pulling her closer. Paula leaned in.

“I’ll whisper,” she said, very low.

“Yes, good,” Paula answered, in a whisper herself.

“It’s not safe for you to be here.”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t stay—”

“Mom? What do you mean?”

Audra flashed a look at the closed door.

Paula did not get the hint. “We’ll stay as long as you need us to—”

Audra shook her head. “No,” she croaked.

In the lounge, Mrs. Riley stood up suddenly, startling Rowan. She headed in the direction of her grandmother’s room.

Bye, Weirdo
.

Izzy stuck her head inside Audra’s room. “How are things in here?” The two had their heads together, scheming. She let the door snuff shut behind her.

Audra’s eyes narrowed when she saw her, but Paula’s were questioning. She wasn’t too late, then.

“Paula, dear, you don’t want to tire your mother out.”

“Of course not. Mrs. Riley, did you find the doctor?”

Izzy smiled sympathetically as she lied. “He’s gone for the day. We’ll find him tomorrow. Are you going to stay at your mother’s?” She bustled to the bed and smoothed Audra’s blanket. “I think the key’s still where it always is, isn’t it, Aud?”

Audra didn’t answer, just glared at her old friend.

“I used it myself the day I found your poor mom,” Izzy said to Paula. “How’re you feeling, Aud? I think I should hustle these girls home.”

Audra protested. “No. I want to see Rowan.”

“Of course,” Paula said.

“Absolutely,” Izzy said. “You haven’t seen that grandbaby for such a long time. Paula, why don’t you go get her?” She leaned in closer to Audra. “We’ve been chatting out there.”

“Izzy—” Audra hadn’t let go of Paula’s hand.

“What is it, Aud? Can I get you something? Some water?” Izzy took the pitcher from the side table and poured water into a fresh glass, then held it out to her.

Warily Audra took the glass. She drank noisily and Izzy grimaced. It was a little disgusting.

“I’ll get Ro,” Paula said. She touched her mother’s hair briefly and left the room.

Audra held the empty glass out for Izzy to take. She mouthed the words
leave them be
.

Izzy smiled. “It’s about numbers, Audra. And bloodlines.”

The door opened. Rowan stood there shyly, framed by the light from the hall, her mother behind her.

“And here’s your little granddaughter!”

When Rowan’s eyes had adjusted to the room’s dimness, she saw two faces staring at her, Grandma and Mrs.

(weirdo)

Riley.

Something about the way they looked at her kept her rooted to the floor.

“Rowan,” her grandmother said, in a terrible raspy voice.

“Hi,” she said.

“Come over here, hon. I can’t quite jump out of bed right now—” Her grandma smiled, and though her voice was raw, she didn’t look very sick, she looked … the same.

When she got to the bedside, her grandmother put her hand on Rowan’s arm. She was hot. “Oh, it’s good to see you, Rowan. You’re getting so big—”

“We’re going to stay at your house, I think.”

Her grandmother nodded. “Yes.” She smiled again, and that’s when Ro saw that she
was
sick. Her smiled looked off-centre and forced. “You’ll take care of my dog, won’t you?”

Ro’s eyes lit up. “Sure I will!”

Her grandmother nodded. “Good girl. His name is Old Tex. Paula, will you get my purse out of the cupboard for me?”

“Sure.”

As her mom went to the cupboard, Audra leaned towards Rowan and whispered, “I have something for you.”

“Grandma, you sound like you have a cold.”

Her grandma chuckled weakly and their eyes met, then

(just for a second)

there was an odd reflecting—a flash, like light. Then it was gone. Her mom handed over the handbag and her grandmother took out a small change purse and squeezed it open. From inside she pulled out a key. She held it up. To Paula and Mrs. Riley she said, “This is a secret between me and my granddaughter, ladies, so no listening in.” She grinned. Her first real one.

Rowan leaned in eagerly, turning her head so that her ear was close to her grandmother’s mouth.

“This key is for a box under my bed. It’s a blue box. There’s a new collar in there for Tex. It’s red and it’s … decorated. Can you put it on him?”

“Okay,” she whispered back. She took the key.

“Old Tex can be your dog while you’re in Haven Woods, okay?” her grandma rasped.

Rowan nodded. “Okay,” she said again. She put the key in the pocket of her school blazer.

Her grandma sighed and lay back against the pillows, every movement clearly painful.

“Mom,” Paula said, “do you want us to sit with you a little longer?”

And then

(weird weird have you started your period weirdo)

said, “Well, if you’d like to do that, Paula, I could take Rowan home with me for the night.”

Rowan gave her mother a wide-eyed, meaningful stare.

“No, Paula, don’t bother. I’m just going to fall asleep here. You two go and settle in at the house,” Audra said, and closed her eyes.

Paula put her arm around Rowan. “Okay, I’ll come back in the morning. And I’ll try and talk to the doctor then.”