The To-Do List (34 page)

   5. Make compilation CD for Jackie.

   6. Find some way of commemorating 10-year wedding anniversary.

   7. Change to low energy light bulbs where possible.

   8. Repaint front door.

   9. Read poetry.

  10. Watch
Omen
.

  11. Read something by Margaret Atwood.

  12. Be nicer to wife.

  13. Give Harry Potter a chance.

  14. Watch
The O.C.
season one.

  15. Watch
The O.C.
season two.

  16. Finish off the first
Tomb Raider
game without recourse to cheats found on the internet.

  17. Replace dodgy fence panel on old neighbour’s side.

  18. Reseed the lawn.

  19. Restock garden.

  20. Make a Will.

  21. Get rid of ivy growing over front window.

  22. Buy an antique.

  23. Wear sunscreen.

  24. Set up a birthday reminder service.

  25. Sport a tie more often.

  26. Spend more time with parents.

  27. Wear proper shoes more.

  28. Declutter office.

  29. Learn to use Photoshop  . . .

  30. And Illustrator  . . .

  31. And Quark XPress.

  32. Read more Paul Auster.

  33. Check mortgage deal.

  34. Sort out under-eaves loft space.

  35. Work out system for records.

  36. Fix broken guttering.

  37. Breathe more deeply.

  38. Go to the cinema more.

  39. Do some finger painting with daughter.

  40. Improve posture.

  41. Join the library.

  42. Catch up with rubbish summer job lost friends like Ian and Scott  . . .

  43. And over-worked and under-paid bar job lost friends like Monica and Paige  . . .

  44. And camping holiday in Anglesey lost friends like Jane, Mia and Simon  . . .

  45. And teen magazine lost friends like Sarah, Alex and Maria  . . .

  46. And lost friends inherited from other lost friends like Sam, Richard and Tall Mike  . . .

  47. And university lost friends like Emma, Jo, Anthony and Alison  . . .

  48. And sixth-form lost friends like Cath, Susie and Sarah  . . .

  49. And secondary school lost friends like Mick, Mark and Simon  . . .

  50. And finally early days in London lost friends like Lisa, Steve and Jen.

  51. Learn how to use Excel (or at least open it).

  52. Stop falling asleep in front of the TV.

  53. Empty office drawers.

  54. Empty office filing cabinet.

  55. Go Salsa dancing.

  56. Use my computer flat bed scanner or get rid of it.

  57. Clean out drain near back door.

  58. Spend more time with Mum.

  59. Spend more time with Dad.

  60. Same goes for elder brother.

  61. Same goes again for middle brother.

  62. Clean out U-bend under bathroom sink.

  63. Change fuse in the shredder (to see if it’s really dead or just playing possum)  . . .

  64. And do same with the old PlayStation  . . .

  65. And Claire’s old-fashioned-looking radio/cassette player  . . .

  66. And Claire’s hairdryer  . . .

  67. And my hair clippers  . . .

  68. And the bass amp for the electric guitar.

  69. Use up compost bought two summers ago.

  70. Lose weight.

  71. Extend warranty on freezer  . . .

  72. And washing machine  . . .

  73. And cooker.

  74. Put bags of wood chippings bought two years ago onto garden.

  75. Talk to friends’ kids more.

  76. Clean under cooker.

  77. Put up curtains in the loft.

  78. Have a mid-nineties Indie moment.

  79. Play make-believe more.

  80. Take up painting.

  81. Put numbers onto front door.

  82. Replace missing pins in living-room light fittings.

  83. Finish painting the ceiling around living-room light fittings.

  84. Work out why people like Wes Anderson films.

  85. Make back gate open in the winter as well as the summer.

  86. Read Alan Moore’s
Watchmen
.

  87. Discover something new.

  88. Bank cheque from short story bloke.

  89. Give Radiohead another chance.

  90. Clear out coat/shoe storage area at top of cellar steps.

  91. Replace missing toggle from living room blinds.

  92. Put hook on back of loft door  . . .

  93. And bedroom doors  . . .

  94. And cellar door.

  95. Stop buying things I don’t need with money I don’t have.

  96. Speak to checkout staff more.

  97. Have a conversation with the woman who works at the Queen’s Head.

  98. Sit down with accountant.

  99. Learn the name of the newsagent’s wife  . . .

 100. And the postman’s name  . . .

 101. And the name of the Parcel Force guy.

 102. Put Blu-Tack in place where it can be found.

 103. Put up towel rail bought six years ago.

 104. Overcome fear of friends’ pets especially Jim, the overly groin-orientated Labrador  . . .

 105. And Beth’s evil-eyed terrapin  . . .

 106. And Flavia’s budgie with the strange growth on the side of its head  . . .

 107. And Tim and Sharon’s fat cat.

 108. Attempt to overcome general animosity towards the entire animal kingdom.

 109. Be a better correspondent.

 110. Sort out takeaway menus shoved in drawer by back door.

 111. Come up with a system for organising household washing  . . .

 112. And bill paying  . . .

 113. And children’s clothes (passing down/throwing out/keeping for sentimental reasons)  . . .

 114. And Lydia’s artwork  . . .

 115. And food cupboard  . . .

 116. And freezer  . . .

 117. And recycling.

 118. Work out why the freezer keeps beeping at 2.00a.m.

 119. Remove crap from parents’ house that you’ve been meaning to take since you first moved out.

 120. Print out all digital photographs.

 121. Do more cultural stuff.

 122. Play more board games  . . .

 123. And parlour games.

 124. Find out what a parlour game actually is.

 125. Fix damp patch in bathroom.

 126. Find out what to do with old electrical items.

 127. Reset time for Los Angeles clock  . . .

 128. And Sydney clock  . . .

 129. And clock on cooker  . . .

 130. And microwave.

 131. Light candles more often.

 132. Buy a fire extinguisher.

 133. Find a use for balsamic vinegar.

 134. Empty boot of Claire’s car.

 135. Sort out eczema on arm.

 136. Change car CDs.

 137. Prune plum tree.

 138. Make rooms not policed by Claire smell nice.

 139. Plant bulbs bought by Claire’s gran.

 140. Get copy made of picture of Claire’s gran and granddad’s wedding.

 141. Re-hang picture that fell down.

 142. Find use for herb-infused olive oil bought as a present for us from friends who went to Italy.

 143. Overcome fear of being poisoned by botulism, which may or may not be present in said herb-infused olive oil.

 144. Use UV pen to mark valuables with postcode.

 145. Find a reason to drink the 3 bottles of champagne gathering dust on the shelf.

 146. Learn how to operate the washing machine.

 147. Grow some herbs.

 148. Learn how to look after cactus.

 149. Unpack box marked ‘loft’ still unpacked from our house move 6 years ago.

 150. Unpack box marked ‘shed’ still unpacked from our house move 6 years ago.

 151. Unpack box marked ‘stuff’ still unpacked from our house move 6 years ago.

 152. Make interesting lunches more often.

 153. Stop eating McDonalds.

 154. Empty drawers under our bed.

 155. Play chess more.

 156. Teach Claire how to play chess.

 157. Become ambidextrous.

 158. Read
Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
.

 159. Be more adventurous in the supermarket.

 160. Write to my MP.

 161. Create a scrapbook.

 162. Buy a squirrel-proof bird feeder.

 163. Finish Sudoku puzzle started last January.

 164. Re-watch
Scrubs
.

 165. Play Consequences.

 166. Go green.

 167. Convert CDs to MP3.

 168. Buy cover for Lydia’s bike.

 169. Make a family Christmas card.

 170. Clear Claire’s student loan once and for all.

 171. Increase web traffic to website  . . .

 172. . . . and update it.

 173. Sort out garden because it’s a jungle out there.

 174. Wonderweb curtain hems in living room  . . .

 175. And suit trousers  . . .

 176. And Lydia’s dress from Selfridges.

 177. Purchase handy-sized bottle of washing gel as a pre-emptive measure against potential diseases.

 178. Get a tetanus jab  . . .

 179. And if possible a chicken pox jab.

 180. Replace rear left indicator bulb in Claire’s car.

 181. Start assembling collected works for children to inherit.

 182. Get black suit dry cleaned  . . .

 183. And the brown one  . . .

 184. And the grey one  . . .

 185. And the blue one  . . .

 186. And the grey jacket with the flecks of toothpaste on it.

 187. Buy something to clean shoes with and then clean them.

 188. Clear in tray completely (and that includes finally replying to the woman who wanted the naked pictures of you).

 189. Buy demisting spray for glasses.

 190. Trace family tree.

 191. Clean garden furniture.

 192. Put garden furniture away in the winter.

 193. Remember to get garden furniture out in the summer.

 194. Find home for French editions of books.

 195. Same for Italian  . . .

 196. Dutch  . . .

 197. Polish  . . .

 198. Japanese  . . .

 199. Portuguese  . . .

 200. And German editions.

 201. Re-varnish old dining table.

 202. Trim hedges.

 203. Buy extendable hedge trimmer.

 204. Purchase an SLR camera.

 205. Buy new Christmas tree lights.

 206. Clean stain from sofa.

 207. Take up a new hobby.

 208. Stop spraying clothes with toothpaste.

 209. Put tissues in every room.

 210. Take down bed in front room.

 211. Reassemble bed in loft room.

 212. Buy garden toys for the kids to play with.

 213. Find out if huge tree at side of house is safe.

 214. Scan some family photos.

 215. Send Sidney a thank-you note.

 216. Find out what happened at the end of
Six Feet Under
.

 217. Decide what to do with the rest of my life.

 218. Look into hiring a cottage for next summer.

 219. Manage my time better.

 220. Get some kind of receptacle for Claire’s beauty products.

 221. Spend longer cleaning teeth.

 222. Work out what occasional pain in left shoulder might be related to.

 223. Make kite with kids.