The Treasure (3 page)

“Is he readying the ship to set sail?”

Murad shook his head.

Balkir frowned. “Nothing else?”

“I cannot watch him while he’s within the walls of the castle. Lord Ware’s guards let no one in but townspeople having business with the household. I can only report what he’s done outside those walls.”

And that was to act as if the
Dark Star
did not exist, Balkir thought. Not a good sign.

“Has he talked to anyone at length?”

“Not outside the castle. He’s at his ship again tonight. Shall I go back and set watch?”

Balkir’s frustration was growing. “Of course. What else can we do?” He made a sudden decision. “Wait, I’ll go with you.”

______

“Is he here?” Selene strode up the gangplank of the
Last Hope.

Kadar’s first mate, Patrick, nodded. “In the cabin, Lady Selene. May I take a message?”

Relief poured through her. She hadn’t been sure she would find him on the ship. “I’ll tell him myself.” She moved quickly toward the door leading to the cabin. She knew her way well. She remembered the first time she had come on board the
Last Hope.
She had been ten and three and Kadar had just come back from a voyage. She had been frantically eager to see him but had carefully hidden it. She had always been afraid to let Kadar know how he dominated her thoughts. Not that it did any good. Kadar always seemed to sense what she was feeling even when no one else did.

She paused at the door. What if he had a woman with him? Well, what if he did? She had not come this far to go back to the castle. He would have to send the wench away.

She threw open the door. No woman, she saw with relief. Kadar sat across the room at his desk, a journal open before him.

She slammed the door behind her. “Why have you been ignoring me?”

He leaned back in the chair. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I tried to speak to you twice at supper tonight and you acted as if you scarce knew me.”

He looked away from her. “Does Ware know you’re here at this time of night?”

“No one knows. But what if he did? No one would believe anything amiss. Not of you.”

He stood up. “I’ll take you back to the castle.”

“No.” She moistened her lips. “Not yet. I have something to say to you.”

“You can tell me tomorrow. I’ll come back to the castle before the noon hour and you can—”

“No.” She shook her head. “Why are you being like this? We both know that I’m not like those other women in this land. I care nothing for what these Scots deem proper. Do you think I don’t know that they’d shun me like a leper if they knew about the House of Nicholas? The lords and ladies in their great castles treat me with kindness only because Ware is a warrior and a strong ally.”

“Not entirely.” He smiled teasingly. “I’ve heard them say you have bonny bright hair and a sweet smile.”

A little of the tension seemed to be leaving him, and she must take advantage of any weakness. “I need to talk to you.” She moved forward until she stood before him. “You’ve never refused me before.”

His smile disappeared. “There’s always a first time.”

“Well, you can’t start now. I won’t have it.” Her hands clenched nervously. “This is too important.”

“That’s why I have to refuse you.”

“It makes no sense.”

“Go back to the castle, Selene.”

She laid her head on his chest. “Don’t do this.”

His muscles became rigid.

“This is so hard for me,” she whispered. “You’ve got to let me tell you.”

“Oh, God.”

His heart was pounding hard beneath her ear. “You want me to trust you? I’ll try. No, I
do
trust you.” She rubbed her face against his chest, struggling to get the next words out. “I . . . care for you, Kadar. I’ve always cared for you. I think I always will.”

“Not now, Selene,” he said hoarsely.

“It has to be now. I don’t know if I’ll have the courage again.” She was shaking, she realized. “When I was a little girl, everyone always left me—Mama, Thea—and I saw how men always left Nicholas’s women after . . . It . . . frightened me.”

“I know.”

“It was safer to be alone or not to expect anything.”

“Selene, you have to leave.” He stood rigid, not touching her. “Now.”

“And then you came. You became . . . my friend. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t seem to—It frightened me more than anything else. Because I didn’t know how I could stand it if you went away too. And the years passed and I—”

“Come on.” He grabbed her wrist and dragged her toward the door.

“No, I don’t want—”

He was ignoring her. He pulled her along the deck, past a bewildered Patrick, and down the gangplank.

“Kadar, stop. You’ve got to listen to—”

“I’ve heard enough. Too much.”

He was pulling her up the hill leading to the castle. She stumbled on a thick thatch of heather. “Let
go
of me.”

“When I can turn you over to Ware.”

“I won’t be turned over to anyone.” It was all for nothing, she realized in despair. She had let down the barriers, sacrificed her pride and independence, and it meant nothing to him. She doubted if he’d even heard her words. She struggled to free herself. “Let go of my arm. You needn’t worry. I’ll go back to the castle. I don’t want to stay with you now.”

He stopped on the path and turned to face her. “I have to—Oh, for God’s sake, don’t
weep.”

“I’m not weeping. I would never cry for a selfish, stupid clod of a man who cannot—”

“Selene . . .” He pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth. “Please . . . I cannot bear this. You tear me apart.”

Oh, God, she loved to be close to him like this. No, not like this. She put her palms on his chest and tried to shove him away. “Don’t you
dare
pity me.”

“Pity?” He smiled. “I wouldn’t dare. It’s myself I pity.” His hand gently stroked the hair at her temple. “I’ve been doing my best to—It’s the wrong time, Selene.”

“Right time. Wrong time. You have no right to decide what’s the wrong time for me.”

“No one else has a better right. You belong to me. You always have.”

“I belong to no one but myself.”

“Then will you let me belong to you?” He smiled. “I’ll be very fine property, meek, obliging, always ready to—”

“Stop it.” She could barely see him through the tears. “Just let me go.”

“I’m afraid it’s too late. I don’t think I can.” He pushed the cloak from her shoulders. “I want it too much. Lord, I want it.”

“Want what?” Then she realized what he meant, and she went still. “You wish to couple with me?”

He bent forward and his tongue touched her lips. “Tell me no. It will be hard, but I can stop if you tell me no.”

Her lips tingled beneath his tongue, and she could feel the heat of his body reach out to her. Panic tore through her. Tell him no. She had always revealed too much of herself to him. The yielding of her body was another surrender.

Trust him. He’s different. He won’t leave you.

But what if he did?

She stepped back away from him.

He went still. “No?” His breath expelled. “Very well, if you—”

“Hush.” All the years, all the bright ribbons of togetherness could not be denied. She closed her eyes, reached down, and pulled her gown over her head. “At the House of Nicholas the women came naked to the men they had to pleasure. Is that what you want?”

She heard the sharp intake of his breath. “Yes, that’s what I want.”

She opened her eyes to see his gaze on her body. “I don’t know—I have strong feelings, but I’m not sure . . . I watched the women couple with the customers at the House of Silk and it seemed . . . You will not hurt me?”

“Hurt you? God, you’re still not ready. I should wait until—” He took a step closer, his teeth clenched. “But I can’t. May God forgive me, I
have
to have this.”

He put his hand on her breast.

She arched upward as a wave of heat shot through her. She lost her breath. “That’s how it starts?”

“Sometimes.” He pulled her down on the ground. “It changes.” He was rapidly discarding his clothing as his lips closed on her nipple. “But it’s always good.” His tongue teased while he sucked strongly.

Good? She didn’t feel good. She was hot and tingling and filled with a strange, frantic need. She couldn’t get close enough to him. She could smell the crushed heather beneath her and the scent of Kadar over her. Familiar, so familiar. Nothing to fear. Kadar wouldn’t hurt her.

He did hurt her. But it was only for a moment and then he was deep inside her. He paused, his chest rising and falling, looking down at her. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to be here, like this?” He flexed slowly and she caught her breath. “You’re so
tight.
I’ll try to go easy.” His features were taut with strain as his hips began to move carefully. “Just don’t move.”

She had to move. She was too full, stretched, and yet she needed more. She lunged upward.

He gasped, his hands grasping her shoulders. “No.”

“I need—”

“Don’t move.”

She paid no attention. Her hips moved to take what she needed.

His teeth bit into his lower lip. “All right. Have it your way. I should have known it would be like this.” He plunged deep. He drew back. Plunged again. Fast. Hard. Harder.

She couldn’t breathe.

Rhythm. Fire. Friction. Fullness.

She wanted to scream but no sound came.

Her hands reached out and clasped his shoulders.

Kadar. Part of her. Heat. Need.

Always.

Let it be always.

“Stay . . .” she gasped. “Don’t leave me.”

“Never.” His teeth were drawn from his lips. “So good. I may stay in you forever.”

No, he didn’t understand, and she couldn’t explain. Not now. Something was happening. Something . . .

“Now.” He looked down at her, his face twisted with agony. “Please . . . I can’t wait any longer.”

She cried out as he thrust with powerful force. His back arched and his eyes closed.

Release.

He collapsed on top of her.

Her arms closed tightly around him.

Kadar . . . Kadar . . .

Hers.

He moved to the side and looked down at her. “I cheated you.” He bent down and kissed her lingeringly. “Forgive me. I needed you too much. I couldn’t wait.”

She looked at him in bewilderment. “Cheated? But I found it very pleasant.” It was an understatement. It was true she still felt restless and oddly unfinished, but . . . “Should there be something else?”

“Oh, yes.” He grimaced. “Dammit, I wanted it to be perfect for you. All those years I pictured how it would be and I—”

“Stop complaining. I’m content.” She huddled close to him. She knew him so well, yet Kadar’s naked body felt strange against her own. Smooth in places, corded with muscle in others, the hair on his chest wiry and male against the softness of her breasts. Strange and stimulating. “Just stay with me.”

“It’s late. I have to get you back to the castle.” He sat up and reached for her gown. “Put it on.”

“I want to go back to the ship with you.”

He shook his head.

“Why not?” Her smile faded as she gazed at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Other than the fact I pulled you down in the dirt as if you were a whore from the streets?” He was throwing on his clothing, not looking at her. “It was a mistake. God, what a mistake.”

“I didn’t—What are you talking about? I wanted it.”

“You didn’t want it, dammit. How could you know whether you wanted it or not? You were a virgin.”

“Well, I wanted to be close to you.”

“So I took what I wanted because I knew you wouldn’t refuse.”

“Why are you talking in this foolish way?” Her hands clenched nervously. “You’re confusing me. I came to you because you told—I had to show you that I trusted you.”

“And I made you pay the price. Christ in heaven, don’t you realize you could be carrying my child?”

Guilt? She smiled, relieved. “Is that all? That’s nothing that can’t be mended. Wed me, Kadar.”

“I can’t.”

A chill went through her. “You don’t wish to wed me?”

“I
can’t.
” His lips tightened. “I’m going away tomorrow.”

She stared at him, stunned. “There were no plans for another voyage. Where?”

He was silent.

“
Tell
me.”

He shook his head.

“When will you be back?”

“I’m not sure.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“Not where I’m going.”

“Anywhere.”

He shook his head again. “You have to stay here.”

Alone. He was leaving her. He was like all the others. Taking and then going away. “Very well.” She slowly stood up and numbly pulled her gown over her head.

“Don’t look like that.” His hands fell on her shoulders. “Do you think I want to leave?”

“Men always do what they wish to do.” She looked away from him. “They couple and then they go.”

“For God’s sake, I’m not like the men in Nicholas’s house. You know that.”

“I don’t know anything. Except that you’re going.” She jerked away from him. “And that I’m a fool.” Her eyes were suddenly blazing at him. “I’ll not be one again. You need not run because you think I’ll bother you. Coupling is nothing. Animals in the field do it and then wander away.”

“It wasn’t like that. You’re not thinking, Selene.”

No, she was only feeling, and the pain and anger were growing every second. “I would have done
anything.
I came to you and told you things that hurt me to say. I had no pride. I wanted to show you. . . Trust? You had no right to ask it of me.” She snatched her cloak from the ground. “You had no right to ask anything of me.”

She turned and started up the hill at a run.

“Wait.” Kadar’s footsteps behind her. “I’ll go with you.”

“Don’t you come a step farther,” she said over her shoulder. “Come close to me and I promise I’ll knock you down this hill.”

The wind tore her hair as she put on speed.

Go faster. Get away from the hurt.

Try to leave the pain behind.

Kadar’s hands balled into fists at his sides as he watched Selene run up the hill.