The Trouble with Emily Dickinson (4 page)

“Could you be any more annoying?” JJ shot
back.

* * *

Kendal was on a natural high. She actually
had begun to enjoy her Women’s Literature class since she’d decided
to get some tutoring. For once, she finally understood what her
teacher was talking about and was able to contribute to class
discussions instead of doodling in her notebook like she had since
the beginning of the semester.

Her hair just barely reached into a ponytail,
so she tucked the loose strands behind her ears. Her school
uniform, a jacket and skirt combination, hung neatly at her hips.
The Academy’s uniform policy required that girls wear either a
black skirt or a pair of khaki pants during class hours, and Kendal
had noticed that JJ always opted for the pants.

“Are you going to the soccer party tonight?”
Christine asked as Kendal sat down across from her.

“Definitely. I think I’ve earned it after all
the extra work I’ve been doing lately.”

“I can’t believe you can eat all of that
greasy mess.” Christine motioned to Kendal’s tray, stirring granola
into her own cup of yogurt.

Kendal looked down at her runny eggs, cooked
over-easy, complemented with potatoes and bacon. She then eyed
Christine’s yogurt. “At least I eat,” she retorted.

“I eat! I just choose to eat healthy.”
Christine grabbed her spoon and licked the yogurt off of it.
“Excuse me if I’m not lucky enough to have your turbo
metabolism.”

“I can’t help it if I burn through food like
it’s jet fuel.” Kendal picked at her eggs. “I’m so glad I decided
to get a tutor for Women’s Literature.”

“Speaking of which, who did you land this
time? I hope it wasn’t that Asian kid with the horrible acne
again.”

“God, no,” Kendal said quickly. “It’s JJ
something or other. She’s on the basketball team. You’ve probably
seen her around school. She hangs around with that rich girl with
the weird name, Queenie or something.”

Christine hacked and coughed as if she was
about to spit her yogurt back up. “You have no luck with tutors at
all!” she gasped.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, look at your track record. First you
get that weird guy with the lazy eye, then the girl who spit when
she talked, then Asian acne boy and now to top it off, a
lesbian.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Kendal!” Christine’s eyes widened. “She’s
gay. So is half of the basketball team.” She spooned out the rest
of her yogurt with her index finger and licked it off. “C’mon, you
seriously didn’t know? I swear it amazes me how naïve you can
be.”

Kendal picked up a piece of bacon, “I’m not
naïve. I just never suspected.”

“It’s so obvious,” Christine continued.

Kendal felt a sourness growing in her
stomach. The appetite she’d been bragging about moments earlier had
completely vanished. She had suspected that JJ was different
somehow, especially the way she paused in mid-conversation around
her or when Kendal had caught her staring. But she had stared back
at JJ. She’d even smiled back in a way that was more than friendly.
But if JJ was gay, did that mean that she—?

“Has she hit on you yet?” Christine
prodded.

Kendal practically threw the piece of bacon
back down on her plate. “Will you stop it?”

“What? I’m sure she thinks you’re hot. I
mean, everyone at this school thinks you’re hot.”

“She helps me with homework, that’s it.
That’s what a tutor does.”

“Well, I’d just be careful if I were you,”
Christine advised. “Don’t give her your phone number, or she might
start texting you. And make sure that you don’t sit too close to
her or anything.”

Kendal immediately thought of them sitting at
the table in the library where she and JJ usually shared a book of
poetry and how she’d accidentally brushed up against JJ on more
than one occasion over the past couple of weeks. She thought of how
JJ had mentioned that Dickinson could have been in love with
another woman.

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she
thought about their last tutoring session, when they talked about
Dickinson’s “wild nights” and who she might have been writing
about. She thought about the questions JJ had asked her, about the
feeling of their locked hands, and about her own response. She felt
dizzy and lightheaded.

Christine began to gossip with the other
girls at their table as if nothing had happened. The conversation
eventually swung to the coming evening events, and Kendal pretended
to listen while a strange curiosity engulfed her, giving her knots
in her stomach.

CHAPTER 6

Kyan Stevens grunted as he lifted the
fifty-pound barbell with his left hand.

He counted silently. Five. Four. Three. Two.
One.

His tanned torso was covered with a black
muscle shirt and he wore a pair of matching black mesh shorts. The
sandy hair that normally hung just above his eyes was held back now
by a black bandana. A tattoo of barbwire circled his left leg
around the calf muscle. And the diamond-studded earrings in his
ears sparkled in the weight room lights.

He breathed heavily, watching himself in the
mirror. The weight gain supplement that his coach had advised him
to take was beginning to work. He couldn’t believe that the soccer
season already was half over. This was his last season of his high
school career. He had to perform well. He had to show the
underclassmen what Sampson soccer was about, where true dedication
and hard work could get you.

He picked up the barbell with his right hand
and repeated the reps. Sweat began to form on his brow. The image
in the mirror reflected his obsession with perfection.

Everything in his life was set to high
standards, from his grades to the girls he dated. He had always set
his goals high. Having a military captain for a father was part of
the reason. Lack of confidence was the other, but he’d never admit
that. Pushing to the top had grown into an inescapable addiction.
But he’d achieved a great deal. He had the perfect body, a complete
mass of toned muscle and definition. He had the perfect reputation,
a captain on the soccer team. He had the perfect grade point
average and already had been accepted into one of the top pre-law
programs in the country. There was one more thing he needed though,
one piece to make the puzzle complete. He needed the perfect
girl.

Tired of dating the same old blondes with
incredible looks but zero personalities, Kyan had finally decided
it was time to find someone more wholesome. He and his teammates
were the most popular students in the entire school. It seemed only
natural that he partner up with someone from the cheerleading team,
which was made up of the prettiest girls on campus. The obvious
choice would be the head cheerleader, Mya Brooks. But he found her
to be slightly heftier than he preferred, plus she had a reputation
for being extremely headstrong and opinionated.

His unconsciously shook his head at the
mirror. Then he sank to the ground, and began to do sit ups.

Kyan wanted someone less brainy, someone
smart enough to carry on a conversation, but not too smart. Someone
who would be willing to let him control the reigns of the
relationship and steer it in the direction he desired. Someone like
Kendal McCarthy.

She was perfect for him—just the right size,
beautiful, likeable, popular, but seriously lacking in the area of
intelligence. He often spotted her in the library being tutored.
She didn’t have a boyfriend, and she would be somewhat of a
challenge for him, since other guys at Sampson were most likely
interested in her as well.

“Hey, we’re thinking of having a party
tonight. You up for it?”

One of Kyan’s soccer teammates, Jason, now
stood over him. Sixty minutes on the treadmill had drenched his
friend’s shirt with sweat. “Definitely,” Kyan replied between
reps.

“I told Christine,” Jason said. “She’s going
to get all the girls from the cheerleading squad to come.”

Kyan sat up and smiled slyly. “Perfect. I
think it’s time Kendal McCarthy and I get to know each other a
little better.”

“Kendal McCarthy? THE Kendal McCarthy?”

“Yes, Kendal McCarthy. What’s the big
deal?”

“Nothing,” Jason said. “I just think she’s a
bit out of reach, you know. Even for you.”

“This is me you’re talking to. All it takes
is a little bit of charm, a few compliments and the rest just falls
into place.”

“Whatever you say, buddy.”

Kyan climbed to his feet and flexed in front
of the mirror. Sometimes it was almost too much, knowing how things
in his life were working out so well. The only thing he was missing
was a girlfriend. But no girl in her right mind would turn him
down, especially not Kendal McCarthy. “Let’s go,” he said.

They left the sweat-filled athletic center,
both of their bodies pumping from endorphins and high expectations
for the weekend.

CHAPTER 7

JJ sat in her room listening to some soft
R&B on her stereo. Queenie had gone home for the weekend. Her
parents lived only half an hour away in the affluent Rolling Hills,
a suburb of Richmond, and her mother was forcing her to attend a
bridal shower for her older sister. The only thing that eased
Queenie’s mind about being home was the fact that she secretly had
planned her biggest revenge on her family to date.

As far as JJ knew, Queenie’s mother, father
and sister were the only ones who were aware of her sexual
orientation. About two years earlier her father had threatened to
disown her after her mother caught Queenie in the guest bedroom
kissing a female member of the cleaning staff. But with a little
convincing from Mrs. McBride, he’d learned to live with the
situation.

It seemed as though Queenie’s main goal in
life was to antagonize her parents. She’d succeeded plenty of times
before: by getting kicked out of three other private schools, by
spending a summer in a juvenile detention hall for stealing from a
high-end fashion boutique frequented by her mother, by hanging with
what they considered was the wrong crowd, and by spending her
parents’ money as though she were playing a mean game of
Monopoly.

But Queenie was planning her biggest
production yet. At her sister’s wedding reception she would
announce in her maid of honor speech that she was gay. It would be
an affair to remember, one that the assembly of guests could never
forget, Queenie promised, when she first disclosed her devious
little plan to JJ.

Of all the stunts Queenie had ever pulled,
this was going to be the most outrageous of them all. JJ shook her
head in disbelief. Sometimes it seemed as though Queenie lived
inside a movie script rather than in reality.

Even though JJ’s own family initially had a
hard time accepting the news when she told them that she was gay,
they eventually came around. It was the most difficult thing she’d
done in her short life thus far, and she couldn’t imagine how
anything could be harder. She and her family were close. Her older
brother recently had graduated from college and taught math at a
local high school. Her mother also was a teacher, and her father
sold advertising space for a local paper.

JJ remembered the night clearly, and had
replayed it in her mind repeatedly. It was early June. She’d just
finished her sophomore year at Sampson Academy and was in search of
a summer job. Her parents had remained quiet that week, thinking
she was depressed because she was stuck at home for the summer and
hadn’t yet found a job so that she could make some extra money.
That, of course, was not the reason.

From the moment JJ had stepped into the
house, she knew she was going to have to tell them the truth. Her
mother still hung on to the hope that she’d outgrow this so-called
tomboy phase. But it wasn’t a phase. Her father, whom she loved and
respected more than anyone else in her life, didn’t know the real
her. It was eating her alive. With each passing day, JJ grew
increasingly reserved. Her head constantly spun with the
anticipated conversation, from the moment she awoke each morning
until she lay awake, wide-eyed, in her bed each night. She felt as
if she’d been carrying on an act, being untrue to both herself and
them.

JJ had always amazed herself with how easily
words came to her, yet when she needed them the most, she couldn’t
find them. There was no plan, no designated date or time, to tell
her family. The feeling kept swelling until it became too big for
her body, until she had no other choice but to let it out from
inside of her so that she could breathe easily once again.

Finally, about two weeks after she‘d arrived
home, the night had come. She and her parents sat at the kitchen
table, eating dinner. Roast beef and vegetables, JJ remembered. She
could barely swallow her potatoes. Her feeling of dread had grown
so massive it was filling up her throat.

“Why are you so quiet?” her mother had asked,
so caring and so sincere.

“Are you upset that you haven’t found a job
yet?” asked her father. “I could check with the paper. I’m sure I
could get you a part-time writing job, maybe an internship.”

JJ swallowed the potatoes that had turned to
mush from sitting in her mouth, and shook her head.

“Do you miss school?” her mother asked.

“No, it’s not that.” JJ’s eyes widened, when
she realized she still had the ability to talk. She felt the words
begin to climb up her throat, and knew there was no going back.

“I have to tell you something,” she
continued, her words coming slowly. “Something I am afraid to say.
Something that I have to say, even though I know you both will be
disappointed.”

Her father set down his fork and eyed her
mother. JJ could see the concern in his expression, the worry and
the confusion. Her mother remained composed.“Josie, you can tell us
anything.”