The Truth About Air & Water (Truth in Lies #2) (27 page)

He reaches for my hand again and just holds it in his. It reminds me so much of Lincoln Presley that I catch and hold my breath and begin to shake my head at him.

“Don’t,” I finally say.

“It’s going to be okay.”

A single tear betrays me and slides down my cheek. “That’s the thing. It’s
not
okay.”

“It
is
. You’re alive.” He traces the tear trail. “You need to stop apologizing for that.”

“What makes you so sure?”

He looks confused and then he slowly nods. “That you’re
alive
?” I nod. He touches my breasts with his hand. “Your heart beats. You’re an amazing dancer in one of the most demanding jobs, physically and mentally, that one can do in the world. And you are a star at it, besides. You’ve experienced as much tragedy as some of the men I’ve served with, and yet you deal with the terror and the aftermath all on your own. It’s incredible, really, that you’ve been able to do that, function, rise above it all, let alone keep it all going. You survived, Tally. You’re here and—”

“Broken. I’m broken and you should know that,” I say interrupting his poignant speech. “I should come with a warning label like dynamite does. I’m broken, Sam.” I pull away from his touch.

“Let me fix you,” he says after a time.

“No.”

“Yes,” he says nodding at me slowly. Then, he pulls me forward turning me in his arms so I face away from him and closes his arms around me tight.

After a long while, his heart beat synchronizes with mine. I close my eyes and just listen to his living sound.

“Okay. Then,” he whispers to me. His simple words reach for me and my heart tumbles as if it is a key has just been inserted into the right lock. Miraculously, everything clicks.

I open my eyes and turn to look at him. Then, I genuinely smile for the first time in what feels like forever. “Okay. Then,” I finally say.

CHAPTER TWENTY

I'm Gonna Find Another You -TALLY

It’s three in the morning. Sam and I are still talking. Over the last four hours, we’ve rehashed the same topics—Linc, Tremblay, Cara, San Francisco Ballet,
The Promissory Note
—and invented new ones—relationships with or without benefits, what is love
really
, the merits of
Silver Linings Playbook
versus
The Lone Survivor
versus
The Hunger Games
. We found common ground in just about everything and agree we are eclectic and broken; and it remains fascinating to the two of us.

For the past twenty minutes, we’ve shared this companionable silence. I thought maybe he’d fallen asleep so I finally give life to another confession of mine. “There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret giving up Cara.” I’ve never given voice to this admission before, and I tremble with the guilt but at least make an attempt to hold myself together. I turn to gauge Sam’s reaction.

He’s awake.
I bite my lip regretting saying this aloud.

“Cara doesn’t remember any of that,” he says softly. “She just knows you’re here now. That’s what counts.” He stops, sits up, and takes a long pull of his drink which has now gone cold. “You know, Allaire even said to me once, ‘you’d like Tally.’” He looks over at me with undeniable interest. “And, I do
like you
.”

“Why would she have said such a thing?”

“You take risks and live to tell about it. I find that
very attractive
. Somehow, she knew I would…
like
you.”

I ignore the gist of what he’s just said and concentrate on the chocolaty film that’s formed on the top of my own doctored drink. “Why would you like me?”

“I don’t know. I just do.”

“I’m broken and selfish and a head case. I destroy every relationship I’ve ever had, or it destroys me. One of those two things always happens. I’m broken.” I look up at him. “Don’t
like
me, Sam.”

“Can’t help it.” He gets this intense look.

I shake my head at him. “This is a bad idea. You know that, right?”

“Probably.” He looks intrigued.

We sip our now-cold chocolate concoction in companionable silence about a foot away from each other. Then he eyes me curiously. “So Cara…I imagine she’s a little confused about Linc, at this point. Does she talk about him at all?”

“After the accident…it was hours before they found her at the scene with Allaire still in the car with her. To this day, I don’t know what all she saw, but she still isn’t talking, hardly at all. She’ll say ‘
Momma
’ occasionally, but that’s about it. We don’t talk about Linc anymore.” I say softly. “She has trust issues, bonding issues. We’ve been seeing a counselor every two weeks for almost the past year. She can’t figure out why Cara isn’t talking by now either, but then again, with what’s happened to Linc…we’re just doing the best we can.”

“What did you tell her about him?”

“At first, I told her that Daddy hurt his head, and he’d be gone for a while. Of course, that reason doesn’t really work anymore.”

He frowns and then gets this dazed half-smile but continues. “I’m sorry. I was going to let you bring him up first, and here I am jumping ahead to the
real
topic at hand.”

“The
real
topic at hand. I’m not good with that one.” I force myself to smile.

“Well, what happened that the two of you didn’t stay together? He gets hit by a line drive. It’s all over the news. It sounds like it was touch and go for a while. Next thing I know, they’re talking about what went down in LA and then most recently it has been all about the possibility of sending him down to the minor leagues. The Giants are all hush hush about his contract, but they obviously aren’t happy. And yet, you’re here and not that I’m complaining—”

“You think they’ll send him down?”

“The Giants have a pretty full roster. They need him pitching. If he doesn’t have it? Yeah. I’m sure they want to give him time to get his pitching back. That’s the rumor anyway. Sometimes, teams do that before they bring them all the way back up to the majors. He’ll probably play in the minor leagues for part of the season at least, and then they’ll likely bring him back up. If it happens, he’ll be working out with the Fresno Grizzlies by late February probably before then.”

“Fresno. Mars. No difference,” I say in a wooden tone. “Maybe that’s easier.” I don’t say anything more.

There’s a possibility he’ll be sent down. That can’t be good. A part of me is sad for him. Let’s face it; I haven’t exactly focused on Linc’s problems in all of this, although there isn’t a big enough excuse in the world that will explain what happened with him in LA, and I’ve been nursing my own heartbreak over that since then. I didn’t take the time to feel sorry for him on any level until now. But being sent down would be a huge blow to his ego. At least, I think it will. Maybe, he’d be secretly relieved because he wouldn’t be pressured to remember everyone’s name. The Giants would expect him to know them, just like I did. Remorse swirls because I never really looked at the world from Linc’s perspective before.

Selfish, Tally. You’re selfish and self-involved.

Sam watches me closely. I am definitely not portraying the girl who wanted nothing more than to get laid tonight.

“See? You do need to talk about him. I take it you haven’t been tracking all the news about him.”

“No,” I say with a sigh. “LA pretty much did me in.”

“News about him being sent down started a few days ago. Right after the LA thing. He’s on the IR list, and sending him down to the Fresno Grizzlies might be to prove a point to him as to who’s in charge. It sounds like he refused to attend all press conferences based on the news reports.
That
must have pissed off enough of the Giants’ brass. Maybe that’s why there’s more talk about sending him down. I thought you knew. That’s why…I was surprised to see you. I thought maybe you’d be going with him.”

“No. I’m not
with
him. Definitely not going to be with him. Definitely not with him.”

News of Linc’s troubles travels through me like a fuse that’s been lit.
Why do I care?
After LA, I shouldn’t care. And yet, for the first time, I actually confront reality that he is really never coming back. He doesn’t remember me, and he isn’t ever going to remember me. I try to hide this feeling of complete devastation from Sam. I take in air in slow shallow breaths thinking maybe if air gets into my lungs, thinking if I relax a little all this pent-up angst will miraculously disappear. I absently study a thread coming loose on my jeans and begin to pull on it, going for Marla’s fidget-fashion trick. I avoid looking at Sam at all costs.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“I’m fine.” The standard Tally party line. He shakes his head at me in disbelief. “We’re over. We’ve been over for a long time now. Actually, two weeks after it first happened,” I finally say.

“But why?”

I stare at Sam and hesitate to put it all into words, and yet he waits patiently while I try to get air all the way back into my lungs. “The LA Times had it right. He doesn’t…” I start again. “He. Doesn’t. Remember. Me. At all. He lost at least six years of time, maybe more. When he woke up from the coma, he didn’t know who I was. He thought I was his nurse.” I shake my head and try to smile. “Davis Presley, his dad? He wanted his only son to concentrate on baseball, and since Linc didn’t remember me…well, Davis just thought it might be best to cut off all contact. In other words, I was in the way. I naively thought that Davis or someone would eventually tell Linc about me and Cara, but I suppose she just represents an unnecessary complication, to Linc’s father, at least.”

“It’s not really up to his father. It’s up to Linc.”

“He doesn’t remember…any of it. There are millions of dollars at stake as well as his career.” I wince, remembering Kimberley Powers’ exact words. “I just thought he would be told about us, and at least he would want to see Cara…I didn’t know they would keep his past from him, or that the Giants would consider sending him down. I’m sure he’s just trying to keep his head above water right now. Baseball is an intense sport. The schedule is brutal. And now he may have to pitch for the minor leagues. He’s basically starting over,” I say with an unhappy sigh. “And the LA thing royally pissed me off, so I had my lawyer draft up a no-contact agreement. I needed to protect Cara as much as myself. I didn’t want his whoring around splashed all over the sports pages or ESPN to reach my daughter somehow. Or me.” I laugh, but it doesn't quite work.

Sam looks sympathetic. He puts his left arm around me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. How have you been coping with his not remembering you?"

“Not well, obviously.” I frown and try to smile. “My parents have been great. My best friend Marla, you remember her, right? She keeps me in line.”

“The knockout blonde? Yeah. She was there when you dropped in months ago. She’s married to Charlie, right? And they picked you up that day with the Moscow thing.”

“The Moscow Thing. That’s a good way of putting it. Yes, they were there that day too. It’s been kind of awkward. Charlie is Linc’s first cousin. I’ve refused to be around the family very much because of all that went down after Linc’s injury. His dad was solely focused on Linc returning to baseball, and Charlie’s parents sided with him. As I said, I was an unnecessary encumbrance and so was Cara. And when Linc didn’t remember either of us, well, that gave Davis Presley all the power he needed. There was a bit of character assassination with Linc’s six million dollar signing bonus missing for a time, but I managed to work it all out. No big deal. I was just the fiancée, and I was clearly in the way of Linc’s sole focus on returning to baseball at least as far as Davis was concerned. Family ties and all of that.” I take a shuddering breath at all I’ve just revealed. “So, here we are.”

“I think you should try to talk to him.”

“Why?”

“To be
free
of him.”

“
I am free
of him
.”