The Truth About Ever After (15 page)

She
looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead she just gave me one
last smile and left the office.

I
stared down at my desk. I was finished with my work, really.
I may as well go home,
I thought to
myself, feeling little joy at the prospect. Still, I packed up my bag and
stood, turning out the lights in my office, not at all eager to get back to my condo
and all the sadness that was lurking there.

Chapter Fourteen

Jen
and Matt lived in Ferndale, a town about ten minutes away from our condo.
Ferndale was cute—it kind of had a quirky vibe to it, and a bustling
downtown area with lots of restaurants and bars. The girls had all grown up
near there and had returned to the town after finishing college, renting a
house together while Ginny was pregnant. Jen and Matt lived in that
same
house, actually, having bought it after Ginny and Josh
got married and moved out.

“You
up for this?” Eric asked as we parked the car on the street opposite their
house.
Annie’s
and Josh’s cars were already parked in
the driveway. The front door was closed against the winter cold, and I could
picture them all inside, probably laughing and breaking into the first bottle
of wine.

“Of
course,” I said, trying to smile at him. I wasn’t sure if I succeeded. Eric
reached over and took my hand, squeezing it gently.
 

“We
can always turn around, you know. Head right back home. Blame it on a freak
reoccurrence of your stomach bug.”

I
gave him a real smile this time. “No, I think company will be good,” I said.
“Besides, maybe I’ll get the chance to talk to Jen in private. Let her know
what happened.”

Eric
still looked concerned, so I moved to open the door. “Hey,” he said, his voice
soft, and I turned back to him. “I love you.”

“I
love you, too.”

He
kissed the hand he was still holding. “Should we have a code word? In case we
want to make our escape?”

I
laughed, the first genuine laugh I’d had in days. “Sure. How ‘bout Houdini?”

“Perfect,”
he said, grinning at me. “Should be very easy to work inconspicuously into a
conversation.”

I
kissed him, feeling suddenly very grateful that I had married this man. “We
should get in there,” I said.

Eric
insisted I wait for him to open my door so he could help me down from my seat.
He was still treating me like I was sick. It wasn’t necessary, but I got the
feeling it made him feel less impotent about the situation, so I let him dote
on me.

Eric
knocked sharply on the heavy front door. “Come in!” Matt’s muffled voice called
from inside. As Eric pulled the door open, Matt came into view in the foyer.
“Hey, guys! Glad you could make it!”

He
hugged us each, even kissing my cheek, and I was struck with the thought that
he was in an unusually good mood.

“Kiki!”
Jen called out from the dining room. “Eric, come on in!”

We
stepped through the entryway into the dining room, where Jen was setting the
table with help from Ginny. Through the kitchen I could see Annie and Nate
pouring wine.

We
said our hellos to everyone, accepting glasses of wine from Nate, before Jen
shooed everyone into the living room to relax. “Dinner will be another twenty
minutes or so,” she said. “But we’ll have hors d'oeuvres in a bit.”

“Yes,”
Annie muttered. “I knew I would eat good if I came over here.”

“Me
too,” Nate said. “God knows she cooks a hell of a lot better than either of
us.”

Annie
didn’t argue the point. Jen was
well-known
as a
phenomenal cook, and the smells coming from the kitchen made me feel hungry for
the first time all week.

“So,
how’s everyone doing?” Jen asked as she sat down on the couch. She looked a
little bit nervous to me for some reason, or maybe overexcited.

“Pretty
good,” Annie said, leaning back against the cushions of the armchair. “We’re
starting to get into gear for the summer season at the theater. I think it’s
going to be really—”

“We
have news!” Jen cried suddenly, interrupting Annie mid-sentence. Matt laughed a
little and put his arm around her. “Sorry, we were going to wait until dinner
to tell you, but I just can’t stand it.”

“Oh,
my God,” Ginny whispered, pointing at Jen. “I knew it. I knew it! No wonder
you’re not drinking any wine!”

Everyone
else looked at Jen blankly, looking as confused as I felt. Jen grinned broadly
and glanced at Matt. Did she have tears in her eyes?

“What?”
Annie asked, looking from Jen to Ginny. “What did you know? What’s going on?”

It
hit me a second before Jen opened her mouth. With a swoop of my stomach, I
knew.

“I’m
pregnant!” Jen squealed. “We’re having a baby!”

In
the tumult of screaming that followed, I felt glued to the couch. I watched,
motionless, as Ginny and Annie jumped up, hugging Jen and squealing in delight.
Josh and Nate were congratulating Matt, shaking his
hand
and slapping his back. It was that sight that snapped me out of it.

“Go
hug your brother,” I hissed at Eric. He was sitting next to me, as frozen as I
was, clutching my hand as I dug my nails into his knee.

“Kiki,”
he said in my ear, sounding anguished.

“Go,”
I said, releasing his leg so we could stand. “We have to congratulate them.”

This is Jen’s moment
, I told myself as I got off the couch
and went to hug her.
Don’t you dare
cry.
She invited you to be here when she told her closest
friends. You cannot ruin it. You can’t.

“Congratulations!”
I cried, hoping my voice sounded normal. “I’m so happy for you!”

Annie
and Ginny released Jen, turning to hug each other instead and giving me the
chance to wrap my arms around her. I buried my face in her shoulder, not sure
if I could trust my expression.

“Thank
you, Kiki,” she said. Though I couldn’t see her face I could hear the tears in
her voice. “You’re going to be such a good aunt. I can’t wait!”

I
nodded mutely, squeezing her tight to hide my reaction. Out of the corner of my
eye I could see Eric and Matt embracing.
This
is your family
, I told myself.
You
have to be happy.

I
felt like the rest of the night moved in slow motion. I tried to laugh and joke
along with the others as we ate. Of course, no one could talk about anything
other than the baby. The girls were over the moon for Jen, particularly Ginny,
who had been alone in the mother’s club for the past four years.

“I’m
so glad you didn’t wait!” she said. “Now your baby will be less than two years
younger than Maggie. They’ll be such good friends!” Ginny started getting teary,
prompting a snort from Annie, who had used up her sentimentality in the moments
after Jen’s announcement and was now back to her slightly sarcastic self.

“Do
you know the due date?” Nate asked.

“September,”
Jen replied happily, taking a drink of her water. No wine glass for her. “A
fall baby.”

“Are
you going to find out what you’re having?” Josh asked.

“We
haven’t decided,” Jen said, looking at Matt. “Matt wants to, but I’m torn.”

“Did
you guys find out?” I asked, trying to stay present in the conversation. Ginny
looked at me strangely.

“Yeah,”
she said. “You knew that, Kiki. You helped throw that shower for me with
Maggie, remember? Because I knew I was having a girl and couldn’t use all my
same stuff from Danny.”

“Oh,
yeah,” I said, feeling stupid. Of course I knew that.

“Are
you okay?” Jen whispered to me as Ginny and Annie started debating baby names.

I
grinned at her as largely as I could. “Of course,” I said. “I’m so happy I
think I’m having a brain hiccup, or something.”

She
didn’t look entirely convinced, but she let it go.

Somehow
I managed to get through the night. I knew Jen could tell I wasn’t myself. I
didn’t blame her. She probably expected me to be screaming and jumping up and
down—in
fact,
it’s exactly the way I would have
acted if she had told me only a week before. I felt terrible for my lack of
enthusiasm, and prayed I wasn’t putting a damper on
her own
excitement. She didn’t seem put off, though. She and the girls chatted
constantly, clearly overjoyed about the news.

“Babe,
I don’t feel too good,” Eric said shortly after the plates had been cleared.
“That headache came back with a vengeance. Would you mind if we take off?”

I
was so grateful for his cover that I almost burst into tears. Sitting there was
torture, so much worse than I could have imagined. And feeling that way,
knowing that my own selfishness could be marring Jen’s big night, in turn made
me feel incredibly guilty. All I wanted was to get out of that house.

We
said our goodbyes quickly. I think I managed to keep a smile on my face as I
hugged the girls and Matt. Jen squeezed me extra tight, and held on much longer
than I was used to from her. I squeezed her back, wishing I could feel anything
other than this awful weight on my chest.

Out
in the car, Eric once again held my hand tightly in his own as he drove. We
didn’t speak the entire way home. When Eric finally pulled into our parking
space in the underground garage, I cleared my throat. “Thank you. For getting
us out of there.” My voice sounded scratchy, raw. As if I had been crying,
instead of sitting there in silence.

Eric
stared straight ahead. I wondered if he was going to say something, try to make
me feel better somehow. In the end, he only nodded wordlessly.

There
was nothing else to say.

Chapter Fifteen

Work
on Monday was difficult. I had arranged to have a bouquet of flowers sent to
the office, to be
there
waiting when Jen arrived. When
I called in the order I felt a pang, remembering how I had done the same thing
only months before, to welcome her home from her honeymoon. Then I had been
desperately trying to think of a way to convince Eric we were ready for kids.
And now… How had everything changed so much in such a short amount of time?

Jen
was beside herself when she saw the flowers, crying loudly and throwing her
arms around me in a very un-Jen-like manner. “Sorry,” she sniffed, smiling at
me. “It’s just the hormones.”

“Don’t
apologize,” I said, smiling at her. I was getting better at the whole
smiling-when-I-felt-sad thing. I had even practiced in the shower. I was
determined that Jen would have no idea that her pregnancy brought anything
other than complete joy. And I was happy for her, truly I was. It was hard to
recognize, under my own pain, but when I could filter that out, I realized that
I wanted Jen and Matt to be happy, that, in fact, I probably would put their
happiness second only to that of my own husband. They had become some of the
most important people in my life. And they would make great parents.

It’s
just bad timing, I told myself as I headed into my own office.
Just bad timing.
It’s what Eric and I had spent the entire
day before telling each other, trying to convince each other that we weren’t
bad people for feeling sad and jealous when our own family shared the news that
they were about to be parents.

In
my office, I sank into my chair, feeling exhausted already. It was barely nine
a.m. The nightmares had continued all weekend, only now I wasn’t so noisy when
I woke up, meaning Eric got to sleep through most of it. I had considered
waking him when I couldn’t get the beating of my heart to slow down, but in the
end I let him sleep. No reason for both of us to be miserable.

I
powered on my computer and flicked idly though my planner as I waited for it to
load. We had a fairly busy week, with a birthday party and two restaurant
openings coming up. Busy was good. Busy would keep me from breaking down.

I
opened my Excel spreadsheet for the restaurant opening on Thursday, my most
pressing event. I ran my eyes down the list, checking off each item as I went.
We were in pretty good shape with this one. Everything was booked, the décor
and entertainment signed off on. All that was left was the setup the day of.

Before
I could move on to the birthday party, my phone beeped loudly. “Mrs. Thompson?
There’s a call for you on line one.”

I
considered using the intercom to ask Barbara who it was, but decided I didn’t
really care.
You need to perk up a little
,
a voice in the back of my mind urged.
You
have work to do.
I picked up the receiver and pressed the button for line one.
“Hello, this is Kiki Barker-Thompson of
Ever
After Events
. How can I help you?”

“Kiki?”
squealed a vaguely familiar voice. “Oh, my God, Kiki, I can’t believe it’s you!”