The Twelve Dates of Christmas (14 page)

‘You’re one to hold on to the past, aren’t you? Not being a dick, just, you know,
insightful
.’ He grinned. ‘Don’t live back there, just hold on to the ace memories that make up your life. Then create as many new ones as you can. Bloody hell, I really am wise. I think I’m gonna sack this all in and bake fortune cookies.’

‘Create new memories,’ Claudia murmured. Time to be courageous. She turned in his arms, trying to block the image of Nick’s face, his eyes, his smile. She studied Billy. Could she kiss someone else? This was bigger than getting over Nick. This would be her first kiss since Seth. The only other lips she’d have touched in more than five years.
Get over the past
. She exhaled and edged closer, feeling the heat of Billy’s body through their thick layers of winter coats.

Billy was watching her, a shy smile on his face. He seemed in no rush, like he was telling her to take as long as she needed. Claudia put her hands on his chest and raised herself up on tiptoes. She thought of how close she’d been to kissing Nick at the Christmas party. Would things have changed if it had actually happened? Would she be here now?

Claudia tilted her chin up and Billy sank his face down to meet her. They kissed, lightly, affectionately. It lasted no more than a few seconds and then they slowly pulled apart; staying close, their foreheads touching.

‘That was a bit shit wasn’t it?’ whispered Billy. Claudia pulled back and burst out laughing. ‘What are you thinking, Sheila?’ He grinned.

‘You really call women “Sheila”?’

‘No, just threw it in there to break the tension.’

‘Um, I was thinking … It wasn’t
shit
.’

‘Yes it was, you bloody liar!’

She hadn’t felt a thing, not a single spark. ‘It was like kissing a brother.’

‘Safe to say the stars won’t be aligning for us.’

‘They can’t even be bothered to get out of their armchairs.’

‘Lazy stars. It’s a shame, eh? You’re awesome, and pretty as hell by the way, but you and I are just not destined to be more than friends.’

It
was
a shame. Billy was a great guy. But now she knew two things for sure.

One: she didn’t just like Nick because he was being nice to her and she was rebounding. Billy was just as yumtastic and she couldn’t even sweat a palm for him.

Two: there really are other good catches in the world. And she’d be okay when the time came.

‘Right, listen,’ Claudia said. ‘That was just a friendship induction that I put everyone through, don’t go thinking you’re special. Now let’s get back to work. What do you think that building is?’ she pointed towards Canary Wharf. Billy laughed and shoved her out the way to get a better view.

Claudia listened to him babble on with some nonsense about Henry the Eighth’s office block.
Okay Nick, I’m going to have to step my game up to get over you.

Claudia arrived home mid-afternoon and flicked on the TV. One of the channels was half way through
Love Actually
, which was tempting, but she had a phone call to make and something she needed to ask.

‘Hi Dad.’

‘Hello my darling, this is a nice surprise.’

‘What were you up to?’

‘Um, well,
Love Actually
’s on TV, so I was giving that a go. I don’t like that secretary of Alan Rickman’s much.’

‘I don’t like anyone who’s mean to Emma Thompson.’

‘Me neither.’

‘Shall I call you back when it’s finished?’

‘No, no, I’ve paused it. Chatting to you’s much more fun.’

‘Thanks.’ Claudia hoped she wasn’t about to make her dad sad, dredging up the past. ‘I have a question.’

‘Go for it.’

‘Can I ask … how did you get over Mum?’

‘After she left?’

‘Yeah, but I don’t mean how did you react straight after she moved away; I know you were probably angry and hurt, but, like, how did you actually get through knowing that you couldn’t be with the person you loved ever again?’

They didn’t talk about this stuff often. Claudia knew her dad felt like he’d failed her when he and her mum had divorced. Claudia’s mum had never really been your typical mum. She was a free spirit, if you were being polite. A bad mother if you weren’t. She was an adventurer, and getting married and having a baby was an adventure. But the aftermath wasn’t. She loved Claudia, but traditional motherhood bored her. Joe always had to be the bad cop, because often her mum would be the one encouraging Claudia to take the day off school or to go to parties she was really too young for. Claudia saw how difficult it was for her dad so tried to be a good child. He was drained by trying to keep the family together when it was painfully obvious her mum was itching to fly away. And one day she did. She now lived in New Zealand, and Claudia saw her about once a year.

‘Oh honey,’ said Joe. ‘Are you thinking about Seth?’

No, I’m actually thinking about Nick.
‘Yep.’

‘To be honest, it did take a long time. I kept reminding myself of the fact that it wasn’t working while she was around, therefore her leaving wasn’t the world’s biggest disaster.’ He paused. ‘But it still felt like that, for a long time.’

Poor dad
. ‘What helped you through it?’

‘You did.’

‘Me?’

‘You were my crutch, which wasn’t fair on you, but you helped me see that the, um, love of one person is not the be all and end all of life. If it finishes there are other people who you can pour even more of your love into.’

‘Dad, you were
my
crutch.’

She heard a foghorn of a nose blow. ‘I’m sorry Seth’s gone,’ Joe said, coming back on the line. ‘It’s really hard, but you’ve got me, Penny, Nick and lots of other people. And you’ll have a whole big heartful of love to share with someone new when they come along. I sound like a right hippy.’

Claudia laughed.

‘Another thing I did was think, right, if I can’t have one thing I want – i.e. your mother – I’ll look into getting something else I want. Not calling your mum a “thing”, of course. I’d spent a long time trying to make her happy and keep her interested, so I decided to do those things for me. My dreams weren’t as wild as hers – in fact my biggest dream was just to hang out with my pre-teen daughter and keep her out of harm’s way! But it was a good excuse to try a few hobbies. That’s when I started playing the keyboard, you know. I can still only play “Chim Chim Cheree”, but I gave it a go. And more importantly, I followed my little ambition to open a fishing shop. Some called me crazy, doing that in the middle of Surrey, but I didn’t do too bad, did I?’

‘Best fishing shop in all of the south,’ agreed Claudia. Her dad had sold his business a couple of years ago, after a successful decade and a half.

‘I know it feels like a monumental task to get yourself happy again, but there are lots of opportunities out there for excitement, I promise you.’

First Billy, then her dad; who would be Claudia’s third wise man this Christmas?

‘Christine called me, by the way.’

‘Did she now?’

‘She told me Nick’s offered you a new job. It sounds good. What do you think?’

‘I really don’t know. It does sound good, but …’

Joe waited. ‘All right Nosy Nora, here’s a question for you: what do you want to do with your life?’

‘Well, my dream job has always been to be a dancer.’

‘I know, but you haven’t done anything about that for twelve years.’

Claudia felt a twist of shame. ‘I know Dad, I know I should have done something sooner. I feel like an idiot for letting it all slip away.’

‘I’m not having a go, love, I’m just saying that if that was really still your big passion you’d have had more drive to keep going with it. I know you’ll always love dancing and everything about it, but maybe you need to have a big hot chocolate and a good think about what you’d really like to do with yourself. Just because you had a dream a decade ago doesn’t mean it has to be the same one now.’

‘Mmm. I’ve been thinking the same thing lately.’

‘Do you want me to come over and bring you some marshmallows for that hot choc?’

‘No, Dad, this is London, there’s a twenty-four-hour Tesco on every corner.’

‘Okay.’ He sounded sad.

‘But I could bring some to you. Maybe we could have that hot choc together? And I’ll pick up dinner on the way.’

‘You don’t have to do that, my darling, it’s a long way and you’re a busy girl.’

‘I want to.’

‘In that case, can we have fish and chips, please?’

‘MERRY CHRISTMAS!’ Nick boomed, banging open the door to Edurné’s the next day and standing in the entrance, arms out, in the ugliest Christmas jumper Claudia had ever seen. ‘How awesome is my jumper?’

‘It’s so awesome,’ Beth fluttered.

Why did he have to always look so attractive? She’d obviously caught something off Beth because that smile now made her weak at the knees.
Pull yourself together
. ‘Hello, what are you doing here?’ Sensible conversation only, no flirting allowed.

‘Two reasons. Firstly, I want to offload these.’ He dumped a Tupperware box of the burnt Christmas tree cookies on the counter. ‘Penny gave them to me and they’re God-awful. Secondly, I’d like to take you to dinner tonight, please.’ He stood close and grinned down at her. She held herself back, no touching, but couldn’t help smiling back at him. He was infectious.

Tonight Claudia was meeting Mikael for a drink at nine. She wasn’t looking forward to it much, but her moving-on resolutions wouldn’t let her back out. But spending time with Nick was much more appealing. And they were still friends. Maybe this would be a good time to put a cap on anything else before it was too late.

‘I can do an early dinner. Just somewhere casual.’
Not somewhere romantic
.

‘Excellent. Let’s say that barbecue place around the corner. Six-thirty okay?’

‘Yes please. Will you be wearing that jumper?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good. I’m going to wear two ginormous Christmas stockings.’

‘And nothing else? Bloody hell!’

‘You wish. Get out of here, we’re very busy and important.’

Nick headed for the door, then turned back at the last minute. He locked eyes with Claudia and jabbed a finger in her direction. ‘You’re mine, stockings girl.’

He swept out of the shop and into the blizzard that was picking up outside. Beth faced Claudia with the look of someone who’d been dragged through an emotional hedge. ‘Ohmygod,’ she mouthed and fell into a lust-induced faint against the counter.

Claudia knew it was wrong, but in that moment she was
so
his.

This is not a date
, Claudia told herself as she chomped her way through sticky ribs that evening. She’d chosen the messiest thing on the menu in the hope that Nick would be revolted by her and realise how beautiful and ladylike Penny was. Then it would be over.

‘For crying out loud, do you even have any idea how good you look ripping that meat off the bone?’

Argh,
fail
. ‘I don’t look good at all, you weirdo. Look, I have barbecue sauce on my chin,’ she said, smearing some barbecue sauce on her chin. ‘Penny is a much prettier eater than me, don’t you think?’

‘
You’re
a weirdo, but that’s why I like you.’

I like you so much
, she silently screamed at him. Subject-changing time. ‘How’s your sis? Is the surgery booked yet?’ Jennifer was due to go to hospital for a procedure to loosen her hip joints.

Nick’s eyes lit up, like they always did when he spoke about her. ‘She’s doing really well, thanks. We heard about the operation yesterday – it’s not going to be until the new year, so she doesn’t have to go in until after Christmas.’

‘She’s still spending Christmas with your dad?’

‘Yeah, he’s much closer to the hospital, but mum and I will travel up a couple of days after.’

‘I have a present for her, don’t let me forget.’

‘Thanks, Claud. You get the best pressies. She loves you to bits.’

‘I love her to bits, too,’ Claudia said, keeping her eyes from Nick. ‘And so does Penny.’

‘Penny’s great with her as well.’

‘Don’t you think Penny looks pretty in the ballet this year? I think she just glows out there.’

‘Yeah, she looks gorgeous.’

‘How has she not been snapped up yet? She’s so lovely and she’s quite sexy when she dances.’ This was so ridiculous. Claudia was going to have to ask Penny to just come clean to Nick.

‘You two have such girl-crushes on each other. Now, listen you,’ he said, commanding her attention. ‘We need to talk about something.’

‘What?’

‘I think we need to talk about us.’

Bugger. She desperately wanted him to tell her there was nothing between them and that he was mad about Penny. At the same time, she was also wishing him to confess his undying love for her. She waited, nibbling on fries and unable to say a word.

‘I hear Penny’s going to be sending you on more blind dates. So I feel it’s only fair to give you all the facts up front. One: whoever she’s setting you up with is a moron with no teeth and a criminal conviction for pushing over old ladies. Two: Penny has horrible taste in men—’

‘No she
absolutely
doesn’t!’ Claudia cried, and slapped her hand across her mouth.

‘And three,’ Nick took a deep breath, ‘I don’t want you to go on any other dates.’

‘You don’t?’
Don’t say it … except … I really want you to say it.

‘I know what I want shouldn’t factor in, but …’

Nick reached across the table and put a big, heavy hand over hers. Her fingers moved upwards and she laced them in with his. She stared at the physical contact. Uh-oh. Her brain was telling her to pack this in at once, while all of her senses told her this was the best thing she’d ever felt.

‘But I want you to date me.’

Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit.
If only he hadn’t said it. If only she’d stopped him in time.

‘I know we’re friends and you might be thinking I’m a massive weirdo, but to be totally honest, Claud, I’ve always had a bit of a thing for you, and I’ve got to say it now, and if you turn me down that’s totally fine and we can never mention it again and I’ll burn all my “I Heart Claudia” T-shirts.’