The Undead That Saved Christmas Vol. 2 (16 page)

 Nightshade said, “Yep, most everything you know about that jolly old elf is wrong.”

 Nightshade pulled out a large cigar, lit the tip and began to tell the story of the world’s most famous elf. Most of the elves who worked at the North Pole knew Santa was once a young woodsman and carver who grew up in the land of immortals. He was a very happy young man working in the forest until some of the immortals showed him life outside the forest, a life that was much more difficult than the one he enjoyed. Santa vowed to try to improve the life outside his forest by carving toys for the boys and girls and delivering them all in one night. The immortals were so taken by his generosity that they made Santa immortal so he could continue his good deed forever.

Nightshade told Barthy that this version of Santa’s story was partly true. Santa was a woodsman and a carver at one time, and when Santa discovered that life outside his small village was tough he started to make toys for the boys and girls to bring some joy to their lives - but that was where the similarities ended.

Santa never lived with immortals explained Nightshade. As Santa aged, the job of toy making and delivering became tougher and tougher. This is when he decided to hire other elves to help with the process, but he still wanted to deliver the presents. Then Santa came to the realization that this act of kindness would end when he passed away - and he didn’t want that to happen. This is where things took a very nasty turn.

Santa travelled to Aberdeen in the U.K. to seek out the young wizard Pelham. She was a novice wizard, but one who was one of the leading researchers into the art of immortality. He explained to her that he didn’t want to stop delivering toys to the good boys and girls of the earth after his death and wanted her help to make that happen. He begged Pelham to help him obtain immortality so he could continue his mission of rewarding the good boys and girls of the world.

Pelham protested at first, she explained that most of what she had researched had not been tested and she couldn’t guarantee any results. Santa, a bit bull headed in his younger days, asked for her magic in spite of these warnings. Pelham used her wand to attempt to grant Santa the ability to not die.

The results of her magic did allow Santa avoid death, however, they turned him into a nightmarish zombie. Quickly Pelham realized the mistake she had made and devised a way for Santa to control the worst of the zombie tendencies. Pelham placed a magical red hat with white trim on his head. As long as that hat stayed in place, Santa’s hunger for human flesh would be controlled and he could perform his duties. Without his hat, Santa would attack anything with a heartbeat and brain.

To this day, the wizard Pelham stays with Santa most all the time. In fact, the two became so close that several years later Santa asked her to be his bride. She doesn’t perform much magic these days; and other than to keep herself alive, the wand stays safely stored as to not cause any more problems for Santa.

Santa was able to keep his hat on without any major issues for several hundred years. An elf always traveled with Santa to quickly put the hat back if there was any trouble. This worked well until the population of the earth began to grow providing more and more of a temptation should the hat be dislodged.

The first incident was in the late 1580s at Roanoke Island. Santa was making an approach into the settler’s village during a bad winter storm. Nightshade explained that reports were sketchy beyond that point as the hat became separated from Santa before landing. The elf in charge of keeping the hat on was apparently the first to be attacked - when the sleigh was later found, the bloody remains of the elf’s clothes were found but nothing more. The team back at home base knew something was wrong when the Gumdrop Positioning System (GPS) tracking the sleigh showed no movement.

The residents of Roanoke never stood a chance against Santa. Three days later, the elves found a gorged Santa in a cave near the settlement and a few zombiefied townsfolk milling about. The elves make quick work of them with headshots and burned the bodies. Once that was complete, they turned their attention to the undead St. Nick. They were able to get the hat back on Santa’s head while he was recovering from the feasting. The elves cleaned up the settlement as best they could. As a memorial to their fallen companion, the elves carved his name, Croatoan, into a nearby tree before they left the deserted settlement.

Nightshade then informed Barthy of the Mary Celeste cargo ship disaster in 1872. This was the second time Santa became a hatless zombie. He attacked the entire ship killing all nine on board. This incident led directly to the elf council meetings of 1875 and the formation of Santa’s SAC. The council also realized that as the elf population grew, the fear of Santa’s transformation would affect the workforce, so Santa’s history was re-written and his true background slowly faded away.

“Wait a minute, “interrupted Barthy. “If the elf council created Santa’s SAC, how come I’ve never heard about it? How do they keep the issue of Santa being a zombie and this group to control him such a secret?”

Without missing a beat, Nightshade responded, “I’m sure you have heard of the resupply team haven’t you? They’re the team that flies above Santa and his sleigh on Christmas night.”

“Everyone knows that team resupplies the toys and gifts since the sleigh is too small to carry all the toys, but what does that have to do with Santa’s SAC?”

“Well, that ship is also cover for the secret mission of Santa’s SAC. We monitor the fat man’s movements and are in a constant state of readiness should the hat become separated from Santa. We’ve got more to discuss and much training to do, but that can wait. You’ve had a long day and need rest.”

Nightshade bid Barthy good night, left the room and locked the door behind him. Barthy was left alone, in a state of shock over what he’d just learned. Sleep came slowly to him as visions of Santa as a flesh eating ghoul danced in his head.

* * *

Over the next few months Barthy went through intense instruction with the other members of Santa’s SAC. He was given military style training, including physical and mental challenges. He was also given weapons training, surveillance schooling and learned hand-to-hand combat skills. Strangely enough, Nightshade, who Barthy believed was in command, was not around much during the training sessions.

Barthy was assigned to Eggnog Squad, one of six squads that made up Santa’s SAC. The others were Mistletoe, Stocking, Cookies, Gingerbread and Angels. Each of these squads received the same training and equipment and their job was to travel with Santa on his yearly rounds. The only squad exempt from this was the Angel squad. Made up of the senior elves in the SAC, their job was to watch over St. Nick all year around to make sure there were no issues around home base.

Around the North Pole there had not been any hatless moments. Santa was tightly controlled around the village and was never left to his own devices, thanks to the Angel squad. The big guy wasn’t too happy about this arrangement, but understood the reasons why. He had never forgotten the gift, and curse, that Pelham had granted him so he could continue his acts of kindness.

Each member of the Angel Squad had worked their way up from the standard squads. These were the best of the best in terms of protecting Santa. It was a special honor to be assigned to the Angel Squad.

The remaining squads trained all year for the one night when they would guard Santa out in the field. These squads rotated their watch of the jolly old elf, with three squads awake and two resting at all times to maximize coverage and alertness.

Other members of Barthy’s Eggnog Squad included the leader Nimar, a tough as nails elf whom you didn’t want to cross. Nimar’s toughness was forged by being the only woman in the squad and its leader. This toughness made her the best squad leader in the SAC. She had been a member of the team for fifteen years while most of the rest of the squad were considerably younger.

Another member of Eggnog was Vonsan, whom Barthy recognized as the elf who administered the knock out drugs to him after graduation. Vonsan was just slightly older than Barthy and had spent that last four Christmases in the SAC. He and Barthy became fast friends during the training and it was Vonsan who helped Barthy learn the ropes around the team.

Rounding out Eggnog was Malik, the team’s weapon expert and a cheat at reindeer games; Asathal, the team’s medic and the squad member with the best sense of humor; and Ervan the Large, the squad’s hand to hand combat expert and chess champion.

Outside of the team, Barthy was also introduced to The Toymaker, one of the oldest elves on Santa’s SAC and the one who designed and built most of the tools issued to the team. From the bladed candy cane boomerang to the glass ornament shrapnel grenade, The Toymaker’s devices were very deadly.

Nightshade only stopped by the barracks once in a while, and it was never pleasant. It seemed he only came around to chew out one of the squad leaders for screwing up or to remove an underperforming squad member. When Nightshade showed up the mood around the base was subdued.

The training was intense and lasted the entire summer and into the fall. As the holiday season drew near, the mood around the SAC changed. Everyone knew they were about to go into the field again, back into an area where they didn’t have strong control of Santa, a place where one wrong move could spell disaster for their boss and for mankind.

* * *

As the calendar turned from September to October, Nightshade was summoned to Santa’s office. Nightshade had hoped this was going to be his big moment; that he would be recognized for the work he’d been doing and be forgiven for past mistakes.

Nightshade entered the outer office and the Angel

Squad leader gave him a quick glance before hitting the intercom on the desk.

“SAC Commander, Conor is here to see you, “ the squad leader said with distaste.

“Send him in, “ came the reply from Santa over the speaker. Nightshade headed for the office door. As he passed the elf at the desk he stopped, turned and whispered into his ear, “The name is Nightshade, asshole.”

“Have a seat, Nightshade, and close the door behind you please,” Santa said as Nightshade entered the big guy’s office. “How’s the SAC looking this year? It’s been over four decades since the last incident, and I want to keep the streak alive.”

“Everything is coming together nicely, sir. The squads will be ready for the Christmas eve mission.”

“Excellent news. I also want to talk to you about the new recruit class. How’s the training going? Will we be able to rely on them for this year’s run?”

“We have an excellent class this year - there is nothing to worry about.”

“That’s outstanding! Now Nightshade, how about that Barthy fellow? I saw his school records and I was mighty impressed. I think we can fast track him - we can use someone like that on the Angels.”

“Yes sir, Barthy is very impressive, but he needs experience. I’m not sure fast tracking him is the right move. But speaking of the Angels, have you had a chance to look at my record again sir?” Nightshade answered.

“How many times must we go through this, son?“ started Santa. “The Louisville incident is a major black mark on your record. I need elves that can react quickly out in the field as well as here at home. This curse I live with is something I never want to unleash upon the world’s population. I’m sorry, but you’ll stay in recruiting.”

“In that case, is there anything else you need Santa?” Nightshade spit out.

“Just keep me abreast of that Barthy kid - I’ve got big plans for him!”

“I will Santa,” Nightshade sighed, “I will”

* * *

A few weeks before the big night, several members of the SAC went out for drinks one last time before Christmas. Barthy, Nimar, Vonsan and the rest of the team went down to Frosty’s Brew Pub.

After a few drinks, Barthy nervously asked, “So, why doesn’t Nightshade interact with the teams much? He seemed like a great guy at first, but once I got here he’s been a jerk around the barracks - when he’s even there at all.”

“Nobody’s told you about him?“exclaimed Vonsan. “He’s one messed up elf.”

“Stow it, Vonsan, that’s a high ranking officer you are talking about, “ Nimar barked. “Nightshade is a good commander, a good elf, he’s been in the SAC longer than all of us put together. You can’t blame the guy for not wanting to get close to the teams after what happened.”

“Seriously guys, what’s the story about Nightshade?” asked Barthy.

“Just remember kid, you asked for it,“ started Nimar. “It was the late sixties. Nightshade was a squad leader back then and he was on point as Santa and the reindeer team entered Louisville, Kentucky airspace.”

As Nimar continued her story, the rest of the bar grew quiet. “The particular night in question was a bad night weather-wise and the entire SAC was on edge. As Santa guided his team to a home in one of the suburbs of Louisville, Nightshade and his squad took their positions on the roof to monitor activities.

“Santa entered the home quietly and went about his task. After several tense moments, Nightshade had a feeling of dread as the big guy was late returning to the roof. He knew he’d have to send in the team to investigate. The squad rappelled down the chimney and saw what they thought was the worst sight imaginable. Santa’s hat was hanging on the rough edge of a brick in the chimney; he must have lost it on the way into the house.

“Once into the family room, the scene got worse. The first hint of disaster was the bloody dog bed in the corner of the room. The team knew they had to contain Santa in the house and not spread the danger to the rest of the neighborhood and beyond.

“Nightshade, who remained on the roof to monitor the team’s radio traffic and to coordinate the efforts, was reminding his team to capture Santa and be careful not to put him down with a headshot when the screams started on the radio. Nightshade was frozen in fear as he listened to members of his squad being attacked by the family members who Santa had already turned into zombies