The Unorthodox Arrival of Pumpkin Allan (25 page)

“Have you turned on the hot water?” Debbie asked Tom.

“Ah, thanks for reminding me,” said Tom, “I’ll go and do that now.”

Tom had already rung the midwife and explained the situation. Hattie, having established that Lois had not yet started having contractions, suggested they returned to the reception for now and keep her informed. She promised to call in on Lois at some point during the afternoon.

When Lois came downstairs she looked fantastic. The loose fitting cotton dress that she was wearing was one she bought for a holiday several years ago and had hardly been worn. Tom was almost speechless. “Gosh Lo, you look amazing! Really, what’s the word? Radiant.”

“Why thank you kind sir!”

Lois, Tom, Richard and Debbie drank their tea and the men completed the erection of the birthing pool, then the four of them returned to the reception, to a rapturous round of applause.

Richard insisted that it was fine for Lois to have a glass of champagne, which she sipped slowly as she mingled amongst friends and family. “Lois darling, you look so lovely in that frock! Oh I am proud of you, you were so brave sweetie!” Irene gushed. More compliments from her mother, blimey, this was becoming a habit! Then, she hugged Lois. A real, proper hug. “How are you feeling Darling? Any twinges?”

“No, nothing…” Lois was about to say “yet” when she felt a pain in her lower abdomen. “Ooh just a little twinge there.”

“I say Lois, some of your guests seem a little unusual. Who are they?” asked Lois’s mother, looking towards Jack, sitting in his wheelchair.

“Unusual?” butted in her father. “Down right rude if you ask me!”

“No one is asking you Father,” said Lois feeling riled. “Jack has had a stroke, that’s all he is able to say. Now why don’t you stop being so judgemental and go and have a chat to him, he’s a really nice man.”

Much to Lois’s astonishment, her father said, “Oh, I do beg your pardon. Right-o.” And off he went, her mother in tow, to introduce themselves to Jack. Lois went to find Tom to let him know she’d had her first twinge and suggested that since the buffet was laid out, they should start eating.

As they sat down, Lois would occasionally feel small contractions. She ate well. Hattie, the midwife arrived as she was just finishing a delicious slice of Key Lime Pie.

“Ah, we’ll probably see that again later,” said Hattie under her breath. “I have to say Lois, I’ve never needed to visit a patient at their wedding reception before, I’m impressed! How are you feeling?”

“Yes, it’s a bit unorthodox isn’t it? But there we are, that’s me! Anyway, yes I’m fine. I’m getting a few very mild contractions.”

“What do you want to do, go home and I’ll examine you there? Or perhaps there’s somewhere we could go here for me to check you out.”

“Well we could, OW! OW!” Lois’s voice went up an octave and doubled in volume. “Now that hurts!” She grabbed hold of the seat of her chair with both hands, dropped her head down and breathed slowly and deliberately until the contraction was over.

“Come on, let’s get you home. Things can speed up quite quickly when your waters have broken.”

Tom, having downed a couple of glasses of champagne in quick succession, started singing. “Waters have bro-ken, a-at our we-e-e-dding,” to the tune of Cat Stevens’ Morning has Broken.

“Very good!” said Lois. “Tom, you need to just announce what we’re doing. Encourage everyone to stay on in our absence. To eat drink and be merry!”

“Okay.”

Tom held up a champagne glass and tapped it with a fork to get everyone’s attention. The chatter gradually died away. “Well, I’d just like to say, thank you all very much for coming. It’s been great to see you all and, well, sorry our presence here is so brief. But as I think you are all aware, my new wife is about to have our baby, so we’d better go! Please, please stay on and enjoy yourselves, it’s all paid for, no point letting any of it go to waste!” There was a rumble of laughter through the room. “Before we go I’d like to make a toast,” Tom raised his glass, “to my wonderful wife, Lois.” He turned to her and took her hand, “Thank you for giving me a wedding day I will never forget. To Lois!”

“To Lois!” Responded the guests, as Lois tried desperately not to bend double in pain as the next contraction arrived.

By the time they arrived back at the cottage Lois’s contractions felt very strong and were coming every five minutes or so. She went upstairs so that Hattie could examine her on the bed.

“Ok,” said Hattie, peeling off her rubber gloves, “well baby’s fine and you’re half a centimetre dilated.”

“Is that all?” said Lois as she rolled onto her side and pulled her knees up, to cope with the next contraction. “Blimey, it’s going to get quite a lot more painful then?”

“Well, yes. But you’re going to cope really well, I know you are and the pool will help.” Lois looked doubtful, “You’re going to do really well Lois, trust me!”

Lois eased herself off the bed. “Can I get in the pool now then?”

“We probably should get some water in it first!” Hattie gave Lois a playful nudge.

“Oh, ha ha.”

“First rule of having a baby, keep a sense of humour.”

“Ok, I’ll try and remember that.”

“Why don’t you and Tom go for a walk while I organise the pool?”

“A walk? Are you sure that’s safe?”

“Lois, you’ve got nine and a half more centimetres to dilate, I am pretty sure the baby isn’t going to fall out on the lane!”

“Ok, as long as you’re sure.” The two of them made their way downstairs. “Tom, come on we’re going for a walk.” Tom looked surprised. As Lois walked out of the front door she turned to Tom and said, “Bring some hot water and a towel just in case!”

“That’s the spirit,” said Hattie, giving Lois a wink. Then in response to Tom’s quizzical gaze she added, “Sense of humour Tom, an essential ingredient to a positive birthing experience.”

“Oh, right.” said Tom, scratching his head in bewilderment as he followed Lois out of the door.

Lois didn’t feel comfortable to venture far from the house, despite Hattie’s reassurance that she was a long way off actually giving birth. So they walked up the lane with the intention of then walking around the back of the cottages, maybe repeating the route several times.

A brand new Audi convertible passed them and turned into Maggie and Chaz’s drive. Lois didn’t recognise the woman who got out of the car, until she spoke. “Lois, what are you doing? You’re supposed to be at your wedding! I was just coming down to the reception. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to make the ceremony, a meeting at work that it would have been more than my jobs worth to miss!”

Lois tried not to let her mouth gape in astonishment. “Margaret? My God, I didn’t recognise you! You are looking AMAZING!”

Margaret must have lost several stone in weight. She’d had her hair coloured so the grey no longer showed and was presumably wearing contact lenses as she wasn’t wearing her thick-lensed glasses. Lois held on to Tom while she endured another contraction.

“She went into labour at the wedding, that’s why we’re not there,” said Tom.

“Oh my word, how extraordinarily exciting!” squeaked Margaret. She thought for a moment, “So, are you married?”

“Yes, we just managed that,” said Tom.

“Before my waters broke all over the floor!” panted Lois.

“NO!”

“Yes, I’m afraid so.”

“Just taking a walk to pass the time,” explained Tom. “Do go on down to the reception, it’s still going strong. Your mate Sicily’s there. I didn’t see Chaz though. Ow!” Lois was digging her nails, which she’d grown especially for the wedding, into Tom’s arm as she breathed her way through the end of the contraction.”

“Sorry pet.” Lois brought herself back to an upright position. “And you’ve changed your car Margaret!”

“It’s the new me Lois. Since I actually started to lose some weight I have found myself very much more positive about life. That’s why Chaz wasn’t at the wedding.” grinned, “I’ve thrown him out!”

“Really?” said Lois, once again astonished.

“Yes. Enough’s enough. He was never going to change. He kept saying he’d stopped,” Margaret paused, “You know what he does, do you?”

“Um, well we’d heard rumours.”

“Well they were all true. Anyway I’ve had enough of his lies, scary people hammering on my door, the humiliation of having a criminal for a husband. So, Lois, is there anything I can do?”

“That’s kind of you, but no, we’ll just carry on with our walk. Great to see you and well done!”

“Thank you Lois. Good luck, I hope it all goes well!”

Lois and Tom continued up the lane. A few moments later they heard the crunching of gravel on Margaret’s drive and the shutting of her gate and when they glanced around they saw she had put on some trainers, had her shoes in her hand, her bag over her shoulder and was jogging down the lane in her suit.

“Wow,” said Tom, “I didn’t expect to be seeing that the day I met her in the woods! ”

“It’s impressive isn’t it? I hope she manages to keep it up. It would seem that young Sicily is a bit of a miracle worker!”

Lois and Tom pottered for about forty-five minutes, the main topic of conversation being names for the baby. Over the previous couple of weeks they had drawn up a short list, and as they walked they decided on their favourite combinations. Emerging from the bridlepath next to Honeysuckle, Lois stopped and leant on Tom to cope with her next contraction. “Oh great,” muttered Tom. Lois was just about to ask what the matter was, when she heard a vaguely familiar shuffling on the road and on the edge of her peripheral vision she saw the owner of the shuffle stop. Charles Black. Bad timing.

“She all right?” he grunted to Tom.

“She’s been better,” said Tom, then, to Lois’s horror he added, “she’s in labour.”

Lois emerged from the contraction and looked at Charles with a cold glare. “Well,” he said, “good luck with that then.” He appeared to be attempting to smile as he spoke. He didn’t look comfortable. Lois and Tom tried to stifle their laughter until he was out of earshot as they watched him shuffling his way down the road.

“Gosh, what a funny old character he is, I wonder what goes on in his brain,” said Tom, linking his arm into Lois’s and guiding her back to the cottage.

“Maybe people round here have got him wrong, maybe he’s just sad.”

“Hm, I wouldn’t bank on it Lo. I reckon he’s like a strong undercurrent, he looks relatively harmless, then when you’re not expecting it, he’ll drag you down!”

“Charming, I can’t wait!”

By the time they’d returned to the cottage Hattie had managed to fill the pool to about a foot deep and was waiting for the hot water tank to refill. Tom said he would go and connect the hose to next-door’s hot water supply.

“How’s it going?” Hattie asked Lois.

“Painfully.”

“Would you like a cup of tea and a biscuit? You need to be keeping your strength up.”

“That would be great, but I’ll make it. Any distraction.”

The water started coming out of the hose. “We’ll have our tea, then I’ll examine you again and if you want, you could get in the pool. And Lois, if you haven’t progressed very much I might go and do a couple of visits.” Lois looked shocked, “I won’t be far away, you can call me if you’re worried.” Still, Lois felt anxious at the idea of Hattie not being in the house.

The three of them had their tea and Lois and Hattie went back upstairs for another examination. “Well, you’re almost three centimetres dilated now Lois, so things are moving forward.” Hattie sounded very positive. But Lois was hugely disappointed. With this degree of pain she had expected to be much further on. Hattie, seeing Lois’s mournful expression said, “This is perfectly normal for a first labour Lois. People often have the impression that as soon as the contractions are regular and painful the baby will be born at any moment. But I’m afraid it doesn’t often happen like that. Look, why don’t you get in the pool, you’ll be more comfortable, Tom can get in there with you if you like. I’ll go and do my visits. I won’t be gone long and you can ring me if you need me back. Okay?”

Lois held on to the top banister for support, feeling like crying as another contraction came and went. She really hadn’t envisaged the process being so slow. “Okay, that’s fine,” she said, blinking away the escapee tears, “I’m just going to the loo while I’m up here, then I’ll get in the pool. See you later.”

Hattie went downstairs and let Tom know what was going on. She suggested that he did his best to distract Lois. Maybe put on a comedy DVD of some kind. Then she collected her bag and left.

When Lois arrived downstairs Tom was setting up the laptop so that Lois could watch it from the pool. “What the hell are you doing Tom?”

“Distraction therapy my Sweet, laughter is the best medicine you know. I thought we could watch some of your favourite stand-ups from the comfort of the pool!”

Lois looked very doubtful, but was willing to give anything a try. Having found her favourite comedian on YouTube, Tom went and put on his swimming trunks. “Right, are we going for a dip then?”

“How’s the temperature?” Lois asked.

Tom put his hand in, “Perfect!”

“Okay.” Lois drew the curtains at the front of the house, took off her dressing gown and Tom held her hand as she climbed into the pool and lowered herself down.

“Do you want me in there now or shall I be entertainments meister?”

“I’m getting a lot of back-pain, any chance of you getting in and giving me a massage? And I’d like to be facing the French doors so I can see the back garden as well as the computer. I think kites might have distraction properties as well.”

“Right you are Madam,” said Tom, doffing an imaginary cap. He moved the laptop, setting it up on a chair by the French doors and climbed into the pool.

By the time Hattie returned a couple of hours later, the two of them were settled and relatively relaxed. Tom would massage Lois during the contractions, then, if she’d missed a particularly funny bit of a comic’s routine, he would play the clip again for her.

“Hey, you two look like you’re quite enjoying yourselves!”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far, but I am feeling more positive. Oh look!” Three red kites could be seen gliding in the sky over Dave and Annie’s paddock. “Now I feel very positive. They’re my good omen I’ve decided.” A strong contraction grasped Lois, but she smiled and breathed her way through it.

Lois stayed in the pool while Hattie examined her again. “Wow! You have been busy while I’ve been gone. You’re at eight centimetres Lois!” A tired but happy smile spread over Lois’s face. “Probably a good idea for you to go to the loo now, if you need to.”

“Yes, I think I will.” Hattie and Tom gently eased Lois up and helped her out of the pool and into her dressing gown. “It’ll be easier to go to the outside loo, straight through the French doors. Nobody’s going to see me are they?” Tom slipped his arm through hers and walked with her. As she reappeared from the loo Tom told her that Hattie was busy bringing the temperature of the pool back up. “May as well take a potter round the garden then,” Lois said, finishing the sentence with a grimace as a contraction overwhelmed her. She leant against the wall of the house and snapped at Tom to rub her back, hard. “No I’ve changed my mind. I want to get back in the pool!”

“That’s fine,” called Hattie from the living room, “I’ll leave the hot water running in for a while longer, but you can get in, that’s not a problem. I’ve just rung my colleague, Jess; she’s on her way. It won’t be long now Lois. Tom, could you shut the French doors please, I want to keep the temperature up in here.”

Tom, having closed the doors, climbed into the pool and then with Hattie on the other side, helped Lois to get back in. No sooner had they sat her down than Lois exclaimed that she needed the loo again. Tom looked at Hattie questioningly. “A wee, or the other, Lois?” asked Hattie.

“The other.” Lois winced, breathing heavily through the contraction. “Oh God, is it the next stage starting?”

“Very likely. Let me examine you again after this contraction. It may be nearly time to push.” Hattie smiled broadly at both of them. “Have you got the baby’s things ready Lois?”

“No, well yes, they’re upstairs, in the cot in the nursery, sorry.” Hattie ran up the stairs to grab clean towels, clothes and a nappy for the baby. “Ah, I’m going to be sick!” shouted Lois.

“There’s a bowl by the pool Tom,” Hattie called as she ran back down the stairs. Tom was looking completely bewildered. Hattie grabbed the bowl and thrust it in front of Lois just in time for her to deliver her stomach contents into it.

“Yuck! I wasn’t expecting that,” said Lois. Hattie passed her some baby wipes to wipe her mouth and took the bowl away.

“Are you okay now?” called Hattie from the kitchen, where she was washing her hands.

“Yes I think….who the hell is that in our garden?” said Lois, stopping wiping her face. “Bloody hell Tom, it’s Chaz! He’s going into the shed!”

Tom stood up in the pool and climbed half out so that he could reach to quietly close the curtains. He could see Chaz leaning into the shed, reaching for something. “We can’t be worrying about him Lois, not for now anyway.”

Hattie just had time to examine Lois before the arrival of the next contraction. “Well done Lois, ten centimetres! On the next contraction I want you to…”

“Hattie! Hattie! Ahhh! What do I do?” Lois was overwhelmed by the strange sensation she was feeling.