The Vampire (THE VAMPIRE Book 1) (66 page)

And that, apparently, was not the full extent of it. Augere had known the Geniers only—only?—since the 1840s. That still left—he did some quick math—at least sixty-three years unaccounted for. He tried to put that long life into perspective. He did some more research online.

Augere had been born in France; he had said that. He would have been twelve during the French Revolution then. It was staggering. What else had he lived through and personally witnessed? He was living history to be sure, just as Jason had already begun to fantasize he could be. Only it was all so real. What kind of life had he led? Whom had he met and known? What had he seen and done and been a part of?

Mentally he began to isolate different eras and imagine Augere within the context of other times. All of the social, cultural and political upheaval and change he must have been witness to; and all the artistic and literary events he would have had access to. Had he lived in the London of Charles Dickens? Did he drink absinthe with Lautrec or Rimbaud or Wilde in fin de siècle Paris? World wars and plagues; historical and archeological discoveries: he was there, in a sense, was present in those times. How different was the Augere of 1840 and the Augere of 1940? Where had he been during the Civil War? James had mentioned he had a medical background…and that he had been in the military…where and when?

Suddenly Jason recalled the portrait he had seen in the house in Savannah and gasped. He had thought the man was an ancestor of Augere’s. Now he realized—it could actually be Augere himself! He tried to recall what the uniform had looked like in the portrait: not the Civil War, surely; besides, Augere was a French citizen…he recalled those passports now, the ones he had found…it was all just too amazing. He was filled with wonder. He wished he could see that portrait again right now…the eyes, the facial expression, even the hair—everything had been captured in the exact likeness as the present day Augere. It just had to be him. Extraordinary.

From the beginning Augere had held fascination for him. Jason had barely allowed himself to acknowledge the full extent of that. He was beginning to realize now it was going to be quite difficult to be casual around him.

Jason’s intense curiosity was manifested a hundred fold. He had recently learned from James that Augere had kept some physical, as well as emotional, distance in an effort to allow Jason to gradually adapt to him. Perhaps now Augere was looking forward to a more relaxed atmosphere. One in which he did not have to always be so careful to conceal his true nature.

And now Jason wanted to know all about that nature. He had shied away from more information just now, presently overwhelmed and needing to be able to put Augere’s incredible longevity into perspective. Now he wanted to know everything. But would Augere be willing to share personal details spanning all the years of his existence? Was it even appropriate for Jason, as his assistant, to ask about, to want to know all those details?

If I just come out and ask him questions, it could appear I’m being intrusive. I’m sure there is a line here that shouldn’t be crossed, but I don’t know where that line is. Should I just wait for him to reveal himself to me, on his own terms?

The Geniers, as well as Terrance now, could be a source of more information. But Augere would be resentful of him asking Terrance, especially behind his back. And what about the Geniers? It occurred to Jason now that even among them Augere would have had to adapt to a new generation every couple of decades. He would have to adjust and to form all new relationships. He outlasted all of them, always…unless the Geniers were vampires also. That was something he had not considered, but now it seemed pretty unlikely. Perhaps that was one reason it would be hard for Augere to form and maintain normal relationships: because of course—he would outlive any of his acquaintances. They would grow old and die, while he would not. No family, and quite probably, few friends if any.
I suppose that is where the Geniers, and myself, come into the picture. Maybe we help him to deal with transition, as well as represent a kind of substitute for family and friends. One of the reasons I’m here, probably
.

He was torn suddenly between wanting to see Augere again immediately, and needing more time to process all of this information; perhaps a little distance right now was a good thing.

He kept to himself the rest of that day. By the next morning he began to worry Augere might think he was being avoided. That Jason might be too uncomfortable to seek him out. It was only partly true, and probably not for the reasons Augere might suspect. Jason really did not want any awkwardness between them. He wasn’t used to being this insecure, and it was becoming trying to him.

He sought Augere in the library that afternoon but he was not to be found. And by that evening, still not having seen him, Jason decided he needed to take a walk, to get fresh air, and to work off his nervous restlessness.

The air was sharp but not yet bitter cold. He walked briskly for several blocks and then began to slow down as he began feeling more instead of less anxious. He felt as if he needed to go back to the house, now.

No, that is ridiculous. I don’t need to be there right now. If he needs me, he will call
. He impulsively checked his work phone to make sure it was working properly.

Then he resumed his steady pace.
I’m sure I have the rest of the evening free. I can go where I want and do whatever. I could just hang out somewhere and do nothing if that’s what I want. I don’t need a purpose or reason. I used to dream about having days like this, all to myself:
dolce far niente:
Sweet to do nothing. And now I have my wish
.

Yet it was an effort to keep walking in the opposite direction from home. He began to feel irritated and frustrated with himself. He thought more about it and came up with a reason for his conflict.

I know what’s wrong. I searched for him hopelessly, fearing I would never get to speak to him again. And now I know just where he is and I should be able to talk to him freely
. But something just wouldn’t allow the invisible walls to come down. Augere was as much, if not more, distant than ever.
I sense that; I can feel it
.

Part of it is me, I think. Getting over the underlying fears; the awe of him; feeling overwhelmed and intimidated
. But the rest was Augere: Jason couldn’t make him be present or want to talk to him or tell his life story. There hadn’t been, since the beginning, any indication he had any real need to seek Jason out, for any reason. Why should he, really?

Jason was free right now—he didn’t need to be there with Augere; he had time and money to pursue his own interests and do things he really enjoyed—so why did he feel such a strong desire, a real need, to go back there right now? Why was it beginning to feel that time spent away from Augere was meaningless? Was it him, doing this? Or was it just Jason, thinking this?
Is he pulling me back? Or am I subverting my will so I can bend to his?

I am not some Renfield! Waiting only for my Master’s voice to summon me—and I come when he calls
. Jason laughed but without mirth. He was not going to be the slavish factotum, grateful for any crumbs from the Master’s table. He could not let that happen. Once again the depth of his emotions surprised him. He had wanted to come back more than anything. And he did not regret that decision for a moment. But he was going to need to find a healthy balance to keep doing this. He had to preserve his integrity and his own will, if it came to that. If it wasn’t too late; if he was still able to do so.

He didn’t want to lose sight of how important that was. But the other important thing was this rare opportunity that had been presented to him. One he nearly threw away. An opportunity to experience something few in this world would ever know. He was fairly sure there were others who would want to take his place, no matter what. He knew there were risks; but he wanted this.
Even if I can’t foresee the eventual outcome. I want this for as long as I can have it; to experience the wonder of him and his life. The question is: can I do so without paying too high a price; without unreasonable compromise? Like getting myself killed. Or maybe going insane
. Pondering all of this brought a new heavier weight to rest on him.

He wandered around Copley Square, missing Zavi now. Where was she? He needed her company. Why hadn’t she called him back? Maybe he had already lost her for good.

He entered a movie theater; watched a comedy he mostly enjoyed. He had some drinks and superficial conversation with several patrons in a bar afterward. His thoughts returned to the girl Augere had prevented from infecting him. He felt responsible to warn others. Why had Augere been so adamant that he drop the subject? How was he supposed to feel about that? He felt he should be doing something more but instinctively he let it go. Finally he was tired enough to head home and he took a taxi instead of walking the ten or so blocks. It was getting colder, and his bed and sleep were calling out to him.

He missed Zavi’s call the next day. She left him a voice mail. The enthusiasm in her voice left little doubt that she missed him and he was overjoyed to hear her voice. It turned out she had been out of town herself, visiting family in New York. He breathed a sigh of relief. And left her another voice mail since she would be away a few days longer.

Jason decided he was going to have a purposeful afternoon, one free from obsession with Augere. He contacted the University about the incomplete grade he would have from his class. He was going to be able to do a project and receive credit for the classes he had missed; it was generous of his professor to allow this. Not that he cared about the grade that much, and there were only a few classes before the end of the semester anyway. He decided he would enroll for the spring semester too. Maybe he and Zavi could attend some classes together. He was getting his life back on track.

He busied himself with things he needed to do in his quarters and then, before going out for the evening, he checked the library, which was dark and empty. He left to see a movie at the Orson Welles theater in Cambridge.

The next day he found Augere in the library, reading a book at his desk. Jason glimpsed the title as he entered: it was in French but he wasn’t able to translate it. A large cardboard box sat open on the desk; Augere had apparently received a shipment he had ordered.

Jason paused for some acknowledgement from Augere as he entered. He received none. He proceeded to the book shelves to find a book, though he had not intended to read now. He selected a familiar title.

He approached his usual chair and stood there feeling awkward for several moments until Augere finally glanced up at him, without a word. Jason got in a quick nod before Augere resumed reading. Then he selected a different chair, one several feet away, where he was not in Augere’s direct line of vision. He sought to respect Augere’s personal space; sitting directly opposite him without a nod from him seemed tantamount to expecting conversation. At least this way he could steal a glance at Augere from time to time. He hated this emotional distance between them now.

The book he had selected held interest for him, but he only pretended to read it.
Now what?
he wondered.
I still have a lot of questions for him. I am getting a sense he does not want to be disturbed. Do I take a chance? Do I dare to disturb the universe?

He debated with himself, as he stole occasional glances: should he just casually blurt out a question? What if Augere didn’t want to answer? That would be even more awkward. If he thought Jason was prying into his private life, that door might slam shut, maybe forever.

Jason continued to pretend interest in the book he was holding. He leafed through it, and paused to read brief passages. It was a collection of stories by Ruth Rendel, an author he had discovered in Augere’s library, one whom he had now become fond of. He had read nearly every story in this particular book so far. He enjoyed the themes presented: misconceptions and miscommunications; romantic obsessions; coincidences and serendipitous occurrences, and how chance encounters and events had unexpected consequences. He continued to sneak quick glances at Augere, then went back to his mystery. He was really trying to unravel the other mystery in the room just now, the one beyond the book he held in his hands.

He was missing the clues to figure out this one. Augere seemed oblivious to him. He was ten feet away, but it wasn’t just the physical distance that separated them. The emotional distance was greater, and as tangible as a closed door. He was truly a remote island… Redlyn’s words! These came back to Jason suddenly: “I see you traveling to a distant shore…and then trying to reach a remote island.” Maybe he had been too quick to interpret those meanings literally. But as it had turned out, she had been pretty accurate: he had traveled to a distant shore. And he had faced danger from unexpected sources. Those portal things. Had she somehow seen them? She would surely have said so, he would think. “Things working behind the scenes to help him. Help from unexpected sources.” That could be Terrance. “The outcome would be favorable.” He was beginning to remember all the words she had said now in light of their uncanny accuracy.

He absently turned a page in the book. He began to recall the dream he had told Redlyn, the one after the visit to the house in Savannah. He recalled how she had said the house could represent or symbolize a person.

He glanced at Augere for a long moment. Someone who appeared to be one thing on the surface and quite something else in reality. Shrouded in mystery. One whose thoughts, feelings, inner life was kept hidden. His subconscious must have been in sync with more of what was going on with Augere than his conscious mind could accept. It was fascinating to him to realize it now: the many rooms, the layers of dust; all the decades and events and experiences that had shaped Augere into who he was now. All of it hidden below the surface, dark and secret.

He looked away.

A moment later he glanced at Augere again. Even if he could peer into every dark corner he still might not really know or understand him; what he had endured or the things he had done; what he thought and felt about all of it. What stood between them was all that had happened to him; what he had been before and what he had now become. Jason couldn’t begin to know the person across from him until he knew all that had happened to him in the past. He was not some unfathomable mystery. Jason just had to find or create some kind of bridge to that remote place where he—