The Wanderer (21 page)

“Shit,” he said aloud to no one. “I’m screwed.”

* * *

The last football game for Thunder Point High School was a home game and the night was mild and clear. The McCain contingent occupied their fifty yard line seats, but this time Sarah was included with Cooper and Gina had convinced her mom to come. Carrie was a huge supporter of the team, and good friends with Lou, but running a deli and catering service required that she be up by four in the morning for baking and cooking and it was rare that she stayed up past eight in the evening.

There was lots of laughter, chatter and cheering, but Gina was aware almost instantly that the relationship between Sarah and Cooper had grown more serious. At first it was just in the way he looked at her. It was as if the very sight of her made Cooper happy. While Sarah stared out at the field, watching her brother play, Cooper would throw a long glance her way and his lips would curve in a secret smile while his eyes got a little dreamy. And before long, Gina saw him reach for her hand, hold it, give it a squeeze.

It was with that simple action that Gina felt her throat close and her eyes cloud.

They’d known each other for what? A few weeks? A couple of months? Of course they were bonded over Landon’s problems, but they weren’t attracted to each other because of Sarah’s brother. Gina wondered how deep, how intense the relationship was now, but of course she couldn’t ask. In fact, learning this way, at a raucous football game, was a blessing; no one would notice that she was so envious she could have wept. By halftime, when Cooper and Mac wandered off to stretch their legs, leaving the women, she was composed again.

Gina turned to Sarah and said, “When did
that
happen? You and Cooper?”

Sarah shrugged. “A week, maybe ten days ago.”

“I like him,” Carrie said.

“Good man, Cooper,” Lou said.

Gina leaned close to Sarah’s ear and asked, “Next level?”

Before Sarah could even think about answering, Carrie said, “Gina!”

“Damn, she’s got the ears of a bloodhound,” Gina said.

“Well, it’s none of your business,” Carrie said. “Besides, it’s obvious.”

“It is?” Sarah and Gina said in unison.

With a wave of her hand, Carrie said, “It’s in the touch, the look, just the energy. Go ahead and deny it, Sarah.”

To Gina’s surprise, Sarah only laughed. “We’re just friends,” she said. “It’s very comfortable but not serious.”

“Ah, friends with benefits,” Carrie said. “The
modern
way.”

“Not exactly,” Sarah said. “We’re dating, that’s all. Cooper completely understands that a serious or even potentially serious relationship is out of the question for me. I’ve been divorced less than a year. My first priorities are Landon and my job and, believe me, I’m in no way ready to get involved in anything long-term. Too risky for me. My wounds are still a little fresh. And Cooper...? Well, he makes no secret about the fact that he has a few things to do here and then he’ll be leaving. He’s been doing the internet-job-search thing.”

“What about the beach?” Gina asked.

“He hasn’t decided. But he’s a helicopter pilot, military first and then civilian. There aren’t any helicopter jobs around here outside of the Coast Guard. He’s leaving, girls. And you know what? That makes him kind of safe for me.”

“Unless you accidentally fall in love with him,” Gina said.

“I already love him, but not in that typical romantic way. Not the way I fell for my ex before I knew he was a cruel, selfish bastard. I love the way Cooper keeps an eye out for my brother, love the way he makes me laugh, love that I can trust his friendship. And in two or three months, we’re not going to live in the same town, but if we’re still good friends, maybe we’ll stay in touch. Right now, all I want is a nice guy to go to dinner with sometimes and who will hold my hand in public. That’s all I want. All I have room for in my life.”

“Fling?” Lou asked.

“I’m not going to put a label on it. We could decide this is not the best idea in two weeks. Or we could stumble along for a while. We did make a promise to each other—that if it wasn’t the right thing for one of us and we had to step away, there would be no drama. I’m not going to hold a man hostage. No way.”

It hit Gina hard and suddenly. She would take any part of that, any little part. A date, a little hand-holding, some late-night chats on the phone, whatever. She’d go along with that whole “not serious” thing if that’s all there was.

But it was Lou who asked, “Think you can stick to that?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Right now if I went out with a man who was looking for a wife or even a live-in partner, I’d run for my life. We’ll go out some night, a girl’s night, and I’ll tell you about the ex, the cheating bastard who dumped me and my brother after less than a year.” She shook her head. “Not easy for me to trust men now. Just the fact that I trust Cooper’s friendship is a big step.”

“Yeah,” Lou said. “She can stick to it.”

It was only a few moments before the men were back with snacks and everything in the conversation changed as they waited for the second half to start. Except for one thing. Gina thought she had a better grasp of Mac’s fear of relationships. It must be a little like Sarah’s, but with a lot more tenacity—his wife had left him ten years ago. She knew all about his ex-wife’s betrayal. Not from Mac, though he’d mentioned a few details, but from Lou, whose anger over what Cee Jay had done to her family was enormous and frightening.

The game was won by a landslide, Landon once again the star. The parents had all been warned that there would be celebrating tonight, closing off football for the season. Everyone grabbed their bleacher cushions, lap blankets, coolers and trash and headed out. But Gina stayed for a moment. She remembered being a high school sophomore, sitting right here on these bleachers. The games were thrilling, the crowds of kids even more so. The forbidden parties afterward were electrifying. Gina had a boyfriend who hung out with a lot of Thunder Point High kids, but he wasn’t a student. He’d dropped out the year before and was an auto mechanic in Bandon, which made him dangerous and arousing. He liked the games and after-parties; he liked the girls, fast driving and late nights. And Gina—he liked Gina. She held him off for their first five secret dates and then gave in and got pregnant.

When she told her boyfriend, he split. Moved. Bolted. She heard he went to Idaho to work. A few years later his parents moved away from Thunder Point, into a seniors’ community near their married daughter and grandchildren. All ties were broken. Hell, there hadn’t been any ties! No one had even acknowledged that Ashley was his child.

She hadn’t gone to another high school football game until Ashley began cheering.

“Hey,” Mac called from several seats below. “Coming?”

Not in years,
she wanted to say. Instead, she said, “Coming.”

It’s not as though Gina hadn’t realized before tonight that she had no romantic partner in her life. Never had. She’d had a few meaningless dates that had never shown potential and one big heartthrob who kept her at arm’s length.

Mac put out his hand as she stepped down the bleachers and she let him help her. They walked together toward the parking lot.

“Good game,” he said.

She nodded.

“I can’t wait to see what that kid does next year,” Mac said. “Dupre. He’s some ball player.”

Her buddy, Mac,
she thought.
Her pal.

“Hey, what’s up with you? You’re quiet.”

She stopped walking and looked up at him. She thought,
This has gone on long enough. I have to get on with my life. He’s never going to be mine.
“Headache,” she said.

“Too much noise?” he asked.

“Maybe.”

“The kids are all going out. Lou can take Dee Dee and Ryan home. How bad is that headache? We could grab a beer and still be home by curfew.”

And then I can go home and fall asleep to that old fantasy that we might be more than pals? When it’s never going to happen?
“Maybe another time, Mac. I’m working in the morning.”

“You sure?” he asked. “We could get you an aspirin or something.”

“I think I need my bed.” They got to the parking lot and she veered off toward her car. Carrie stood there, talking with Lou, waiting for her.

“See you later, then,” he said.

“Later,” she answered.
And later and later and later and later...

* * *

The next morning, Gina cursed the doorbell. It was eleven o’clock. Carrie was at the deli, Ashley had gone shopping with Eve, Gina was finally alone and desperately needed to be. She had held her wrecked emotions inside until she could have some space, some privacy. She ignored the doorbell, but it rang again and again. With her red nose and watering eyes, she finally threw her ratty old robe over her pajamas and opened the door to meanly tell the stupid SOB who was leaning on the bell to get off her porch.

“Hi. You okay?” Mac asked.

“What are you doing here?” she shot back.

“You called in sick to the diner. You never call in sick.” He peered at her closely. “God, you look awful.”

She glared at him. “Thanks so much.”

“Do you want me to take you to the doctor? Do you have a fever?”

“No! It’s a cold, it’ll pass! But I’m not feeling like company.”

He pushed his way inside. “I’ll make you some tea or soup or something. You go lay on the couch. Did your headache turn into a cold? Must’ve been sinus or something. Maybe I should get some soup from Carrie.”

She rolled her eyes.
Oh, God,
she internally wailed. Just what she needed—Mac. And Mac at the deli, looking for chicken soup? Carrie, who left for work before dawn, had no idea Gina was staying home, claiming a cold. She was supposed to be having a richly deserved self-pity party! This was her only chance. She sank down onto the couch and pressed a tissue up to her face. “Mac, all I really need is to sleep.”

He stepped back into the living room, holding a can of chicken soup—Chicken & Stars, not something the owner of a deli would brag about. “I could warm this up for you.”

“No, thank you,” she said. “Please go. Before you breathe my air and get sick.”

He sat down in the chair across the small room from her, transferring the can from hand to hand. He just looked at her for a moment. She blew her nose. She tried a little cough.

“You’re not sick,” he said. “You’re crying. Why are you crying? What happened? Who did this to you?”

She shook her head and in spite of her determination, her eyes welled with unshed tears. She was not going to talk to him about this! “Mac, it’s very personal. Please. Don’t push.”

“But what is it?” he asked again, leaning toward her, his elbows on his knees, gripping the soup can. “Is Ashley in trouble? Is Carrie all right? Did someone hurt you? Do you need money?”

“Oh, for God’s sake! No! No! No! Will you leave this alone?”

“I can’t,” he said. “I’ve never seen you cry. Tell me, Gina.”

“You’re pissing me off!”

“Tell me!”

“Cooper and Sarah were holding hands at the game!” she blurted. Then she dropped her head into her hands. “Damn it. Damn it. Damn it!”

Mac was silent. She lifted her head, wiped off her eyes and nose with the tissue and saw by his expression that he was stunned. “You have a thing for Cooper?” he asked quietly.

She just looked at him in wonder. She shook her head. “No, Mac, I don’t have a thing for Cooper. I haven’t had a date in five years. I saw Sarah and Cooper holding hands and it hit me—they’ve only known each other a few weeks. And I’m alone. Way too alone.”

“You’re not alone, Gina. You have your mom, your daughter, friends...”

“You’re an idiot.” She stood up. “And now you have to go because at this moment I
want
to be alone!” She went to the front door and opened it.

Mac slowly stood. “I don’t think I understand what’s—”

“I know you don’t. Gimme that soup,” she said, snatching it from his hand.

“I thought, if you’re not sick, maybe you want to go out tonight. It’s Lou’s bunco night, but Eve can watch the kids and—”

“I’m busy,” she said, cutting him off. “Maybe another time. Now if you don’t mind...”

“Jesus, Gina,” he said.

“See you later,” she said. “Nice of you to check on me. Bye.”

“Gina...”

“No, really, Mac. Goodbye.”

“Are you mad at
me?
” he asked.

“I’m mad at the world! Now get out of here before I call the cops!”

“I
am
the cops. I think you’re losing it, Gina. Get a grip,” he said. But he left.

And she threw herself on her bed and cried.

Fifteen

W
hen the door from the garage opened, Lou was standing in the kitchen, ready to leave for the evening. “I thought you’d never get home. Where have you been all day?”

“I checked in,” he reminded her.

“Yes, but I didn’t realize ordering a cord of firewood, checking your messages at the office and taking a look at the progress on Cooper’s bar was going to eat up six hours.”

“Am I making you late?” he asked.

“No, not yet.”

He sat down at the kitchen table. “Eve staying home tonight?”

“That’s her plan, but I think the boyfriend is coming over. You’re okay with that, right? I’m going out to dinner with my bunco partner. If I have more than a glass and a half of wine, I might stay over. I’ll text you so I don’t wake you with a ringing phone. And if I do spend the night, I’ll be home in the morning, first thing.”

“Just enjoy yourself,” he said. “Listen, you got a minute?”

“Sure. I might even have ten.”

“Can this be between us? I think it’s personal. Don’t talk to Carrie about it, all right?”

It was the look on his face more than his request that had her sitting down at the table with him. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m not sure. Gina wasn’t at the diner this morning. Stu said she called in sick, so I went to her house to check on her. She said she had a cold, but she didn’t have a cold. She was crying. And she was angry. Mad as hell. When I asked her what was wrong, she said Cooper and Sarah were holding hands. So I asked her if she had a crush on Cooper and she called me an idiot and asked me to leave.”

“Oh, Mac,” Lou said. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Now see, this is obviously some female language I don’t get. How does that make me an idiot?”

Lou leaned her chin on her hand. “Mac, do you think she’s going to wait for you forever?”

“Huh?” he asked stupidly.

“This town is amazing, isn’t it? The way we talk about everything and nothing? Some gossip takes about thirty seconds to spread worldwide and some things are kept almost religiously secret. You and Gina, Mac. Best friends for years. Closer than brother and sister. More fond than lovers. And yet, it goes nowhere? No two people more right for each other, but—”

“We’re parents, Lou. We’re friends because the kids are friends. It would be a mistake to complicate that.”

She just shook her head. “We should’ve talked about this years ago. It wouldn’t be very complicated, given the fact that you know each other better than a lot of married couples. What’s taking you so long? You’re crazy about her. And there’s absolutely no doubt she’s crazy about you. Neither of you has been even tempted by anyone else.”

He squirmed in his chair. That in itself was telling—this great, big, muscled, fearless guy, fidgeting awkwardly. “History, that’s what’s keeping us from dating. You should understand that better than anyone.”

“Excuse me, I’m a little confused. What history?”

He gave a short, humorless laugh. “How about she was dumped by the father of her baby and I was dumped by the mother of my children? That good enough? We might be a couple of people with good reason to be careful!”

Lou just looked at him for a long moment. “She was fifteen,” she said. “And you? You were only nineteen when you married your pregnant girlfriend and she was... Oh, don’t even make me go there. I have a good idea she knew exactly what she was doing. I know it’s an optimistic stretch, but you and Gina have probably grown up a lot since then. You’re obviously attracted to each other.”

“What if we dated and didn’t like each other?” he said.

“You’ll always like each other. What if you dated and realized you weren’t meant to be a couple? Grown-ups deal with that without rancor. But right now what you’ve got is a woman who has waited for you to make a move for years. Her frustration must be beyond words. And we all know you don’t have another woman anywhere.”

“We? Who, we?”

“The whole stupid town,” she said. “Seriously, Mac. There are hardly any secrets around here—no one should know that better than you.”

“Okay, now wait a minute. If everyone thinks we’re meant for each other and this close to getting together, why is she crying after years of friendship? Which, by the way, we agreed was the best thing.”

“Really? You both decided? Somehow I doubt that was Gina’s idea. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it was. Then the reason for her tears would be this—Sarah and Cooper hit town, meet in an extremely complicated way, are attracted to each other and, without overthinking it, form some kind of relationship. One that puts a shine in both their eyes. Gina must have wondered what she’s done wrong. She might be thinking you don’t find her attractive or appealing.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “It’s just—” He didn’t finish.

“It’s just that you screwed up at the age of nineteen, no pun intended, and you still can’t let yourself off the hook for it?”

“It left me with quite a load—three kids and an opinionated aunt,” he said, lifting an eyebrow.

“Well, we’ve done pretty damn well with the spoils,” she said. “We’ve kept it all under control for years.
Our
kids are doing very well. Here’s what I think you should do, Deputy Yummy Pants. I think you should weigh how damn lucky you are that a woman as solid and beautiful and wonderful as Gina would even consider you. Most men don’t get a chance like that in a lifetime. And it sounds like she’s had just about enough.”

He just stared at her. “I might need a beer,” he finally said. He pushed back his chair but she got up, got him a bottle of beer from the refrigerator and sat back down. He twisted off the cap and took a drink. “What if I let her down?”

“You’ve never let anyone down in your life.
You’ve
been let down. In spades. But you’ve always lived up to your commitments.”

“Lou, I wasn’t happy.” He nearly whispered it, as if it was the deepest secret of all. “I wanted to marry Cee Jay, and I was miserable. I don’t want to risk that again.”

“I know. By now you should know what makes you happy.” She shook her head and laughed. “Talk about the pink elephant in the living room! Has no one ever asked you why you’re not hooked up with Gina?”

“No one,” he said. “Never.”

She
tsked
and shook her head. “Amazing. Well, you should think about all this before she gets away from you. If I were Gina, I’d be asking myself why I’m wasting my time. I’d sign on to a dating service.”

“Again?” he asked, and smiled.

“You don’t know anything. And I have to get going,” she said, standing. “We’ll talk about this again after you’ve had time to think. And listen, don’t let Eve go over to Landon’s house tonight. Sarah is working all weekend—sitting on call for emergencies or something in North Bend.”

“I know,” he said. “Cooper mentioned that. So. You always look so nice for bunco.”

She sat down. She hated this. But Lou was, if anything, fair. It was time to be honest with Mac. “I’m not going to play bunco. I’m going to meet my secret boyfriend who is ten years younger than I am, a different race than me, and happens to work with you on occasion.”

Mac smiled at her. “I know. Joe. Nice guy.”

“He
told
you?” she asked, horrified.

“I followed you.”

“You
what?
”

He gave a shrug. “I couldn’t remember ever hearing of these women you were playing bunco with in Coquille, so I followed you. I wanted to be sure you were safe.”

“Oh, for Jesus’ sake,” she said. “Why didn’t you just ask me?”

“Because you didn’t want to talk about it and, unlike you, I was letting you hold on to your privacy. And I’m willing to bet you’ve never seen
Dancing with the Stars
or the reruns you lock yourself in your room to watch. I can hear you talking on your phone. And
giggling.
”

She leaned toward him and leveled him with her mean-aunt look. “If you’re such a damn smart detective, how is it you don’t know you’re in love with Gina?”

“Let me tell you something you probably already know. When Cee Jay got pregnant, even though we were kids with hardly an income between us, I was the happiest kid alive. Wanna know why? Because I was going to get to have sex without hiding in the backseat of a car every night for the rest of my life. That’s what I thought love was, and it was a disaster. My life went to hell. I’m a tough guy—I can take it. But I can’t stand the idea of putting Gina or the kids through something like that.”

“Mac...”

“What about you, Lou? You’ve dated before. Plenty. Why are you hiding this one? Is it because Joe’s black?”

“Of course not. I like him so much, but I want you and the kids to have no doubt that I’m planning to stick this out, see everyone grown-up and on their own. And by the time I do that, I’ll be seventy. Seventy, Mac. Joe might change his mind.”

Mac smiled at her. “I bet most of this town thinks two of the most self-assured people here are you and I. I’m afraid of going after a girl and you’re afraid some guy will dump you for getting older. Which, by the way, is going to happen to him, too—getting older, I mean.”

“Not as fast,” she said grimly. “I’ve been thinking about a face-lift.”

“You’re the best-looking fifty-year-old in town.”

She smiled broadly. “Thanks, Mac. Really, thanks. Since I’m sixty.”

“I know.”

* * *

Lou let herself into Joe’s house and found him in the kitchen, chopping vegetables for a salad. She leaned in the doorway and just took him in—so tall and broad, his bald head shiny and latte-colored. He had the most wonderful eyebrows—black, arched, expressive.

He looked up and smiled. “Hello, beautiful.”

“Good, we’re staying in,” she said. “You cooked?”

“I bought a roasted chicken from the grocery, and I’m making a salad. Glass of wine?”

“A double, please. He knows, Joe. Mac knows.”

“Well, I didn’t tell him, although I wanted to.” He grabbed the chilled white out of the refrigerator and a glass from the cupboard. “Did you tell him?”

She shook her head. “Apparently he’s known for months. He followed me to one of my bunco games.”

Joe laughed. “That dog.”

“He asked me if I’m hiding you because you’re black.”

“Seriously? People hardly give a biracial couple a second glance. Did you tell him you’re hiding me because I sometimes work with him?”

She shook her head. “I told him the truth.” She took a sip of her wine. “I told him it’s because I love you and I’m afraid by the time I’m done raising my kids, his kids, I’ll be almost seventy. And you’ll finally come to your senses. When it’s too late for me to get over you.”

His lips curled in a smile and he came around the work island to face her. He put his hands on her slender waist. “I should be annoyed by that, you know. That you keep expecting me to bail out on you because of something as trivial as age. But I’m not. Know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t mind convincing you that’s idiotic. Bring that glass of wine to bed.”

They walked together toward the bedroom, holding hands. Lou said, “I’m sixty, been single all my life. I’ve had a few serious crushes that I thought might turn into something, but here I am, in love for the first time. At my age.”

“Good. Stop complaining.”

“Older people can get sick, you know. You could end up caring for some old woman.”

“I pulled a speeding car over last night. A man was rushing his wife to the hospital. She’d been diagnosed with cancer, had been sick on and off for a few years and was getting worse. She was having trouble breathing, had chest pains and he thought it might be an embolism. He thought he was losing her. She was thirty-two.”

“Oh, the poor things...”

“I lit it up and escorted them to the hospital. Let’s let that age thing you’re always worrying about go, Lou. Let’s just have us some fun, now that Mac knows. All right?”

“Fun. Right.” She slid her hand up his chest to his shoulder. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving in two weeks? Will you be with your kids this year?”

“One is going skiing with friends and the other is spending the holiday with her mother and stepfather.”

“How’d you like to make your debut?”

He grinned at her. “Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

Thanksgiving Day, the weather was clear, wind moderate, temperature in the low forties on the Pacific, lower in the mountains where it was snowing. Sarah was at work until four o’clock, at which time she would head out of North Bend for Thunder Point and her boss would take over command. On holidays they tried to divide the watch. Crews of pilots, maintenance and EMTs would work the day shift, and the folks that had the day shift off would have their holiday meal early and come in later.

The station was quiet. This was a busy place Monday through Friday, when so much support staff, from clerical to maintenance, populated the place. But on nights, weekends and holidays, they operated with a slightly smaller workforce for emergencies. There were no training flights or inspections; Sarah wouldn’t fly unless there was a rescue mission. She used her time catching up on officer efficiency reports, schedules for training flights and inventory of her helicopters. The helicopters had been put through the preflight checklists, gassed and were ready to go.