The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (24 page)

As you get aroused, your nipples become erect and your areolas swell and may darken. Your breasts may seem to get larger. Like your clitoris, an aroused nipple may take a
lot
of stimulation. You may enjoy more intense nipple play as you approach orgasm. In fact, some women must be extremely aroused to enjoy any nipple play at all.

My nipples are extremely sensitive. I can’t even wear clothing with seams there or bump against the edge of a table without feeling uncomfortable. So I have to be sexually stimulated before someone can touch them—but then I want it all, especially sucking—but not hard.

How women like their breasts and nipples touched is as individual as how they like their clits touched. It’s not just a matter of whether you prefer light or hard touches, though that’s important. You may be very particular about
how
you like your breasts touched. You may like the whole breast cupped and the underside caressed and held, or perhaps don’t like the undersides touched at all. Experienced breast-play aficionados can get quite specific in their instructions for nipple stimulation.

I prefer delicate touches or licking around the nipple. Almost—but not quite—a tickling feeling. That’s great! Love it!! Mmmmmm…

Sensitivity

Sometimes I’m very sensitive and just a gentle stroke will make me shiver or jump.

Breast sensitivity changes from day to day, over the course of your menstrual cycle, and over a lifetime. During your period, your breasts swell to their fullest and roundest—and may look quite succulent. Your breasts may be more sensitive in the days leading up to your period or during your period. Both PMS and pregnancy can make you feel as if you have “atomic tits.”

New piercings, of course, will make your nipples especially tender. Fibroids can also make breast play painful. Any surgical procedure, such as a breast reduction or breast implants, can result in scar tissue that affects sensitivity. Of course, breast cancer will affect women very individually. Some women lose sensation after treatment, while others experience pain.

Two years after my lumpectomy, other people can hardly see the scar even when I point it out. I lost sensitivity in the nipple for a while but it’s back almost full-strength now. I have ongoing irregular nerve pain inside the breast tissue around where the tumor was. Pressure directly on that area of the breast hurts like hell, so positions like lying on top take care. Sometimes if I mention this to a lover she or he seems scared and then avoids touching that breast. I understand but would prefer a more careful touch and inclusion of that breast in our sex play. I loved my breasts before, and I treasure them even more now.

Teach Your Partner

I never used to enjoy breast stimulation until I met my current partner. Perhaps no one had a soft or gentle enough touch for me…or maybe I just never allowed myself to feel what I’ve felt with her.

Breast play is an area where good communication skills can pay off. A delicate kiss on an oversensitive nipple can be pleasurable or excruciating—or both. Ask before caressing, sucking, pinching, biting, or using clamps or other toys. Don’t assume that if you like light, subtle touches she’ll like that, too—or even feel it. Or that if you like to have your chest mauled, your partner will as well.

I enjoy having my partner lick and suck and even nibble my nipples, but I think the thing I most enjoy is having the curves of my breasts caressed.

Next time you’re in the mood to entertain your partner, show her exactly what you like. Let the exhibitionist in you run wild. Touch your breasts exactly as you would have her touch you. Then take your partner’s hand in yours and show her what you want.

I like rough play with my nipples. I want to be tugged and sucked and bitten and pulled and twisted, and I want more and more and then some.

Just as important as showing your partners how your breasts feel is discussing how you feel about your breasts. You can’t predict breast play preferences by breast size or even gender identification. How we feel about our breasts as objects of erotic attention is extremely personal. Just as not all femmes delight in breast worship, not all butches will retreat from a hand on their breast. However, they may be very particular about the kind of attention they receive.

I like my chest rubbed more than my nipples played with. I like it treated like a guy’s chest.

Not all women eroticize their breasts. Many survivors of sexual abuse find the memory of it triggered by having their breasts touched. Which makes sense—if one’s breasts were the site of unwanted, harmful attention. Some survivors skip breast play entirely; others guide their partners in how they can enjoy breast play.

How-To’s of Breast Play

Here are some favorite breast play techniques:

• Lick your partner’s chest and underarm, working your way to her breasts.

• Experiment with a range of sensations from very light touches to very rough.

• Lick and nibble the sensitive underside of her breasts.

• Bury your face between her breasts.

• Cup the breasts in your hands, squeezing them together.

• Press her breasts into your chest.

• Lick your fingers and swirl the wetness over her nipple. Or, use a drop of lube, edible flavored lotion, or even her own juices (if you don’t intend to suck her nipple again or are fluid-bonded).

• Stroke her nipple quickly and lightly, alternating with sharp pinches.

• Blow air on her moist nipple.

• Roll a nipple between your fingers. Lick and suck the tip as you would her clit.

• Squeeze her breasts together and lick both nipples simultaneously.

• Pinch and squeeze the nipples between thumb and forefinger.

• Grab a pair of nipple clamps to stimulate her breasts, leaving your hands free for other things.

• Rub your vulva over her breasts; or rub your nipple on her clit after orgasm.

• Turn a blow job into breast play. “Tit fucking” needn’t be reserved for heterosexual porn. After she’s sucked your strapped-on cock, slip your saliva-lubed cock between her breasts and thrust inside her cleavage. You can slide your cock back and forth between her breasts as she sucks.

Nipple Piercings

My piercings make my nipples one of my main sources of sexual pleasure. I can come from just nipple play.

Nipple piercings can make breast play even more deliciously erotic. Not only are the rings and barbells attractive and fun to play with, many women even find that their nipples become extra sensitive after they get piercings.

Nipple piercings can take several months to heal. New piercings can be quite raw. They’re also vulnerable to infection. So, if you’re playing with someone who has a piercing, make sure you ask how recently she got it. Ask your partner how her piercing affects nipple sensation, too—some women lose nipple sensitivity as a result of scar tissue forming at the point of entry.

I like when she wakes me up in the morning
by suckling my nipple. My lover can make me
orgasm just from stimulating my breasts.

Toys for Breast Play

You may not ordinarily think of your clothes as sex toys, but lingerie and fetish wear are popular erotic playthings—especially for the exhibitionist. Delicate structures of lace that emphasize the shape of the breast, corsets that enhance cleavage, brassieres with holes where nipples can peek through, leather harnesses, and chain-mail halters—all are designed to draw the eye to your breasts.

Bondage enthusiasts can create elaborate corsets of rope as beautiful and alluring as any garment you can find. Breast bondage is especially fun with large-breasted women. Wrap thick, soft rope around each breast and then in a figure eight linking the breasts. All bondage safety precautions apply:
Do not
use thin wire or string that can cut,
do not
wrap rope tightly enough to cut off circulation, and
do
make sure you have safety scissors handy in case of emergency.

For sensual breast play, you can experiment with feather boas, fur mitts, battery-operated vibrators, light slappers, and soft whips. You can play with suction toys, such as tit pumps and snakebite kits. You can create a range of sensations by altering skin temperature through the use of ice cubes, mentholated cough drops, Tiger Balm, and hot wax. You can produce ecstatic (or excruciating) sensations with fingernails, feathers, slip-on talons, and even the neuro wheel your chiropractor uses to test your reflexes.

Nipple clamps are perhaps the most popular toy for breast play. Clamps come in a range of styles and intensity, from barely hugging the nipple to biting hard enough to leave teeth marks. Some are adjustable. Homemade substitutes for tit clamps include clothespins and clips you may find in an office supply store.

When my lover sucks and pulls my breasts,
I sometimes like to imagine that I’m restrained
by some kind of device that holds my nipples
as people explore my body. God, I love that.

Examine the clasp or teeth of the clips—some are sharp enough to draw blood, so choose accordingly. Clamps can be placed directly on the nipple—which is very intense. You might want to experiment with new clamps on your
own
breasts to gauge their intensity. Pinch a small amount of skin on the side of the breast or even on the areola—see how much sensation you like.

I like nipple clips. I like to wear them pretty tight for about ten minutes, have them taken off, and then have my nipples rubbed, licked, and sucked on.

Clamps restrict the flow of blood to the pinched tissue. After a little while, the pinching sensation fades as the area goes numb. When the clamp is yanked off, blood rushes back into the area, waking up the nerves. No wonder that clamps hurt
more
when they come off than when they go on. (
Do not
leave clamps on for more than 20 to 30 minutes, to avoid damaging tissue.)

Many of the toys used in sensual breast play can be intensified for those who like true torture. The temperature of melted wax can be controlled by adjusting the distance of the candle from the body. Holding a burning candle inches from your partner’s nipples will result in searing drops of wax. Temporary piercings with sterile needles will produce very intense sensations. Some women’s breasts bruise very easily, which may or may not be desired. Ask before you swing a cane or rubber flogger. (For more information, see chapter 15, Play Nice! (…or Else) and chapter 17, Sex Toys and Accoutrements.)

chapter ten

Clitoral Play

Her fingers are like magic wands that do crazy things
I didn’t know were possible.

MOST WOMEN NAME THE CLITORIS as the most erotic spot on their bodies. For those of us who rate clitoral stimulation as our favorite source of sexual pleasure, no sexual encounter is complete without direct clitoral play.

I love when she moistens the tip of her breast with my wetness and stimulates my clit with the nipple.

Clitoral play includes stimulation with fingers and hands, thighs, butts, and pelvis, erect nipples, toes and feet, tongues and lips (see chapter 11, Oral Sex), as well as with vibrators and other toys.

Clits come in all shapes and sizes and are as individual as the women who own them. Your clitoris may be a tiny pearl hidden beneath the folds of its hood or as big as a thumb protruding from your labia. It can be deep red, pale pink, or dark purple—and the color will deepen with arousal. You may crave intense clitoral stimulation or quiver at the slightest caress of a fingertip over your clitoral hood.

Understanding that the clitoris is hardly the little “nub” described in traditional anatomy texts will broaden your approach to clitoral play. The clitoris is an extensive structure of erectile tissue, beginning at the top of the vulva with the body of the clitoris (glans, hood, and shaft), cradling the urethra, and reaching down to flank the vaginal opening. (See chapter 3, Anatomy and Sexual Response.) Stimulating the body of the clit is just the beginning. You can direct your attention to your partner’s labia, urethral area, vaginal opening, and perineum. Of course, when she begs, “
Please touch my clit!
” you can return your focus to her clitoral glans, hood, and shaft.

The Art of the Hand

Lesbians have sensitive hands—after all, we make love with our hands. We use our hands to caress and arouse our partners, and to bring them to orgasm. Many of us are very tactile; we get off from touching as much as from being touched. Through our hands, we ride our partners’ pleasure. However, the myth that every lesbian or bisexual woman innately knows how to touch another’s clitoris is just that—yet another myth. Women are far too specific about our preferences for this to be true.

I like my clit touched low, down near my urethra, and rubbed around in a circle, like a ball.

Traditional sex guides dismiss touching as “mutual masturbation”—as if pleasure we deliver with our hands (and, for that matter, masturbation) doesn’t count as “real” sex. Of course,
we
know better.

Take a Tour

There are many ways to discover what kind of clitoral stimulation a partner will like, and the discovery can be as much fun with a new partner as with a partner of many years. For starters, ask her. In bed or at a café, you can initiate a conversation that may well be a prelude to hot sex.