The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (30 page)

Don’t yank your hand out of your partner’s vagina. Getting out is best handled as gently as going in. If your partner has clamped down on your hand, you may have to slowly work your way out.

Fisting can be a vulnerable experience for both partners. Allow time to cool down together.

Strap-On Dildos

Dildos are perhaps the world’s oldest sex toys. You can hold a dildo in your hand or wear it in a harness, freeing up your hands for other pleasures.

Dildos come in all shapes and sizes. A dildo appropriate for strap-on sex has a flared base so that it will not slip out of the harness. Harnesses come in several different styles.

Thigh harnesses wrap around one thigh, with the dildo protruding out of a ring in the fabric. Some women find movement with the thigh harness easier and more natural. If you like to hump a partner’s thigh, this harness may be for you.

Single-strap (thong-style) harnesses feature a strap that goes between the legs. Some women love the stimulation of the center strap; others don’t like a strap between their legs. You can attach a cuff to hold a dildo or butt plug in place on the center strap. Some women find these harnesses to be the most stable.

Two-strap (jock-style) harnesses have straps that go around the thighs and butt much like a jockstrap; they tend to position the dildo lower on your body, right over your mons. They may provide more stimulation for the wearer.

Illustration 11. Vaginal Penetration with Strap-On

You’ll learn all about selecting dildos and harnesses in chapter 17, Sex Toys and Accoutrements.

Wielding a strap-on takes practice; you may feel very self-conscious the first time you look in the mirror and see a dildo bobbing between your legs. Try wearing the dildo and harness when you’re alone. You can even masturbate while wearing your new strap-on—with dildo in hand, push the base against your mons, thrust with your hips, and notice any sensations in your pelvis. Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah of Toys in Babeland take this exercise a step further: “Close your eyes and push with your hips into your hand. Visualize the energy running from your shoulder down into your arm and from your body into the base of the dildo. Notice the sensation of the base pushing into your body. Put a little spit or lube into your hand and slide it around the head of the dick…”
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That’s right—bond with that new toy.

Use your fingers to explore your partner’s vagina before you penetrate her with a dildo. You can learn the size and shape of her vagina and discover what feels best to her. Roll a condom onto your dildo and apply plenty of water-based lube. Use your hand to guide the dildo into her. Go slowly and pay attention to her responses.

If you’re the receptive partner, you’re in charge during strap-on sex. Here’s an opportunity to hone your communication skills. Since your partner has no nerve endings in the tip of her dildo (much as it may feel that she does at times), she can’t know if she’s painfully banging your cervix unless you tell her. Do you want your partner to grind slowly and deeply into you? Do you want her to thrust faster? Harder? Tell her!

The thrusting of the dildo inside you may provide enough indirect clitoral stimulation to bring you to orgasm. Just the fantasy of a woman with a hard cock may be enough to make you come. You can also combine vaginal penetration with direct clitoral stimulation. You can stimulate your clitoris with a vibrator or your fingers as your partner is penetrating you. Your partner can slip a vibrating cock ring onto her dildo; she can stimulate your clitoris as she grinds into you. In the rear-entry position, she can reach around and touch your clit as she penetrates you.

But what about the thrill of having your partner come with her dildo deep inside you? What about the insertive partner who wants to reach orgasm while penetrating her partner?

Just the idea of thrusting your strap-on dildo into a partner’s vagina may be enough to make you come. Perhaps the base of the dildo rubbing against your clitoris provides the stimulation you need. If you require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, you can strap a battery-operated vibrator, such as an egg vibe, over your clit. You can slip a vibrating cock ring around the shaft of your dildo (on the skin side of the harness). You can strap on a hollow dildo designed to take an egg vibe in its base. You can wear a harness with a small pouch designed to hold a vibrator in just the right spot.

Tristan Taormino recommends a realistic dildo with balls: “Balls do more than make it look real; they extend the base of the dildo and cover more surface area—which means more for you to rub up against.”
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You can wear a vibrating dildo or butt plug inside yourself—these can be attached to the center strap of a thong-style harness. You can each wear a thigh harness for simultaneous penetration. Your partner can hold a Magic Wand between your thighs. You can reach under your harness and touch yourself as you penetrate your partner.

For some strap-on studs, getting off isn’t the point. They like seeing the dildo penetrating a partner’s vagina and giving a partner all that pleasure. In fact, for some women, that’s the best thing about strap-on sex—an enthusiastic partner with a hard cock whose attention is entirely focused on pleasing her.

When she’s doing me with a dildo I feel wild and slutty—it’s just good rough dirty sex.

How-To’s of Vaginal Penetration

• As the receptive partner, you can take the lead. Tell your partner exactly how you want to be penetrated.

• Roll a condom onto your partner’s strap-on. Lube her up!

• As the insertive partner, make sure your partner is really turned on before you enter her.

• Use lube—lots of lube—even if she seems fairly wet to you. You can warm the lube by running hot water over the bottle before you begin to play.

• Snap on a latex glove—lubricated latex will make your fingers and hand ultra smooth.

• Even if your intention is to fill your partner with your entire hand or your strap-on dildo, start with one finger. Build up slowly.

• You can take your partner’s wrist in hand and guide her inside you.

• Tease her—give her less than she wants, and then a little more.

• Bring out the toys—add nipple clamps, bondage, vibrators, and butt plugs to penetrative sex.

• You can lean over and lick her clitoris while pumping your fingers or a handheld dildo in and out of her vagina.

• Use two hands—you can slip the fingers of one hand into your partner’s vagina while the other hand attends to her anus. Your fingers can “meet” through the thin wall of tissue separating the vagina from the anus. (Do not allow bacteria from the anus to come in contact with the vagina.)

• As the insertive partner, you can rotate your hips or move them in a steady in-and-out motion to vary the thrusts of the dildo.

• As the receptive partner, you can wrap your legs around your partner’s hips and rock her dildo into you. You can use her harness to pull her into you more deeply or to control the pace of her thrusts.

• Place the palm of one hand just above your partner’s pelvic bone and press—you can feel your fingers thrusting against her G-spot.

• Experiment with two-handed fisting. Hold your hands with palms together, and slip one hand in as the other slides out, rubbing your palms together.

• Hold a vibrator against your partner’s clitoris—or your own.

Positions for Vaginal Penetration

Kneeling or sitting between your partner’s legs

With your partner lying on her back, place yourself between her legs. This position is great for fisting, finger-fucking, or penetration with a handheld dildo.

You can maintain eye contact. You can reach your partner’s breasts and belly—and she can reach yours. You can reach both vagina and anus. You can bend over and lick your partner’s clitoris as you penetrate her.

There’s plenty of room for her to hold a vibrator to her clitoris or to touch herself. By raising her legs, she can adjust the angle of entry. For deepest penetration, she can rest her ankles on your shoulders or bend her knees almost to her chest and hook her arms behind her calves.

Missionary

The missionary position may sound old-fashioned, but it’s ideal for intimate strap-on sex. With your partner lying on her back, you lie between her legs. This position works well with the thigh harness as well as harnesses that strap around the hips.

You can enjoy long, deep kisses and up-close eye contact. You can grind your pelvises together. The receptive partner can wrap her arms and legs around your shoulders and hips. You can slip a vibrator between your bodies.

This position works well in a sling. Many lesbians sing the praises of the sling. A sling is a type of hanging chair that fully supports your weight, allowing all your muscles to relax. With no muscle tension, many women find they can better enjoy penetrative sex. Slings can be constructed from nylon webbing, canvas, leather, or rubber. They generally hang from eyebolts in a ceiling or wall, or from a freestanding frame.

Receptive partner on top

Here’s a strap-on position in which the receptive partner can most easily control the depth of penetration. The insertive partner can sit on a chair, lie on her back, or recline in a sling while you straddle her, raising and lowering yourself on the dildo. This is a good position if you can’t bear weight on you, or if your partner can’t maintain thrusting over time.

Not only do you control the depth, you can also control the speed and movement. You can thrust in slow, circling motions or pump as hard and fast as you like. By squeezing your PC muscles around the dildo, you can grind the base of the dildo into your partner’s pelvis.

In a chair or sling, you can wrap your arms around each other and enjoy the intimacy of face-to-face contact. With the insertive partner lying on her back, she can stroke your clit or hold a vibrator for you. This position works well with the thigh harness.

Rear entry

Rear entry is the position often associated with anal sex. It’s also great for all kinds of vaginal penetration—finger-fucking, fisting, and penetration with a handheld or strap-on dildo. The receptive partner kneels on hands and knees, with the insertive partner kneeling or standing behind her. This is a good position if either partner can’t bear weight on her.

The picture in my head of me bent over, getting fucked from behind, is where my orgasm comes from.

Rear entry provides for the deepest penetration and most direct G-spot stimulation. This is a good position for those who desire intense, hard thrusting. The insertive partner can hold onto her partner’s hips as she drives the dildo into her vagina. The receptive partner has freedom of movement—she can rock backward, slamming against her partner’s dildo or hand.

The receptive partner can easily touch herself. She can also lower herself onto the bed and rub her vulva against the sheets or her hand.

Side by side

Like the missionary position, lying on a bed side by side is a very intimate way to enjoy penetrative sex. With the receptive partner’s leg thrown over your hips, you can slip a dildo into her vagina as you wrap your arms around her, enjoying her kisses and face-to-face closeness. You can enjoy simultaneous finger-fucking in this position. This is a great position for slow, sensuous strap-on sex. This is a good position if either partner can’t bear weight on her. Side-by-side sex works well with the thigh harness, as well as harnesses that fit around the hips.

Standing

Many lesbians entertain the fantasy of pressing a partner up against a wall, lifting her skirt, and slipping fingers deep inside her—or a strap-on, or even a whole hand. Standing sex carries with it a sense of urgency—as if you can’t wait long enough to find a bed.

Of course, height is a factor. You have to be well matched to enjoy strap-on sex standing up—unless one of you is much bigger than the other and can pick up her partner. You can make use of a staircase to equalize height, too. This position is useful if the receptive partner can’t bear weight.

Toys for Vaginal Play

When it comes to toys for penetrative sex, lube tops the shopping list. Water-based lube is a
must
for pleasurable vaginal play—whether you plan to use dildos or your own fingers to penetrate your partner. Combined with gloves, water-based lube will turn your hand into a slick surface. (Use water-based lubes in the vagina; oil-based lubes, such as Crisco, and silicone lubes, such as Eros Bodyglide, don’t rinse out of the vagina easily.)

Your basic 8-inch silicone strap-on is only the beginning when it comes to dildo play. The most exciting recent innovation in dildo design is Cyberskin, a remarkably realistic-feeling material.