The Woman He Married (43 page)

* * * *

Josie breathed a sigh of relief after stepping into the security of her own kitchen. Right on her heels, John ducked around her and over to the refrigerator. She wanted him out, but before she could say so, John pulled out a bottle of champagne and chocolate-dipped strawberries.

“What’s that?” Josie asked, unable to believe he was still trying.

“It was supposed to be our celebration. Come on, Jocelyn, have a drink and let’s talk. Just
talk
, I promise.” He waved the strawberries under her nose. “They’re dark chocolate, your favorite.” His green eyes sparkled playfully—irresistibly.

Reason told her not to trust him while the steady beating of her heart wanted to give him a chance. Her feet and back started to ache and she knew she was too exhausted to hold her anger. “I don’t suppose you have a hotdog with mustard and dill pickle relish, do you?” Josie said flatly although her stomach was completely serious.

Kicking off her shoes, Josie tucked her feet beneath her as she settled onto the couch. John ceremoniously popped the cork and poured her a bubbling glass. The bubbles tickled her nose playfully—the champagne was like a little piece of heaven in her mouth.

After pouring
himself
a glass, John settled onto the couch facing Josie. “I was hoping that we could start over. Get to know each other again.”

Josie bit down on a strawberry and considered his suggestion. “You say that like we
ever
knew each other in the first place.” The smooth dark chocolate mixing with the tartness of the berry elevated Josie’s mood considerably.

He smiled. “We…I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Jocelyn, but marrying you and having those babies weren’t two of them.” He sipped his champagne. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Josie didn’t know what to say.
I’ve never heard him talk like this before,
or
have I?
 
Somewhere in the recesses of her mind a cool
Caribbean
breeze blew and she thought maybe he’d said these words before. But that was neither here nor there.
Do I even want to have this conversation with John? What about Brian?

“Tell me everything,” John said. “I want to know about all your adventures, where you’ve been, what you want from life.”

Josie regarded John’s enthusiasm a moment as he waited patiently. Still unsure of where this was going, she decided to play along, tell one story. “You mean like the time Brian and I had to dress like migrant workers and sneak across the boarder to avoid being captured by the
Federales
?” When John looked confused, she explained, “The Mexican police.”

“Do I even want to
know
why you were running from the Mexican police?”

“Well, that’s the interesting part…” she began with a devilish smile.

Josie lost track of the time as they talked for hours about everything from living in China to how John had wanted to be president when he grew up
—no big surprise there—
and used to ask if he could go to elementary school dressed in a three-piece suit. Josie told him she wanted to travel more and use her skills as a lawyer to help people.

As the hours wore on, an affable smile grew on her lips as she watched the man she fell madly for all those years ago resurfacing before her eyes. The champagne and easy conversation calmed Josie’s nerves and she relaxed into the soft couch. As the night’s tension tried to work its way out of her neck she began twisting her head from side to side.

“Come on, turn around, let me rub your neck,” John said, scooting forward.

Knowing full well she shouldn’t, Josie turned her back to him and then melted when she felt his strong hands moving across the tight muscles of her neck and shoulders. After a few quiet minutes, John leaned forward and whispered in her ear, “Did I say that you look beautiful tonight?”

Josie giggled, keeping her eyes closed.
“Only about a million times.”
She was in heaven. Then, John’s lips, instead of his hands, began to softly trace across her shoulders. Shivers of pleasure rolled down her back. “I thought you said we were just going to talk,” she purred, playfully.

“This is a new kind of massage,” he teased, “called…kiss therapy. Folks pay top dollar for attention like this.”

He moved his lips tenderly up her neck until his teeth nibbled at her earlobe. Josie arched her back, leaning into him as he continued to nip at her skin. Her desire for him re-emerged and she turned her head, allowing his lips to find hers. His kiss was light and smooth. Her heart pounded as she drank in the taste of him until she needed more. Reaching her arms back, she pulled his face closer and kissed him hard. John responded by moving his fingers over the swell of her breasts, down the front of her dress, and to the side, in search of her zipper. His touch reverberated right down to her toes, sending her reeling back to reality. She pulled away and turned to face him.

“I don’t think this is such a good idea.”

“I disagree,” he said, pressing his lips to hers again, this time with an intensity that took her breath way. “I’ve wanted you so bad since the trip,” he said as he pulled back, “to make love to you again.”

“John.” She could only breathe his name as she finally allowed herself to think about how much she had wanted
him
too.

“I thought I was going to go crazy, being this close and not touching you,” he said as his lips traced across her jaw and back to her mouth.

Knowing John wanted her felt good, and kissing him again felt right. Josie matched his passion with her own desire. She thought how easy it would be to let him back in, to wake up in his arms, to have the kids come home the next day with their daddy moved back into the house.

She opened her eyes to see his face. To look at the man who, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t turn away from. As she did, she caught a glimpse of Sampson sitting next to the couch. His head cocked to the side, the dog’s expression should have been one of curiosity, but instead, she saw reproach. Suddenly aware she was about to leap into another decision without thinking
—thank you, Gina—
Josie broke away and leapt off the couch before John could pull her back.

John looked like a child whose momma had just ripped a lollipop out of his mouth. “What’s the matter?” He hopped to his feet, put his hands on her hips, and pulled her back to him.

Holding up a finger while catching her breath, Josie said, “I don’t know if I’m ready for this yet.”

“Don’t be silly, Jocelyn—I’m your husband.”

“Right, and a few hours ago you had Trisha pushed up against the wall.” Josie shuddered at the thought. “How do I know if we do this, things won’t go back to the way they were before?”

John tightened his grip. “You’re just going to have to trust me.”

She peeled his hands away. “That’s just it—I
don’t
trust you.”

“Come on, Jocelyn, what’s this all about?” he asked. And then his eyes went cold. “This is about Brian, isn’t it? I know you’ve been sleeping with him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I have not!”

He ignored her denial and spoke as if he’d already worked out what he wanted to say. “I’m willing to overlook it because of what I did with Trisha, but it’s time we focus on us, on keeping our family together.”

“I have
not
been sleeping with Brian!”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Because I wouldn’t, I couldn’t.” Josie’s mind was racing.
Why
wouldn’t I? Why
haven’t
I?
 
“Because I chose
you
, John.
Not Brian.” She heard herself saying the words as if the voice belonged to someone else. “I still choose you, but you’ve never chosen me.” He’d never professed his love—out loud, at least. Suddenly Josie didn’t know what she was saying. Could it be as simple as John saying that he loved her, and she’d take him back? Is that all she wanted, all she needed, to hear him say it?

“I married you, didn’t I? I
still
want to be married to you.”

He didn’t say it.

“Having a commitment to being married and being committed to…
a marriage are
two different things.” Josie felt her emotions welling up and threatening to erupt in a wave of tears.

“You’re not making any sense. I want you; why isn’t that enough?”

Tears escaped and rolled down her cheeks. “Why can’t you say it?” she cried, in a weak and shaky voice.

“Tell me what you want me to say, and I’ll say it.
Anything.”

“Doesn’t work that way.”
She knew he couldn’t say that he loved her because he didn’t; he never had. Josie’s heart felt like it was ripping apart in her chest with a force so fierce it overwhelmed her entire body. “How many times are you going to break my heart before you let me go?” Josie pleaded, watching his confused face searching hers for the right answer. “Please, John, just let me go.”

Unable, or unwilling, to come up with the right response, John’s shoulders hunched, and he turned away.

Tears streaming down her face, Josie took a deep breath and willed her legs to carry her away from him. “That’s what I was afraid of,” she mumbled hopelessly as she went.

He didn’t come after her.

* * * *

Groggy and hung-over, John rolled over the empty champagne bottle lying next to him as Andy pounded relentlessly on the sliding glass door. The morning sunlight stung John’s eyes as he hobbled over to the door, unlocked, and slid it open.

He scowled at Andy. “What the hell do you want this early in the morning?”

“Wake up; we’ve got big problems.” Andy sounded serious as he moved over to the television. He was about to push the power button when he noticed a small crack in the screen. “What happened to your TV?”

John looked down at his swollen big toe. “My foot happened to it.” He winced now that he was coherent enough to feel the pain.

“Why?” Andy started, but then didn’t finish. “Are the
kids
home?”

“No, they’re at Momma’s.”

“Good, let’s go inside. Come on now, there’s no time to dawdle.”

* * * *

Standing at the kitchen counter in her robe, a steaming mug of coffee cupped in her left hand, Josie counted down the weeks off the calendar, “…eight-nine-ten.” Biting her bottom lip, she rolled the calendar back to January, and counting up to March again, she came up with the same number. “Oh, dear Lord,” she breathed.

A moment later, she heard Andy ushering a reluctant John into the family room. Turning on the television, he said, “Just watch, there’s no time to explain.”

Josie shuffled around the corner to see what they were up to and froze when she saw Trisha’s face materialize on the television screen.
Across the bottom, in big bold letters, rolled,
Breaking News—Special Report
.
After taking her place officially behind a podium, Trish cleared her throat before starting.

“What the hell—” was all John got out before his ex-press secretary started to
speak.

“For the past year I have been engaged in an extra-marital affair with judicial candidate, John Bearden…”

She continued for several more minutes, detailing the circumstances surrounding their torrid affair and how she felt a sense of responsibility to the community and her husband—Josie didn’t really hear the rest. When the woman finally finished, Andy clicked off the television.

“Patrick and I both told you not to break it off with her until after the election. Women like her are too unpredictable.”

John pulled his fingers through his hair. “It probably doesn’t help that I fired her last night.”