The Wraiths of Will and Pleasure (28 page)

‘What
are
Mima and Lileem?’ Ulaume said. ‘In my tribe, the shamans would strap them down and take a good look.’

‘In your tribe, they expose them in the desert,’ Flick said dryly, then softened. ‘I don’t know what they are. Part of me thinks we should take them somewhere – like to the Gelaming or something – and find out, perhaps find help, while another part thinks they’re safer here in isolation.’

‘Those are my thoughts also,’ Ulaume said.

Flick began to unpack some lanterns he had brought with him in a bag. Each held a candle, which would be protected by glass from the gentle breeze. Flick arranged them in a circle. He placed some on the rocks around the water and hung others in the acacias. In the soft yellow light, he looked young, pure and troubled, and Ulaume felt a thousand years old with a dark history that dragged behind him like a lame hag. ‘You must consecrate me,’ he said abruptly, voicing a thought that had come unbidden to his mind.

Flick glanced at him and frowned. ‘What?’

‘You heard. Surely you know how. Sarocks must consecrate everything.’

‘No, we don’t, but why do you want to do that?’

‘Because it is necessary.’

Flick stared at him for a few moments. ‘In the water,’ he said. ‘Go into the water.’

Ulaume took off his clothes and waded out into the largest pool. The moon was captured there, the water full of its cold white essence. Flick undressed with care and placed his folded clothes in a neat pile next to the untidy heap of garments that Ulaume had left on the bank. His skin was so pale he looked like a moon creature himself. It occurred to Ulaume then that Flick was afraid that this rite might contaminate him in some way. Flick knew the Kakkahaar reputation for dark magic and Ulaume could not reassure him, because he wondered the same thing.

Flick stood before Ulaume in the water, some inches shorter than his companion. He raised his arms to the moon and said, ‘Lunil, dehar of the moon and of magic, I call upon you now and ask that with your white cleansing power, you consecrate this har, Ulaume, who is of the Colurastes and the Kakkahaar. Descend now from the mansions of the moon into this water and lend us your cold pure light. Enter into this har and cleanse him of all that is dark and unclean. Lunil, I ask this in your name, dehar of the moon and of magic.’

Flick leaned down and scooped up some water, which he poured down over Ulaume’s head, stretching up to do so.

Ulaume closed his eyes as the icy streams ran down over his face. Then he plunged himself wholly into the pool, opening his eyes upon glittering darkness. ‘If only for this night,’ he prayed in silence, ‘make me worthy of this.’ Flick’s narcotic brew must already be having an effect, for Ulaume could see small pointed faces in the ripples and bubbles around him. He could smell the moon.

He came up gasping and shuddering, hardly able to breathe, because the water was so cold. Flick’s flesh was pimpled with goose bumps.

‘It is done,’ Ulaume said and, taking Flick’s arm, waded back to the bank. Here, he rubbed himself down with his shirt and Flick did likewise. The atmosphere was electric, but also sacred. Magic crackled in the branches of the acacias and sizzled in the blades of needle grass.

In the circle of soft lamplight, Flick called upon Miyacala. Ulaume had read the invocations Flick had written, but it appeared Flick had decided to discard them. Now, he spoke from the heart, saying whatever came into his mind. It was a hypnotic mantra, repeated phrases tumbling over and around each other. At some points, Ulaume was moved to add his voice to the chant, and sometimes he was silent. With eyes closed, he could feel power circling around them, like a great beast attracted to a campfire in the desert. He fixed his entire being upon this force, because he must call it into himself. This was the power they must capture and weave into their union. This was the fire that would make liquid stars of their essence, with the power of the universe within it, the power to create and destroy. Miyacala, dehar of inception and initiation. Ulaume could feel this being’s presence. He could see him in his mind’s eye: immensely tall with long white hair, his eyes milky blind orbs, but whose brow blazed with a white star, which represented his true sight.

Flick had fallen silent. He squatted before Ulaume, who knelt upon the ground, and took Ulaume’s hands in his own. ‘He is here,’ he murmured. ‘Give him the image of Terez. We must do so together.’

Ulaume pulled Flick’s head towards his own and in the sharing of breath, so they conjured the image of the injured and incomplete Terez. Ulaume forced the image to change, to grow, to become whole. He could only offer an image of Pellaz, because that was the single template he had to go on, and he presumed Terez must look similar, under normal circumstances. Flick’s skin felt hot and feverish against his own. Ulaume was filled with a strange, immense stretched feeling as if he were part of the sky and it was yawning.

Flick drew away and lay back on the ground, offering himself. In the moonlight, his soume-lam gleamed like pearl. He was not as reluctant about this as he’d seemed.

Ulaume knelt before him and summoned the power into himself, directing it down to the root of his being. His ouana-lim had become the dark flower of creation, a spiral coral to slide into a spiral shell. The ocean, the sky, the moon. Elemental powers, circling stars. Ulaume uttered a cry of command. He was har, awake and alive, and he had just come back to his kind.

Flick collected their combined essence in a small glass bottle. They held it up to the light of the moon. It was luminous, spiralling slowly, glistening with tiny stars of light. ‘It’s alive,’ Flick murmured. ‘Something different.’ His fingers were glowing with it.

‘Let’s use it now, then,’ Ulaume said. ‘Perhaps don’t tell Mima exactly what it is.’

Back at the house, they found Lileem and Mima in an excited mood. ‘A little moon came in through the window’ Lileem cried as they entered Terez’s room. ‘A ball of white light hovered over the bed and then sank down into his chest.’

‘It was incredible,’ Mima said. ‘Did you do that? He’s been quiet ever since.’

‘It sounds hopeful,’ Ulaume said.

‘You are shining,’ Lileem said, ‘like the moon. What did you do?’

‘We made a medicine,’ Flick said.

Ulaume watched as Flick took the glass bottle out of his pocket. He could still taste Flick’s skin on his tongue.

‘That’s sooo pretty,’ Lileem breathed. ‘Liquid moon. How did you make it?’

‘Moonshine and starlight and Lunil’s tears,’ Flick said and leaned over the bed. He took the stopper out of the bottle and poured the contents between Terez’s cracked lips. Flick had told Ulaume that in Saltrock, they would simmer a Grissecon elixir with milk, liquor, tea or herbs, but as Terez wasn’t conscious, they might as well just pour it into him neat. He’d never know.

Flick attended to this task, then they all sat back to wait. Bats threw themselves against the window: they could hear the soft little slaps. Moths came to worship at the oil lamp next to the bed. Terez’s lips shone like nacre in the gentle glow. Ulaume knew he should care about what might happen next, but all he wanted to do was get Flick upstairs alone, so they could carry on making up for lost time. His whole body felt like a plucked wire.

After what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a few minutes, Terez opened his eyes. Ulaume saw at once that they were no longer milky and dull. They were black, like Mima’s eyes.

Mima uttered a soft cry and sat down on the bed. She stroked her brother’s face, pushed the lank, lifeless hair back from his face. He didn’t blink and made no sound, but Ulaume knew he was
there
. Flick caught his eye and nodded once. There had never been any doubt. They’d both known that what they’d done would succeed, and that the long abstinence they’d suffered was what had heightened their power. They might never be chesna, like lovers, but never again would they be enemies, and they would share their bodies as Wraeththu did.

‘Give Terez more of the sedative,’ Flick said. ‘Let him sleep.’

‘I’ll stay with him,’ Mima said. ‘I’ll be with him when he wakes tomorrow.’

‘Mima…’ Flick paused. It was clear he wasn’t sure how to say what was on his mind.

‘What?’ Mima asked sharply.

Ulaume put a hand on head, stroked her hair briefly. ‘Don’t expect too much. I think that Terez will be har, and in that way healed, but he might never be the same in his mind.’

‘Tomorrow, one of us will do what has to be done,’ Flick said.

Ulaume intuited Flick hoped it wouldn’t be himself. ‘We have to be careful with this, Flick. We can’t force aruna on him, because that would be pelki, and hardly part of an althaia.’

Flick frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Pelki is forced aruna, rape. It is supposed to be anathema to our kind. We’ll just have to hope Terez is compliant, but if his mind is still…
odd
, it might be difficult.’

‘Then I will do it,’ Mima said.

Ulaume and Flick stared at her for some moments, a certain pressing question eager to escape their lips, which both were too embarrassed to voice.

‘I
could
,’ she said fiercely.

‘You are not har,’ Ulaume said gently. ‘Even though he might trust you more, you could damage him rather than help.’

‘Then let me be with you when you do it,’ she said.

Ulaume glanced at Flick, who inclined his head discreetly. ‘Very well,’ he said. ‘We should do this together.’ He turned to Lileem. ‘Apart from you, Leelee. And no arguments!’

‘I understand,’ Lileem said. ‘I’m not old enough.’

Ulaume was alert for sarcasm in her tone, but found none. ‘There’s nothing to worry about, Lee. We’ll be all right.’

Lileem smiled weakly. For once, it seemed, she accepted this was adult business and wanted no part of it.

Chapter Sixteen

Before Ulaume or Flick awoke, and while Lileem slept in a nest of blankets on the floor, Mima gently shook her brother from sleep. Outside, the air was full of the cry of birds and the light changed from grey to pink. Terez opened his eyes and fixed his gaze upon his sister. She could tell that he knew her, and that he would not let go of her image. He dared not even blink. She leaned down and kissed him. ‘You are safe,’ she said. His breath came quick and shallow, poisoned by fear. ‘Come,’ Mima said. ‘Get up.’

She held his hand and helped him to rise. Today, his body was not stooped and twisted, but his shoulders were hunched, his head held low. ‘We are in the Richards house,’ she said. ‘We live here now. Don’t be afraid.’

He let her lead him from the room.

In the garden, Mima saw the dawn breaking over the cordillera to the east and the hill was bathed in early sunlight, while the settlement below still lay in shadow. Terez stood beside her, taller than she was, silent but for his shuddering breath. She took him to the waterfalls, and there bathed his body. As she washed him, flakes of skin came off and his body was smooth beneath. She brushed his hair and the knots came out in her hands, but what was left was clean and glossy. She made him lie beside the water and cleaned his fingernails, biting away the ragged ends. Because she could, she examined what made him har and saw for herself how different and how similar she was to Wraeththu. He never spoke, but simply kept his eyes upon her as if afraid the moment he looked away she would be gone and some unimaginable terror would return.

‘We are different now,’ she told him softly. ‘The troubles came upon us, and most of us are dead, but we two have survived. Life is beautiful, Terez. Whatever has gone before, we must forget it. You are Wraeththu, as Pell became Wraeththu. I know now it is not the terrible thing we thought, but only a different thing. I am no longer human either, because Wraeththu has touched me too. We are new, do you understand?’

Terez only stared at her, but she sensed he did not want to run away. He could hear her, even if he could not yet fully understand her words.

‘Today, some friends and I will make you better still. You must trust me, and them. We will not hurt you. You want to be well, don’t you?’

Barely perceptibly, Terez nodded.

Tears welled in Mima’s eyes. ‘You
will
be better,’ she said.

Terez reached out and traced her tears with his fingers. She closed her eyes to his touch, pressed against his hand. He was all she had left of her family.

‘Mima,’ he said huskily and she opened her eyes.

‘Yes, it’s me.’

‘We are not all dead. Dorado…’ His voice was scratchy and low, as if it came across a vast distance.

‘No,’ Mima said firmly. ‘Don’t think about him. He’s beyond us.’

‘Wraeththu,’ Terez said and his eyes were troubled. ‘We are the same.’ Slowly, he sat up beside her, and Mima could see that with each passing moment he was growing stronger. It was like watching a dragon fly emerge from its chrysalis. Soon, the great wings would open out. They’d shimmer.

‘Dorado’s gone,’ Mima said, ‘as Pell is gone. There is only us. We must think of the future.’

‘Dorado called to me in the darkness. His voice…’ Terez put his head into his hands, pressed the fingers against his temples. ‘I heard him, but it was so dark I couldn’t find him. His voice got fainter and then I couldn’t hear it at all. He wanted me to follow him, but it was too dark and I was all messed up.’

Mima’s mouth had gone dry.

Terez lowered his hands and looked at her. ‘I was meant to be with them, to follow. But something happened and it left me in the darkness with the…
things
. I was lost. I have been in that place for ever, until I saw your eyes.’

‘Your inception went wrong,’ Mima said. ‘My harish friends have helped you, made it right.’

‘But I was in the light and then something pulled me into darkness. The Wraeththu were not the darkness.’

‘They killed our family!’ Mima said. ‘Remember that. They were bad Wraeththu. My friends are not.’

‘There was a call,’ Terez murmured. ‘Like a song. I could smell it and taste it.’

‘It’s over now,’ Mima said. ‘Please, Terez, be with me. Live this life.’

He did not answer but stared out over the landscape, his eyes so dark no light could escape them.

Ulaume came looking for them, sure that Mima had taken matters into her own hands. He found them as they were making their way back to the house.

‘What were you doing?’ Ulaume demanded.

‘I wanted to talk to him, bathe him,’ Mima answered.

She was surrounded by a dark cloud. As Ulaume had feared, the results of their actions were not entirely to her liking. Terez himself appeared greatly improved, if distant. He was not that much like Pell, because he was so grim and a little taller, but perhaps the grimness was to be expected.

Flick had prepared breakfast and Lileem had put some flowers on the table, but whatever plans they might have had for a cheerful celebratory breakfast was dampened by the dour presence of Terez. Ulaume could not decide what was worse: a mindless creature with whom they could not communicate at all or this looming presence who was now destined to be part of their lives.

That morning, Ulaume wanted to celebrate because he and Flick had spent the entire night in ecstasy. Ulaume wasn’t even tired, and he knew Flick felt the same. He wondered how he could have lived without aruna for so long. It was bizarre, but he no longer felt even slightly annoyed by Flick’s habits and quirks. He wanted to touch Flick all the time, swim in the tide of his breath, fill and be filled by him. But any affectionate behaviour felt entirely inappropriate in front of Terez. He was like a stern disapproving adult dampening the spontaneous play of children.

After the meal had been consumed, Ulaume carried the dishes to the sink, where Flick was washing up. ‘We can’t do this aruna thing together,’ Flick whispered, leaning back slightly to press against Ulaume’s body. ‘Face it, we can’t do it at all. He’s like a black mountain.’

‘We have to,’ Ulaume said quietly. He kissed the back of Flick’s neck.

Flick sighed in pleasure, then said, ‘
You
can. You know the dark better than I do. I can’t go near him. I know it.’

Ulaume groaned softly. ‘So is this my penance for what you consider to be my questionable experiences? Thank you.’

‘In this instance, I think your experiences are useful,’ Flick murmured. ‘It won’t frighten you. I’m sure you’ve done worse.’

‘Taking aruna with that will be a travesty after being with you.’ Ulaume put his arms round Flick’s waist, pulled him close.

‘Lie back and think of Wraeththu,’ Flick said. ‘Believe me, I’m not happy about this. I’d far rather spend the day locked in the bedroom with you than sit down here picturing what’s going on with you and Terez.’

Ulaume sighed deeply and returned to the table. He found Terez’s eyes upon him and realised he’d heard every word of the conversation with Flick. ‘We need to talk,’ he said.

‘Yes,’ Terez said.

‘Somewhere else,’ Ulaume continued.

Terez stood up.

‘I will come with you,’ Mima said.

Her brother put a hand upon her shoulder. ‘No, Mima.’ His voice was firm.

Ulaume led the way to his room high in the house rather than the sick room where Terez had spent the past days and that no doubt still stank of diseased flesh and rank despair. Terez sat down on the bed and Ulaume realised there was a certain acceptance within him. He knew what would happen and there was no question of resistance or reluctance. Perhaps, in the prison of his madness, he had thought only about this one thing all the time. He had been incepted after all.

The silence in the room was tangible and it poured from Terez like a black mist.

I will need wine for this,
Ulaume thought.

‘Excuse me a moment,’ he said. ‘I just have to fetch something.’

‘Wait,’ Terez said.

Ulaume paused with his hand on the door handle.

‘Why?’ Terez asked.

‘Just to make us more relaxed.’

‘No. Why did that bad thing happen to me? Why was I left behind here? I can remember almost everything but for the darkness when I went away from myself.’

Ulaume carefully shielded his thoughts, folding them in on themselves like petals. ‘The Wraeththu who incepted you were marauders, rogues. They weren’t organised. Something went wrong and they left without you. We’re trying to make it right now.’

‘It’s too late,’ Terez said.

Ulaume went back to the bed, sat beside him. ‘No, it isn’t. You are back. It’ll take time, but you’ll be fine. Mima is here.’

Terez shook his head. ‘You are trying to make it right, but the light I should have had, with the one who was waiting for me, it is gone forever.’

Ulaume put an arm around Terez’s shoulder and pulled his head down to his shoulder, which took some effort, because Terez didn’t want to be comforted. Neither was Ulaume particularly adept at being a consoler. Eventually, however, Terez relented and relaxed against Ulaume’s side. He exhaled long and slow: it was more than a sigh. ‘There are many lights,’ Ulaume said. ‘You must believe it. I think your brother Pellaz is alive, even though everyhar thinks he’s dead. Flick thinks we’re all here for a reason and perhaps we are. If I can ease the pain, I will. It’s all I can offer.’

‘I should not be here,’ Terez said. ‘I should be with the one who was waiting for me.’

Ulaume had expected many responses: anger, confusion, resentment, fear and hatred. But not this. He realised now that Terez had been a willing convert to Wraeththu, perhaps having thought about it for a long time after Pell had left with Cal. Had Mima known this? Was this why she had dragged him away from those who’d incepted him? The situation was far more complicated than Ulaume had thought, and it was not the kind of thing he enjoyed dealing with. If anything, it was Flick’s territory.

‘It has to be you,’ Terez said abruptly. ‘Not the other one. You. It is my choice.’

‘Don’t do that,’ Ulaume said. ‘Don’t listen in. That’s one of the first rules.’

‘I’ve been listening for a long time,’ Terez said. ‘I have heard many things and soon I will know what they mean.’ He glanced at Ulaume. ‘You wish you had not done this thing, and you wish you could walk away now. If you were meant to do this, you don’t want to, but you care about what the others think. You care what Pellaz thinks, because he thinks badly of you.’

Ulaume stood up. ‘That’s enough.’

‘I know what you all wanted,’ Terez said in a chilling monotone. ‘I would be mad and you would play with me, like you play with a sick animal. You would lead me from room to room and feed me and comfort me. You did not want me to be what I am. I was never mad, Ulaume, just lost. I forgot how to live in this vehicle of flesh, but I will remember. It survived without me for a time, and now it needs my attention because it has not cared for itself.’

‘Where were you?’ Ulaume asked.

‘In this world, there are no words to describe it, although of all of them here, you would be the most likely to understand it. It is why you are here now, but don’t be afraid. I won’t take you back there.’

‘I could walk from this room,’ Ulaume said. ‘I have no obligation to you. If I did, would you go back to that dark place?’

‘I will not go back,’ Terez said. ‘You will give me what I need.’ His eyes grew wider and they were completely black. ‘Look at me. There are things in me you desire. I slept beside Pellaz every night of my life, from the moment I left my mother’s breast until he went away. You want to see through my eyes, hear my stories of the past. Give me your essence, Ulaume, and this flesh will look more how you want it to look. I am happy to indulge your fantasies.’

Ulaume had unconsciously moved back until he was pressed against the door. The creature before him now was more horrific than the thing he’d stumbled across in the Cevarro house. It was intelligent and powerful and determined. It was like a dark Pellaz, not evil certainly, but possessed of knowledge that Pell had never had.

‘You are rarely afraid,’ Terez said, unwinding his long body from the bed like a black cobra. He could move quickly, and in that too he was like a snake. In an instant, his hands were on Ulaume’s face, powerful head-splintering energy pouring from his fingers. His skin smelled like bitter chocolate. ‘Listen,’ Terez said.

He put his mouth against Ulaume’s own, and Ulaume tensed himself for some kind of terrible fight, but Terez poured into him a series of images from the past. He could smell the cable as the seed pods burst in the fields. He could hear Pell’s laughter as he ran towards the sunset. Thunderclouds swept over the cordillera and white tailed deer fled before a storm. Pellaz crouched before him, surrounded by blue stem grass and the spikes of agave. His loose shirt was very white in the strange storm-light and his hair very black. His eyes were full of humour. There was no guard there, no caution or judgement. This was the Pellaz of whom Ulaume had once dreamed. Pellaz said, ‘I think, if we try hard enough, we could change the weather.’