The Year I Almost Drowned (32 page)

Maybe he was just changing the subject because it was personal? Maybe it was

too personal since we weren’t dating anymore? I wanted to know Jesse again, to

know what was going on with him day in and day out, but he could open the door

as quickly as he could shut it. Could we be friends, I wondered? Was that what

we

were?

Because

I

didn’t

know

what

this

was.

“One more and then I need to go home,” I answered and then got out of the pool.

I needed to get my thoughts together. Being around him made me feel confused.

“Okay, one more, Finn.” He faintly smiled and then we trekked to the high dive,

ready

to

take

the

plunge

from

high

in

the

sky,

again.

“Ladies

first,”

he

said.

I climbed up the steps and quickly glanced down at him when I reached the very

top. He was smiling encouragingly. It felt strangely like the previous summer

when we were dating. I looked around, seeing the tiny twinkling lights miles and

miles away. I clasped my hands together and dove right into the pool. Jesse

followed

right

after

me.

We both got out of the pool at the same time. The cool air sent an instant chill

down my spine. Goosebumps instantly formed all over my body. I started to

slightly shiver. Jesse’s chest was covered in tiny goose bumps. I wrapped my

arms around me trying to create some warmth. The cold summer’s night air had

made its mark. I pulled the heavy, wet t-shirt and shorts away from my skin trying

to ring them out as much as I could, shaking my hair and trying to dry off. Jesse

came from behind me and bundled me up in a huge beach towel.

“Here.

Use

this,”

he

said.

I spun around. We were so close, so incredibly close. “It’s yours, though.” I

couldn’t stare up at him because I was really nervous. Instead, I continued to look

at his bare muscular chest with all the tiny bumps that had invaded it.

“Finn, I live two blocks from here. I’ll dry off by the time I get home. You can’t

drive home sopping wet,” he said, looking down at me. “Plus, you’re freezing.”

I could feel his eyes on me. I had to tilt my head up or else I’d look like an idiot

just standing there gazing at his chest. But I was so anxious and being close to

him like that made me feel that way. I wrapped the towel around me tighter to

create warmth. I was so cold and continued to stand there shivering while my

teeth

chattered

endlessly.

“Are

you

sure?”

I

asked,

my

voice

shaky.

“You’re really cold, huh?” He rubbed his hands up and down on my arms.

“Warming up?” he asked and then in an instant, he took his hands off of me, like

he

hadn’t

realized

what

he

was

doing

until

that

second.

“Yeah,” I answered. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him, how I hated that

he couldn’t sleep, how he was my best friend and I missed talking to him, and

that diving with him again was one of the best things I had done in weeks, but I

didn’t. I was too scared to– afraid of rejection–of putting my feelings out there and

not having them reciprocated. Instead, I didn’t utter one word and began to move

toward

the

gate.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” he said, increasing his pace to catch up with mine.

I stopped moving and looked at him. “You’re not going home?”

“Nah. I’ll probably stay here for a while longer. I’m still wide awake.” He opened

the

gate

for

me.

We got to my car. I unlocked the door and opened it. “It was fun diving with you

again,” I said. It was more than fun. It was exactly what I needed.

He gave me a warm, heartfelt smile. “It was, Finn. Thanks for keeping me

company.” I sat down in the car and closed the door. I rolled the window down.

He

bent

down

and

added,

“Drive

careful.”

“I will. Try to get some sleep.” I turned the ignition and put the car in reverse,

backing away as he stood there and watched me.

I finally felt comfortable running the diner–not exactly confident, but comfortable

enough that I felt like I knew what I was doing–most of the time. Things were

starting to click–to make sense, and I was making fewer mistakes and more

prudent decisions. Nana hadn’t had any offers except from Mike Wyatt. No one

seemed to be interested in buying the diner, and that was fine by me. The problem

was summer was zipping by in a flash, too fast, which meant that I would be

starting classes at Harrison within a month. This made me wonder what would

happen to the diner. How many months would it sit closed until there was a buyer?

Was I just doing this to prove something to myself, to my grandfather, to everyone

else,

to

show

them

that

I

was

capable?

It was more than that. It was more than just dealing with the grief, than just proving

a point. It made me feel whole, like I had a purpose. For the first time in my life, I

was passionate about something which was both simultaneously exciting and

utterly

frightening.

“I better start baking for tomorrow night. I’m sure Sidney will want to help,” Nana

said.

“Probably. I do, too. I haven’t helped you bake a pie in a long time.” I wanted the

house to smell like it used to–warm and welcoming, like life was in it.

“This will be the first dance I’ve gone to without your grandfather. He always met

me there for a few dances. He never stayed long; just long enough to make an

appearance and dance a few of the slow dances with me. I’m gonna miss our

dances tonight, honey.” She looked at me with a sad expression and then

touched my arm. “Get Sidney down here and let’s make ourselves some pies.”

***

The three of us baked for hours that night. Sidney made a peach pie; Nana a

cherry pie; I made chocolate peanut butter pie–my grandfather’s favorite. It was

fun, the three of us baking together, and seeing my Nana like her old self made

me feel better. I knew that being at the dance was going to be difficult for her, but

she

never

backed

out

of

her

commitments.

Sidney found a date for the dance. His name was Tony, and he was a friend of

Matt’s. She wasn’t thrilled about being his date and decided to settle for him

because “he would do” for the night. I think she agreed to go with him because

she was desperate to have a date for the dance even if that meant going with

someone she wasn’t even interested in. That was one of the major differences

between Sidney and me. Going on a date with someone that I didn’t even like

sounded

like

a

waste

of

time.

Tony arrived before Everett did. He was too early, which irked Sidney. “Geez, talk

about desperate,” she muttered under her breath. “I told him seven o’clock. It’s

frickin’

six

thirty-five.”

“Maybe he can’t tell time,” Nana teased. The two of them had gotten close, and

their relationship was nothing but sarcastic banter on a regular basis.

Sidney made an annoyed face. “Obviously he can’t,” she said and then put on

the most fake smile I’d ever seen. “Hi Tony. You look nice,” she said.

I don’t know how she did it, but Sidney was a master. “You look great,” he said.

His face was red; he appeared nervous and was sweating slightly.

“Thanks.

Let’s

go.”

“Nice to meet y’all,” he said to Nana and me before Sidney literally dragged him

out

the

front

door.

“Poor thing doesn’t stand a chance,” Nana said when they left.

“He’s

already

smitten.

Sidney

has

that

effect

on

men.”

Nana looked at me and then at what I was wearing. “You look pretty,” she said.

I felt pretty. My hair was slightly curled; my make up simple.

“Thanks,” I said, pulling on the straps to the light green sundress I had borrowed

from

Meg.

“Those are cute shoes,” she said, staring down at my floral ballerina flats. “No flip

flops

tonight?”

I shook my head. “No, not tonight.” I learned from attending last year’s dance that

wearing

flip

flops

was

a

bad

idea

when

you’re

dancing.

She put on her red cardigan and picked up her purse from the coffee table. Nana

was dressed in denim capris, red Keds, and a red gingham button up shirt.

“Listen, I’d like to stay here and watch you become embarrassed when your date

arrives, but I’ve got to get to the dance. It’s bad enough I only helped with set up

for a couple of hours. They’ll come after me with pitch forks if I don’t show up

soon.”

“I

highly

doubt

that.”

“Well, regardless. I’ll see you tonight.” She kissed me on the cheek and opened

the

door

to

leave.

I sat down on the couch. Then I stood up and looked out the window. Then I sat

back down on the couch. I was nervous and antsy. I hadn’t really gone on a lot of

dates in my life: one in high school with Trace Johnson, tons with Jesse, and then

this one with Everett. There was something about him I liked, even though I didn’t

know what that something was. Maybe it was because he was so nice? Really,

he was a stranger to me, and I wondered if I was going out with him because he

was

so

good

looking.

After going to the bathroom for the millionth time and walking back and forth to

the window and then back to the couch to sit down for a few seconds only to get

up again, Everett arrived. I saw him approach the door and opened it before he

could knock. I know that’s not proper date protocol; in fact, it probably made me

look kind of desperate. Sidney would have berated me for appearing so anxious,

but I wasn’t into following social customs. It was ridiculous to make him knock on

the

door

when

I

knew

he

was

there.

“I was just about to knock,” he said and smiled. He looked really good, like too

good

to

be

true.

“You look nice.” He was wearing a pair of dark denim jeans and a light blue polo

shirt

with

a

khaki

jacket.

“I was just about to say the same to you. You look more than nice, though, you

look

very

pretty.”

I blushed slightly. In the past year, I had learned to control how much I blushed

and had finally gotten to a point where my face didn’t turn bright red as often. “Do

you want to come in?” I asked. It was rude for me to just stand there in the

doorway

while

he

was

stuck

outside

on

the

porch.

“Sure.” He came inside my grandparents’ house and looked around at everything.

“This is a nice house. I always liked it when I drove by and was wondering what

it looked like on the inside.” He continued to stare at everything, taking it all in.

“Now

I

know.”

He

smiled

at

me.

“I

can

show

you

around

if

you

want,”

I

offered.

“That’s

okay.

Maybe

some

other

time?”

“Do you want a Coke or something?” I was really bad at this date stuff. Wasn’t

that what I was supposed to do? Be hospitable or something to that effect?

“That’s

all

right.

We

can

go

if

you

want.”

“Sure,” I said. I grabbed my purse and followed him out the front door.

He opened my car door and as I sat there waiting for him to get to the driver’s

side, I had a moment of major anxiety. Being on a date with someone other than

Jesse felt strange, almost wrong. Like I was cheating even though I wasn’t. Jesse

was all I had ever known. I wondered if these feelings I was having were because

I missed Jesse or because Everett was someone different. My palms were

sweaty; my heart was racing. I tried to calm myself down, but thinking about

nothing

to

get

your

mind

off

of

something

doesn’t

work.

“You

okay?”

he