Thin Love (26 page)

“Don’t worry about that. She knows I fucked up.”

“Kona, don’t do that.”

He waved her off, taking the bottle back from her before he set it on her bedside table. “Those pills are gonna kick in soon and trust me, you wanna be flat on your back when they do.” No joke. No smart little comment laced with innuendo. Kona pulled her comforter from under Keira’s legs and lifted it, waiting for her to lay down.

But he didn’t leave when Keira snuggled under her covers. He just sat on the foot of her bed, elbows on his knees as he watched her. The silence rose back up, and after a few minutes, Keira felt stifled by the quiet.

“Don’t you have practice today?” He nodded, but kept his gaze on his hands, twisting the large state championship ring around his finger. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

The bed shook twice when Kona’s jerked around to stare at her. “Shit, Keira, don’t thank me. Don’t fucking thank me when I put you in this situation.”

“We were fighting.” She sat up slowly, rested against her headboard and Keira could tell moving only made Kona’s guilt worsen; he grunted once, nostrils flaring and she shook her head, frustrated by his attitude. “You were mad,” she said. “I was mad. Shit happens.”

“Would you listen to yourself?” He stood up then, fingers sliding through his hair. “When are you gonna get it through your head? I’m no fucking good for you.”

“That’s what you think? You think I’m some sort of enabler?” Keira came to her knees then, ready to slap him if kept insulting her. “Like I’m taking your shit because I’m weak?”

“You’re rebelling again. I’m the new Diego, right?”

Keira hated Kona then. She hated the self-effacing smirk on his face and the way he curled his arms tight across his chest. He was mocking her, trying to sting her on purpose, like she was a child, like she needed to be protected from herself, from him.

“Get out.”

“I’m just saying that you…”

“Get out!” She moved back onto her bed, turning away from him. “Just leave. Now. The project is over. There’s no need for us to see each other anymore. Just walk away.”

“I can’t do that.”

She turned to face him, hating that he still stood back, still kept himself rigid. She knew what he was doing. She knew he was looking for reasons, excuses that would make her angry, have her lashing out until she told him she didn’t want him.
Fine,
she thought, unwilling to fight for something that was never real.

“You don’t have a choice. I’m done. I’m so done with getting glares from every girl that you’ve been with. I’m sick of people talking behind my back like I’m some sort of naive idiot. I’m sick of being compared to every girl you… just leave, Kona.”

He took a step, cautious, slow but his eyes were wide, desperate. “I can’t just leave you here. I’ll wait for Leann…”

“No!” Keira sat up and the quick jostle of her body had her head swimming again. “Just get out of here. I can take care of myself.”

“Don’t do this. I don’t care about… just don’t do this to me.”

She was mad, distracted by the burn in her eyes, by the collection of tears that stuck on her lashes. “I’m doing what you want, Kona. I’m giving you an out.” She laid back down and pulled her pillow under her chin. “Just take it.”

Keira thought he might stay. She thought the way his breath hissed out of his throat meant that he struggled with ignoring her and walking away like she knew he wanted to do. She counted the seconds, rubbing her eyes against her pillow, breath held until she heard the click of her door. And then, when she knew she was alone, when Kona’s thick scent didn’t clot in her nose anymore, Keira fell asleep with her tears wetting her pillow.

For the first time in his life, Kona didn’t want to play football. It wasn’t the frigid temperatures or the fact that he was running like shit, working his drills like an amateur that made him want to tear off his pads and leave. Kona just didn’t want to be around anyone.

“Hale! Get your fucking head on right!”

Kona stopped mid run, walking back down the field as Coach Robins yelled after him. He tried again, getting back in formation, Luka next to him staring, but Kona bent down, hand on the grass ready to try the Shuffle Read Run again. His heart wasn’t in it and his mind was clouded with Keira’s sobs as Kona stood outside her door listening just an hour ago.

Robins’ whistle blew and he moved, nothing more than instinct making his feet shuffle. Then Chris Willis, their running back, charged forward and Kona twisted his shoulders, not thinking, not really caring that he’d completely taken himself out of the play.

“Son of bitch!” Robins’ voice carried across the field and Kona lowered his head, hands on his hips as he waited for his coach’s approach. The man got right in his face, yanked on Kona’s helmet to catch his eyes and Kona just took that angry scowl like medicine, focusing on the hard wrinkles around the man’s green eyes and the way his already pink face got redder. “You’re behind your runner and somehow still managing to lose fucking ground! Where you at today? Huh? You forget how to run?” Robins pushed Kona’s helmet back as though he couldn’t look at him another second. “You try that shit again and I swear to Christ if you don’t move your fucking feet I’ll kick you off my field.”

Kona regrouped, jogged back to the line, shaking his head to clear it of Keira and her soft skin and that huge knot on her forehead. “Shit,” he said to himself, squeezing his eyes shut to get rid of her face.

Luka elbowed him as the settled in formation. “What the hell is going on with you?”

“Back off, Lu.”

He dug his feet in deep, hustling, working his muscles until they screamed and somehow managed to block his man, to get his runner right where he needed to be.

“Finally!” Robins yelled, but Kona didn’t bother with more than a nod in his coach’s direction. “Second line, move your asses.”

Kona tore off his helmet, grabbed a water from the sideline bench and drank down half of it before Luka could jog next to him.

“Brah, what’s the problem?”

His brother’s features were set hard and Kona appreciated the concern, the way Luka was trying to help him, but he didn’t need a lecture; he was tearing himself up enough for the both of them. “I need a minute, Lu.”

“You don’t have a minute. You’re in your first year of eligibility, jackass.” He got in Kona’s face, slapping the water bottle out of his hand. “Get your shit together and run like your ass is on fire.”

And for once, Kona listened to his twin. He spent the next half hour tearing down the field, hustling, shuffling with his shoulders straight, attacking the sleds like an animal, pouring everything in his head onto each pad and the poor redshirts that got landed with him.

Somehow, though, Robins didn’t care. “Hale, get your ass over here,” the coach said when practice was winding down. Kona met him on the sidelines, helmet in his hand. Robins didn’t bother looking up from his clipboard. “Get rid of those pads. You’re on the chute for twenty minutes.”

“Coach…”

“You spent the first hour of my practice running like an old lady.” Finally, he glanced at Kona, eyes cold, hard, like Kona’s half-assed efforts were a personal offense. “You wanna play tomorrow night, son?”

Kona nodded, trying to swallow down his irritation.

“Good. Then get your ass on the track and put on that damn resistance chute. I need you ready.”

Nathan and Brian laughed at him as he walked off the field, striping off his jersey and pads as he went and Kona gave them a middle finger salute. An assistant coach Kona had only met twice outfitted him with the chute and Kona tore down the track, cursing Robins and his own stupidity as he ran.

Keira’s voice came back to him then. Between each thump of his heart and the heavy pant of his breath, Kona heard her words over and over.

Just walk away.

Just walk away? From her? Was she out of her head?

Kona’s thoughts and the aching guilt that crawled into his chest when Keira’s head slammed against that window drove out the tension in his body, made the pull of the chute behind him seem like the toddler tugging on his shirt. He ran to get away from how stupid he’d been thinking she belonged with him. Of course she turned him loose. He didn’t deserve her. He couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. He’d known it would end, felt it in his gut, but Kona was selfish, greedy for what he wanted and the only thing he wanted then was Keira.

It took a full minute for the sound of the coach’s whistle to register. The cloud lifted from his head and exhaustion fell on him, like a drain unstoppered.

“Hale!” Robins yelled from the field and Kona moved his chin, acknowledging him. “Pack it up.”

Luka met him as Kona picked up his pads and jersey and he took the water bottle his twin offered. His brother had that look, the one that told Kona he was going to nag.

Kona downed the water and fell to the ground, sitting with his arms resting on his knees. Luka joined him, leaning back on his hands. He was giving Kona a moment to settle, but Luka was impatient. Kona could see by the way his brother shook his leg that he was gearing up for a fight.

Kona sighed, took one final swallow of cold water and then he nodded at his brother. “Go ahead.”

“What was that?”

“Luka, back off. I don’t feel like hearing you bitch at me.”

“Well somebody needs to. You’re fucking this up.”

Kona threw the bottle and it just missed Luka’s head. “It’s one practice. One out of how many? I’m not allowed an off day?”

“No. You’re not.” Luka kicked his foot. “Not even one. There is too much riding on this, Kona and you know it. You have to be perfect, all the time. You have to work harder than anyone else out there.” He turned his head, watching Nathan and Brian as they slung water at each other, emptying each of their bottles as they chased each other off the field. “We both do. We’re up against guys that have two years on us. This ain’t freshman year anymore. We’re out of the weight room and on the field. We have to be better than everyone on that line.”

Kona didn’t want to hear it. He knew it already, knew how his little effort, how his distraction had affected his playing. Still, he didn’t need Luka repeating something he already knew. He stood up then, walking toward the locker room without a backward glance at his twin, but stopped short when his empty water bottle connected with the back of his head. Kona spun around, pissed off, growing angrier at Luka’s laughter, at how his brother bent over, holding his stomach.

“Shit,” Luka said when Kona stomped toward him, peeling off his sweaty shirt like he was ready for a serious scrape.

“You think you’re funny? Think that shit is funny?”

Without thinking, Kona took a swing and his brother didn’t flinch, he barely moved and Kona’s huge knuckles caught Luka right on the chin.

His brother staggered back, rubbed his chin then held up his hand when one of the assistants start toward them. Finally, he looked at Kona, his eyebrows up. “Feel better?”

“No!” Kona kicked his pads, sending them next to the sideline benches.

“Is this about that bitch?”

He rushed toward his brother, grabbing his collar. “Don’t you fucking call her that. Don’t
ever
call her that.”

Luka’s features transformed, shock, surprise all making his eyes round, making his mouth dip open. “Woah, dude, what the hell?”

Keira again. It all came back to her. She had him on edge, had him stupid with confusion and guilt and Kona didn’t think Luka would get it. He knew his twin had never spent more than a week with one girl, hell, Kona hadn’t either, before. This was all new to him and the idea that he hated and loved feeling this way twisted his gut. Exhausted from the excruciating practice and the muddled shit running through his mind, Kona dropped to his knees then sat back down on the ground.

Luka came next to him, but Kona kept his eyes down, fingers curled in his hair. “I almost killed her.”

“What?”

“Today.” He rubbed his face and released a deep breath. “Tonya fucked with her, got in her head and Keira lost it. She completely lost it. Called me on all my shit.”

Luka whistled, stared after Kona like he wasn’t sure he’d heard him right. “She’s getting to you? And you’re letting her?”

Kona glanced at his brother, head shaking. “She wasn’t wrong. But, she had me so pissed off, downplaying what was going on with us that I threw her in my car, tore off down the interstate.” Kona still heard the screech of the tires and he swallowed against the bile he could taste in the back of his throat. “Got too close to a median and she smacked her head on the window.”

Luka whistled, an amazed sound that grated Kona’s nerves. “She okay?”

“No thanks to me.” He deserved whatever Keira gave him, he knew that. He deserved to have her tossing him out like he was nothing. He felt like nothing. “Shit.” Kona laid back on the grass uncaring about the mud seeping into his hair. “Why this one girl, brah? What the hell did she do to me? I can’t think. I can’t breathe. All I wanna do is be around her. I care what she thinks.” He turned his head, looking up at his brother, hoping he had answers. “Why the hell do I care what she thinks?”