This Book is Gay (7 page)

I think that table speaks for itself. As with any illegal drug (note that some people are prescribed hormone treatment for valid reasons),
just because your mates are doing it doesn't mean it's safe.

Also, I'm not sure how I can say this delicately. NO ONE WANTS TO SHAG A BALD SPOTTY PSYCHO WITH BALLS LIKE SHRIVELLED RAISINS. (I'm known for my tact.)

So it's a vicious circle. Guys will only look buff for as long as they're on the drugs, so you are well aware your physique is not down to you or your efforts at the gym – like fake self-esteem. Frankly, it's cheating, pure and simple.

More to the point, no one ever made themselves happy just by going to the gym. The big guys still wanna be bigger. It's a never-ending quest for a state of perfection that doesn't exist. Guys on steroids aren't happier, they're just bigger. Finally, the Desperate Dan look is very specific, and not everyone is into that 'roidy look (I think it looks FREAKISH). It's no guarantee of finding a love match.

‘You can tell when a guy's on steroids – bulging head veins! I personally think it's not such a great look. Huge, great arms and chests with skinny little legs. I find it repulsive, to be honest.'

T, 22, Brisbane, Australia.

While gay men wage war against camp with muscle, gay women have their own in-fights. This war is about femininity. ‘Butch dykes' often take issue with ‘lipstick lesbians' and vice versa. You hear a lot of arguments like this:

‘I'm a lesbian so I want a woman who actually looks like a woman.' Or ‘She's just pretending to be dead femme; she's really a dyke.'

As with gay men, this infighting isn't helping anyone – we get enough grief from outside the community as it is. It seems that some women feel that adhering to or avoiding stereotypes is somehow damaging ‘the cause', but of course this isn't true. All any person can be is comfortable. It's all about personal taste. Some women like make-up and fashion, and some don't.

You'll notice that THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEXUALITY. In fact, what is more troubling is that straight women might be accused of being gay purely because they don't like fussing over their hair, clothes and make-up – that's both homophobic AND sexist.

What's more, when it comes to dating, some women are very into butch lesbians, some women are into girly girls – there really is something for everyone.

A mixture of poor media representation and sheer misogyny has also furthered the myth of the ‘angry lesbian', the idea that all gay women are militants who seek to kill and scalp men. This response is identical to the one that women get from men when they use the word ‘feminism'. It's a way of men putting women down – to keep them in their place. Note that feminists are often accused of being lesbians. Let's get it straight. Gay women do not hate men. They simply don't want to have sex with them.

Very often, when talking about women's issues, I find the term ‘men' is used to describe ‘the patriarchy'. This is also a mistake.

This is so ridiculous it hardly warrants air time, but pornography (more on that later) has led some young heterosexual men to think that scantily clad gay women will coquettishly beckon them into a soft-focus three-way. Clearly this is not the case.

Some bi or queer women probably are looking for threesomes with clammy-palmed internet men, but most aren't. No lesbian women are. I can't state this enough: Lesbians like vaginas. They don't even want blokes watching. I KNOW, how INCONSIDERATE. Note the sarcastic tone.

There is a more serious side to the idea that gay women are ‘waiting for the right man'. In certain parts of South Africa, ‘corrective rape' is a terrible, heart-breaking practice whereby gay women (as many as an estimated ten a week) are raped or gang-raped ‘for their own good' to turn them heterosexual. All of us, straight, gay or otherwise must, MUST accept that women of all sexualities have the same sexual freedoms as men.

One of the strangest stereotypes about us is that gay men hate lesbians and vice versa. Imma save you some time. If you are chatting to gay men who are dismissive of lesbians (or for that matter disparaging of the vagina as a concept), you are talking to misogynist dicks. If you are talking to a gay woman who classifies all gay men as lesbian haters, you are talking to a sexist homophobe.

It works both ways.

Needless to say, gay people often show a startling lack of awareness about trans people – confusing drag queens and transgendered people constantly.

There is no reason for these conflicts beyond trashy, worn, flea-bitten, drag-show stand-up jokes that should have been thrown out with crimpers and Tamagotchis.

Again, there is so much homophobia in the world. Why on earth would we want to add to it?

Poor bisexual people. I'll include queer, pan and curious people in this section too. Because as humans we're trained to enjoy binary things, people not conforming to GAY OR STRAIGHT can often be rejected by both sides.

Straight people think bisexuals are ‘greedy' or ‘indecisive', while gay people lean towards, ‘Oh they must be gay.' Both think that, ‘when they meet the right person they'll pick a team.' As I said before, I really don't think bisexual people would bother hedging their bets. It would be so much EASIER to pick a side, I'd imagine. Therefore, it takes guts to identify this way.

It's up to you to decide if bi people are getting the best or worst of both worlds. I'd argue that bisexual people aren't getting any of the privileges of straight society while they're also lacking the community of being gay or lesbian.

Let's all hug a bisexual this week. They need our support too.

In any group, there are bound to be social norms, and being LGBT* is no different. Perhaps some stereotypes arose from these shared attributes. No one has to conform to these traits, however. Despite the hundreds of stereotypes we've talked about in this chapter – regarding hairstyles, clothes, behaviour – it's important to remember that even if you DO conform to certain stereotypes, you are still an individual. There is only one you, and you can do whatever you like as long as you look after yourself and don't hurt anyone else.

Who do you want to be? There's only one rule: always be true to yourself.

So far I hope I've sold this LGBT* thing pretty well. I mean, it does sound brilliant, doesn't it? You get to dress how you like and make out with whomever you want. It's dead hip and trendy (just ask Zachary Quinto, Andrej Pejic or Angel Haze). You get to be part of an avant-garde subculture with links to art, music and fashion. But, most importantly, you will be at one with who you really are. You are finally you.

Ah, if only it were that simple. While some people glide effortlessly out of the closet like prized figure skaters, others find the process more akin to Bambi learning to walk. For some, coming to terms with their sexuality and coming out is the hardest thing they will ever do.

But why is it so hard for some people?

Homophobia is described in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as the ‘irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals.' Note the ‘irrational' part. The definition is also true of transphobia.

Homophobia, broadly speaking, comes from two places – inside and out: other people airing anti-gay sentiments, but also individuals themselves believing that there's something wrong with being gay or bi. Again, the same is true of transphobia. Many trans people will have grown up in environments where they have been led to believe there is something ‘weird' about swapping gender.

What if you believe there's something wrong with being gay, bi or trans
and
you happen to BE gay, bi or trans. This is more common than you might think. For ease, let's call this SELF-LOATHING.

If a young person thinks there is something wrong with being LGBT*, they're hardly likely to sing their identity from a balcony, Evita style, while waving a rainbow flag, are they?

Clearly, the issue here is
why do they think being LGBT* is wrong?
I can't imagine anyone is born homophobic (or transphobic), so it must come from external sources, which brings us neatly to homophobia.

Sadly, there are small-minded bigots everywhere, and they don't half enjoy letting you know how idiotic they are. ‘It's a free country,' they say. ‘I can say what I like.' Well, actually, inciting hatred is a criminal offence so, no, you can't.

• Some homophobes hate gay people because they think it's a part of their faith – we'll deal with that in
  chapter 6
  .
  
• Some homophobes think it's dirty or disgusting. *Eye roll*
  
• Some homophobes think that gay people will crawl down their chimneys and somehow convert them like GAY VAMPIRES.
  

See? Irrational. Also stubborn, ill-informed and ignorant.

Transphobic people will be similarly disgusted with trans people, whether they think it's just an impossibility for one to change their gender or if, as with gay people, they see trans people as EVIL SEX SIRENS WHO WILL FOOL YOU WITH THEIR GENDER SECRET. Talk to a certain type of cisgender person about Thailand and within seconds they'll say something disparaging about the third gender, I promise you. Jerry Springer was terrible for this too.

If a young person has grown up with parents or carers who have tutted every time a gay couple pops up in a soap opera, they have sent a unanimous message to their child that they do not approve of LGBT* people. It doesn't even have to be parents or carers. If a peer group at school has spent ten years saying, ‘HA! THAT PENCIL CASE IS WELL GAY!' the same message is being spread: that pencil case is rubbish, and so are you.