This River Awakens (25 page)

‘She doesn’t care what you do?’

‘No, why should she?’ I scowled. ‘Why are we talking about Debbie, anyway?’

Jennifer flicked her butt out on to the highway. We watched it roll in the wind of the passing cars. ‘So,’ she said, ‘you haven’t got any friends any more. What’s wrong with you? Are you a fruit or something? Or a suck? Are you a crybaby suck?’

‘If I was, Lynk wouldn’t be scared of me, would he?’ I liked the thought of Lynk being scared of me. Maybe it was true.

She tapped her foot, her knee jumping. ‘Fuck this,’ she said, looking at me. ‘You want to go behind the school?’

‘What for?’

‘What do you think? To neck. Never necked before, huh? Don’t worry, I’ll show you what to do. Come on.’

We left the bus shack. My heart was pounding hard in my chest. Jennifer’s arm brushed mine, and even through our jackets the touch felt electric. We came to the crosswalk. I studied the school across from us. Its smoky glass reflected the houses behind us on the other side of the ditch. We looked small at this distance.

‘If you like,’ Jennifer said as we waited for a gap in the traffic, ‘we can go together this summer.’

I glanced over at the candle factory. The side facing the highway had a huge geared wheel painted on the limestone. ‘All right. Listen, Lynk and the others might still be around.’

‘Oh yeah. Fuck. Well, there’s an old farmhouse on the other side of the tracks.’

‘Is that close to Roland’s?’

‘It’s Fraser land, yeah, but they live down at the end of the section road.’

‘Okay.’

We crossed the highway a minute later and went around the school. The chain-link fence dividing the playground from the railroad property was high, but without barbed wire at the top. We climbed it, and then crossed the raised train tracks. Beyond stretched rows of stubby, yellow winter wheat, the mud in between already spotted and patched green with weeds. The old farmhouse stood about a quarter-mile away. A gravel road led to it from the section road, which was off to our right, on the other side of the candle factory.

Jennifer led the way on to the muddy field. ‘Are you going to miss supper?’

‘No. Maybe. We don’t eat till seven, sometimes eight. You want to eat at my place?’

She looked at me sharply over her shoulder. ‘You sure? Aren’t you supposed to phone first or something?’

‘Nah. Debbie does it all the time. You can phone your mom and dad from my place.’

‘Don’t have to. Mom’s still in the hospital. I cook my own meals.’

‘Oh yeah, I forgot.’

‘She’s coming home soon.’

‘Oh yeah.’

The land spread out here, north and westward for as far as I could see. A few clumps of trees sheltered farms, a few raised roads ribboned the fields, but mostly it was just cleared land. It wasn’t crowded in the way the land edging the river was – no forest, no bracken.

I said, ‘Anybody who looked would see us.’

‘Don’t worry about it. We’re almost there. The ground’s still too wet to plough up. Besides, this field’s fallow.’

‘Really? I thought this was winter wheat.’

‘No, just wild oats and alfalfa.’

‘How come you know so much about farming?’

‘My mom’s sister was married to a farmer near Beausejour. But she died. Cancer. When I was a kid we used to go out there a lot. I had a horse there.’

‘That’s what I want to learn. To ride a horse.’

‘My uncle got married again. We don’t go out there any more. He sold the horses, anyway.’

We arrived. The farmhouse was one storey, its windows broken. Tall yellow grasses crowded its sides. The bare mud and gravel around the front and back glittered with broken glass. A weathered grey outhouse leaned against a pile of planks near a collapsed chicken coop.

Jennifer walked up to the door, which was jammed half open.

‘Who lived here?’ I asked.

‘The Frasers. Before they built the new place.’

‘Before Roland was born?’

‘Way before. Come on.’

I followed her inside. A narrow entrance-way opened out to a living room that made up the house’s centre. The kitchen and bedrooms led off from it. Shattered glass littered the wrinkled tiles on the floor. A stack of rotting newspapers sat next to a raised brick section on the floor, where a wood stove once stood.

The air smelled damp and musty, though not as bad as I thought it would be. The broken windows let the wind through, chilly enough to make me shiver.

Jennifer crossed the living room and stopped outside one of the bedrooms. She eyed me until I looked away. ‘Come on,’ she said. There’s an old mattress in here. Just think, Roland’s mom and dad probably fucked on it for years. It won’t mind.’

‘How could a mattress mind?’ I ambled slowly, haphazardly, across the room, glancing around. There were swallow nests above the windows, the mud and twig lumps tucked at the join between the wall and the ceiling. The floor directly below was thick with bird droppings.

Jennifer waited until I came close then took me by the arm and pulled me into the room. The wide mattress lay on the floor – the only object left in the room. I stared at it.
She’s been here before.

‘I want a smoke first,’ Jennifer said, sitting down on the mattress and pulling out her cigarettes. ‘Sit down beside me.’

The mattress felt damp, but not wet. I felt its chill seep through my jeans.

‘You lived in the city?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So why’d you move out here?’

‘My dad borrowed some money and bought a gas station on the highway.’

‘Which one?’

‘The Gulf station just this side of the perimeter.’

‘That one’s always getting new owners. Ever since the perimeter was built. But just because your dad now owns it, it doesn’t mean you had to move out of the city. I mean, why come out here to this hell-hole?’

‘Hell-hole?’

‘Sure. Middlecross is a dump. It’s boring. Stupid and boring.’

‘I don’t think so. Anyway, houses are cheaper out here.’

‘No kidding. You want to try some?’

‘No.’

‘Ever smoked a joint?’

‘No.’

‘Want to?’

‘Not really.’

‘You’re sounding like a suck.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘Really? No, I mean,
really
?’

‘Really. I don’t care. I’ve never cared. Aren’t you done yet?’

Jennifer laughed, throaty and low, and it made me tighten up inside. She said, ‘Going with you this summer is going to be fun.’ She took a last drag then stamped out the cigarette.

‘The way you say that makes me nervous.’

‘It should.’

She leaned close and pushed her mouth against mine. Her lips were soft, her tongue hot and leaving a bitter taste everywhere it probed. She put a hand behind my head and pushed her mouth harder against mine. The taste of her spit was a shock and I tried to decide if I liked it, then told myself that I’d learn to no matter what.

Jennifer finally pulled back. Our eyes met and she smiled. ‘Not bad,’ she said in a way that was both a question and an opinion.

I nodded.

‘You hard, Owen?’

I nodded.

‘Feel my tits.’

As I pressed my hands against her breasts she pulled me down so that we lay side by side on the bed. She unbuttoned her jean jacket, revealing the t-shirt underneath, and I reached inside, setting my palms against her nipples.

‘Play with them. The nipples. You can pinch and pull, they won’t break.’

I did this carefully, listening to her breathing, sensitive to how she moved. It was easy now since I’d already come in my pants, so quietly that she’d never even noticed; and though I was getting hard again it didn’t seem so urgent this time.

We kissed and played for a few minutes longer, then Jennifer sat up, her face flushed as she stared down at me. ‘Let’s have a joint.’

‘No. Maybe next time.’

‘How come?’

‘Because. Because I’m fine right now. I like how it is right now.’

Her immediate response was a scowl, then the expression faded and became thoughtful. I studied her face, knowing that I’d never forget how it was at this moment. The skin was smooth, clear, though the faintest lines bracketed her wide mouth and I remembered Mother warning Debbie about how smoking made wrinkles. Even so, I thought those lines were beautiful.

Her breath had quickened as I studied her, her cheeks bright red. She hadn’t panted as hard when I’d played with her breasts. ‘What are you doing?’ she demanded in a harsh whisper.

‘Looking.’

‘Are you finished?’

I sighed. ‘For now.’

She was silent as I sat up on the edge of the mattress. Suddenly I wasn’t sure what her question had meant, and as a long minute passed, I concluded that she’d been asking about the necking. It seemed we’d stopped.

‘Let’s make this our special place,’ she said as she stood and buttoned up her jacket.

‘Sure.’

She rounded on me. ‘That’s it? That’s all you can say?’

I grinned. ‘This was great, Jennifer. I don’t show my excitement much. My dad says he’ll die of old age before he ever sees me excited.’

She lit another cigarette and blew out a stream of smoke. She smiled and studied me with half-closed eyes. ‘I felt you excited, Owen,’ she said quietly.

‘Huh?’

‘Never mind.’

We left the bedroom.

Outside, the air felt crisp, fresh. Clouds hid the dying sun. Jennifer laughed. ‘So now I bet you’ll run and tell your friends you got a girlfriend.’

‘Do I have to?’

‘Why not? Are you embarrassed or something?’

‘No, just selfish.’

We started walking back to the highway. ‘Well,’ Jennifer said, ‘I’ll tell my friends.’

Hearing that made me feel good, so I thought for a moment then said, ‘I’ll tell them.’

We held hands as we made our way across the field.

‘I got another secret place we can go,’ I said as we neared the train tracks. ‘One of the boats at the Yacht Club. It’s in the yards. Abandoned. Me and Lynk and Roland broke into it. We were working on it, fixing it up, but they don’t like going there any more. Too many people hanging around. But during the week the yard’s as empty as it ever was.’

‘My God, that’s the most you’ve ever said to me!’

‘Well, we’re going together now, aren’t we?’

We climbed the steep bank and paused on the tracks. Jennifer said, ‘Looks like we won’t have to tell our friends anything.’

Roland, Carl and Lynk stood behind the school, and that girl, Barb, was there as well. They had seen us.

We were still holding hands. ‘Well?’ Jennifer asked.

I frowned, unsure, then I put my arms around her. We kissed. A moment later we made our way down to the chain-link fence, climbed it, then approached the others. We weren’t holding hands any more, but I knew that it didn’t matter.

The girl, Barb, had a wild look in her eyes as she stared at us. Roland, Lynk and Carl said nothing, and none of them would meet my gaze.

‘There’s worms in his skull,’ Barb said to Jennifer. ‘My old man’s head is full of worms, and the flowers have sharp teeth when we throw them and they drag him down, you sewing more threads, Jen? Sandy’s a bitch, a blur, know who – what – I mean?’

I looked a question at Roland, who just shrugged.

Lynk said, ‘She’s been talking weird since we found her.’ He glared at me. ‘She never saw no worms in the skull.’

I slowly nodded.

‘She’s just ripped,’ Jennifer said, laughing. ‘Acid.’ She walked up to Barb. ‘How many hits?’

‘None. He just strokes. Under the sheets. That’s why I’m getting a car. But the highway’s full of trees and the roots are ropes – I’m tied down now. Two hits, Jen, I can’t come back, it’s been weeks—’

Jennifer embraced Barb and held her close. ‘Like hell, Barb. It’s just been hours. Just hours. We’re friends here. We’ll take care of you while you come down.’

‘I see scared’s face. Like the moon and it’s getting bigger. Closer. Closer comes scared’s face, Jen.’

‘Send it away, Barb. I’ll help.’ Jennifer led her friend to an alcove set into the wall.

‘Holy fuck,’ Lynk said. ‘LSD. Holy fuck.’

Roland stepped close to me. ‘You ain’t said anything, have you?’

I stared at him blankly.

‘To Jennifer. You ain’t said anything, have you?’

‘Oh. Of course not. Don’t worry.’

He sighed, looking away. ‘You two were at our old place, weren’t you?’

I felt a sudden jolt inside.
Roland! He copped a feel with Jennifer. They’d necked.

‘My parents’ place, right?’

‘Oh. Yeah. Sorry.’

Roland smiled. ‘What for? It’s all right with me. Use it all you want, just don’t burn it down or anything.’

‘We won’t.’

Lynk made a show of punching me. ‘You fucker,’ he said, grinning to take the edge off. ‘You and her, eh? Fucker. I was going to go with Barb…’

I laughed, meeting his eyes. ‘But you can’t find her.’

He glared for a moment, then laughed as well. ‘Fuckin’ no kidding, Owen. Holy fuck, eh? LSD.’

It seemed all right between us right then, and I felt a weight slip from my shoulders. I was still wary, but it felt all right, then. Roland sighed again, as if to say things were okay with him, too. And I felt close to them now. Finally.

‘Let’s get out of here,’ Carl said, his tone belligerent and with enough force to make me turn in surprise.

‘What’s eating you?’

He looked away. ‘Nothing.’

Jennifer still held Barb, both of them leaning against the wall. Jennifer was singing to her friend, softly. I was startled to hear how beautiful her voice sounded. I headed over. ‘What should we do?’

Jennifer’s expression was worried. She paused in her singing and said, ‘It should be okay, I think. I’m not sure. A real bad trip. She’s done too much. You better go. She’s spooked with all you guys staring at her. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘What about supper at my place?’

‘Tomorrow.’

‘Okay. See you, then.’

‘Hey, give me a kiss first.’

I did. All the smells of her, the perfume, the cigarettes, now seemed familiar, welcoming. I whispered in her ear. She smiled, but it seemed uncertain, almost frightened. ‘Me too,’ she said.

We left them, and I found I was leading the way, Roland behind me, Lynk ranging out to the left but following all the same, and then Carl, of course, his hands jammed into the pockets of his blue corduroy pants, his eyes on the ground.