Thorn: Carter Kids #2 (15 page)

“Stop talking about him like that,” I sobbed, breaking down, as my emotions overwhelmed me, and my uncle’s hurtful words stabbed through my heart. “Noah has done
nothing
to you, Max. Nothing!” Pulling on my hair in frustration, I cried, “This is between you and me… so just leave him alone. Please! Just stop talking about him like that.”

“Why?” he demanded. “Why do you care what I say about that piece of scum? I mean, let’s be honest here, Teagan, at the end of the day that’s all Noah Messina amounts to; criminal scum –”

“Because I love him, that’s why!” I slapped my hand over my mouth the second the words fell out of my mouth.

“And there it is,” Max said sadly. “Your allegiance to that man after all he’s done to hurt you is as strong as ever.” Sighing heavily, he added, “I’m sorry, Teagan, but I would rather cut ties with you now than watch you go down in flames because of your infatuation with that man.”

I opened my mouth to respond, to retract my words, but it was too late. The sound of beeping in my ear told me that my uncle had hung up on me.

Rushing over to my bed, I sank down in a heap and cried.

I cried for my dead mother and for my unfixable relationship with my uncle.

But mostly I just cried for Noah.

THE MINUTE THE WARDEN,
surrounded by three guards, approached me in the weight room I knew something was wrong. He didn’t come around often. The guy was like the grim reaper. He only brought bad news. Everyone in this place knew that you didn’t want to get a visit from the warden. I hoped whatever it was wouldn’t fuck with my release date. I only had one month left in this place.

Tense as hell, I continued lifting the dumbbells that were in my hands, ignoring the burning sensation in my muscles and the ache spreading in my chest, as I prepared myself for what I was about to hear. “Who is it?” I managed to grunt, continuing my set. Someone was dead. I could fucking smell it. There was only one name I was praying didn’t come out of the warden’s mouth;
Teagan
.

“Your mother,” he told me without an ounce of sympathy in his tone.

If he expected me to snivel and cry like a bitch then he was talking to the wrong fucking inmate. No matter how much pain I was feeling or how badly I was hurting, I sure as shit wasn’t going to show it.

“What happened?” I managed to grunt out even though my airways felt like they were closing in on me.

“Overdose.”

I took in the warden’s words and realized that I wasn’t surprised. Not in the least. This was the news I had spent my whole life preparing for. She had finally destroyed herself, like I always knew she would.

“You’ve been granted one day’s leave for the funeral,” he added cagily.

“And when’s that happening?”

“Tomorrow. You’ll be accompanied by officers Smith and Marshall.”

In the five years and four months I had been here, I learned Smith was a decent man. He didn’t take shit, but he didn’t give it out unnecessarily either. Marshall wasn’t horrible – a newbie on cell block C and younger than I was, but he wasn’t as bad as the other cowboys in this place.

“Fine,” I told the warden before he left the room.

I STOOD AT THE SIDE OF THE GRAVE,
watching as they lowered my mother’s casket into the ground.

I felt nothing.

I should have felt something, anything, but I didn’t.

I was numb, cold to the bone, and emotionless.

Lee and Kyle were at the graveside, two small boys no older than four or five clung to their legs, offering me their unwanted support. Well, Lee was here to offer her condolences.

I knew why Kyle was really here and it wasn’t to sympathize.

My
brother
was here to make sure my mother was really dead.

Mom had messed so much up for the guy in the past that I figured this was closure for him.

Satisfaction.

Kyle had his arm wrapped around his wife’s shoulder proudly, guarding her like a soldier, like she was the only thing on this earth that mattered to him, as he stared at my mother’s casket lying in the dirt.

I heard the sound of heavy footsteps behind me moments before hand clamped down on my shoulder.

I didn’t turn to see who it was.

I already knew.

“This is not on you, Noah,” Logan Carter said in a low tone as he came to stand beside me. “So don’t you dare believe otherwise.”

“She was never cut out for this world, Low,” I heard myself say, eyes locked on my mother’s casket. “All that…suffering and pain.” I left out a heavy sigh. “Fuck, man, I hope she’s in a better place now.”

“I believe she is, Noah,” he replied. “Someplace good. Somewhere her demons can’t chase her.”

Nodding slowly, I took in his words. That was the best reply I could have heard in that moment. I didn’t need anyone pussyfooting around me or feeling sorry for me. I just needed those exact words.

Somewhere her demons can’t chase her.

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be ready for the whole family thing,” I told him, admitting for the first time the real reason why I was pushing Low and his family away.

I had always cared about the Carter’s, and knowing they were related to me by blood only deepened those feelings, which sent out huge red flags in my brain.

“I’m used to doing this whole life gig on my own,” I confessed. From my past experiences, caring about people only brought me pain and suffering. It gave my enemies a way in to hurt me. I had been dragged into the underground because of my duty to my mother. I was in this fucking mess because I had dared to let myself fall in love with Thorn and that love was used against me. “I don’t want a family right now,” I added gruffly. “I’m not…ready for that, man. I can do this on my own.”

“I know you’re not ready to play happy families, Noah, and that’s okay. But you need to know that you have one to fall back on,” he replied, squeezing my shoulder. “Always.”

I stood beside Logan, unmoving and emotionless for the rest of the service until it was over. Kyle and approached me in the parking lot just as I was climbing back into the cop car.

“Five minutes,” Smith who had accompanied me to the funeral said, nodding at me, giving me permission to go speak to him.

I waited for Smith and Marshall to move away before I turned to face my brother.

“Kyle.” I acknowledged, shaking my oldest brother’s hand. “It’s been a long time.”

“It’s been too long,” he told me in a passionate tone before pulling me into a hug.

“Extended the nest?” I asked dryly, nodding towards where Lee was crouched down and talking to the two little boys. “How many is that – a dozen?”

“Six.” Kyle chuckled. “And just you wait until you have a baby in your woman’s belly. It’s addictive.”

“I think I’ll pass,” I replied in a flat tone, forcing down the image of Teagan, swollen with
my
child inside of her. “I’m not really a family man.”

“Shit, that was insensitive,” Kyle muttered.

Lee poked her head around her husband’s shoulder then, breaking the awkwardness. When her eyes landed on me, her entire face lit up with happiness. “Look at you all grown up,” she drawled in that sweet southern voice of hers. “Cash, Casey, come say hi to your Uncle Noah.”

Within seconds two little monsters surrounded me, tugging at the legs of my pants.

“Hi, Uncle Noah,” the boys sang out in chorus.

“Uh…hi?” Looking to Lee for help, she smirked and shook her head before taking a few steps back.

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered, crouching down to get a better look at them. “Did you go into the cloning business while I’ve been away, Kyle?” I asked when I took in their identical faces.

One of the boys, and I wasn’t sure which one, stepped forward and pressed his small hand to my cheek. I almost jumped back from the touch. I wasn’t used to feeling anything gentle.

“What’s your name, kid?” I asked, not having a clue what else to say.

“Casey,” he told me, with blue eyes full of innocence and kindness. “I’m sorry your mommy went to heaven.”

“Thanks kid,” I croaked out. “Appreciate it.”

“My brother Cam said you’re the best fighter in the whole wide world,” the other boy, Cash, announced excitedly.

“He did?” I replied. “Well, he’s right about that.”

“Really?” His little face lit up. “Oh man, that’s so cool.

“Do you fight all the bad guys?” Casey, clearly the quieter twin, asked. “Are you a superhero?”

“Messina?” Smith called out from the squad car, breaking my train of thought. “Time to go.”

“Uh…” I scratched my head and had to dig really fucking deep to find an answer to that question that wouldn’t scar the boys for life. “Stay in school, boys,” was all I could come up with. I stood and made my way over to Smith and Marshall.

“We’ll see you soon, Noah,” Lee called out when I was sitting in the back of the car.

“Yeah,” I replied, knowing in my heart that it wasn’t true.

Uncle Noah.

I wasn’t cut out to be anyone’s uncle.

Are you a superhero?

Fuck. My. Life.