Thornbear (Book 1) (21 page)

A nap was definitely in order.

He found Alyssa waiting in his room.

Shocked, amazed, and pleasantly surprised, he managed to articulate none of that, letting his hands and lips speak for him instead.

“Aren’t you tired?” Alyssa’s own eyes were fatigued, but a new fire was kindling in them already.

“I was. Want to take a nap with me?”

Several frantic minutes later she observed, “You don’t seem to be napping.”

It was an hour before they both were settled enough to finally rest, and then he heard the noon bell ring. He was desperate for sleep, but food was an even greater need at that point. He had only gotten a half bowl of porridge earlier. Sitting up, Gram began to struggle into his clothes.

“You can’t honestly be planning to get up.” For her own part, Alyssa was quite happy to bury herself deeper into the pillows.

He sat staring into space for a while, attempting to formulate a thought. “I might starve to death. I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon.”

“You had some porridge this morning.”

Gram laughed. “That wasn’t enough to last me more than a half an hour. Besides, if we both miss the meal someone might get suspicious.”

“Bring me something back?”

“I’ll try to slip a sausage out for you.”

She gasped, giving him a look of mock alarm, “Please Master Thornbear, have mercy on a poor girl!”

He gave an evil laugh as he left.

***

Moira had some questions for him when he got to the table, “Have you seen Alyssa?”

A dozen things ran through his head and he considered his reply. The most important being that if Moira decided to make a serious search, her magical vision would turn up Alyssa’s location within a matter of minutes. He had seen both her and her brother do as much before on several occasions. His mind tried to create a plausible fiction, but eventually he gave up.

“I saw her at breakfast.”

She nodded. “I thought she’d find me after that, but she went to the bathhouse and then she disappeared.”

“Why are you asking me anyway?”

“Well, you two seem to be much closer now,” said Moira, giving him a mischievous grin.

He could feel the blood rushing to his face.

“Plus, I’ve searched the castle with my magesight and couldn’t find her,” she continued.

Matthew jumped in then, “So you think she’s hiding in Gram’s room!? And you yell at me for poor manners!”

I’m going to die,
thought Gram, his heart pounding. He stared wildly at the two of them, his eyes moving back and forth.

“I never said that!” protested Moira, glaring at her brother, “but you just did, idiot!”

“Why would you think she was in there?” asked Irene.

“Lady Rose had Father install privacy screens,” explained her oldest brother.

Irene was still confused. “What’s that?” she asked. Gram was wondering the same thing, but he was afraid to ask anything at the moment.

“It’s a weak shield to block magesight, like they have at the palace in Albamarl. Gram’s grandmother has them around her apartments too. Those are the only two places we can’t see into—well, unless we broke the screens, but then Dad would be very cross,” said Matthew. “You’ll see what I mean when your magesight awakens someday.”

“Oh,” said Irene.

Gram had been listening to the new information intently. Mother had never told him about having privacy screens, not that he would have cared before the events of the previous evening.

“She probably just went riding,” suggested Matthew.

“Yeah,” agreed Moira, “but she could have asked me. I would have gone with her.”

Putting his head down, Gram focused on his food. He was still ravenous and the best thing he could think to do was to avoid the conversation altogether. A bead of sweat ran down his temple, and he hoped no one would ask him why he was sweating.
If they ask I tell them it’s hot in here,
he repeated to himself. He was a terrible liar but he thought that if he worked at it he might manage a simple one if he had the answer ready.

Fortunately, they never asked.

***

“Can I have the day off?”

Cyhan gave him a blank stare before eventually replying, “Why?”

Gram had returned to his room briefly already, but then he had remembered he was supposed to meet his teacher. He had told Alyssa he would try to beg off and then hurried to meet Cyhan.

“I haven’t slept in almost a day and a half. I’m half dead.” It was easy to be honest with the warrior, since he never asked questions beyond what might be important to the present.

“This is a good opportunity then,” said the big man with an evil expression. “You will learn two things today.”

His student didn’t ask. Gram knew his teacher would explain if he felt it necessary.

This time he did, “One, that a fight never comes when you are ready, and two, that neglecting the proper care of your body is always a poor choice.”

By the time Gram returned to the castle that evening his body ached from head to toe. They had fought barehanded, a choice he suspected that his teacher had made solely for the purpose of allowing him better control of how and where he inflicted bruises upon his poor student.

Alyssa wasn’t in his room when he returned, so he didn’t see her until he went to the great hall for dinner. The look of disappointment on her face when he saw her told him that she had been unhappy with his failure to return, but of course they couldn’t talk about it openly at the table. Her expression changed when she saw the state he was in.

His legs trembled as he carefully lowered himself onto his seat, wincing as he discovered a new bruise.

“Are you alright?” asked Alyssa with some concern.

“I took a fall this afternoon.”

Matthew stared at him, “Have you been fighting?”

“I just took a fall, that’s it,” said Gram stubbornly, refusing to look at his friend.

Matthew leaned in, whispering, “I can see your bruises, including the ones your clothing hides. So can my sister. Who did this?”

“It was Perry wasn’t it,” said Moira angrily, leaning across the table and keeping her voice low. “It’s not fair. He trains every day and now he’s bullying you just because he likes the same girl that…”

“I said, I took a fall! Leave it alone,” growled Gram loudly. Then he lowered his voice, noting the curious stares from the adults farther down the table, “No one is bullying me.”

“We can’t help you if you don’t talk to us,” said Moira, her eyes were growing moist.

Alyssa was afraid Moira might make a scene, so she intervened. “Let him be. He’s a man. He’ll tell us if he wants our help.”

Matthew clapped him on the shoulder, sending another sharp pain through him. “Just say the word and I’ll make them pay dearly.”

“I don’t want, or need, protecting!” Gram was angry now, though he felt a certain pride in what Alyssa had just said.

The table fell silent after that, for which Gram was grateful. When he was finished he returned to his room, wasting no time in finding his bed. He slept as the dead, falling into blackness unsullied by dreams.

He awoke hours later, confused and wondering at the time. A warm body slid close and he felt Alyssa’s arm move across his chest. “How?”

“You left the door unlatched.”

With one hand he drew a lock of her hair across his lips, enjoying the scent. “A wise move it seems.”

“You should rest more.”

“What time is it?”

“Midnight. I waited until I was sure the twins had gone home before sneaking in,” she explained.

“Then I’ve had enough rest.”

She didn’t protest as he made his meaning clear. Neither of them slept after that.

Chapter 19

The next two weeks were the happiest of his life as Gram fell into a new routine. Most mornings he spent with Chad, learning to track or improving his archery, the afternoons were spent with Cyhan, and he would sleep immediately after the evening meal.

The nights belonged to Alyssa.

She would wait until most were asleep before padding quietly to his door, moving like a ghost. He made sure it was never locked or barred, and once she was inside the next five hours were theirs alone; a quiet paradise of darkness and soft kisses.

Only a few days remained before the formal Winter Ball. Lady Alyssa was rising reluctantly from the bed to dress while he watched appreciatively. She had taken to bringing a simple dress with her, so that if she did encounter someone in the hall during her return it wouldn’t seem quite so suspicious. She kept an extra in his wardrobe as well.

She looked at Gram, a speculative expression on her face, “How far do you suppose the wizard’s special vision lets them see?”

“Worried one of the twins might wake up before you sneak back one morning?” asked Gram.

“No, I was listening when they told you about your mother’s special privacy screens. Besides, their actual beds are far from here. Aren’t they?”

He levered himself up on his elbows. “How did you know that?”

“Moira mentioned it once,” she answered. “I had already noticed that their supposed apartments seemed rather stagnant and unused.”

That surprised him. The Illeniels were exceedingly cautious about letting that information out. Before the Count’s final battle with Mal’goroth, no one had known aside from a very few close friends and confidants. Even afterward, the people who had taken refuge through their magical portal were never told where the Illeniel family’s true home was located and they had been strongly discouraged from ever discussing the matter.

Being a foreigner he had assumed she would be ignorant of the matter, and Moira of all people would know better than to answer that question.

Then again, they have become close friends,
he decided.

“I probably shouldn’t have said anything,” she said, interrupting his thoughts.

He blinked, “No, it’s fine. It’s just something we aren’t supposed to talk about.”

“Oh,” she replied, somewhat startled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“Don’t worry,” he reassured her. “I know you didn’t.”

“You don’t have to tell me about it. I know you trust me already.”

In fact he hadn’t intended to go any further with the conversation, but now that she had said that, he felt an impulse to show her just how much he
did
trust her. “It’s over a hundred miles to the west of here, close to the source of the Glenmae River, in the Elentirs.”

She frowned. “I just told you not to tell me.”

He grabbed her arm, pulling her back down onto the bed so he could lean over and kiss her. “I know. I just wanted to make sure you realized, just how much I trust you.”

Her eyes began to grow wet.

“I love you, Alyssa.”

“Stop, you shouldn’t say that. You hardly know me,” she protested.

He looked deep into her eyes, until it felt as if he was seeing beyond them, into her soul. There was pain there, a deeper hurt that he couldn’t understand, but he felt it nonetheless. He could also see the desperate need that she kept so well hidden, the need for him.

“I know you well enough, Alyssa Conradt. I can see the depth of you, your quiet strength and your secret vulnerability. Someday you will explain them to me, but for now, it’s enough that I love you, completely and unreservedly, and not just because you’re the first woman I have ever lain with.”

The words caused her eyes to fill, and tears began to spill onto her cheeks. “I knew you were a virgin, but you have yet to ask me…”

“Ask what?”

“About my lack—in that regard.”

He had noticed the lack of blood after their first night together, but had decided it was none of his concern. His grandmother had once told him her own story, something she had never even told his father. He was not fool enough to think that a maidenhead, or lack thereof, indicated worth or value. “So long as you love only me, I care not for what came before.”

“Stop. No—I don’t deserve this. I’m not worthy of your love.” Her quiet tears became sobs.

“Why are you crying?” He was utterly confused.

“Because I
do
love you, and I shouldn’t!” She was clutching him now, with all the strength in her arms. “I’ve never felt like this before, not for anyone.”

“That’s good,” he said, smiling and stroking her hair. “Because once Mother returns, I’d like to introduce you to her. And then I’ll petition your father for your hand in marriage…if you’re willing.”

“No, Gram! No, no, no, no, no… you can’t do that. You don’t understand.”

“I understand love, and you’re the only one for me. How complicated can it be?”

She pushed him away, putting some space between them. “I was raped. Do you understand now?”

He felt an instant of rage, but there was no proper target for his anger, so he suppressed it. “Who did that to you?”

“One of my father’s friends, a trusted retainer,” she admitted. “He threatened me if I were to tell, and I already knew my future would be ruined.”

“He’s never been punished?”

She shook her head, “No. I never told. He came to my room more than once.”

The fire within Gram’s heart was threatening to become an inferno. “When was this?”

“I was twelve, and he plagued me until I was almost fourteen.”

“Where is he now?”

“Dead.”

“You said he wasn’t punished.”

She had withdrawn further, standing across the room from him now, close to the door. “It was a freak accident, a fall from a horse.”

“His death should have been far more painful.”

Alyssa started to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“Away.”

He leapt up from the bed, crossing the room to bar her path. “Why?”

“What do you mean why? You can’t love me, Gram. I’m not fit for you. Your mother will understand that, even if you’re too thick-headed to admit it. The last few weeks should have already shown you the truth. I might as well be a whore, except I’m too wanton to ask for payment.”

“Shut up,” he told her gently. “My grandmother was a whore, and I know full well that you aren’t one. Not only that, but I love my gran very much, just as my grandfather did. Don’t blame yourself for what someone else did to you.”