Thorns of Decision (Dusk Gate Chronicles) (8 page)

“A little.” It was a relief to be away from the oppressive feeling of the school building. She had spent the last part of the day feeling trapped; the awful conversation she’d had with Zander had started playing itself over and over in her head. Combined with knowing that he was upset enough with her non-response to his saying that he loved her that he was telling his friends about it – she felt terrible.

 She drew in a deep breath, trying to figure out how to share her jumbled thoughts. “I hurt Zander,” she said.

He was silent for a long moment. “Yeah, you did.”

“What do I do now?”

His eyes were wide as he looked over at her. “I don’t know, Quinn. Except stop hurting him. But I’m not good at any of this. If we were in Eirentheos, I’d tell you to ask Linnea.”

The comment was almost enough to make her smile. “Why, does she have a lot of experience hiding her travels between two worlds from her boyfriends?”

He chuckled. “Everyone in my family has at least a small amount of experience in keeping secrets –
obviously
– but I was speaking more of experience in breaking guys’ hearts.”

She gulped. “Is that what I’m doing?
Breaking his heart
?”

“That’s kind of what it looked like to me.”

Now she felt even worse.

*          *          *

“Hey, beautiful!” Thomas said, as they entered his hospital room. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Will didn’t tell you?” She frowned at William.

He shrugged. “I figured it could be a surprise.”

“It’s a great surprise,” Thomas said, grinning widely. “I can’t believe you came all this way to visit me.”

“Why wouldn’t I? I’ve missed you. How are you doing, anyway?”

“Great. I’ve never watched this much television before. Some interesting people on this thing.”

Quinn rolled her eyes. “I mean, how’s your leg?” She eyed the enormous contraption that stabilized his right leg underneath the blankets. His right arm was still wrapped in a thick cast that stretched from his shoulder to his wrist – it looked like that had been replaced as well.

“It’s going to be fine, Quinn. I’m glad there aren’t metal detectors in my world to worry about, but I’ll be up to my old tricks before you know it.”

She smiled. “I’m sure you will.”

Thomas scrutinized her face closely for a second, and then glanced up at William before looking back at her. “I think the better question here is how are
you?
”

“Do I look that bad?”

“Quinn, you look beautiful as always … but have you been sleeping?”

She looked down at her hands, which seemed to keep twisting around of their own accord, and shook her head.

“And what’s going on between you and your mom?”

Her head snapped up. “How do you know about that?” She looked over at William.

“He told me what happened at the bridge,” Thomas said, not giving Will a chance to answer. “What was that about? How did she know where to find you?”

“That’s the million dollar question,” she said. “She won’t even talk to me this week, I’ve barely even seen her, and she definitely won’t answer that.”

“And Nathaniel refuses to say anything still,” William said. “He insists that whatever he knows isn’t his to tell – it’s between Quinn and her mom.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Thomas asked.

“Nobody knows.”

His eyes went back to Quinn. “It’s between you and your mom, but your mom isn’t talking to you at all.”

She held her hands up in an exasperated gesture.

“So, let me get this straight. You’re not sleeping, you’re not talking to your mom, you’re not getting any answers to a huge, terrifying question, and you’re asking me if
I’m
all right?”

She sighed at his astute summary of the situation. “That just about covers it. Oh, and I just had a fight with my best friend Abigail and another one with Zander.”

He let out a low whistle. “Wow.”

William pulled two chairs up next to Thomas’ bed, and she sighed as she sank down into one. He didn’t sit in the one he’d gotten for himself though, going instead to the end of the bed and pulling out Thomas’ chart. It made her smile when she realized that it was exactly what she’d expected him to do – she thought she was beginning to understand him.

“Anything else I should know?” Thomas asked.

She looked down at her hands again, watching her fingers twist nervously. “I did find out the other night that Nathaniel was close friends with my real dad.”

Both boys’ heads turned toward her in surprise, and both were as speechless as she’d been when she finished telling them what Mrs. Williams had shared with her the other night.

“Do you really think something could have gone on between Nathaniel and your mom?” Thomas asked, after she’d explained the new theory she and Zander had come up with.

“I have a hard time imagining that,” said William.

“Why? You think Nathaniel’s never been interested in anyone?” Thomas asked.

“No, I just picture Nathaniel courting someone he actually had a chance of marrying and starting a family with. It would be awfully hard for him to consider someone from this world. Wouldn’t she have questions when he disappeared back to Eirentheos? Or freak out if he told her the truth?”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Maybe that’s exactly what happened. Maybe that’s how Quinn’s mom knew about the bridge.”  

The three of them spent the next two hours discussing every possibility they could think of, but in the end, they didn’t have any more answers than when they’d started. Still, spending time with William and Thomas had calmed her; she’d actually found herself smiling and laughing with them. She had almost forgotten about her rotten day when Thomas asked William to go down to a particular vending machine on the first floor where there was a kind of chocolate bar he liked.

William rolled his eyes, but headed for the door instantly.

As soon as he was out of the room, Thomas turned to her.

“How do you feel about Zander, Quinn?”

“What?” She’d never expected Thomas to come out and ask her about that.

“Are you in love with him?”

She shrugged, even though the question sent ice water flowing through her veins – she didn’t know the answer, wasn’t ready to think about this. “I’ve known Zander my whole life; he’s been one of my best friends since I was born. I’ve always loved him.”

“That isn’t what I asked.”

No, it wasn’t. She knew she was stalling. “I …” she stared hard at the floor, trying to make sense of the random differently colored tiles sprinkled in with the white ones – there seemed to be no pattern to it. “I don’t know.”

“That’s not the kind of thing you don’t know, Quinn. If you were in love with him, you would know.” He studied her face for several seconds, an intense look on his face. “You’re not.”

She swallowed hard. “But he’s an amazing guy, Thomas. He’s so sweet and wonderful and fun … I don’t think I could ask for a better boyfriend.”

“And he loves you, I know.” His gray eyes, usually so lighthearted, were serious now. “But, as much as you think you should, and you wish you did, you don’t love him back.”

“I care about him.”

“Then be fair to him, Quinn. Do you remember in Eirentheos when I told you that you have some big choices to make?”

She nodded.

“This is one of them. You can’t give Zander what he wants to give to you. It’s maybe not fair, and it’s probably not how things would be if you had never found the gate, but it is the way things
are
. Don’t be a weed in his garden, Quinn.”

“Then what do I do? I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Sweetheart, you’re already hurting him. I think you already know what to do. Now you just have to do it.”

*          *          *

As she had expected, the house was dark and quiet when Quinn got home after dropping William back off at his house. Even Owen’s light was out under his door, although it was only 9:30. She wondered how her mother had managed to wear him out enough to keep him from waiting up for her. She decided to just be grateful for it – he didn’t need to see this.

The whole drive home she had thought about what Thomas had said to her. She knew he was right. As much as she cared about Zander – and she did really love him – she wasn’t in a place to give back to him what he was giving to her, what he deserved. She was already hurting him, lying to him.

Beyond just not telling him about the gate, not telling him the things that she really
couldn’t
tell him, she was hiding something else from him, too. The fact that she’d kissed both Thomas and William during her time in Eirentheos.

And worse, while she knew that the kiss with Thomas was never going to lead anywhere, she had no such certainties about the kiss with William. There had been something there. And although she and William had never talked about it, that same something still hung in the air between them. She’d felt it again tonight, even in the car on the way home. Earlier, when Abigail had asked her if she was cheating on Zander, it had made Quinn angry. She wasn’t the kind of girl who would cheat on her boyfriend, and her best friend should have known that about her.

Except – she kind of was. If Zander had kissed another girl, well, she didn’t have to dig deep to know exactly how that would have made her feel. And then if he’d chosen to spend time with that girl over going on a date?

And she knew, beyond a doubt, tonight wasn’t going to be the last time she chose to spend time with William, instead of someone else – instead of Zander. Even if the fact that they were from two different worlds made anything beyond a friendship impossible, he was too important to her now. She liked spending time with him, liked
him
. Maybe more than she liked Zander.

Her time on the car ride back with William tonight had confirmed that. She knew she’d been acting off after her conversation with Zander, distracted and edgy. It was obvious that William had noticed, but he hadn’t asked; he’d been content to let her be. She’d realized, though, that she
wanted
to tell him. It wasn’t the right thing; she needed to talk to Zander first

What she was doing to Zander right now wasn’t fair to anybody – not to Zander, not to William, and not even to herself.

She was nauseous and her hands were shaking as she curled up near her pillows and picked up her phone. She knew he would still be awake.

He answered before the phone had even finished its first full ring, and she had an almost sickening feeling that he might have been waiting for her call. “Quinn? Hey … look, I’m sorry I got so mad at you earlier …”

She closed her eyes; a single tear dripped down her cheek and off her chin. “Zander, we need to talk.”

On Thursday morning, Quinn was at school even before William. Unable to help herself, she was standing by his locker when he came up the hallway. As soon as he saw her, his expression changed to one of concern. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head. For once, her insomnia hadn’t been caused by dreams, but by a continuous replay of thoughts about her phone call with Zander.