Three Hundred Words (13 page)

“That’s true.
Maybe there’ll be some room for celebration sex when this tournament is over.
I’ve always fancied having sex in the sea.”

My cheeks burned,
even though we both knew it was an impossible thing. The image alone of Mr.
Lane’s hands encasing me right now was more than enough to get me riled up. “That
would definitely be nice.” Even if it couldn’t happen this time – maybe there’d
be some time in the future when a summer holiday and sea sex was on the cards.

“How is everything
with you?” It had to be asked eventually. Mr. Lane was looking out for me and
that was enough to counteract the sadness of the topic.

“My dad’s moving
out,” I averted my gaze. “I didn’t ask where he’s going. I’m kind of assuming
he’s moving in with that girl he’s been sleeping with, but I’ve really got no
idea. He’s carrying on paying the mortgage on our house because my mum can’t
afford it.”

“That’s good of
him, letting you have the house.”

“I don’t know
enough about divorce law to know whether he’s getting a good deal doing it that
way or not. It works for my mum, anyway, so I guess that’s really all that
matters.”

“And you’re
holding up all right? Even if you can’t see me, you can always ring me or Skype
me you know. I’m around most of the time. Even just text me or something.”

I’d been avoiding
it. I didn’t want to get on his nerves. Mr. Lane didn’t seem to have any
problems and I was always burdening him with mine. I didn’t want to become a
whiny child he was having to deal with.

This conversation
reassured me slightly. “Okay, I will do.”

“And how are you
feeling about the final?”

“I’m really just
glad to be here. I don’t have high hopes, obviously, but even getting to this
kind of thing is insane, right?”

“It definitely is.
I’ve never worked at a school that’s achieved much of anything sporting wise.
This is very insane.”

We grinned at each
other and my stomach tightened. “I’m glad you volunteered to be our chaperone.
It wouldn’t have been anywhere near as fun without you. I probably wouldn’t
have even gotten through the last tournament.”

“Any time. I’m
glad I’ve come, too. Your badminton outfit is my favourite thing.”

It was when I
noticed the other girls getting up and making their own way to the water that I
swam off, firing him one more seductive look before I went.

When summer came,
we were going to have so much fun.

Chapter Eleven

Emma was
positively buzzing when I skyped with her that evening. “You won’t believe what
I did today.”

I raised an
eyebrow, crossing my legs and pulling my jumper down over them. It was kind of
chilly outside by this time. “Tell me.”

“I went on a date
with the guy I was telling you about! It was so great, and he’s so nice, and we
had this cute little kiss when he walked me home.”

I resisted the
urge to joke that she should have been the one walking him home. I really
couldn’t afford to comment on age gaps. “That’s really great. Where did you
go?”

“Just to some
amateur gymnastic competition, but it was honestly the cutest thing.” She
practically squeaked and I had to laugh. Emma had never had a relationship
before – I never knew it was going to be so adorable when it did happen.

“That’s nice. I’m
really happy for you.”

She grinned so
wide her cheeks must have hurt. “And so how are you and Mr. Lane?” She waggled
her eyebrows with a smirk and I glared.

“Shut up, I’m sat
like in the hotel gardens, I can’t talk about it. But… pretty good.” I shot her
my own smile. For the first time, I was genuinely happy in my relationship and
I’d told Emma all about it, probably far more than she cared to hear about. “Has
anything else been happening back there?”

Emma paused,
obviously debating something. I narrowed my eyes at her. Whatever she was
considering not telling me, I’d rather just have it out there. “Well… I ran
into your dad the other day. Well, he didn’t know I was there, but I just kind
of was.”

My face fell and
so did Emma’s. “And what exactly was he doing?”

“Look, I may have
heard wrong or something, but they were out having coffee and I was sitting in
the booth behind them so I
really
don’t think I did. She’s pregnant,
that girl he’s with.”

I didn’t know what
to say. “What the fuck,” was just about all I could manage. “He’s nearly
fifty.”

Emma shrugged
helplessly. “I had to tell you, I’m sorry. Maybe I misunderstood something, you’ll
have to ask him.”

“I don’t want to
speak to him. My parents aren’t even divorced yet.”

“I know you’re
angry, I don’t blame you for being. Hopefully it’ll all settle down soon.”

“I’m not sure I
can even afford to be angry, can you? I’m a mess, about everything.” I wanted
to scream. It was so conflicting, wanting to be angry and hurt and hating
myself all at once. I couldn’t deal with it. “I think I’m going to go, but I’ll
talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for telling me.”

“Wait-” I cut her
off, turning off my phone just to make sure I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone
for the rest of the night, and started off on a stroll across the beach. There
was a harbour in the distance that looked like it might be cool. The sea looked
fantastic in the dark and there were even less lights over there.

A nice walk in the
now relatively cool weather was definitely what I needed.

I wrapped my arms
around my middle and tried to imagine myself meeting his new girlfriend,
holding his new baby. The thought made me sick. My dad had been a dick, but if
my parents had both been single, I could have maybe dealt with it. Instead, he
was moving straight on to a new woman and I loathed that.

It was exactly
what I’d done with Mr. Lane and I felt like I couldn’t afford to judge
anything.

But I was still so
horribly angry about it all.

I stamped my feet
harder as I walked and wished it would all just go away.

Someone fell into
step with me when I was halfway to the harbour and I scowled. “What are you
doing? Someone might see you.”

“It was actually
just a coincidence. I was walking back along the beach when I saw you. I
probably shouldn’t allow you to walk around a foreign country unescorted,
anyway. Where are you headed?”

“To the harbour.”
I really struggled to respond to him. When I was in this mood, talking to Mr.
Lane was the last thing I wanted to do. My relationship with him made
everything so much harder – how could I stay mad at my dad without hating
everything I’d done, too. And hating that meant regretting being with Mr. Lane.

“What’s happened?”

“My dad’s new
girlfriend is pregnant, apparently.”

Mr. Lane was
silent for a moment. “Oh, right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m
sure I’ll get over it eventually.” That was a bit of an overstatement, but I
didn’t have the momentum to say anything else. I wanted to kill the
conversation before Mr. Lane started trying to offer me comfort, or tell me
that everything was going to be fine.

“I’m sure you
will, but if there’s anything I can do to help now, just let me know.”

I nodded once,
picking up my pace as we approached the harbour. It was just as beautiful as
I’d suspected. There was a hotel right next to it, but the lights weren’t that
bright – they actually made it prettier, reflecting off the black sea. I
walked, right beside the wall so I could always be looking over.

“Are you sure you
don’t want to talk about it?”

“You don’t want to
hear about it,” I dismissed, regretting my words immediately. They were bitchy
and unnecessary and it wasn’t even what I’d really meant. “I mean, no, I really
don’t. There’s nothing to say.”

“Clearly there
is.” We came to a standstill and I stood on my tiptoes to get a good view
across the ocean. Part of me hoped it would rain whilst we were here, swimming
in the rain was probably a lot of fun. Mr. Lane rested a hand on my lower back
and I sighed.

I really didn’t
want to.

“I can’t hate him,
can I? After what I did?”

It must have been
obvious what I’d been thinking, but Mr. Lane still didn’t have an answer for
me. “Of course you can hate him, if that’s what you feel. You can’t stop your
emotions, Lily.”

That wasn’t really
the answer I’d wanted. “I don’t have the right to hate him, then. I basically
did exactly the same as what he’s done. I should be empathising with him or something,
not wanting to shout in his face for hurting my mum like that. I did that to
Luke.”

“I don’t think you
hate him, anyway. He’s still your dad. You’re just angry at him, like you were
angry at yourself. Of course you can forgive him eventually and you have the
right to feel whatever you want. Have you forgiven yourself, for cheating?”

“Of course not. I
did the worst thing someone can do in a relationship. I don’t know if I’ll ever
forgive myself for it.”

Mr. Lane pondered
this with a frown. “Do you think it’s going to affect our relationship?”

I’d dealt with
Millie admiring him today with a pang of jealousy, but jokes on my lips. I
didn’t know what I’d do if Mr. Lane was actually talking and laughing with a
woman, though. Nothing, I hoped. A little bit of jealousy was probably natural,
but the paranoia I dreaded wasn’t. “I don’t know. I hope not. Don’t you think
you’d worry that I’d do it again? To you?”

Mr. Lane shrugged,
averting his eyes uncomfortably. “I can’t say that I wouldn’t ever think about
it, but I don’t think it would make our relationship bad, or unbearable or
anything. It’s just something we’d have to deal with, right? Everyone has to
deal with some problems.”

That was probably
far more optimistic than either of us were feeling, but I nodded. “And I’m sure
we will.”

Mr. Lane was
pushing his luck again, wrapping his arms around me from behind and pressing a
kiss to the back of my head. “I really like you, so I’m willing to go the
distance to make sure our summer is as good as possible.”

I grinned, sinking
back into his grip with a small smile. I didn’t know how he managed this, to
calm me down so completely. “Me too.”

“Lily! You stop
that right now, young lady, you, you-”

I jerked back at
the sound of my mother’s voice, shoving Mr. Lane so hard he almost fell over.
He turned around in the darkness, hoping that by some miracle she hadn’t seen
his face. It was no use. “What are you doing, mum?”

She’s dragged him
back around to stare into his face, anger burning all over her expression. “You
piece of shit,” she jabbed in the chest with a quivering finger. “Using my
daughter. Get out of my sight, right now, and start looking for another job.
When we’re off this stupid island you’re going to be in a world of shit.”

The tears had
already gathered in my eyes as I watched Mr. Lane leave. There was no point in
stopping him. I had to be the one to sway my mother that this wasn’t what it
looked like. “Mum, please,” I scrunched my fists into my jumper so tight I
heard a stitch rip. “He isn’t using me at all. You have to let me explain.”

“There is nothing
to explain Lily. He’s your teacher, he’s supposed to be looking after you,
there’s a reason he’d get fired for it.” She was shaking too, her own tears
streaming down her face as she tried to maintain eye contact. “He’s taking
advantage of you.”

“No, he
isn’t
.
I just really like him, it’s just unfortunate that he’s my teacher. If he
wasn’t teaching me there wouldn’t be a single problem, how is that
fair
?”
My voice caught on the last word, and I dipped my gaze.

He was going to be
fired, because of me. Because I’d been selfish enough to require his company
tonight. A sob gathered in my chest and struggled, desperately, to keep it
down.

“I’m sorry, but I
have to tell the head teacher about this. It’s unacceptable and it’s wrong. He
must be ten years older than you, you can’t see him again.”

“Mum you can’t,”
my sobs escaped, wracking through my body as I begged her to reconsider. “You
can’t do this to him, he’s a great teacher and he doesn’t deserve it. It’s all
my fault, not his. I’m the bad one in this situation, you can’t get him fired.
Mum, please.”

She didn’t flinch.
“If you were a year younger, I’d be trying to get him arrested.”

When she tried to
drag me back towards the other end of the harbour, I ripped my arm away. I
couldn’t go anywhere with her, not now, even if she thought she was doing the
right thing. “I’ll make my own way back to the hotel.”

And I walked in
the other direction, further out to sea, dragging my feet behind me. “Lily!” My
mother called after me and, for a moment, I thought she was going to follow me
down the stone path.

She didn’t.

And so I sat on
the end of the harbour with my feet almost touching the water, not knowing what
else to do but cry. My life had been in shambles, but with a rock. Mr. Lane had
been my rock.

Now Mr. Lane was
going to disappear as well. He might try it, but sticking with the girl who’d
lost him his job was going to be more resentment than a relationship could
take.

It was just going
to be Emma left, but she was in a fun, new relationship and that meant less
time for me even if she didn’t realise it.

When I eventually
stood up, all cried out for the night and just ready to collapse into my bed
and sleep, I noticed my mum at the end of the harbour, standing up and walking
into the hotel as I took my leave.