Thrill of the Chase (Dangerous Love) (21 page)

E
rin clenched her eyes shut, though it only sharpened the disturbing vision she had tried to squash. The look on Chase’s face when she told him about the rape was exactly what she had expected. He no longer saw her as beautiful, but as a victim who deserved pity, a fragile woman who needed to be handled with kid gloves. Erin wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and cursed at herself.

Erin walked over to the French doors to the balcony and peered at the cars below. From this high up, they looked like slow-moving specs in a vacuum of silence. The central air suddenly kicked on, startling her for a moment. The cool air gushing from the vent above gave her a chill, and it was then she noticed that she was still in her evening gown, a gown that had made her feel wanted. Staring at the deep-red dress, all she felt now was anger. She had been living in a dreamworld, believing that she could keep her past from invading her present and future. She had been a fool.

Shivering, Erin stepped away from the French doors and walked into Chase’s bedroom. She went to the closet that Chase had stocked with clothes for her and retrieved a pair of lounge pants, a t-shirt and a fitted hoodie. The last thing she wanted to do was make herself at home in Chase’s penthouse, considering what was happening at the moment, but she was not going to be cold and uncomfortable for a minute longer. Erin took the garments to the bathroom and changed. She was zipping up her hoodie when she happened to gaze at the door within the bathroom. Erin knew it would be locked, but she couldn’t help herself. She walked over and turned the doorknob. As expected, it didn’t budge.

What the hell was on the other side of that door?

Curiosity got the better of her. She went to the kitchen and rummaged through the drawer into which she had seen Chase’s housekeeper deposit the key ring. Erin found the keys quickly and returned to the bathroom. With keys in hand, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Erin experienced a moment of guilt, knowing she was about to invade Chase’s privacy, but it dissipated instantly when she thought about the secret he had kept from her. Envisioning Chase and Gabrielle together, Erin jammed the key in and turned the knob.

The bathroom light illuminated the entrance to the room, but the expansive space beyond remained in shadow. She felt for a light switch on the wall, but couldn’t find one. Erin crept along the wall until she rammed into what felt like a nightstand. She let out a curse as her stubbed toe throbbed, and she attempted to catch a lamp that was about to fall. Erin rescued the lamp just before it landed on the hardwood floor and returned it to the nightstand. Once it was secured, she flicked it on.

The comforting glow that emanated from the sweet little lamp brought the room to life. And as Erin looked around, a multitude of emotions washed over her. This was no ordinary room, but a fully furnished nursery. She noticed that the room could appeal to either a boy or a girl, as neutral colors were found throughout, warm and inviting like those in Chase’s home office. A crib was set up in the corner of the room, with a matching espresso changing table lying adjacent to it. She walked deeper into the room and discovered a beautiful mural depicting the story of Noah’s Ark painted on the far wall.

Erin was staring at the animals lined up in twos as they awaited entrance onto the Ark when she realized she was no longer alone in a room that she had no right to be in. But when she turned to face him, Erin noticed that he didn’t seem angry, as she thought he would be, but sad. She was just about to apologize for being in what appeared to be a sacred place when he broke the awkward silence.

“I think he…or she…would have liked this room.” Chase walked farther into the nursery, looking at his surroundings. He moved toward the gliding chair and picked up a book from an adjoining table. The title was a guide for expectant parents. “According to this book, he or she would have been starting solid foods and learning to sit up by now.”

Erin stood there. Speechless. Utterly useless. Numb, she watched him return the book to the table, and then he looked at her. His eyes appeared tired, and as she met his gaze, Erin noticed that they had begun to well. Chase walked over to her and reached for her hand. She had so many questions, so many things swirling in her mind that begged for answers. However, she remained quiet and allowed him to lead her out of the nursery. Erin watched as Chase closed the door, as if attempting to uphold the sanctity of the room on the other side.

Once in Chase’s bedroom, Erin regained the ability to speak, though she feared what would actually come out of her mouth. She had not seen this coming, and now she was left unprepared and anxious to say the least. “Chase, why did you keep this a secret?” She sat down on his bed, but he didn’t follow her lead. Instead, he paced the room and then made his way to the balcony.

After several seconds of silence, he said, “Gabrielle was almost three months pregnant when I found her in bed with another man.”

That explained his unwavering stance that he would never be one to share.

“She didn’t look too surprised or even a bit remorseful when I walked in on them. I had no idea how long she had been cheating on me. Worse, it had occurred to me that it was possible that the baby she carried wasn’t even mine. That was what devastated me the most.” Chase sighed and then walked over to the bed and sat down next to her.

“What happened that night, Chase?”

“I told her good-bye and left her apartment. I went to the elevator, but it was taking too fucking long. I decided to use the stairs, but as I entered the stairwell, I saw Gabrielle running down the hallway and screaming my name. I ignored her and took to the stairs. I was two flights down when I heard a blood-curdling scream echo against the walls. I raced up the steps only to find Gabrielle lying at the foot of the first flight of stairs. I remember how serene she looked. There wasn’t a mark on her, at least not on the outside. But within moments, a pool of blood had formed beneath her white nightgown, and I knew that something was terribly wrong. I called nine-one-one and Robert, but it was too late. She had lost the baby. To make matters worse, the surgeon at the hospital botched the D&C procedure, causing irreversible damage.”

His head dropped, and Erin could tell he was on the verge of tears. Yet he remained strong and continued to bare his soul. “I visited her in the hospital, but only when I knew she was asleep. I didn’t know what to say to her. I felt horrible that she had lost the baby, even if it wasn’t mine, and her ability to conceive future children. She was discharged a week later. Gabrielle called and asked me to come over to her apartment. I cut right to the chase and told her that there was no way we were getting back together. I knew the moment I hung up on her that I should have waited. Her loss, her pain was so…raw. I should have given her a little more time to heal before breaking things off with her completely. But I didn’t act on my gut. Instead, I sat in my own apartment and threw back a few in an attempt to forget that my pending marriage and child no longer existed. Gabrielle called about an hour later. I barely recognized her voice. She was stuttering and slurring her words to the point that I could hardly understand her. I did recognize a few words, though, such as ‘pills’ and ‘good-bye.’ I called nine-one-one for the second time in eight days. Luckily, the medics got to her just in time.”

Erin stared at him. He was withholding the last chapter of the story. The text Gabrielle had sent Chase while he was brawling with Paul in the park came rushing back to her, and she heard herself ask, “But not this time. They were too late this time around. Weren’t they?”

He nodded. “She was dead before Paul and I arrived.”

Erin thought that she would feel a smidge of relief that Gabrielle was out of the picture, but she didn’t. Instead, she was confused by the feeling of trepidation that suddenly washed over her. It didn’t add up. So much time had passed since her first suicide attempt. Why now?

“Where was she this past year?” Erin asked.

“Her parents and I sent her to a rehab facility in California, away from everyone, away from the prying eyes of the media. We had been successful in keeping our private affairs, including her miscarriage, secret. No one else really knew why Gabrielle and I broke up or why she decided to move to California.

“But someone else did find out?” she asked. Erin’s stomach began to churn, and she suddenly felt lightheaded.

Chase must have seen that she looked a little uneasy. “Are you alright?”

Erin nodded and fought through the cloudiness.

Chase looked at her with a disbelieving stare, but ultimately continued. “After you left the benefit, Gabrielle told me in so many words that she was conspiring with your rapist.”

The churning in her stomach intensified. Erin didn’t like where this was headed. “Conspiring? To achieve what, exactly?”

“To break us apart. I can’t think of another reason. Can you?” Chase asked.

Erin’s head was spinning. It was all too much. Still, Chase had yet to mention if he knew the identity of Gabrielle’s coconspirator. She had to know. “Did Gabrielle mention who she was working with or provide any clues?”

He shook his head. “No. And I got the feeling that she didn’t really know who she was dealing with or what he was capable of.”

Chase looked at her with such pity that she wanted to cry. But she pushed it aside for now. Something more pressing had to be addressed. “Gabrielle saw the rapist’s face, maybe even knew his name. Are you certain her death was a suicide?”

Chase didn’t answer right away. He stood up and walked around the room. Finally, he said, “No, though I believe the police are satisfied in ruling it a suicide based on the text she sent and her previous attempt.”

Without warning, he came over to her and dropped to his knees. He took her hands in his. “You haven’t asked me why I went to California. Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t matter now,” she lied. As much as Erin wanted to learn why Chase went to see his ex-fiancée in California, she had reached her breaking point. Erin had to get out of there. She threw his hands aside and stood up. She must have taken him by surprise because he just knelt there, not uttering a word.

He came to, and before she could reach the doorway, Erin felt him grab her by the wrist and whip her around. “What are you saying, Erin?” he asked, his eyes full of worry.

Erin looked away so he couldn’t see the tears forming. There was no way this relationship could move forward, not when it was built upon secrets and lies. She couldn’t forget how he’d looked at her in the park, with such pity and sadness. The way he was looking at her now. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that my past doesn’t exist. And I refuse to pretend anymore that you could ever love someone so…broken.”

The tears flowed as she sobbed into her free hand. Chase drew her hand away from her face and pulled her to him. “You’re not broken,” he said, his voice laced with anguish.

Erin tore away from him, though it killed her to pry herself from his arms. “No? Then tell me why you’re looking at me like that.”

“How am I looking at you?”

“I see the pity in your eyes. You feel sorry for me.”

He shook his head. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”

“I don’t blame you, Chase. How could I?” Erin stepped farther away from him and yelled for Andrew.

Within seconds, her devoted bodyguard was knocking at the bedroom door.

“Don’t leave me, Erin,” Chase said.

She wanted to believe that his plea was coming from a place other than pity. But how could it not? In the end, it hadn’t mattered how many times Dr. Cahil had told her that the rape wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t ask for it or provoke it. How many sessions had she spent telling Dr. Cahil how dirty her rapist had made her feel, with the doctor reassuring her that this feeling was normal, that it would fade over time? Too many.

Before all her courage could leave her, she reached behind her and opened the bedroom door. Erin knew that, yet again, she was putting Andrew in an awkward position, but she would have to feel bad about that later. “Being around me is toxic. I have brought nothing but pain…maybe even death into your life, Chase.”

He mashed his lips into hers as he slammed her against the bedroom door, shutting it in Andrew’s face. His tongue invaded her mouth and she welcomed the assault. But reality slowly crept in, and she begrudgingly broke free of him. “Let me go, Chase. I’m not good for you,” she sobbed.

“You’re everything to me. You’re mine, Erin,” he said, his voice raspy and breathless from their kiss.

Erin shook her head, simply because she could no longer form coherent sentences. The pain of losing him was too much. Before he could stop her, Erin reached for the door and ran for the elevator. Andrew hustled behind her. Chase made it just in time to put his hand between the closing doors. The elevator sensors forced the door back open and a moment of awkward silence began. Erin couldn’t look at him. His face, a face she loved and couldn’t imagine not touching again, would be blurry due to the endless stream of tears falling down her cheeks.

“You belong with me,” he said, his voice breaking.

Erin swallowed, and though it would haunt her for many months, possibly years to come, she looked up and stared into his blue eyes. She wanted to melt right there and tell him how much she loved him. But what good would that do? It would only make the situation much worse. Sobbing, Erin shook her head and said, “No. I can’t belong to anyone.”

Chase’s hand fell away, allowing the elevator door to close. Only when the elevator began its descent did it truly hit her that she and Chase were over.

Y
ou look like crap.”

Although Paul’s words were spot-on, it didn’t mean that Erin wanted to hear them spoken so candidly. “Are you here to add to my misery or be of some use?” she asked.

Paul withdrew a familiar-looking bag from behind him and set it on the coffee table in front of her. Erin wasn’t even in the mood for her favorite takeout…or a shower. It had been three days since she had left Chase, and the only time she had moved from the couch was to go to the bathroom. Erin knew from the moment she woke up earlier that morning that work was not an option. She had cried well into the night, leaving dark circles and unattractive bags under her eyes. Tomorrow she would get herself together, just enough to go to work, tie up some loose ends in the office and submit her resignation.

“You know you can stay at my place indefinitely,” Paul said.

Erin attempted a smile, but quickly decided it was no use pretending, especially around her brother. He would see right through her anyway. “I’m sorry I came over so late the other night. I just didn’t want to be alone…considering.”

“This is your place too. Always remember that.” Paul pulled out two Styrofoam containers from the paper bag and opened the lids, revealing Chinese food in one and some cheesy pasta goodness in the other. Erin’s stomach grumbled, reminding her that she had been depriving it.

“I had a feeling you would be gracing me with your presence. Chase called me after you left his penthouse.” Paul scooped a pile of each dish onto a paper plate and handed it to her.

“Did he tell you?” Erin asked, though she knew she was now torturing herself. Erin had no right to ask, but she was a glutton for punishment.

“That you broke up with him? Yes.” Paul dumped the last of the Chinese food into the Italian food container and dug in with a plastic fork.

“Did he tell you why?” she asked, her tone laced with frustration. Paul was making her pry the information out of him and it was driving her mad. What the hell?

“Erin, did he tell you why he went to California?”

“No,” she said. “And I told him that it wasn’t important now.”

“So, you didn’t even give him a chance to explain?” Paul asked, while shoveling a heaping mound of lo mein into his mouth.

“Oh, like the chance you gave him when you attacked him in the park? You really gave him the benefit of the doubt when you punched him in the face.” Erin took a baby bite of lasagna, and though she knew it was delicious, her unsettled stomach was in complete disagreement. She pushed her plate away and sat back on the couch.

“I’m your brother. When it comes to you, I act first and think later. That will never change.”

“And now that you have had time to think?” she asked. Erin had a feeling that he knew more about Chase and Gabrielle’s past than she did…which couldn’t be more irritating.

“I think you need to hear Chase out.” Paul smiled, and then continued his gorging.

“Chase told you. Didn’t he? He told you why he went to California.” Erin couldn’t believe Paul was holding out on her.

“He didn’t cheat on you, Erin. And that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. You will just need to confront him if you want to know more.”

Erin wanted to cry happy, pathetic tears. But as much as it was a relief to hear her brother say with such confidence that Chase didn’t go to California to sleep with another woman, it didn’t change the fact that it was best for everyone if she removed herself from Chase’s life, taking her disturbing baggage with her. “I ended things. And that is how it must remain.”

“I’ll support whatever you decide.” Paul finished his plate and tossed it into the empty brown bag. “But that doesn’t mean I will refrain from telling you when you look like shit.”

Erin threw one of the couch cushions at him, but missed. “I’m going back to work tomorrow. I just needed a day to myself, though the voice mail on my new phone is full with messages from Chase.”

“You haven’t returned any of his calls or texts?” he asked. His playful tone had disappeared and was replaced with genuine concern.

“No. I don’t know what to say to him.”

“But you’re going back to work tomorrow…in his building? How do you think that’s going to work?”

“It can’t. I plan to go in to work, finish up some paperwork and resign,” she said.

Paul didn’t say anything. He just sat there as if deep in thought. Finally, he said, “You need to stop running, Erin.”

“Are you seriously trying to play the role of psychiatrist with me? Because if you are, I find that very funny, and not in a ‘ha ha’ sort of way.” Erin could feel herself getting angry and shamelessly defensive.

“You love him, don’t you?” he asked. It was out of character for him to ask such a blunt and painfully personal question. Needless to say, Erin was taken off guard.

“I…I…yes! And that is precisely why I need to walk away from him. You have witnessed what my presence has caused. The psychopath I brought with me from Philly has already infiltrated Chase’s life and may have even contributed to Gabrielle’s death.”

Paul stood up and looked down at her. She felt like a child in that moment. “You’re running. And you’re not one to give up so easily.”

Erin was so fucking mad, but not at Paul. She was pissed off at herself.

“I thought you would understand,” she said, feeling that her only ally was changing teams.

Paul sighed and said, “I do understand. If this is what you want, then I’ll support you…and feed you when you appear gaunt.”

His comment actually drew a slight smile to her face. Paul smiled in return and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To convince Andrew, who, by the way, has been stationed outside this door for God knows how long, to switch employers. I don’t think Chase would mind if Andrew was now on my payroll.”

Erin hadn’t given Andrew a solitary thought all day. How selfish could she be? Very, apparently.

“I guess it’s not appropriate that Andrew continue guarding me if Chase and I aren’t together.” Erin barely choked out the last word. She was happy that she had chosen not to eat her dinner. Because the sudden reminder that she and Chase were over made her stomach roil.

Paul must have sensed her sadness, or at the very least, her discomfort, because he stared at her and said with a touch of sarcasm, “I’ll talk to him. I
think
Andrew likes you enough to not want to change assignments.”

Erin uttered a rather lame “Thanks” and attempted a smile.

Paul left the apartment, leaving Erin alone with her grief. The empty silence suddenly became her greatest nemesis, as it had the uncanny ability to force her to dwell on her feelings for a man whom she knew she would never get over.

Erin’s phone rang from the coffee table. It had been over an hour since Chase had attempted to reach out to her. She thought he had gotten the hint that she wasn’t able to speak with him. But she didn’t recognize the number that flashed on her screen. Her rapist hadn’t contacted her since she had changed phone numbers, but to be on the safe side, she dismissed the call and placed the phone back on the table. Several minutes later, her phone chimed again, but this time indicating that she had received a text. It read:
“No more tears, Angel. I can make you whole again.”
How the hell did he learn her new phone number?

Common sense told Erin not to respond, but she had reached her breaking point. She texted the first thing that came to mind:
“Motherfucking coward!”

Her adrenalin was pumping as she anxiously pushed the
SEND
button. Erin didn’t know what to expect after that. And after a few minutes without a response, she determined that he was not going to indulge her.

Erin got up from the couch and started for the kitchen to fetch a beer from the fridge when she heard her phone chirp. She hurried toward her cell phone and read the incoming text:
“Careful Angel. Only filthy girls, girls like Gabrielle, talk like that.”

Despite Gabrielle’s history of suicidal ideations, Erin had her doubts that Gabrielle’s death was self-inflicted. And though Erin felt no desire to mourn the woman’s passing, she still felt guilty and very much responsible that she had played a role in Gabrielle’s demise.

Erin couldn’t help but read the text once more. The words served as the perfect reminder, the perfect dose of reality she needed to justify why she had to stay far away from the man she loved.