Through the Storm (45 page)

Kitty turned. She looked like a clown: her nose was cherry red from the sun and there were equally bright patches on her cheeks, but the rest of her face was starkly white. Jessica was about to laugh, when she was shocked into silence. Kitty’s eyes were two dark bitter holes that seemed to bore right through her. Instead of laughing, Jessica flinched.

‘Come on, love,’ she said compassionately. ‘It’s not the end. You’ll be seeing him again shortly.’

Kitty shook her head, very slowly. ‘No,’ she muttered. ‘No I won’t.’

Jessica’s heart sank. ‘He hasn’t chucked you, surely?’ They’d been so much in love, the pair of them. Dale had fooled her every bit as much as he’d fooled Kitty.

‘No, he hasn’t chucked me. It’s just that he told me …’ Kitty paused and drew in a long shuddering, despairing breath. ‘He told me
he’s married
!’

They had made love with increasing desperation; fumbling, touching, kissing. Panting, they came together in a soaring passionate climax that left them both lost for words and breathless. Then they lay naked side by side, shoulders touching.

After a while, Dale sat up and lit a cigarette. ‘Jeez, honey!’ he said hoarsely.

Kitty began to run her fingers along his thigh. ‘What will you be doing this time tomorrer?’

‘Thinking about you!’

‘Same here.’ She laid her head on his thigh and kissed it. ‘D’you think I’ll like Boston? Is it much different from Liverpool?’ They had never talked much about the
future
, content to dwell on the delights of the present, but Kitty had always known there was an unspoken agreement that when the war was over they would get married and spend the rest of their lives together.

There was a long pause. Kitty lifted her head and looked at him, wondering why there was such a strange expression on his handsome face. ‘Dale?’

His cigarette was down to the stub and he immediately lit another, which was also strange because Dale wasn’t a chain smoker. Kitty released his thigh and sat beside him, tightly clutching her knees. She could read him like a book. Something was wrong. A knot of unease began to curl in her stomach.

‘Kitty, honey,’ he began hesitantly, ‘there’s something I should have told you.’

The words came tumbling out. He was married, he had two daughters back in Boston, he and Kitty had no future beyond the war.

Kitty listened, stone faced, as her life collapsed in dust around her ears. ‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’ she asked dully when he’d finished.

‘Because I didn’t want to. You’d never have gone out with me if you knew I was married, would you?’

‘No.’

‘I love you, Kitty!’

He tried to embrace her but she shrugged him off. ’
Don’t touch me!
she hissed.

‘I wasn’t just after a good time,’ he said desperately. ‘It was love at first sight. The very second I set eyes on you, I knew you were the girl for me.’

‘But only for the next few months?’ Why wasn’t she more angry? Why didn’t she tear him limb from limb, shout at him, scream, try to impress on him how much he’d hurt her, how deeply she felt betrayed? Because she hadn’t got the strength, that’s why. Her body felt dead inside and would always remain so. Without Dale, she could see no reason to go on living.

‘Oh, God!’ He flung the cigarette into an ashtray and said tragically, ‘I’ve been fooling myself all along, living in a dream world. I kept telling myself that all that mattered was
now
. The future didn’t exist. Kitty Quigley was my girl, full stop.’

‘But it’s me that’s been fooled, not you,’ Kitty muttered. She scarcely had the strength to speak. ‘You lied to me …’

‘I didn’t lie, Kitty,’ he protested quickly. ‘I’ve been selfish and a coward, but I’ve never lied.’

‘Then you’ve never told me the truth.’

‘I would have if you’d asked.’

‘It never crossed me mind to ask if you were married,’ she whispered. ‘Why are you bothering to tell me now, anyroad? I suppose you just want to be shot of me, so you can string another poor girl along as soon as you’re in Ipswich.’

‘As if I would!’ Dale groaned. ‘It was when you mentioned Boston, I couldn’t go on letting you believe one day we’d be married. If we could, Kitty, you’d have been my wife months ago.’

My wife! The words tore at her heart. He already had a wife back in America. Kitty stared directly at him for the first time since he’d told her the terrible truth. She longed to hate him. She wished she could see something despicable about him, but he looked no different. He was still the same Dale and she loved him just as much. There was an almost irresistible urge to reach out and touch the little mole beneath his left ear. Instead, she asked coldly, ‘What’s your wife called?’

His lips twisted in a crooked smile. ‘Kathleen.’

‘Don’t you love her?’

‘Not the way I love you.’ He sighed and reached for his cigarettes. ‘We were brought up together, went to the same church, the same school. Her folks were best friends with mine. It had always been assumed we’d get married, and like a good Catholic girl and boy, we did.’
He
shrugged. ‘Kathy’s a good wife, and I suppose, till now, I’ve always been a good husband. I’ve never been unfaithful before.’

Kitty gasped as the memories flooded back. ‘The things you said! Even on the boat a few hours ago, you asked me to never stop loving you.’

Dale said slowly, ‘You’ll think me crazy, Kitty, but that’s how I saw it at the time. If I close my eyes, I can still imagine us having kids and growing old together. It’s only when I open them that reality sets in and I realise we’re doomed. I could leave Kathy, but not my girls – and would you marry a divorced man in a registry office?’

‘I don’t know,’ Kitty said hopelessly. She began to cry as the hopelessness engulfed her and she envisaged the years ahead without Dale.

‘It’s all so tragic,’ Jessica thought angrily as she helped Kitty into the living room. ‘Arthur, Rita, now Kitty.’ When would it all end?

‘It’s hard to accept right at this moment, love,’ she told the distraught girl, ‘but you’ll get over it. Remember when Eileen lost her little boy? She wrote and said she wanted to kill herself, but within a year, she was married and had Nicky.’

But Kitty wasn’t listening. ‘I trusted him!’ she sobbed. ‘I would have trusted him with me life. How could he do this to me? I still can’t believe it’s happened.’

‘I suppose that’s my cue to say all men are bastards, but they’re not, truly they’re not.’ Neither Arthur nor Jack were capable of such selfishness; nor, she suspected, was Gus Henningsen.

Kitty veered wildly from one extreme to another. ‘Dale’s not a bastard. He loves me. He still wants us to meet whenever possible.’

‘Would you do that, Kitty?’ Jessica asked cautiously. She prayed the girl would answer no, else she would
only
be storing up more heartbreak for herself when Dale eventually left for good.

‘I don’t know,’ wept Kitty. Her mind went back to the hotel room. She’d started to cry and Dale had taken her helpless body in his arms. Before she knew where she was, he was stroking her breasts, touching her. She wanted to resist, but seemed to have lost every shred of willpower. And it wasn’t just that, she wanted him more than she’d ever done before. Their bodies became a tangled mass of heaving limbs, and she poured herself into him. Her nails scratched his back as he bent over her, groaning in sheer ecstasy towards a dizzy pinnacle never reached before. When Kitty came, she bit his shoulder and tasted blood.

Then, without a word, Kitty got off the bed and put on her clothes. She could feel Dale’s eyes watching her every move. She paused at the door. ‘Tara, Dale.’

He didn’t reply, and before the door was closed, he too had begun to weep.

It was well into the early hours before Kitty could be persuaded up to bed. She spent the remainder of the night tossing and turning, sitting up, then lying down, quite literally unable to grasp what had happened. Dale was married! He had lain with another woman, done the same things with her as he’d done with Kitty, murmured the same words, and one day he would lie with the other woman again.

It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. She’d dreamt the whole thing, imagined it, because no way in this world could last night have actually happened.

The jangle of the alarm clock made her jump, although she was wide awake and expecting it. Kitty got out of bed immediately. Her legs were like jelly and she’d never felt so wretched, but despite everything, she was longing for a cup of tea.

She decided not to tell anyone at the hospital, but there must have been something about her face that gave her away. Everyone was very respectful and careful of what they said. Even Clara Watkins, when they were in the auxiliaries’ rest room having their mid-morning break, said awkwardly, ‘Bear up, Kitty. Everything’ll turn out right in the end.’

‘Will it?’ Kitty replied politely.

When the shift ended, she went home, scarcely able to remember anything about the ten hours she’d just spent at work. Jessica had a pot of tea freshly made and greeted her with a warm hug. Jessica was being very
kind
, but Kitty was aware she shouldn’t cause too much embarrassment in someone else’s house.

After she’d drunk the tea, she said, ‘If you don’t mind, I’d like to lie down.’ She wanted to get out of Jessica’s sight so she could grieve in private.

She lay on the bed, and the same old thoughts came pouring through her head. ‘How could he? How could he do this to me?
Dale!
’ Her body was soggy with weariness, and after a while she fell into a fitful sleep. She was woken by the bedclothes being tugged. Unbeknown to Jessica, Penny had come upstairs and was trying to climb on the bed.

Kitty leaned over and lifted the child up. She loved Penny. She was such a dear little girl, it was hard not to.

‘Sorry, Kitty.’ Penny stroked her face.

‘Sorry for what, luv?’

‘Sorry Kitty sad.’

Kitty burst into tears. ‘When you grow up, Penny, whatever you do, don’t fall in love.’

Later that night, her dad came. Perhaps Jessica had told him that what his daughter needed was family.

‘Oh, kiddo!’ He took her in his arms and rocked her gently to and fro, every trace of resentment and envy entirely forgotten. His girl, his own flesh and blood, had been badly hurt, and he could feel the hurt twisting inside his own guts. Bloody Yanks. He’d like to throttle every single one of them. ‘You know, luv, you can come back home this very night if you want.’

‘No, Dad. I’m better off here. I only feel in the way with Theresa there.’

‘Theresa!’ There was a silence and Jimmy looked into the gentle, red-rimmed eyes of his daughter. ‘I made a terrible mistake with Theresa.’

‘I know, Dad.’ Kitty nodded. ‘I always knew, but you’re stuck with her now and there’s nothing you can do about it.’

‘There’s something lacking in the woman. I don’t
know
what it is. Perhaps she’s got a screw loose or something. She doesn’t mean to be cruel or unkind. She just hasn’t got the nous to know any better.’ Jimmy knew he’d been too quick to get married, too anxious to replace Kitty, who he felt had deserted him, with another woman. Theresa had made him feel young again, but only for a while. Now there was always an unpleasant atmosphere in the house and she barely spoke to him. He scarcely saw Georgie and Billy except at weekends. By the time he got home, they’d usually been sent to bed for some reason. ‘I should have got to know her better,’ he muttered. ‘I was too fast off the mark.’

Dai Evans had come into work that day, bruised, but full of beans. Ellis may well have thrown him out, but he’d moved in with Vera Dodds. It made Jimmy aware he’d missed out, not with Vera whom he couldn’t stand, but with some other woman, perhaps one more his age. He could have ended up having a dead good time instead of being stuck with Theresa. Still, as Kitty said, he’d made his bed and he had no alternative but to lie on it.

‘How’s work?’ asked Kitty.

‘Not bad,’ Jimmy smiled. ‘Fact, it’s not bad at all. Working on the docks is different than it used to be. We’re essential workers now, so we don’t get pissed around any more. And the pay’s good.’ From odd remarks his workmates made, he discovered he’d become a figure of fun during the period he was pretending to be an invalid, but now he’d got his self-respect back.

‘I’m ever so pleased, Dad.’

‘So’m I, kiddo. Well, I’ll be off now. Theresa’s left me dinner in the oven. She seems to spend a lot of time round at her mam’s lately. See you tomorrer, luv.’

‘Dad!’ Kitty clutched his sleeve.

‘What is it, luv?’

‘Those lads, Georgie and Billy. It’s not right the way Theresa keeps them stuck in the bedroom. You need to put your foot down. They’re your lads now, every bit as much as hers.’

Jimmy pursed his lips. ‘You’re right, kiddo. I’ll see what I can do.’

It was a beautiful July evening, the very best of weather. Pearl Street was full of lads playing football against the railway wall and girls with their skipping ropes and whips and tops. Dominic and Niall Reilly were swinging on a rope strung from the lamppost outside the King’s Arms.

Jimmy went indoors and called his stepsons to come downstairs. After a few minutes, they appeared on the landing.

‘I said, come down.’ Jimmy put his hands on his hips and looked at them sternly.

‘But me mam sent us to bed early,’ said Georgie.

‘What for?’

The boy looked vague. ‘I’m not sure. I think it was because our Billy asked for more bread and margarine.’

‘If you come down, I’ll do you some bread and marge – jam too, if there is any.’

‘But what about me mam?’ Billy said fearfully.

‘Sod your mam and come down this very minute.’

The boys descended nervously. Theresa never laid a finger on them, but a look from her could make them tremble.

Jimmy cut four slices of bread and made them each a jam sarnie. ‘Now, when you’ve finished that, you’re to go out in the street and play.’

‘Don’t want to,’ said Georgie.

‘Why not?’

‘No-one’ll want to play with us. They think we’re cissies ’cos we stay in all the time.’